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Don't wish to meet the exes new guy (yet ex is trying to force issue)

Monodare1

By Monodare1
in Separation and Divorce

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Monodare1 Established Member

Monodare1

Posted
Posted

Hi guys

 

I've now been separated over a year now. The ex and I have a frosty relationship but are trying to be amicable to an extent for our 3 and a half year olds sake. She started dating the new guy 3 months after we split and introduced him a month into their relationship. I met someone in march but have yet to introduce my 3 and a half year old as I feel it's better to get to know someone better before introductions to children.

 

My problem is that I don't really want to meet the exes new guy. As the ex and I are still technically married. However, she seems determined to make it happen and the new guy doesn't seem to be opposed to it.

 

Is it just me or is this a weird state of affairs? I know I will have to meet him eventually, but I'd rather wait until the divorce is completed (it's not even started yet) and we haven't even sold our house yet, am I in the wrong?

 

Does anyone else think it's weird that it seems that I'm getting shoe horned into meeting the exes new guy despite my not wishing to?

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

It depends on how serious their R is. If this is just some dude she's banging and he will be on his way shortly then there really is no point. That's the beauty of her being "X" is you don't have to care or be affected by her business.

 

However if they are getting serious for real, then like it or not he will be in your child's life and it will be your responsibility as a father to at least know and have some kind of knowledge of who your child is spending significant time with.

 

And as the father you are still responsible for your child's health, safety and well being. If this guy is a criminal, molester, abuser, druggie etc etc you will have the responsibility to know that and protect your child.

  • Like 1
Salesbury Member

Salesbury

Posted
Posted

Maybe she wants to make you jealous or something along that line, I don't see why else she would push it. I can see why you wouldn't want to meet him, but since given the opportunity I would take it, I'd wanna know what kind of person was hanging around my child.

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
Hi guys

 

I've now been separated over a year now. The ex and I have a frosty relationship but are trying to be amicable to an extent for our 3 and a half year olds sake. She started dating the new guy 3 months after we split and introduced him a month into their relationship. I met someone in march but have yet to introduce my 3 and a half year old as I feel it's better to get to know someone better before introductions to children.

 

My problem is that I don't really want to meet the exes new guy. As the ex and I are still technically married. However, she seems determined to make it happen and the new guy doesn't seem to be opposed to it.

 

Is it just me or is this a weird state of affairs? I know I will have to meet him eventually, but I'd rather wait until the divorce is completed (it's not even started yet) and we haven't even sold our house yet, am I in the wrong?

 

Does anyone else think it's weird that it seems that I'm getting shoe horned into meeting the exes new guy despite my not wishing to?

 

Because this guy is around your kid, you should meet him but on your own terms and when you feel ready.

 

Have you and your soon to be exW filed for divorce and in the process of the D?

 

You are wise not to introduce your son to anybody you date for a long time, your kid doesn't need to be confused or feel upset/emotional that both mommy and daddy are seeing other people. He's too young to deal with that stuff. It's a shame that your stbxw brought her boyfriend around your son so soon.

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Habs33 Member

Habs33

Posted
Posted

Hello,

 

I have been separated two years. My ex is living with someone and was with him very soon after our separation, if not before (but that is a different story). I have two girls. I have not met my ex's new boyfriend. She also tried to push this with me. She thinks it is the strangest thing I will not meet him.

I understand what other people said about it being important to know the person your children will be around. There are ways to learn about a person other than meeting him for a few minutes. People I am friends with know him so earlier I learned information about him. If I was concerned for my childrens safety then I would have brought my concerns forward.

 

It has taken me a long time to realize this but you no longer have to do anything she wants you to do. I wish you all the best.

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Monodare1 Established Member

Monodare1

Posted
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It's a difficult one, I do want to know that my little son is safe in this new guys company, but I still feel that as the ex and I are not even divorced or sold our house yet, that meeting my "wife's" boyfriend just feels wrong. I've discussed it with friends and family and they are all in agreement with me.

 

Once the divorce happens and she is free to do whatever, then fine but its just not right just now, nor is her request to meet the woman I'm seeing ascive not even introduced her to my son yet.

 

The whole thing just feels weird to me.

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Monodare1 Established Member

Monodare1

Posted
  • Author
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Plus the woman I'm seeing doesn't want to meet the "wife" and I don't blame her

Habs33 Member

Habs33

Posted
Posted

I think a very good amount of time should go by before "other" people are introduced to your children. Not fair to kids to be introduced to too many different people. Does not matter the age of the children.

 

I say do what feels right to you.

 

In my situation I am not mad at the guy for living with my ex. I heard he has bad talked me in his place of business, which to me is not right at all.

yorkie Established Member

yorkie

Posted
Posted

moondare thanks for bringing this up. it is 11 months since me and my ex gf have split and I agree don't you dare meet this guy! your ex is trying to play mind games with you and hurt you! if it happens accidently then so be it but why do you wanna go and meet him. I have not met my ex's new fella and have no plans to cos I would kick his arse lol.

 

 

but at the same time there is nothing you can do about him so why meet him heal mate. don't let her rule you anymore just tell her that you don't have to meet him and that during her time wit the kids you have to trust her judgement that he is a nice guy. your not her mum or dad why does she need you validation on this guy? she doesn't! she is playing games my friend trying to hurt you more!

 

 

I wont meet my ex's new guy unless I bump into him and even then I will just walk off. they are trying to friend zone you in my opinion. keep up the good work and focus just on your and your time with the kids! good luck mate!

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)

i havent seen the father of my girls for years.....since we split up but because of the girls we speak often...he knows when i am in a relationship....i am an honest person, i dont hide anything important to me and that includes people...i let him know if i am dating someone.....he just asks if i am happy and the guy is treating me well that includes the girls...he trusts me he doesnt have to meet them, but he does worry......because i am a forgiving person.....soft hearted.....he doesnt want me to be alone......but he doesnt want a dick as part of the girls or my life either and it hsi right to show concern...but ultimately he knows ill make the right choices with my family ......i always do..including ending a recent relationship .no oen shoudl feel forced to do anythign they dotn wsish to do ...ultimately if it is a serious relationship and children are involved..... .....you will either talk or meet..that is best for the children..i have never met his partner i have wished her happy xmas though over the phone and she told em i had doen a beautiful job with my girls......she also gave my daughter handmade jewellry to give me on my birthday...it doesnt have to be difficult....if you can put aside the feelings you once had in a relationship that is done and dusted and let go ....it can be courteous and respectful....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
TheBladeRunner Established Member

TheBladeRunner

Posted
Posted

I have met the XW's BF, but this is well after the divorce. My kid's birthday is on Thursday and I got an invite to dinner w/ the BF and the X-in-laws......I'm gonna' pass on that. I don't blame you for how you feel Mondare, it's a weird, uncomfortable feeling meeting the "new guy".

  • Like 1
RaceCarrington New Member

RaceCarrington

Posted
Posted

QUOTE=Habs33;5791558]I think a very good amount of time should go by before "other" people are introduced to your children. Not fair to kids to be introduced to too many different people. Does not matter the age of the children.

 

I say do what feels right to you.

 

In my situation I am not mad at the guy for living with my ex. I heard he has bad talked me in his place of business, which to me is not right at all.

 

I'm not mad either, just jealous because he gets to live with my kids every day and i can only see them four days a month. It's like now I'm just some old guy friend that the kids have to visit. I look at it as my punishment for somehow making her cheat on me.

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