exhausted1 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) I'm just curious if anyone has experienced this sort of ignorance before because this was just a weird one. I am 30 and was dating a 23 year old. I am asian and she is english speaking caucasian. I was born and raised in Canada. We had been dating for about 9 months. We met through work but prior, she grew up in a predominantly "white" area and did not have any asian friends until about the age of 22. Subsequently we met. Most or all of her friends growing up were "white". Our different cultures and backgrounds did not seem to be an issue. Her mom was accepting, her dad was not in her life, and my family is accepting. The relationship was great to the point where I had never thought about another girl this way to the point of something long term and marriage. She was still in school another 2-3 years with the potential of her moving away for a while. I started having these serious thoughts about a week ago and decided to bring up the topic yesterday as we were about to come up to a different phase in our lives. I would rather end it and then to hang on for too long to see it break down later and be more devastating. I expressed my feelings, she said that she loves me very much and loves me right now and in the moment but she could not predict the future or see that far ahead in time... Fair enough. I was bracing for the relationship to end. She goes on to say that she is damaged and has an irrational fear or trust issues where she is afraid that if she has children with someone who is from another culture and can speak another language, that she would become an outsider and afraid her children can plot things against her and she would not feel included. I was just taken back by it at the time and kind of felt sorry for her that she viewed the world this way. The relationship was going to end regardless but this kind of solidifies things and in a sense makes it easier. I've not experienced this kind of weird bigotry before and it was the last thing I was expecting to come out of that conversation. I don't believe there was intent to hurt and maybe she doesn't even realize her ignorance. Someone who I felt so close to became almost like a stranger within an instant. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I just find it off putting that this would happen at this point in a relationship. Usually, i'd get the "i'm not into asians" before I even get a name and so be it. I'm offended and upset that I've experienced this sort of prejudice. How can you say you love someone and feel this way about them? I know I'm above all this and the ignorance will not bring me down. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Edited July 7, 2014 by exhausted1
Teuen101 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 She is 23 I've been there done that and got a Fail T- shirt- your at dating younger chicks they can be emotionally up and down about there feelings. Not all but most ! you need to stop trying to get in side her head and listen to her words tho they are cryptic she is saying she up anything serious ! just wish her well and offer friendship and go find some one else who is willing to love you for you ! trust me there is some one .
Moonborn Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 If she really wanted to she could learn your language... Anyway, I would say that it is a good thing that she told you that, at least you got your warning before you get committed further. Being asian is part of your identity, the woman you are going to marry should not only accept that but also love it as something that is part of you. I am Italian and I was on a LDR with an american girl for two years. One of the things that was speaking doom for us was that she wasn't really interested in knowing anything about my culture. She didn't like my food, had no interest in learning my language and no fascination whatsoever with the history of my country. Sometimes she would even say borderline offensive things about my culture. I didn't give it much weight when I was with her, but thinking about it now that I am not wearing the rosy glasses anymore, it was a sign.
sugarlove Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) I've never dated anyone in my culture.. I'm Asian chinese and my exes were always non-asian. I don't think it makes anything harder. The main facets of compatibilities are long term goals, temperaments, interested and family values. Especially in our generation with the internet blurring the lines between cultures.. Truth be told, I'm secretly pleased I don't have to take part in dinner discussions when the families are just gossiping among themselves.As long as the relationship on the whole is great, skin colour doesn't make a difference. I do feel it's a pretty lame excuse to use, it took her 9 months to figure out she couldn't handle a mixed relationship? I'm quite sure it's an excuse and not the real reason. Edited July 7, 2014 by sugarlove
Sad26 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 The culture part was just excuse and she might not even know it. I have found that 23 years have their own view of world and they don't know what they want. Worse many of these have delusional friends and they listen to their friends. May be she has a friend who is giving her these ideas. Dating 23 year old with an intent of forming a long relationship is doomed to fail. (I don't want to generalize though - just my experiences)
Recommended Posts