Need male perspective!!

[Annafornow]

Guy sending mixed signals or is it me?

 

Sorry but this is really long; I need a mans opinion.

 

So this guy and I started talking each other on an OLD app. We chatted for a week and he asked for my number. At first I was taken aback by the way he asked ("what are you doing this weekend? you should give me your number so I can hit you up sometimes") but i didn't think too much about it. I had reservations at the time about giving my number out to people on the app so I responded with a clever response and then admit to him that I wasn't comfortable. He asked about fb and fb was too personal. He asked why was I on the site to which I responded that he would just have to find a way for us not to be strangers...(I was hoping at this point he would suggest to meet bc I prefer to meet people before giving out anything)....but he didn't so I suggested we should meet. He agreed and asked about my schedule. I told him my schedule was really random (which it is) and asked him what did he have in mind.

 

He didn't give me a day but he gave me his schedule so i picked a day. He messaged back saying that "we'll aim" for that day and asked how was my weekend. I responded and didn't hear from him all up until 4 days later on that day at 630 pm apologizing that he couldn't see me and for not informing me earlier. Told me he has been super busy with work and his new house; asked me how my week was and hoped that it was better than his. By this point I had already thought this guy was flaking and didn't wanna meet so I didn't really know whether to respond or not. However I thought about it bc if he apologized he must mean it bc if he wasn't sincere he would just disappear. So I responded with a "oh boy what to do with you." So he responded and said, "you're going to give me your number?" I was surprised by this but responded and said how do I know you're not some weirdo; he responded with a joke and reassured me he's legit and that he's sincere. I gave him my number--he texted me once but the convo was lagging bc I was busy with Father's Day. I wished him happy Father's Day?

 

He said he is father of a cute puppy and I confessed that I was scared of dogs.. He asked me what I was doing for Father's Day...I was out the door but later told him I was heading out and he said he was out too. I didn't say anything so the text convo ended there. I initiated the next convo after not hearing from him for a week. But this time he was responding less enthusiastically and about 1 message/day. It came to a convo where he was asking about my day and I told him I was at the pool. He asked for a picture but I wasn't comfortable so I sent him a pic of a male lifeguard instead as a joke. He said I was cruel and told me to be nice to which I said you first and he said he was nice so I said I'll take his word for it. Then he stopped responding and after two days of not hearing from him I assumed it was over and decided it was a good time to take down my OLD account (been meaning to).

 

That afternoon he texted to tell me to be nice and to send him a photo and wished me a good day. I ignored it bc I haven't heard from him and was not comfortable texting random photos of myself. Two days later he texted me again wishing me a great weekend. I was thinking why is this guy texting me again when it seemed like he was ignoring me before? I thought maybe he's still interested so I responded the next day and we texted back and forth for a good hour--first decent convo we've had since he got my number. During the convo I wanted to ask whether he was serious about pursuing something. But I decided against it for fear of appearing needy and desperate esp when we haven't met.

 

He asked whether I was in bed and I said I was, he laughed, then I said I should go. That night around 1130 pm he texted me again wishing I had a good weekend to which I thanked him and wished him good night bc I had to get up early the next morning. He said sweet dreams. The next day I didn't hear from him so thought maybe he felt like I was blowing him off so i asked about his day. He said it was ok but tomorrow is a new day then told me he was going to bed early. I thought that was odd behavior. Then I didn't hear from him again for another 4 days and I texted him about July 4 and what he did for it.

 

After telling him I went to the outlet he asked one hour later what I got him at the outlet, I said it was a secret and I was saving it till when I meet him. (I'm trying to hint and flirt here). He said let's meet now just kidding. It was about midnight at this time. Now it's very unlike me to be texting at midnight but I started at 9 and he took a while to respond so it dragged on to midnight. I responded with a joke and then haven't heard from him since .

 

So...my question is this: what is going on? Why did he seem interested in the beginning but then now he's seems not? Does it seem like I'm trying too hard? Is he not pursuing bc I'm not flirting/encouraging him enough?

 

I've thought about it several times and have tried to show interest but don't want to come off desperate. He's in his late 30s and I'm in my late 20s. We talk and he shares personal info so I don't know what to do. I know he's still active on the OLD but of course why wouldn't he be? Am I crazy and reading too much into it? It's been a month since I gave him my number and he has yet to call or make plans. Is it me or is he just not interested? Can I have a guys take on this? What should I do?

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Wall of text

[Dallers]

Ok. The first part sounds fine, the FB bit is a bit creepy keep OLD and FB separate.

 

Then it just becomes an awful mess of playing flirt tennis in the worst possible way. He is just flakey and has no idea what he wants and this could be because he has no confidence (which fits in with the lack of confirming that he likes you and asking you out) or he is looking for only one thing.

 

Personally this has gone on way too long and I am even amazed as a girl you are still interested? If something does not reach a date within 10 days after first contact to me that is a waste of my time and I move on and delete the number. You should consider doing the same.

 

The fact that he failed to make it to the first date is a warning sign in itself. I have said this before but trust me I could be captured by terrorists and if she was a girl I liked I would fight the security guard for his gun, kill all the baddies and commandeer a Jeep out of that place heading for the nearest embassy to get a flight back home to suit up and impress. No guy misses the first date, if he does then in my opinion he does not deserve a second. I am a guy speaking here as well.

 

Move on. Forget this guy and delete his number and block him. He is a flake.

[DArtagnan2]

I am still new and confused about online dating. I have known people to meet up, give out their number send pics and whatnot within an hour of connecting. Most of them were not looking for a relationship but more of a hookup or are repetitive daters. Meaning, they just like the date regardless of who it is with.

 

I have known others, who text forever before even talking about meeting up. the texting goes on for months and can really fizzle out most of the attraction unless they are in it looking for someone compatible not just for the night or moment.

 

This guy, continued to push for your number, FB, and pics even though you stated numerous times you didnt feel comfortable would rather meet up. And still, each time, he continued to push for those things and he either flaked on the meetup or bailed altogether and blew you off by not being consistent in communication. and then, he would go back to pushing for your number, pics and the like. Even the comment / laugh about you being in bed. If it was a girl doing that to me, I would think she was looking for only one thing or wasn't all she said she was. Because seriously if he was someone who just wants to hookup he would have jumped and taken you up on your offer immediately to meetup and he would have met you. If he was someone who doesn't have much confidence, he still wouldn't have been inconsistent with the communication. In fact I would think he may have blown off meeting but would be more of the lets talk on the phone or text, but wouldn't have blown you off.

 

I am overly shy, but I would continue to still text if someone was responsive when I text them and who made it known they wanted to meet up sometime. I actually just went through that until she left for her hometown and I have barely heard from her. So I backed off, because I am shy, not so much not confident, but more so, that I have seen people just stop communicating because they move on to something or someone else and I just don't stick around long enough to be someone's 2nd option. I would have still met up with them as well, but not right away. I would have wanted to talk to them on the phone and get to know more about them and whatnot because I am not someone who jumps in to a relationship or sex with someone. So if someone was pushing for pictures, or like this dude was doing to you, it would have been a turn off for me.

 

I am sure you are going to get a lot of opinions on it, but whats important is what you are looking for and wanting from a mate / partner. It doesn't appear this guy is fitting that. So probably best to let it go and continue on just being you.

Edited July 7, 2014 by DArtagnan2

[benzo72]

Whats your dating history like? How long have you been single? I think you sound a little desperate and prob using him as a rebound? He's not interested, move on!

[truth_seeker]

Chalk it up as a loss and move onto the next prospect.

[littleplanet]

OP,

 

Obvious big red flag:

 

He's in his late 30's. No junior greenhorn.

If he can't arrange the meetup that would have made you comfortable (no pressing for personal contact information) then he is hardly worth your time.

 

There are basic rules to OLD and he should know them by heart.

Follow your gut instinct.

You probably didn't miss much..........................

[chphan]

Seem to me like the guy is playing games and probably doing it to other girls.

 

Are you really that interested in this guy to put up with all that nonsense? I guess you must be and he must really be attractive to you to put up with it.

If he wasn't that attractive, you wouldn't even be here asking what to do. You pretty much just disappear and not bother thinking or asking about him.

 

Is he really worth it for you to still be thinking around in circles about him?

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Annafornow]

 

Seem to me like the guy is playing games and probably doing it to other girls.

 

Are you really that interested in this guy to put up with all that nonsense? I guess you must be and he must really be attractive to you to put up with it.

If he wasn't that attractive, you wouldn't even be here asking what to do. You pretty much just disappear and not bother thinking or asking about him.

 

Is he really worth it for you to still be thinking around in circles about him?

 

Sorry guys about the long post; thanks to those who read it.

 

To answer your question, besides being really attractive, he and I have a few things in common. It's just a rarity for me to finally find someone you're attracted to that has so much potential on OLD. I guess I'm stuck here with the potential and it's mind boggling to me that he would blow hot and cold. I expected to not hear from him when I took down my OLD account bc that was his chance to disappear if he wasn't interested. But he started texting again even when I didn't respond. I think I at least deserve one text saying at least something to let me know he is no longer interested instead of leaving me hanging and doing the fade out since it's been a month. I'm just beginning to date and have never had a bf-- so very new and trying to figure out the "game."

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Diezel]

Male's perspective?

 

Why would he try to put so much effort into someone who seems so resistant at first? Maybe for him scoring numbers or FB's is a little easier, and on top of that, he gets someone who sends pictures of a guy instead of herself.

 

Maybe you dodged a bullet, OP. Maybe he did.

 

But you two are obviously not compatible in the least.

[Zahara]

Sorry guys about the long post; thanks to those who read it.

 

To answer your question, besides being really attractive, he and I have a few things in common. It's just a rarity for me to finally find someone you're attracted to that has so much potential on OLD. I guess I'm stuck here with the potential and it's mind boggling to me that he would blow hot and cold. I expected to not hear from him when I took down my OLD account bc that was his chance to disappear if he wasn't interested. But he started texting again even when I didn't respond. I think I at least deserve one text saying at least something to let me know he is no longer interested instead of leaving me hanging and doing the fade out since it's been a month. I'm just beginning to date and have never had a bf-- so very new and trying to figure out the "game."

 

You haven't even met the man and you've already placed him on a pedestal. So much potential? He sounds incredibly flakey and emotionally stunted. You're basing potential on days of hot and cold behavior? How does that make sense to you? You're probably attached to his looks more than anything else and idealizing this.

 

Move on from this man.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Zahara

[Annafornow]

Male's perspective?

 

Why would he try to put so much effort into someone who seems so resistant at first? Maybe for him scoring numbers or FB's is a little easier, and on top of that, he gets someone who sends pictures of a guy instead of herself.

 

Maybe you dodged a bullet, OP. Maybe he did.

 

But you two are obviously not compatible in the least.

 

I thought this too; but then I wanted to meet and he knows this even up until the last convo. Maybe he just has a different way of doing things and I have met some who are like that and they just stop very early on and don't try to push things. But this one pressed on showing interest only to leave me hanging...what is the point of that? Did I somehow piss him off?

[thekid36]

Guy sending mixed signals or is it me?

 

Sorry but this is really long; I need a mans opinion.

 

So this guy and I started talking each other on an OLD app. We chatted for a week and he asked for my number. At first I was taken aback by the way he asked ("what are you doing this weekend? you should give me your number so I can hit you up sometimes") but i didn't think too much about it. I had reservations at the time about giving my number out to people on the app so I responded with a clever response and then admit to him that I wasn't comfortable. He asked about fb and fb was too personal. He asked why was I on the site to which I responded that he would just have to find a way for us not to be strangers...(I was hoping at this point he would suggest to meet bc I prefer to meet people before giving out anything)....but he didn't so I suggested we should meet. He agreed and asked about my schedule. I told him my schedule was really random (which it is) and asked him what did he have in mind.

 

He didn't give me a day but he gave me his schedule so i picked a day. He messaged back saying that "we'll aim" for that day and asked how was my weekend. I responded and didn't hear from him all up until 4 days later on that day at 630 pm apologizing that he couldn't see me and for not informing me earlier. Told me he has been super busy with work and his new house; asked me how my week was and hoped that it was better than his. By this point I had already thought this guy was flaking and didn't wanna meet so I didn't really know whether to respond or not. However I thought about it bc if he apologized he must mean it bc if he wasn't sincere he would just disappear. So I responded with a "oh boy what to do with you." So he responded and said, "you're going to give me your number?" I was surprised by this but responded and said how do I know you're not some weirdo; he responded with a joke and reassured me he's legit and that he's sincere. I gave him my number--he texted me once but the convo was lagging bc I was busy with Father's Day. I wished him happy Father's Day?

 

He said he is father of a cute puppy and I confessed that I was scared of dogs.. He asked me what I was doing for Father's Day...I was out the door but later told him I was heading out and he said he was out too. I didn't say anything so the text convo ended there. I initiated the next convo after not hearing from him for a week. But this time he was responding less enthusiastically and about 1 message/day. It came to a convo where he was asking about my day and I told him I was at the pool. He asked for a picture but I wasn't comfortable so I sent him a pic of a male lifeguard instead as a joke. He said I was cruel and told me to be nice to which I said you first and he said he was nice so I said I'll take his word for it. Then he stopped responding and after two days of not hearing from him I assumed it was over and decided it was a good time to take down my OLD account (been meaning to).

 

That afternoon he texted to tell me to be nice and to send him a photo and wished me a good day. I ignored it bc I haven't heard from him and was not comfortable texting random photos of myself. Two days later he texted me again wishing me a great weekend. I was thinking why is this guy texting me again when it seemed like he was ignoring me before? I thought maybe he's still interested so I responded the next day and we texted back and forth for a good hour--first decent convo we've had since he got my number. During the convo I wanted to ask whether he was serious about pursuing something. But I decided against it for fear of appearing needy and desperate esp when we haven't met.

 

He asked whether I was in bed and I said I was, he laughed, then I said I should go. That night around 1130 pm he texted me again wishing I had a good weekend to which I thanked him and wished him good night bc I had to get up early the next morning. He said sweet dreams. The next day I didn't hear from him so thought maybe he felt like I was blowing him off so i asked about his day. He said it was ok but tomorrow is a new day then told me he was going to bed early. I thought that was odd behavior. Then I didn't hear from him again for another 4 days and I texted him about July 4 and what he did for it.

 

After telling him I went to the outlet he asked one hour later what I got him at the outlet, I said it was a secret and I was saving it till when I meet him. (I'm trying to hint and flirt here). He said let's meet now just kidding. It was about midnight at this time. Now it's very unlike me to be texting at midnight but I started at 9 and he took a while to respond so it dragged on to midnight. I responded with a joke and then haven't heard from him since .

 

So...my question is this: what is going on? Why did he seem interested in the beginning but then now he's seems not? Does it seem like I'm trying too hard? Is he not pursuing bc I'm not flirting/encouraging him enough?

 

I've thought about it several times and have tried to show interest but don't want to come off desperate. He's in his late 30s and I'm in my late 20s. We talk and he shares personal info so I don't know what to do. I know he's still active on the OLD but of course why wouldn't he be? Am I crazy and reading too much into it? It's been a month since I gave him my number and he has yet to call or make plans. Is it me or is he just not interested? Can I have a guys take on this? What should I do?

 

 

Sounds like he is on a dating site without really being interested in an actual meeting. He is sending you too many mixed messages and I am not sure if it has anything at all to do with your actual behavior. Perhaps he contacts you only when he wants something.

 

 

He definitely seems to be interested in learning more personal information about you. Not sure if this is sincere or not. It is just odd that he came up with an excuse when you got close to meeting. Not to mention that he does not take a more proactive approach with this.

 

 

Is this the kind of person you are really interested in? If you are looking to actually meet a real man, you may be better off trying to find someone else.