Sad26 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I have had a very tumultuous relationship with a girl for past one year. In the last few months I had more pain than happiness. The girl wanted to breakup as she said her feelings have changed. She moved to a different place, and as per original plan I had to follow her there. I made all the arrangements, changed my job and then she became brutal. She said by text - " we are done" and then stopped answering my phone or text messages. I tried calling her from different number but she disconnected the moment she heard me. She does not reply to the messages or the phone call and there is nothing I could do. I literally pleaded her to let me have one phone call and end the relationship over call but she didn't agree. She does not even reply to text messages. I feel so sad that I am moving to a different country, changed my job, changed my settled life in this country and now when all is done she ditches me. I feel so hurt that someone can break up in this fashion. Her logic was that I would not let her break up face to face to so this is her way. Two weeks before breakup she also told me that six months ago she had cheated on me and had sex with two guys. I was devastated but tried to forget as she agreed to conditions for me to trust her. That time I was about to end the relationship but she didn't let me. I feel so sad and pathetic sending her messages, and making calls. I know people will say do NC, but how can I forget someone just like that ? and how can she be so cruel to treat me this way. Thanks for listening to my story.
Author Sad26 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 And while I am sad and heart broken in my apartment, she is out enjoying the summer with the new guys she has met in her summer job. I can't stop myself from checking her twitter and Facebook, although I have deleted mine both -facebook and twitter. She does not realize how cruel and cold hearted her ways are. I keep questioning myself as to why I met her ? Why did I go weak and emotional ? Why did I trust her ? Why didn't I keep my controls ? I am to blame for this misery
lovebug_5858 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Yes, everyone will say go NC. and it is not about forgetting her so easily, that's not possible. We all have hearts and unfortunately we sometimes give them to the wrong people. She did not have the ability to care for yours and you should move on knowing that you didn't do anything wrong and that this is what she wants. We all question how they can be so cruel to us, and the facts are, that we will never know. Just try to leave it behind you and move on to better things because no matter what, No one deserves what she put you through.
Author Sad26 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks, and I am trying to do NC. Now is like 19 hours of NC and counting... I just need one phone call to end this relationship. I have never treated someone this way and I feel she has a moral obligation to end this relationship with respect. What would she lose by just one phone call ? Also why I am not able to hate her ? She has cheated on me, and one friend of hers (very close) called me names on twitter. Yet I am not able to hate her and am pining for her. Is it my ego of being dumped or love for her ?
lovebug_5858 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Everything you are feeling is completely natural. She will probably not give you that phone call because this way she remains in control, just try to live on without it. With time, things get better. I know you feel terrible right now, this is what she's done to you. Surely, you wouldn't like to feel this way again.
zen2475 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 This woman has made it clear she's not capable of treating you with respect. She has told you she cheated, and then dumps you by text just when you are ready to move. This woman should be beneath your contempt and all the energy you are spending lamenting the end of your relationship. I think you should count your blessings it's done now rather than after you have moved. I think you would have only received more disrespect and heart break. I know you are hurting, but now is the time to stay strictly NC and hope that she doesn't contact you any further. I think you would be subjecting yourself to more unnecessary pain. Meanwhile I would truly look inward and figure out what was it about her that attracted you to her even though she has treated you so badly. There is something inside of you, mainly your self respect, that needs to be worked on so you don't find yourself in another situation like this with someone who clearly is not deserving of you. Love yourself enough to know you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. This person is not capable of giving that to you. That's not a reflection of you, but her inadequacies as a person. You deserve much, much better.
erklat Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 My ex hole also treated me like that after the breakup. Women often tend to pull the ostracism on you. But she can only pull it while you keep contacting her. It will get better, even though the bruised ego will hurt for quite some time. Even ten months sharp from our breakup she creeps to the back of my mind ruining my spare time.
Author Sad26 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) Thanks Lovebug, Zen, and Erklat. I thought I have gathered enough wisdom from my past relationships, and so this time I opened my heart only after I was totally convinced. I even asked her questions, tried to open up the things for her to be sure and then agree to be in this relationship. Yet this experience is far worse than previous times. I have been dumped in the past but it didn't hurt this much. This time the act of disappearing on me and not giving a decent end is hurting me this much. As lovebug said, my issue is that I trust too easily and am too emotional. That's why this time I played the devil advocate of relationship with this girl so that she totally understands what she is getting in, and yet it ended far worse than previous times. I didn't let my guards fall until I was sure, but it was still not enough. How will I ever trust anyone again, and how can I ever open my heart to anyone again. I feel like I am scarred for ever. How can a person who loves her friends so much as to not chastise them for being unkind to me be so cruel to me. How can someone chastise others for honesty can so easily cheat and lie, and why this had to happen to me ? Just when I thought my life was perfect I got the shock. Just when I thought the ghost of past has been put to rest I got the most rude shock. What hurts the most is that while I am hurting she is enjoying the summer. Now I don't want to change my country, but I have already said yes to the new job and quit the present one. I have no choice but to change. The pain is not that injustice has been done to me, but the pain is that I can't even say to her how much she has hurt me or I can't even fight this injustice. I feel that those who hurt others are the only one who are going to be always happy. They are able to rig the odds in their favor by their ability to hurt others. Edited July 6, 2014 by Sad26 Typos
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