Am i going on dates or more like Job Interviews? needed!

[Bcole]

LoveShackers I need all the dating experts advise please!

 

On first dates, I start feeling awkward as soon as the 30 questions start. I like things to flow naturally. The way it seemed to be back when i was 15 .

 

I'm going to be a cat lady if this is what dating in 20's 30's is like. I can't even deal.

 

How do i let my free spirit, Natural fun Personality, shine through when I'm a reserved person when meeting strangers. I struggle with everything i say and worry i said it the wrong way. This is not normal i know, but its making me a dating disaster. I feel as though these awesome men whom are interested in me, are going to get the wrong signals bc i suck at this dating world! Any words of advice? I know It seems as though I'm being dramatic, but this is exactly how it goes and exactly why I'm feeling ehh towards dating ever again.

[Tressugar]

Going on dates are just like going to a job interview. You see if the person is a good fit for you.

[ktya]

Three words.

 

Alcohol. Drink it.

 

Three more.

 

Coffee dates suck.

[ascendotum]

Three words.

 

Alcohol. Drink it.

 

Three more.

 

Coffee dates suck.

 

Uh-huh absolutely. Alcohol really helps deal with dates like this.

I've been on dates like the OP describes, and I hated as much as I guess the women in the OP's shoes. While they likely went away thinking that was boring, I went away thinking she was a bump on a log. I would always assume the woman had no interest in me, and I'm sure a number of the guys's meeting up with the OP think the same. Op -you say you are reserved and struggle to talk. I'm guessing this means the guy has to work to keep the conversation going. Chances are he is not adroidt at keeping conversation flowing naturally himself or is a little nervous, and when his date is passive in a conversation, some guys get more nervous and just blurt out another question simply to avoid awkward silences (which are worse even).

 

You need to take control of the conversation every now and then. The guys could be just the nervous as you and it shouldn't all fall on him to keep you entertained. In some of answers back, try and give more details for the guy to work with so he can try steer the conversation in other directions so its not simply about your stats and his stats. Likewise you can branch off the conversation. If he talks about cars, you can say something about how much you hate nascar or how much you love F1 and want to go to one one day, or something that went wrong recently with your car, or your friend recently bought a new alfa, or you nearly ran over a dog a few weeks back or what car you would love for your next one, or your dad used to own a 440 Charger or whatever to get it off you simply giving short replies back to his 'desperate to keep the conversation going' questions. Often branch off conversations lead to further branch off conversations, and it starts to get into relaxed territory.

Edited July 6, 2014 by ascendotum

[d0nnivain]

Toss the Qs back at the person or take them in a random direction. I used to ask 1st dates about how they felt about roller coasters. I like them. The answers also gave me insight into the person.

[Bcole]

Uh-huh absolutely. Alcohol really helps deal with dates like this.

I've been on dates like the OP describes, and I hated as much as I guess the women in the OP's shoes. While they likely went away thinking that was boring, I went away thinking she was a bump on a log. I would always assume the woman had no interest in me, and I'm sure a number of the guys's meeting up with the OP think the same. Op -you say you are reserved and struggle to talk. I'm guessing this means the guy has to work to keep the conversation going. Chances are he is not adroidt at keeping conversation flowing naturally himself or is a little nervous, and when his date is passive in a conversation, some guys get more nervous and just blurt out another question simply to avoid awkward silences (which are worse even).

 

You need to take control of the conversation every now and then. The guys could be just the nervous as you and it shouldn't all fall on him to keep you entertained. In some of answers back, try and give more details for the guy to work with so he can try steer the conversation in other directions so its not simply about your stats and his stats. Likewise you can branch off the conversation. If he talks about cars, you can say something about how much you hate nascar or how much you love F1 and want to go to one one day, or something that went wrong recently with your car, or your friend recently bought a new alfa, or you nearly ran over a dog a few weeks back or what car you would love for your next one, or your dad used to own a 440 Charger or whatever to get it off you simply giving short replies back to his 'desperate to keep the conversation going' questions. Often branch off conversations lead to further branch off conversations, and it starts to get into relaxed territory.

 

Not that I struggle to talk or keep conversation flowing, I struggle more with being myself and letting it flow naturally. I try to pretend that I'm having dinner with an old friend I haven't seen in years... Cannot fool myself though, so that lil trick doesn't work.