Author Lovemeagain Posted July 11, 2014 Author Posted July 11, 2014 Thank you JRico, Magnetout, and Stillafool. Hug to you JRico. Magnetout I hope that I get to that point. I am starting to see a different side of him though. A more selfish side and it's good that he is focusing on himself but to hurt me and blame me for his choices and actions is starting to make me feel used and belittled. I am not feeling as nervous to see him now because I am feeling not hurt by the break up but hurt from his lack of understanding and the need to be away from me as if I were beneath him. I still feel like I deserve to be treated like a human being. I am not perfect but I do have feelings. Stillafool. I feel that you are right. I think that he still has feelings for me and will always care about me. It's just hard when I am not quite at that point yet. He said that after he figures things out with himself there might be the possibility that he "realizes that he gave up on the best thing in his life." He said that the other day but I think he said that to spare my feelings as much as he could. I do not have anyone to go with but if I do see him it is just so that he can give me the keys to the apartment and he did offer to help move some of the heavier boxes if I needed help... My reply was "don't worry about it. I'm strong. I drink milk." I leave tonight. I'll keep you all posted for tomorrow and the following few days ahead.
JRico Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Good luck today and strenght from spain!! You can do this!
Author Lovemeagain Posted July 12, 2014 Author Posted July 12, 2014 Okay here it is. What everyone has been waiting for. The update. After 5 hours of sleep in 3 days and flying to get my things here is the really fast break down of my life. 1. Arrive at airport and is surprised that ex picked me up. Helped with bags yada yada. 2. I looked as awesome as I could and he said that I looked really nice:o 3. Talked to me In the car about how he wants to completely emotionally separate himself from me then we can become friends. I told him that's like putting the cart before the horse. I felt betrayed and abandoned. How can you want to treat someone that you loved like crap and then tell them that you want to be friends again? I guess it's possible but I would think that any normal person would feel hurt and eventually not want anything to do with that. 4. Brought me to the apartment but I was already emotional. I tried holding in the tears but what he was saying hurt so bad. 5. He began to leave and I called his name. He stopped and then started to leave again. He kept saying that he can't do this. I had put my hand on his arm for him to turn around and then he held my hand. 6. He said he's not ready to talk. He said he thought seeing me in person would make it easier for him to talk to me rather than on the phone but he said it isn't because he is still emotionally attached. So he keeps pulling away from me even though he says that he still cares for me. It's driving me bonkers. Why does he not want me? Even though I know he still has feelings for me? Ok day one is done. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode....
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