Need . Ex sleeping with models.

[Indonesia1]

Hi

I'll try keep this succint.

 

So me and my ex broke up around christmas (together 8 months) I broke up with him in my usual drunk rage when i saw that he had messaged a girl from his past, it was just saying how are you but my insecurities got the better of me.(this was actually an accidental discovery).

My brother had committed suicide just one month previous and i never really wanted to think about it, instead i channelled a lot of anger onto my boyfriend at the time. Anyway it turns out he didn't want to be with me anymore, wasn't sure if he saw me romantically. This was confusing as he said he wants a chance in the future. He was genuinely quite depressed a month or two after and told me even back in march he still loved me.

He just couldn't be with me. He's a very attractive male (most people assume he models) and i'm average ish. We're both medical students. So he's got the handsome future doctor thing nailed to a T. His friends even joke about how easy it is for him to get girls. I'm his first love (and only love to this date) and he was mine. I think he still is.

I think i'm inherently unstable. Sure, i'm generally very lighthearted but i have a crippling amount of insecurities. I'm just okay- looking and being matched up to every girl my ex has slept with since is depressing. I just saw two days ago that on his travels in Asia he's sleeping with a relatively well known model. She's stunning. I know he looks back at me with regret/disgust.

 

I feel so low. I can never match up to any of these beautiful girls and i know i'm going to be the 'what was i thinking' ex girlfriend. And i'm going to regret treating my ex badly for such a long time.

 

My ex as his friends said 'worshipped the ground i walked on'. I didn't love myself enough to realise just how much he loved me. Until it was too late. Now i'm absolutely heartbroken and he's realising he can have so much better.

 

Please can i have some advice as to how to feel better and not be as insecure about this

Edited July 6, 2014 by Indonesia1

[d0nnivain]

Since you are in medical school, I assume you have access to great medical care. Go find a therapist & an alcohol counselor. I am concerned about your reference to your "usual drunk rage". That can't be healthy & you need to deal with it before you have the pressures of being an actual doctor, not just a medical student.

 

Also stop basing your own self esteem on looks alone. It's wonderful for him that he has handsome doctor nailed to a T & that he can date models but I suspect you have a lot going for you. At the very least you're a medical student too & you attracted a guy like him in the 1st place. Focus on your own gifts.

[No Limit]

he's realising he can have so much better.

 

If this is true then you'll hardly have a chance. Sorry.

[zen2475]

I think it's probably not the best time for you to be in a relationship with anyone. Until you learn to truly love yourself and appreciate all that you have to offer, you are not going to be able to be in a loving, stable relationship.

 

 

I would take the time to grieve your brother, and then get into counseling to work on your self-esteem issues. I also agree with the suggestion to seek help for your drinking. It sound like you may use alcohol to self-medicate, but I'm sure you can see for yourself it's not really helping anything if you can't control your emotions or insecurities.

 

 

It's not your job for your ex boyfriend, or anyone for that matter, to fill the void in your life that only you can fill. It's not his job to manage your emotions and be your source of self esteem. I'm sure he does love you, but until you can truly love yourself a healthy relationship is not possible.

[Indonesia1]

If this is true then you'll hardly have a chance. Sorry.

 

I mean prettier. I'm not pretty. I'm not a model or anything close to these girls. I just feel like an ugly mistake.

[d0nnivain]

I mean prettier. I'm not pretty. I'm not a model or anything close to these girls. I just feel like an ugly mistake.

 

You aren't. You may not be a super model (very few people are) but you have the brains to get into medical school. Since you are there, get some therapy. You need it to get over this & handle the pressures of practice.

[reddragon588]

I mean prettier. I'm not pretty. I'm not a model or anything close to these girls. I just feel like an ugly mistake.

 

A lot of attractiveness comes from self-confidence. You need to be more confident in yourself! Trust me, men love a confident woman.

[Indonesia1]

You aren't. You may not be a super model (very few people are) but you have the brains to get into medical school. Since you are there, get some therapy. You need it to get over this & handle the pressures of practice.

 

Thanks and i understand that. I'm not struggling academically nor have i ever to be honest. I'm just struggling emotionally. A lot of my insecurities come from not being good-looking which i completely understand is shallow. But everytime i tell myself that one of my ex's friends will do something to remind me (unintentionally and not out of malice) that these girls are more attractive and it's upsetting. Especially when one of the reasons we broke up was he wasnt sure if he saw me romantically. I put it down to physicality but he was insistant it wasn't. To not hurt my feelings i guess.

 

As much as i think i still love him i am not seeking to get back into a relationship with anyone. I really want to know how to accept myself as i am. I'm home for summer and therapy won't be an option until i'm back in september

[Charlie Harper]

My advice, is get to therapy ASAP, and let go, find your self first, heal, learn to be worthy and then give it a shot, maybe by then all is gone, but its the only way..

[coralsmith]

Hi

I'll try keep this succint.

 

So me and my ex broke up around christmas (together 8 months) I broke up with him in my usual drunk rage when i saw that he had messaged a girl from his past, it was just saying how are you but my insecurities got the better of me.(this was actually an accidental discovery).

My brother had committed suicide just one month previous and i never really wanted to think about it, instead i channelled a lot of anger onto my boyfriend at the time. Anyway it turns out he didn't want to be with me anymore, wasn't sure if he saw me romantically. This was confusing as he said he wants a chance in the future. He was genuinely quite depressed a month or two after and told me even back in march he still loved me.

He just couldn't be with me. He's a very attractive male (most people assume he models) and i'm average ish. We're both medical students. So he's got the handsome future doctor thing nailed to a T. His friends even joke about how easy it is for him to get girls. I'm his first love (and only love to this date) and he was mine. I think he still is.

I think i'm inherently unstable. Sure, i'm generally very lighthearted but i have a crippling amount of insecurities. I'm just okay- looking and being matched up to every girl my ex has slept with since is depressing. I just saw two days ago that on his travels in Asia he's sleeping with a relatively well known model. She's stunning. I know he looks back at me with regret/disgust.

 

I feel so low. I can never match up to any of these beautiful girls and i know i'm going to be the 'what was i thinking' ex girlfriend. And i'm going to regret treating my ex badly for such a long time.

 

My ex as his friends said 'worshipped the ground i walked on'. I didn't love myself enough to realise just how much he loved me. Until it was too late. Now i'm absolutely heartbroken and he's realising he can have so much better.

 

Please can i have some advice as to how to feel better and not be as insecure about this

 

I find it infuriating and depressing when accomplished women feel inferior to someone else based on their looks.

 

You got into medical school!!!!

 

Having good looks/good figure is a blessing. Having intellect and being allowed an education to channel that, is also a blessing.

 

Instead of focusing on a blessing which you don't consider yourself to have (looks), focus on the ones you do have, which some might argue are considerably more substantial.

 

Women should not judge themselves and base their worth on their ability to be attractive to men!!

 

I am an attractive female, I went out with my first boyfriend for almost 2 years. During which time I received comments about how he wasn't "good enough" for me, and how was considerably more attractive than him.

 

They were never said in his presence but they infuriated me, because I loved him for the person he was and his qualities.

 

If your ex truly loved you - and you seem sure he did - he will definitely not look at you as a mistake or with regret.

 

my next boyfriend frequently told me how beautiful I was. However it didn't stop him dumping me unceremoniously and it didn't stop him from sleeping with any girl he was able to manage to, regardless of how much he was attracted to her.

 

Looks don't feature as much as you think they do, and you'd be wise to change your perspective on things.

[d0nnivain]

so get a make over. You will be surprised what a good haircut & instruction on how to apply make up can do for you. You probably spent a lot of time in a book & didn't learn those things as a teen. Educate yourself. You will feel better.