Col1 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 What is it like for a man to date a feminist? Is the relationship dynamic vastly different?
Glinda.Good Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Don't most men date feminists in the modern world?
Smilecharmer Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Do you mean a woman who believes in equality or a manhating fanatic? 4
marcjb Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 She will probably: - Have mostly or all male friends because she "just doesn't get along with the 'catty' female type" - Have her ex's / flings around as "friends", or "friends" that she's been with "only one time", you know... to see if it would work, but it didn't, and they are still good "friends" - Believe that it's ok to make new male friends after you two are exclusive (basically to continue dating with a different name) and then accuse you of being jealous and insecure 2
iiiii Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Do you mean a woman who believes in equality or a manhating fanatic? That's the right question. If it's the first... then it will probably only be a different dynamic if you're used to dating self hating doormats. If the second... why would you date someone who hates men, anyway? I think most women are feminists under the first definition - as are most decent men. 5
Author Col1 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Feminist, as in she believes that men and women are equals in dating and relationships. Not the traditional roles.
Eggplant Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Feminist, as in she believes that men and women are equals in dating and relationships. Not the traditional roles.Careful not to conflate equality with symmetry. Men and women can take on traditional genders roles and still be equals. They just occupy different realms and complement each other. Hence you could have a feminist who believes in equality and also have traditional roles. On the other hand, a more symmetrical relationship would be one in which the roles of both parties were similar. 3
SammySammy Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Careful not to conflate equality with symmetry. Men and women can take on traditional genders roles and still be equals. They just occupy different realms and complement each other. Hence you could have a feminist who believes in equality and also have traditional roles. On the other hand, a more symmetrical relationship would be one in which the roles of both parties were similar. Meaning that he will still be expected to pay for everything. She will be "equal" only when it benefits her.
gaius Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Most women I've heard talk about feminism and feminist ideas extensively end up being pretty submissive on some level. 1
salparadise Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Interesting question. My ex-wife sort of subscribed, drank the kook-aid, wore it on her sleeve or what have you. Admittedly, I'm not the most objective person you could ask... but I'd stay away from the ones that actually identify as feminists, as oppose to those who have the innate understanding that they ARE equal, while appreciating all the differences between men and women. It's just a damed if you do, damned if you don't game they play. They will have you jumping through hoops trying to keep them happy, but since their bias is unhappy, dedicated to championing the cause, loyalty to the sisterhood––you lose. Make a decision on your own... you didn't consult them and therefore didn't show respect. Consult or discuss and they become your veto machine, presume to always have the last word and nix anything that doesn't feed their need. Try to be assertive and you'll be accused of aggression, insensitivity, being a male chauvinist ass wipe. They throw nasty fits. They really paint themselves in a corner with this crap. They can't like a man who is assertive and leads without asking their permission, and they can't respect a man who doesn't. And for many of them there just isn't any middle ground. Don't get me wrong––I love smart, competent, self-assured women. But I will never be with another woman who views men and women as being on opposing teams. I like a woman who is in touch with the power of femininity rather than feminism. It's so refreshing. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Feminist, as in she believes that men and women are equals in dating and relationships. Not the traditional roles. I'm a feminist under that definition. I called him early on & set up dates for which I paid. I said No when invited to do things that didn't interest me. I took him to sporting events because I was the bigger fan. I had stuff to do & commitments which I didn't ignore just because I was dating. I split the driving when we go places. I certainly never changed my opinion on the big issues simply to conform my beliefs to his & I expressed my opinions when we debated things. 1
Robert Z Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Feminism today reminds me of the old men back when I was a kid who saw women as second-class citizens, who didn't know the world had passed them by. I wonder how many feminist would be willing to date a masculinist. 3
M30USA Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) Run away. Feminism isn't about equality. Maybe it was originally but now it's about superiority. It's about having all the benefits and rights that men have without any of the responsibilities and liabilities. If they wanted true equality, as they claim, ask them why men had to die in the Titanic while women and children got to live; or why women can slap or punch a man while men can't even verbally threaten a woman in response to getting hit. Edited July 6, 2014 by M30USA 3
dragon_fly_7 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) I think if you believe in equal rights and apply that in real life, then you don't have to nor need to call yourself a feminist to others. That term has been lately having a bad reputation. At some point we all have our feminine side, which some men might confuse it for traditional roles. For instance I'm not going to go out of my way trying to lift something that weights 100 lbs (when I obviously can't and will hurt myself) just to prove we've gained equality and are equal to men; now that's pathetic. Otherwise I can't imagine why a man would want to date a ''one of the guys'' or ''I can do anything a man can do'' type of woman. OP, if she's an assertive woman that knows what she wants and believes in equality without the need to broascast it, then I don't see a problem. Edited July 6, 2014 by dragon_fly_7
Glinda.Good Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Dating a feminist would be the same as dating any other woman you like, as long as you are fine with her freedom to choose to behave outside of societally defined gender roles, and her being supportive and possibly active or even passionate about women in general being accorded the same rights. I'd hope you would be more than fine with it - and actually admire it. Guys: Feminism is not a dirty word. Women are your equals as human beings. Men are our equals. Feminism was required to attain that. It's awesome. 6
Eggplant Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Meaning that he will still be expected to pay for everything. She will be "equal" only when it benefits her. The breadwinner does provide income, obviously. Her role may contribute something different, for example taking care of the children, cooking and cleaning the house, but it is an equally important role. I don't know what you mean.
Author Col1 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) As a single man I already do my own shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, sewing, etc. That doesn't change when I'm in a dating relationship. In the same regard, I shouldn't have to maintain her car just because it is a traditional male task. She can take her car into an auto mechanic. I think a feminist would embrace this self-responsibility philosophy better than a lady with traditional views. Edited July 6, 2014 by Col1 4
FitnessRN Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Run away. Feminism isn't about equality. Maybe it was originally but now it's about superiority. It's about having all the benefits and rights that men have without any of the responsibilities and liabilities. If they wanted true equality, as they claim, ask them why men had to die in the Titanic while women and children got to live; or why women can slap or punch a man while men can't even verbally threaten a woman in response to getting hit. Yes!!! RUN!!! Try dealing with the ones that are crazy nurses!!!
jay1983 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Yes!!! RUN!!! Try dealing with the ones that are crazy nurses!!! Oh man I know that type. Lol
M30USA Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 As a single man I already do my own shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, sewing, etc. That doesn't change when I'm in a dating relationship. In the same regard, I shouldn't have to maintain her car just because it is a traditional male task. She can take her car into an auto mechanic. I think a feminist would embrace this self-responsibility philosophy better than a lady with traditional views. You do make a good point. Both extremes are problematic. Feminism can be just as bad as rigid traditionalism.
firmness Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I'm a feminist under that definition. I called him early on & set up dates for which I paid. I said No when invited to do things that didn't interest me. I took him to sporting events because I was the bigger fan. I had stuff to do & commitments which I didn't ignore just because I was dating. I split the driving when we go places. I certainly never changed my opinion on the big issues simply to conform my beliefs to his & I expressed my opinions when we debated things. These things do not make you a feminist, it makes you a good partner and an awesome date who is adapting to changing social norms like the rest of us. Do not let anyone tell you different.
aussietigerwolf Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 ask them why men had to die in the Titanic while women and children got to live as this happened in 1912, over a hundred years ago btw... and was started by this It was the British troop ship Birkenhead that started it all in 1852, when it went down after hitting a rock near Cape Town, South Africa. Birkenhead was hardly a typical passenger ship. Those on board were almost all male and members of the military: 138 ship’s officers and crew and 480 army personnel, as well as approximately 20 women and children who were relatives of some of the officers. Many of the men had been drowned in their berths when the ship began to flood rapidly, but the rest managed to muster on deck and maintained military order while the woman and children were placed in two small cutters and a lifeboat. The ship hit the rocks again and immediately broke in two, its bow sinking rapidly and its stern following just a few minutes later after the order had been given to abandon ship. But some of the officers realized that swimming to the lifeboats would swamp them and endanger the women and children in them, and ordered the men to stand fast on deck as the ship went down. That’s the mental picture that captured the imagination of those who heard about it from the survivors. And hear they did; about 170 men survived to tell the tale, an astonishingly high number under the circumstances — which included sharks that had consumed many of the men as the women and children watched helplessly from the boats, and a swim of two miles to the nearest shore for those men the sharks had passed up. no evil feminist agenda there just men who wanted to save their families... however on the titanic it wasn't just men who died. in the lower classes on the ship most died without even being able to get to the deck and that includes women and children.
firmness Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) Dating a feminist would be the same as dating any other woman Guys: Feminism is not a dirty word. Women are your equals as human beings. Men are our equals. Feminism was required to attain that. It's awesome. Dating a feminist is NOT the same. This is like saying dating a Conservative is the same as dating a Liberal. Clearly not true. The basic values are vastly different. Not taking sides on this one, just pointing out a clear fallacy. Equality will never be achieved until women serve in the infantry (not just "combat roles") and are required to register for selective service. Also when women die in coal mining and other industrial accidents, and work as trash haulers in the same percentage as men (so on and so on, you get the idea) THAT is when we will be truly equals. Let me be clear - women and men deserve equal opportunity, dignity, human respect, accountability and responsibility as well. That is what equality looks like. One more thing. Please do not disrespect all the good non-feminist men who fought, died, voted, donated, marched and wrote the very laws that improved the lives of women in the US. To claim that it was all women and feminists making these changes is egregiously false. It plays well as a folk narrative and political propaganda, but not right. A lot of regular, plain old simple men did most of this work - spurred on by early feminists. To say otherwise is offensive and untrue. Edited July 7, 2014 by firmness Spelling and clarity
Grumpybutfun Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I dated and married a feminist and she is amazing. Feminism gave her the right to be a career woman and still be traditional in marriage and motherhood. Feminism doesn't dictate roles, or suggest women don't need men or make women superior but gives them the choice to have opportunities and choices equal to men. Just as I can still see a man who stays at home with the kids as equal to his career driven wife, I can see women who prefers traditional roles still desiring feminism because it gives them equality under the law, hopefully societal opinions will one day catch up. All of you who date hateful, mentally ill,or mean women, stop blaming feminism as there were always mean women around even in the olden days. Crazy fanaticism has little to do with women's movement of equality just as Men's Rights Activists has little to do with my voice. I'd rather them call themselves some men's rights activists because they are misogyniostic crazy a holes. I do not want them representing me or my sane, responsible male friends and colleagues. As fanatical feminists distort the fight for equality, men's rights do the same for us and our issues do not get heard. As for women who prefers to be equal and who likes to split date costs, chores, maintenance and childcare right down the middle with neither person taking a specific gender role, those women are called modern, not feminists. You don't have to be modern to be a feminist just as you can be a feminist and still prefer traditional roles. My wife and I prefer traditional in our own relationship yet we believe all women should have the choice to do or believe what they want without fear of misogyny or prejudice for their gender. I am a man and she is a woman and yet we can still be equal, just have different things we like to do or act like. I'm not going to become feminized anytime soon and she isn't going to become manly so we are happy in our lives. It really is about you finding someone who is compatible with you. We are both traditional in our roles yet we believe that men and women are equal, no one is superior to the other and both should never be told "no" based on their gender. I'm curious, why the question? Did you meet someone who called herself a feminist? Good luck, Grumps 7
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