spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I've been chatting with this guy online. He seems interested and is attractive and smart. He has called me on the phone and texted a few times as well as messaging online. I always respond at some point, but I'm feeling uncomfortable about his lack of contact during the day. it's clear he's looking for fun 'and who knows where it might lead'. I'm tempted, but somehow don't feel right about it. While I'd be interested in something light-hearted with a guy I could communicate with, he doesn't text me during the day or maybe only once. I know he works very long hours. When he does text, they are brief messages which inevitably refer to what fun we could have together. I don't feel he wants to get to know me in any other way. Leaving it hours and hours before any contact seems a bit uncaring and not what I'm used to from guys who seem genuinely interested. I can't figure out whether this guy is just different because of his personality or his demanding work or not. I'd appreciate your perspective on this. He's always been positive but always joked about the physical side of things at the same time.
Dallers Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I've been chatting with this guy online. He seems interested and is attractive and smart. He has called me on the phone and texted a few times as well as messaging online. I always respond at some point, but I'm feeling uncomfortable about his lack of contact during the day. it's clear he's looking for fun 'and who knows where it might lead'. I'm tempted, but somehow don't feel right about it. While I'd be interested in something light-hearted with a guy I could communicate with, he doesn't text me during the day or maybe only once. I know he works very long hours. When he does text, they are brief messages which inevitably refer to what fun we could have together. I don't feel he wants to get to know me in any other way. Leaving it hours and hours before any contact seems a bit uncaring and not what I'm used to from guys who seem genuinely interested. I can't figure out whether this guy is just different because of his personality or his demanding work or not. I'd appreciate your perspective on this. He's always been positive but always joked about the physical side of things at the same time. I actually do this myself. Not only is my new job very demanding I cannot show my best during the day. My mind and focus are on work and I am tired. I wait to the evening because that is when I am at my best on the phone or by text and when people are far more relaxed and night time is intimate. Sounds to me like he needs to move things onto the next stage, as that is what is really the matter here. Too much text/phone is a bad thing. 1
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks, it's interesting to hear that. He wants to move things on but it's a question of on to what? Basically, I like to communicate otherwise he feels like an uncaring stranger. It pisses me off and then I think I should back out.
Dallers Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks, it's interesting to hear that. He wants to move things on but it's a question of on to what? Basically, I like to communicate otherwise he feels like an uncaring stranger. It pisses me off and then I think I should back out. That feeling is actually the reverse of what you want to do though you want to hear from him more and your brain is telling you to back out as a defence mechanism but we both know you don't want to back out now do you Make sure you put him through the paces and run a full length of tests on him of course, as a guy I know you are capable of doing it especially if you think he is only after a bit of fun. Make him work for it, we will if we want you enough. 1
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I was interested, yes, but I need a good communicator, not a guy who's only interested in sex. Someone like that is unlikely to stick around so why bother. If I was just looking for sex, I could find that easily. 1
Dallers Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I was interested, yes, but I need a good communicator, not a guy who's only interested in sex. Someone like that is unlikely to stick around so why bother. If I was just looking for sex, I could find that easily. Find it yes. But not with him and he is who you want I wouldn't be so hung up on the time he texts. As said if he works during the day like me I love my job and it has my complete attention because my career is my main focus. Girls are kept for my free time as they cloud my vision when at work. Still make sure he is after you not sex but do not punish him for not contacting when you want.
FitChick Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 He only wants sex and has made that perfectly clear. So when you get laid, don't expect sympathy about how this horrible man "used" you. You would be equally complicit in the deed. [Fitchick shakes her head and walks off muttering to herself...] 4
aprilisi Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I see no problem with the time of the text. I work long hours so barely have time to text during the day. But if he starts texting with the clear intention of hooking up at night, run. Unless you're into that
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Find it yes. But not with him and he is who you want I wouldn't be so hung up on the time he texts. As said if he works during the day like me I love my job and it has my complete attention because my career is my main focus. Girls are kept for my free time as they cloud my vision when at work. Still make sure he is after you not sex but do not punish him for not contacting when you want. My job is important too but I could text at lunchtime or in a break at some point, wouldn't have to leave every communication to late at night. How can you know if a guy likes you or is just after sex? There is no way of distinguishing. His actions suggest he is just after sex. If he was a good communicator, that might even be fun but something is lacking.
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 He only wants sex and has made that perfectly clear. So when you get laid, don't expect sympathy about how this horrible man "used" you. You would be equally complicit in the deed. [Fitchick shakes her head and walks off muttering to herself...] I completely agree that is his main interest and I'm not against having fun with a guy I find attractive and interesting if I think it could last a while and we'd enjoy time with each other. It's the lack of contact except by night that makes me feel cheapened about the whole thing, not so much the desire for physical pleasure which we all need. 1
Dallers Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 My job is important too but I could text at lunchtime or in a break at some point, wouldn't have to leave every communication to late at night. How can you know if a guy likes you or is just after sex? There is no way of distinguishing. His actions suggest he is just after sex. If he was a good communicator, that might even be fun but something is lacking. See I am different I like to keep my work and personal life separate from a girl I just met. It also means that when I speak to her I have had time to miss her and think about her. Too much of a good thing. Everyone is different but simply you two should be dating first and you should be asking all of the questions you want to ask, checking out his body language and testing him. I would expect nothing less from a date I go on and I am always fired up and ready to answer the questions to prove I am a good guy and although I want sex as I am a warm blooded man it is not my main reason for being there. I would be willing to go on at least 6 dates with a girl I liked before pressing the matter of sex. More if she wanted to wait. A guy that just wants sex normally after the first date will attempt to head to your bedroom, or try for a second date at your place
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks Dallers, helps to understand. There is the added complication of distance. 6 dates long distance would be difficult. It's one reason I hate long distance dating because you end up feeling pressured to 'make the most' of any time together and it's awkward.
Dallers Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks Dallers, helps to understand. There is the added complication of distance. 6 dates long distance would be difficult. It's one reason I hate long distance dating because you end up feeling pressured to 'make the most' of any time together and it's awkward. Distance also means nothing to a man if he truly likes you (including me) the girl I am just dating lives 30 miles away and I do not drive so I have to get the train. My standards do not change because of distance. If I didn't like this girl I wouldn't bother travelling to see her. I do, so I do. I do not expect anything which is why we date by going out. 3
Author spiderowl Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks, that really helps put things into perspective. This guy would have to invest a lot to come and see me, which puts me under pressure, but I don't know what would be reasonable in those circumstances. He's made it clear he's looking for light-hearted fun relationship but he could get one a lot nearer where he lives if he wanted.
Author spiderowl Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 That's actually really nice. Would you behave differently if you were only interested in a physical relationship with her?
Author spiderowl Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 He was only interested in sex and just kept the conversation focused on that. When I called him out on it he stopped communicating. I really need a communicator not someone who barely bothers and then only for one reason.
Author spiderowl Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Distance also means nothing to a man if he truly likes you (including me) the girl I am just dating lives 30 miles away and I do not drive so I have to get the train. My standards do not change because of distance. If I didn't like this girl I wouldn't bother travelling to see her. I do, so I do. I do not expect anything which is why we date by going out. Well I don't think he was that interested because he gave up when I questioned his motives. I think he was hoping for a bit of fun with minimum relationship input and realised he wouldn't get away with that. Shame, because he is an attractive guy (physically and sounded nice on the phone), but I could see he only had one topic of conversation and that wasn't enough for me.
Elle1975 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Shame, because he is an attractive guy (physically and sounded nice on the phone) Funny you mention that. Yesterday I was on my tablet reading the news and I saw the picture of a super good looking guy popping. I scrolled down, and I found out that he had murdered his entire family, including his kids. Anyway.. I digress.. hope you meet someone soon 1
Author spiderowl Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 Funny you mention that. Yesterday I was on my tablet reading the news and I saw the picture of a super good looking guy popping. I scrolled down, and I found out that he had murdered his entire family, including his kids. Anyway.. I digress.. hope you meet someone soon Thanks, yes, people can look good but be very bad. Good lesson!
MissBee Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 It seems you already know what's what. If you feel he only cares about the physical and contacts you at night and only seems to suggest things about that but not anything else. There you have it. I just think you should be honest with yourself though about what you want from him. If you want someone who likes you for more...then own that and don't talk yourself into being okay with anything else. 2
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Distance also means nothing to a man if he truly likes you (including me) the girl I am just dating lives 30 miles away and I do not drive so I have to get the train. My standards do not change because of distance. If I didn't like this girl I wouldn't bother travelling to see her. I do, so I do. I do not expect anything which is why we date by going out. Ditto, my boyfriend lives four hours away but doesn't work full time and virtually chooses spends all his spare time with me bar he needs some days to himself of course. Didn't make him push for sex, he waited for me to instigate it, he was going to wait 3 weeks after meeting at his birthday bash. I was the one who instigated the sex prior to that hah.
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Most likely, he is just trying to get laid. When a guy is bored at night, and thinking about getting laid, we will go through our list of women we feel are do-able, but not date-able. Too right. When I was in the mood for casual last year, I took it upon myself to ask the guy and make the move, because I find it too insulting when a man goes through his phone or facebook list at night and puts me in the "doable but not datable list":sick: Since I am dating quality and am better than just a sex toy. I picked only men who thought I was dating material yet were still down for casual as well. So not falling head over heels but at least still considered me dating material. That is how I go about casual the rare times in my life I have needed it, NEVER let a man just booty text you at night hoping to get lucky:sick: The BUSIEST of men take time to text you; my FWB of last year initiated a message EVERY day, in the morning on his way to work! And he was an accounts exec for Fairfax earning food dough and in a high pressure job. My FWB found the time to text me OTHER than just at night to chat about sex! 1
Thegreatestthing Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 He just wants to get bedded ,the clear sign here is that he's not interested in getting to know much about you,I woke up at 4am this morning and texted with a guy from then till the afternoon all day and I met him online. Did he actually say to you"looking for fun and who knows where it might lead" cause that's cleArly saying looking to get bedded and if she's really hot I might go at it a second time. I've been chatting with this guy online. He seems interested and is attractive and smart. He has called me on the phone and texted a few times as well as messaging online. I always respond at some point, but I'm feeling uncomfortable about his lack of contact during the day. it's clear he's looking for fun 'and who knows where it might lead'. I'm tempted, but somehow don't feel right about it. While I'd be interested in something light-hearted with a guy I could communicate with, he doesn't text me during the day or maybe only once. I know he works very long hours. When he does text, they are brief messages which inevitably refer to what fun we could have together. I don't feel he wants to get to know me in any other way. Leaving it hours and hours before any contact seems a bit uncaring and not what I'm used to from guys who seem genuinely interested. I can't figure out whether this guy is just different because of his personality or his demanding work or not. I'd appreciate your perspective on this. He's always been positive but always joked about the physical side of things at the same time. 1
Author spiderowl Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 He just wants to get bedded ,the clear sign here is that he's not interested in getting to know much about you,I woke up at 4am this morning and texted with a guy from then till the afternoon all day and I met him online. Did he actually say to you"looking for fun and who knows where it might lead" cause that's cleArly saying looking to get bedded and if she's really hot I might go at it a second time. He was not looking for something heavy, just light-hearted and fun, a friend too. The bit that was missing was the friend bit! That seems to me just casual sex and nothing more, not even friends with benefits.
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