ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Ok, now this may sound a little silly but when I was young and started dating, I thought I would only have sex without a condom when I got married. Sensible, but also I wanted my future husband to know that he was special & sex would be, in a way, more intimate than with previous partners. Well, I am now in my mid 30s & not yet married. I was very serious about a man a few years ago & said I would like to have sex with him without a condom (I did want to marry him). He shrugged & said it makes no difference to him. Honestly, this hurt my feelings. In a more recent not-so-serious relationship, the man hates condoms & didn't want to wear one but I said I would only do that for my husband. Having sex without a condom meant nothing to him. So can I please ask? Do I just let this go & think that guys in my age group have already had sex with a dozen different women without condoms & the fact that I haven't will mean NOTHING to them? Or, do you think that my future husband would actually be a little touched that I haven't??
mr_dave Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 You do sound sweet! I think it's really nice to reserve something special for the one you love/ your future husband. From a personal point of view I loathe condoms, from the putting them on to the lack of sensation. If a girl were to tell me that sex without one is reserved for guys she were crazy about, and we had sex without one, I would feel touched. I wouldn't have sex with anyone outside of an exclusive relationship, but if I were to there's no way on Earth I would give them oral for example, ewww. Heaven knows who could have just visited there. That's saved for a special lady.
Assasda Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I dont think any guy will care. Put my in the same group with your ex that said "It makes no difference to him" Youre the one that has hangups about that, and you have to sort that out for youself. Nothing wrong with being safe, but condom or no condom, youre still sharing your body with a man
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I hope future hubby is a little touched. 2
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I appreciate your honest opinion. I realize it's a little unusual so wanted to get some perspective on this.
Emilia Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 You sound a little naive OP, especially for someone in her 30s. Most men I know prefer sex without a condom and they tend to expect to reach that stage after dating you for a little while. It sounds from your posts that the men you have been dating don't seem to care about you all that much. 1
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I do wonder whether I am a little naive. [Physical] health issues have taken up much of the last 10 years so this was pretty mentally draining too which lead to some less-than-healthy decisions (don't think last 2 BFs cared that much). Health is much better now, doing some soul searching & then having a fresh start 1
Andy_K Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I'm 30 (today is the last day I can say that, so better make the most of it) and although I've had sex with a number of girls unprotected, it DOES make a huge difference - from the sensation to the interruption of putting one on. Likewise, if I was the first guy a woman I really liked chose to be with unprotected, that would definitely mean something to me. So yes I would expect you will not be anywhere near the first most guys your age would have been with unprotected, but it doesn't follow that it'll mean nothing. I would go as far as to say that for a decent guy who genuinely cares about you, the fact it is special and new for you should be something that is important to him.
soccerrprp Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Ok, now this may sound a little silly but when I was young and started dating, I thought I would only have sex without a condom when I got married. Sensible, but also I wanted my future husband to know that he was special & sex would be, in a way, more intimate than with previous partners. Well, I am now in my mid 30s & not yet married. I was very serious about a man a few years ago & said I would like to have sex with him without a condom (I did want to marry him). He shrugged & said it makes no difference to him. Honestly, this hurt my feelings. In a more recent not-so-serious relationship, the man hates condoms & didn't want to wear one but I said I would only do that for my husband. Having sex without a condom meant nothing to him. So can I please ask? Do I just let this go & think that guys in my age group have already had sex with a dozen different women without condoms & the fact that I haven't will mean NOTHING to them? Or, do you think that my future husband would actually be a little touched that I haven't?? ForGetMeNotx, The woman I am going to marry in about 4-weeks time always insisted that her partners wear condoms. This practice goes beyond any special gesture, but it also serves as a healthy, safe way of having sex with partners with whom you have little or no idea if a long term relationship will develop. I was the first man to have sex with my fiancee w/o a condom. Do I feel special? Yes, but the reality is that most men don't place a great deal of stock to it. One reason is that there's no way of knowing if it's true and the other is that men have had sex with other women w/o condoms already. If it makes a difference to YOU, then continue insisting that men wear condoms. Remember, your HEALTH is also involved! If you ever compromise on this, then by all means, have him show you a recent STD testing and take proper precautions to prevent pregnancy. My gf insisted that I show her proof of STD testing AND i've been "snipped" so both issues were covered (provided there was no sex outside of the relationship).
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I was hoping someone would say that! Happy 31st Birthday for tomorrow! 2
preraph Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 All the sweetness aside, don't be offering to have sex without a condom if you're not married, for none of the reasons you cited but so you don't get pregnant or diseased. I never heard of anyone saving themselves for a man this way, but I'm from a vastly different generation apparently. Condom or no, you're not a virgin, so it shouldn't mean that much to a guy from the "saving myself" standpoint. All it does is makes you vulnerable to pregnancy and disease. Age has nothing to do with it. Use condoms.
ktya Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Ok, now this may sound a little silly but when I was young and started dating, I thought I would only have sex without a condom when I got married. Sensible, but also I wanted my future husband to know that he was special & sex would be, in a way, more intimate than with previous partners. Well, I am now in my mid 30s & not yet married. I was very serious about a man a few years ago & said I would like to have sex with him without a condom (I did want to marry him). He shrugged & said it makes no difference to him. Honestly, this hurt my feelings. In a more recent not-so-serious relationship, the man hates condoms & didn't want to wear one but I said I would only do that for my husband. Having sex without a condom meant nothing to him. So can I please ask? Do I just let this go & think that guys in my age group have already had sex with a dozen different women without condoms & the fact that I haven't will mean NOTHING to them? Or, do you think that my future husband would actually be a little touched that I haven't?? Im 37. First time i had sex at 17, didnt have one handy. Later with same girl i used them. Then at 19-21 serious girlfriend was on pills never used them from day 1. First experience cumming inside. 22-31, serious girl who would become my ex fiancee, started with condoms, she went on pills, didnt go back to condoms until 6 months before she dumped me. She was cheating on me and probably told me she went off pills because she barebacked someone else. 31, 6 month crazy time. Mostly didnt use them. 31, hot iranian. Started with them she went on pills and stopped using them 32, cute laotian. She had her tubes tied, never used them with her. Good thing her tubes were tied even on pills i would have knocked that one up, wont get into it TMI 33-37, didnt use them much except in the beginning as she reacted to pills. Dr. Found her ones that worked and never went back Now... Dating is a different story Use them pretty well all the time, i hate them. Only 3 i havent only one of them more than once and only one have i cummed inside. Even the ones on pills had a hard time with the cumming inside. The one that lets me ive been seeing six months now almost to the day. I would say that bareback AND cumming inside is something special. Mostly because even with contraception this comes inherent with risks and if a girl is wanting you to do that it means she figures your worth the risks. If you want to pick something special to save for a guy you want to marry id suggest a blowjob and swallowing. There is something truly magic about that act, it is undescribeable, knowing this woman really loves you because shes gulping down your manhood which doesnt taste all that great while looking in your eyes and being all turned on. But just bareback sex, while it is fantastic and much better than rubbers, by your mid 30s most dudes have probably done it hundreds if not thousands of times. Would have been a mind blowing thing as a teenager to have a girl go for that, i remember my first serious girlfriend telling me she was on pills and i didnt need them and i went at her like a rabbitt.
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Wow! Congratulations for your Big Day! I get myself checked for STDs between partners. You'd think I'd get a gold star for always using a condom but instead they give me THE lecture that sex with a condom still carries a risk of STDs. I can't wait 'til I'm married so I can bin the condoms too!
PogoStick Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 It's overly sentimental. You are doing this for yourself, not for your partner(s). So do what will make you happy.
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Wow you've had an amazing time! Thanks for the tip re. Blow Jobs! Sounds like a sure-fire way to keep your man happy!
Elle1975 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Ok, now this may sound a little silly but when I was young and started dating, I thought I would only have sex without a condom when I got married. Sensible, but also I wanted my future husband to know that he was special & sex would be, in a way, more intimate than with previous partners. Well, I am now in my mid 30s & not yet married. I was very serious about a man a few years ago & said I would like to have sex with him without a condom (I did want to marry him). He shrugged & said it makes no difference to him. Honestly, this hurt my feelings. In a more recent not-so-serious relationship, the man hates condoms & didn't want to wear one but I said I would only do that for my husband. Having sex without a condom meant nothing to him. So can I please ask? Do I just let this go & think that guys in my age group have already had sex with a dozen different women without condoms & the fact that I haven't will mean NOTHING to them? Or, do you think that my future husband would actually be a little touched that I haven't?? You practice safe sex, that can't be a turn off. Not sure if that means something to everybody. To some men I'm sure it does. One of my family members contracted HIV because he didn't wear condoms. It was passed on to his son at birth. Not sure who gave it to who.. him, or his girlfriend. So... yeah.. I wouldn't stop using condoms. I mean sure, there are things you can get that can be cured, but some things can't. 1
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Yes, I probably am a bit overly sentimental with this. Thanks for helping me get perspective. I think I have a better understanding why I am doing this now & think I accept that this is part of my character - a quirk! 1
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Elle, I am sorry to hear this. I hear the treatment options are advancing all the time. I hope they find a cure x Safe Sex is very important to me. My parents did not show each other ANY affection so from a young age I wanted to be the exact opposite to this when I was older. It's so ingrained in me that I'm not prepared to jeopardize this. I know if I caught a virus, I could still do most things but I would dearly love to do everything with future hubby. Men have dumped me before because I asked them to have a STD check up prior to having sex.
ktya Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Wow you've had an amazing time! Thanks for the tip re. Blow Jobs! Sounds like a sure-fire way to keep your man happy! There was a book or an article or something about it. The premise was that the way to keep your man from a wandering eye and to keep him loving you was through knowing your BJ routine and swallowing. I cant remember the who or the what so sorry. The point of the article or book was that a girl good at giving BJs who did them well and swallowed would keep a man forever. I know personally, i was with this girl, she was fat, ugly, and a total jerry springer case. But she would wake me up with a BJ and gulp it down almost every morning. Quite the way to wake up... Amazing really. Despite her drama and horrific figure i was ready to make a go of it with her because after all the drama and pain in the ass id go to sleep and like clockwork the next morning id awaken to a "what the... Oohhhh my god" and it would erase the previous days drama. If a girl without all that jerry springer and drama did that she would just own me like a puppydog. I have done 12 years of ninjitsu damn girl could shoot me at people like her own personal lethal weapon like a guided missile. Luckily the jerry springer girl never knew about my martial arts experience. If a girl did that to me for 3 months straight there would be wedding bells. Guys get morning wood. It feels so nice to have that angst cleared first thing to start your day. Your future husband.... Do that to him. Hell never walk away and you will be able.to remote control him like your television set. 1
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Sounds to me you are picking the wrong men to date. Next time before you get into bed with someone or even considering dating seriously, have that conversation about getting tested, condoms etc. If you find one that is on board with your expectations, you have found the right guy to have a relationship with. It means he is mature and as responsible as you are. You are in your 30's you need to be more assertive and up front with your expectations. No sense in wasting your time on such garbage.
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Hah never had to go to that extent to keep a man from wondering or the like. It Takes more than a bj to keep a man or for a man to put a ring on your finger. That's pretty shallow, thinking you have to swallow.
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 LOL! A way to a man's heart hey! I'm up for that just need to track down future hubby first..
Elle1975 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Men have dumped me before because I asked them to have a STD check up prior to having sex. I get tested with my annual check up. For HIV they can test you with a swab now. If I remember right they do it if you haven't sex or unprotected sex within the past 6 months. 1
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 You are so right! As I am getting older, I am becoming more assertive & hopefully a little wiser! I'm 34 now so don't want to waste time on chaps who are not compatible.
Author ForgetMeNotx Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I'm glad to hear it's now a lot easier to test for HIV. When I first got tested about 15 years ago, I had to wait about two or three weeks for an appointment at the STD clinic, have blood taken & then wait at least another week for the results (waiting times have reduced over the years). I haven't got round to having a STD check since my last relationship finished so I wonder if I will be swabbed next time, hope so as I think the results are much quicker with a swab.
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