abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Just curious at what point it's appropriate to bring up the title of things. I'm not rushing it of course. We've gone on 6 really great dates. Should I tell him I'm not seeing anyone else and vice versa?
Author abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Oh I should also mention he is moving REALLY slowly physically, but seems to be into me.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 There's no set number. Personally I never had the conversation sooner than 2 months.
Author abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 There's no set number. Personally I never had the conversation sooner than 2 months. Well, our first date was a month ago but we have had a busy month so only are getting together once a week. So maybe give it another month to mention anything?
Author abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Quit trying to do what people consider normal. A relationship should have a natural flow to it. After 6 really good dates, if a girl told me she wasn't seeing anyone else, I would tell her the same thing. That's because I don't multi-date though. Okay, but when do you go from not multi-dating to actually thinking of her as a girlfriend? I'm not multi-dating either and I don't think he is, but I'm just kind curious as to when I can start using the label? I mean, I guess it doesn't matter.
MissBee Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I guess with me and my guy, we kind of discussed before we even went out that we were looking for a relationship so were dating with that as an end goal. That made things a lot clearer. So after 3 weeks was when we decided to be exclusive and to be gf/bf....he said he wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to, I said the same...and that was that. I don't think there is a magic number of dates, but intentions do matter. Did you guys ever discuss what you're expecting? Maybe that convo should happen first instead of waiting to be bestowed a title. On your next date you can ask what he's looking for and from there things should flow naturally.
FitnessRN Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 For me: Dating...2 months Exclusive...3 months Relationship..6 months I take things really slow..red flags come out usually. I don't introduce someone to my friends after 2 months of dating, usually meeting the parents after 6 months. I'm old fashioned, but that's how it is. I don't like revealing on FB that I'm in a relationship or dating someone.
Author abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 I guess with me and my guy, we kind of discussed before we even went out that we were looking for a relationship so were dating with that as an end goal. That made things a lot clearer. So after 3 weeks was when we decided to be exclusive and to be gf/bf....he said he wasn't seeing anyone else and didn't want to, I said the same...and that was that. I don't think there is a magic number of dates, but intentions do matter. Did you guys ever discuss what you're expecting? Maybe that convo should happen first instead of waiting to be bestowed a title. On your next date you can ask what he's looking for and from there things should flow naturally. No, neither of us have discussed what we're expecting. I just don't want to ruin the fun of those first dates by getting too serious. But maybe that's dumb on my part. I really don't know what he's looking for in a relationship. I get the feeling he's inexperienced in love. Because of this, I'm reluctant to discuss anything in case he gets scared away.
Author abby_tx Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Sorry poor sentence structure. I've got a million thoughts running through my head. Mostly my thoughts are, "HOLY ****! I HAVE A CRUSH ON THIS GUY!" I haven't had a 'real' crush in ages. Which reminds me. The one thing we DID discuss was how picky we were.
PegNosePete Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Quit trying to do what people consider normal. A relationship should have a natural flow to it. After 6 really good dates, if a girl told me she wasn't seeing anyone else, I would tell her the same thing. That's because I don't multi-date though. Yep, exactly this. If after 6 really good dates (or 2 or 3 in fact) a girl told me that she's still seeing others, I wouldn't want to see her again. For me, labels follow actions. Not the other way around.
TigerLilly78 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 For me: Dating...2 months Exclusive...3 months Relationship..6 months I take things really slow..red flags come out usually. I don't introduce someone to my friends after 2 months of dating, usually meeting the parents after 6 months. I'm old fashioned, but that's how it is. I don't like revealing on FB that I'm in a relationship or dating someone. I don't see why not about the FB thing if you two are happy together wouldn't you want to tell everyone? I mean I respect your choice there but yeah I think that would be one of the 1st things ide do and I don't even really like FB to much ironically...lol
lisacolnett Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 There is no specific no to tell. If you and your guy are feeling the connection then I think its time to confess eachother.
Gaeta Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I have had men ask me to be exclusive after 2 dates, 5 dates and 3 months. There is no specific time, there is just what YOU feel comfortable with. I have dated for 2-3 months without asking what we were and I bitterly regretted it. I won't invest month into someone without clarifying what we are doing. I personally feel comfortable asking about exclusivity after 5-6 dates. If that scares the guy away then he was not worth it, exclusivity is not a marriage, it's just that exclusivity. 2
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 No, neither of us have discussed what we're expecting. I just don't want to ruin the fun of those first dates by getting too serious. But maybe that's dumb on my part. I really don't know what he's looking for in a relationship. I get the feeling he's inexperienced in love. Because of this, I'm reluctant to discuss anything in case he gets scared away. You're obviously not just in it for fun. If you're dating because you are interested in having a relationship it is a waste of time not to square that away early on. Too many women want to attempt to seem cool and chill so act like everything is whatever, then that's what they get, someone blah about them or some ambiguous relationship where they spend much of their time acting "cool and fun" with the guy but with their friends or on LS they are on edge trying to figure out what they are. If he is scared off, he isn't looking for what you're looking for. Simple. If you want a relationship, date relationship-minded men. How do you know? You ask early on about their relationship history, what they're looking for, be upfront about what you want too...then you will screen out those not into it for the same thing and have a higher chance of meeting a man who is on the same page. Took me a while to learn but I did and now I waste no time pretending I don't want a relationship or worry about scaring a guy or finding myself as his FWB because I was never clear about what I wanted. Now I am upfront about what I'm looking for and a man is available and wants it or doesn't...if he is scared off, good riddance.
slizl Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I tend to lock a good girl down pretty quickly. I am 35 and have dated a lot in my life. I can usually tell within the first few dates if there is serious potential with someone. At my age, I don't like to waste my time with anyone that I could not see marrying in the future. I also don't really have a ton of interest in most girls that I go on dates with, but when I find someone who could be a potential wife (take this with a grain of salt, I'm not saying that I love them or want to marry them, they just have most of the qualities that I look for in a woman), I have the exclusivity talk within the first few weeks. You have to lock the good ones down quick because they won't be on the market for long. Just my two cents. 2
FitnessRN Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I don't see why not about the FB thing if you two are happy together wouldn't you want to tell everyone? I mean I respect your choice there but yeah I think that would be one of the 1st things ide do and I don't even really like FB to much ironically...lol (1) Why should people care? (2) How about showing by action that you're into the person and not tagging them in your profile pic (3) I have my education, work, and location hidden. I'm not going to show everyone on FB I'm in a relationship just to get "likes" 1
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I tend to lock a good girl down pretty quickly. I am 35 and have dated a lot in my life. I can usually tell within the first few dates if there is serious potential with someone. At my age, I don't like to waste my time with anyone that I could not see marrying in the future. I also don't really have a ton of interest in most girls that I go on dates with, but when I find someone who could be a potential wife (take this with a grain of salt, I'm not saying that I love them or want to marry them, they just have most of the qualities that I look for in a woman), I have the exclusivity talk within the first few weeks. You have to lock the good ones down quick because they won't be on the market for long. Just my two cents. This is pretty much word for word what my bf expressed.
Author abby_tx Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 So I have a bit of an update. We still didn't have the bf/gf talk, but he's been acting very couple-y and including me in a lot of things as well as future plans. He had me meet his best friend from high school. We got along great. On every date, he's told me how much he likes me. Everything has felt so right and so positive that for the first time in any relationship, I don't feel I NEED to ask him if we're "bf/gf." It already feels like we are. So we've been dating a full month and a half. I would only want to ask if we're bf/gf now because I want to tell him how amazing he is. Too creepy?
sugarlove Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I tend to lock a good girl down pretty quickly. I am 35 and have dated a lot in my life. I can usually tell within the first few dates if there is serious potential with someone. At my age, I don't like to waste my time with anyone that I could not see marrying in the future. I also don't really have a ton of interest in most girls that I go on dates with, but when I find someone who could be a potential wife (take this with a grain of salt, I'm not saying that I love them or want to marry them, they just have most of the qualities that I look for in a woman), I have the exclusivity talk within the first few weeks. You have to lock the good ones down quick because they won't be on the market for long. Just my two cents. What is this.. haha... sounds like you're on a game show. Once the exclusivity talk comes up, that's when it's to decide if there is mutual attraction, any chance of a long term commitment with each other and hence the title. The talk can come up anytime but I'll usually let the guy broach up the subject first, afterall I do feel women have more choices than guys. And it's nice to see someone put his heart on the line to ask you to be his.
Author abby_tx Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 What is this.. haha... sounds like you're on a game show. Once the exclusivity talk comes up, that's when it's to decide if there is mutual attraction, any chance of a long term commitment with each other and hence the title. The talk can come up anytime but I'll usually let the guy broach up the subject first, afterall I do feel women have more choices than guys. And it's nice to see someone put his heart on the line to ask you to be his. I think I will wait for him to bring it up. IF he brings it up. It would be more romantic that way. I just hope he does it soon for no other reason than me liking him so incredibly much.
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