Does it sound like she lost interest or am I overreacting? How to proceed?

[BBR84]

So. I met a girl on Tinder a couple weeks back.

I'm a 31yo male and she's also 31.

 

First Date: Goes really well (great convo, lasts 4 hours, etc) she comes back to my house, we make out, she goes home. We end the date with a mutually stated desire to see one another again.

 

She makes first contact next day with a silly text. She initiates texts with me throughout the day and is super-quick to respond to my texts.

 

She initiates most or all texts throughout the next week, is super chatty, and responds immediately to all of mine. My responses are usually brief, light-hearted, and humorous to keep things light and brief.

 

Second Date: A week after the first date. We go to a poetry slam, go for a walk through a neighborhood, she leans into me the entire walk, we have good conversation, etc. I had picked her up, so on the way home, she flip flops a couple of times on coming back to my house. I don’t pressure her and she decides she wants to come to my place. We get there, talk some more, make out, and then fool around a bit. I had had some to drink and had ED which was frustrating, but she was sexually satisfied.

 

On my way taking her home, I ask her what her plans for the 4th of July are, she says she has none and then asks me what my plans are and looks at me almost as if she thought I was going to ask her to do something. I tell her I have plans and say maybe we can do something this weekend when I get back. We kiss a little more at her place, she gets out and we agree that we'll figure out the next date.

 

Day After Second Date:

I initiate text, she responds immediately but isn't nearly as chatty. I also notice that she had logged into OkCupid and Tinder right after I dropped her off (which I obviously did too), but she hadn't been logging in between dates 1 and 2...

 

Two Days After Second Date:

I call her Thursday evening (she's called me a couple times before and has implied she prefers phone to text) and say I'll be heading out of town in the AM, and suggest we could do something Saturday or Sunday night, and suggest she call me back if she wants to do something.

 

I don't hear back from her until next day, mid-morning and the paraphrased text basically says, "Hey Have fun on your trip. I went to a comedy show and then went out so couldn't call back!"

 

Given her communication precedent over the previous two weeks, her delayed response, lack of communication initiation, and no counter-offer suggest to me that she's lost interest.

 

My Questions

1. Does it sound to you all like she's lost interest?

*There could be any number of reasons why, but I'm wondering if the ED thing may have been it. This isn't the first time that's happened and it's been a non-issue up to this point.

 

2. Advice on how should I proceed? Should I text or call? Tonight, tomorrow, or in a few days? I was thinking of texting her tomorrow with something funny that happened on my trip and then ask if she wants to go to an event we've both talked about before. Or should I wait awhile?

 

I know I left out a lot of details but any ideas/objective advice on how to approach this would be very much appreciated. I'm getting better at dating, but still pretty terrible.

 

Potential red flags --

She's mentioned intense things to me on dates like she's in therapy, etc.

She also has expressed keen interest in the fact that I have a female roommate which I thought was weird since she lives with a dude.

She's called me "buddy" a couple times, saying, "we're just trying this out - we're just friends not" (I'm thinking, "Yeah, there'd be no need to say that if you didn't start so many serious conversations with me"). Once she pretended I called her "dude" (I didn't) and made such a big deal about it.

[ktya]

Shes dating other people. Keep grinding her.

 

The ED thing or the drinking may have given her cause for concern, you either have a bona fide medical issue or your pretty wasted which might be too much to drink so early in dating. She made out with you on the first date and jumped in the sack with you so she obviously wants to bang you.

 

Next date dont drink so much and make sure you perform.

 

Might not be the alcohol too. I find sometimes first time with a new girl he doesnt jump to attention the way i want him to. BJs help and if your having issues i find women dont mind helping out for their own benefit.

 

If she was BJing you and you couldnt get it up you were either right hammered or you should talk to a doctor.

[BBR84]

Shes dating other people. Keep grinding her.

I agree.

In your opinion...How soon should I contact her and what do you think I should suggest for a third date? And. Should I call or text? Our first two dates were light and fun. Would a nice dinner be too intense? I was also thinking about going to this cool thing we're both interested in, though it's really light.

 

 

As for the ED thing, there was no BJing that night. I ejaculated prematurely and then had trouble. Frustrating and embarrassing, yes. I think (hope) it was the combo of new girl and alcohol but I may also talk to a doc.

 

Also agreed about too much booze on the date.

[ktya]

I agree.

In your opinion...How soon should I contact her and what do you think I should suggest for a third date? And. Should I call or text? Our first two dates were light and fun. Would a nice dinner be too intense? I was also thinking about going to this cool thing we're both interested in, though it's really light.

 

 

As for the ED thing, there was no BJing that night. I ejaculated prematurely and then had trouble. Frustrating and embarrassing, yes. I think (hope) it was the combo of new girl and alcohol but I may also talk to a doc.

 

Also agreed about too much booze on the date.

 

Contact her by phone and try to set another date as quickly as possible. Focus on the meeting, pretend like the ED never happened. Blowing off after a long heavy makeout session then not being able to get it back up is entirely a different thing than if you couldnt make him rise in the first place, she will understand.

 

As long as it isnt a regular occurrence, women are usually flattered when you blow out quick. They take it as that you do t find them attractive if you cant get it up in the first place.

 

Next date, spank that monkey good first thing in the morning of the date. Dont do it right before the date as that could give you other problems. Dont drink so much and give that girl the pounding of a lifetime. Switch positions regularly as that helps you last longer too. Pound her missionary, sideways, legs up. Save doggy and her on top for when you think youve done your job well amd its time to blow.

 

You may try using the extra thick condoms that gay men use for anal sex to reduce the intensity. Be sure to keep a thin one handy if you find your going and going but never getting there. Girls hate it when you dont get off too. That happens to me about 1/4 times, side effect of stamina.

[BBR84]

Contact her by phone and try to set another date as quickly as possible. Focus on the meeting, pretend like the ED never happened. Blowing off after a long heavy makeout session then not being able to get it back up is entirely a different thing than if you couldnt make him rise in the first place, she will understand.

 

So you mean call her? I just got back tonight and feel like it would be weird to call her up on a Saturday night. I'm thinking I'll call her mid-morning tomorrow and see if she wants to go to that event we both frequent tomorrow night. I think the short-notice would be okay because I had called her Thursday night already.

[Assasda]

It all sounds fine.

 

The only way the ED thing bothered her, is if you make it bother YOU.

Take it from me.

 

Chicks spew wild complicated **** sometimes that dont make any sense, to test you. What you need to do is not make it faze you. Be indifferent to any confusing or provoking bull**** she days.

 

I think you can call her, only if you wanna set up another date.

I Personally think youre all good

[kolleamm]

Hmm, and all of this started after sex? Maybe it was the ED that possibly turned her off, just saying, your guess is as good as mine. I would recommend that if you get anymore BS from her to start dating other people automatically and not waste your time waiting for her to come around. The more people you meet the better your chances are of finding someone decent.

[wiser2]

"On my way taking her home, I ask her what her plans for the 4th of July are, she says she has none and then asks me what my plans are and looks at me almost as if she thought I was going to ask her to do something. I tell her I have plans and say maybe we can do something this weekend when I get back. We kiss a little more at her place, she gets out and we agree that we'll figure out the next date.

Day After Second Date:

I initiate text, she responds immediately but isn't nearly as chatty. I also notice that she had logged into OkCupid and Tinder right after I dropped her off (which I obviously did too), but she hadn't been logging in between dates 1 and 2... "

 

My take (as a woman) is that you are so consumed with thinking with/about your dick that you missed the obvious, She was showing you she liked you and giving you affection and hoped you felt the same way. She felt blown off and as if you probably had something else going on with someone on the 4th and it made her feel less significant than she would have liked/hoped to feel.

 

If a man got naked with me, asked me about my holiday plans and then told me "I have plans" with the implication that he'd fit me in around them, I would assume I was not a priority/he had another relationship and dial it waaaayyyy back and start looking at my other options, too. This triggered me even from long ago and far away.

 

If you want to salvage this, you need to find a way to undo this damage. Perhaps, invite her on a really nice date and provide a clear and clean explanation that you had made the plans with your friends before you 2 had met but you would have loved to have spent the 4th with her? (If true.) I believe she texted you about having a good time without you because she wanted to regain some power in light of the slight she felt from you. She also wants you to call rather than text because it demonstrates good manners and interest. For many men, texting = lazy communication. After trust is established it can be just fine but in early days, if I'm unsure of a man's level of interest, I'm not going to further invest myself.

[BBR84]

My take (as a woman) is that you are so consumed with thinking with/about your dick that you missed the obvious, She was showing you she liked you and giving you affection and hoped you felt the same way. She felt blown off and as if you probably had something else going on with someone on the 4th and it made her feel less significant than she would have liked/hoped to feel.

 

Thanks for your honest insight. I saw it as making conversation and can see how she could have taken it another way. I did mention (though not delve into) that it was a camping trip with a group of my friends and had been planned.

 

If a man got naked with me, asked me about my holiday plans and then told me "I have plans" with the implication that he'd fit me in around them, I would assume I was not a priority/he had another relationship and dial it waaaayyyy back and start looking at my other options, too. This triggered me even from long ago and far away.

I understand your position.

I don't think it's healthy to make someone a priority after just two dates - especially if there's already been expressed interest to just take it slow. I honestly think like that would appear quite desperate to cancel 4th plans to hang out with a girl I barely know.

 

If you want to salvage this, you need to find a way to undo this damage. Perhaps, invite her on a really nice date and provide a clear and clean explanation that you had made the plans with your friends before you 2 had met but you would have loved to have spent the 4th with her? (If true.) I believe she texted you about having a good time without you because she wanted to regain some power in light of the slight she felt from you. She also wants you to call rather than text because it demonstrates good manners and interest. For many men, texting = lazy communication. After trust is established it can be just fine but in early days, if I'm unsure of a man's level of interest, I'm not going to further invest myself.

Thanks again for the great insight.

I'll definitely call her tomorrow and ask her to dinner and a movie tomorrow night - do you think that's too short of notice even though I mentioned in my voicemail to her on Thursday doing something Sat or Sun night?

 

Just out of curiosity, how old are you wiser2? I'm 31 in an urban environment and texting seems to be the norm. That said, this girl has called me a couple of times already so apparently she is comfortable with it.

[ktya]

So you mean call her? I just got back tonight and feel like it would be weird to call her up on a Saturday night. I'm thinking I'll call her mid-morning tomorrow and see if she wants to go to that event we both frequent tomorrow night. I think the short-notice would be okay because I had called her Thursday night already.

 

God man. Saturday for a chick youve already in the sack is perfect. Hope you took my advice and did the whole, "lets meet up, tonight" thing

[BBR84]

She and I went out last night. Cocktail lounge then a higher-end dinner.

 

It went really well, but there were a few instances where she was saying and doing weird **** that left me with mixed thoughts. Her dog did get majorly sick during the date (she got calls/texts from her roommates) but that doesn't warrant some of the weird **** she pulled...

 

For example:

Acting like she was being funny, she pulled out her phone and asked me to pull out mine so we could start playing Tinder -- at the f*cking dinner?! I said no I'm good and she proceeds to start swiping left (and showing me).

 

I think (no idea) she did this because on our first date, I came back from the bathroom and she was on her phone texting and I jokingly said, "Tindering on a Tinder date? I've done it before too, don't be embarrassed!" That took her aback and she didn't seem to think it was that funny...

 

She also heavily inquired about the camping trip (sleeping situation, who went, how many guys/girls, etc.) I went on as if it were her business whether or not I was with another girl.

 

Her dog got sick while we were on the date (she showed me all the texts from her roommates) so that was a noticeable distraction (she had to call an emergency vet, etc) but all in all we had a lot of good, more serious discussion. I told her it was totally cool if she needed to go home to deal with her dog and she said no she wanted to stay but would definitely need to go home right after dinner. Took her home and - long story short - she asked if she could bring her dog over to my house so she could "hang out" a little more. She told me that if she came over she couldn't have sex because she was on her period.

 

We didn't have sex, but we fooled around a good bit - I'm not so sure about the sexual chemistry. I'm definitely turned on by her, but I'm honestly not sure how sexually experienced she is. Despite her sick dog vomiting in my room multiple times, I didn't have ED this time - quite the opposite - she couldn't get make me orgasm. She wouldn't go down on me (said it was too early) and obviously I didn't on her - her HJ's are definitely the worst I've ever had. She either did or acted like she orgasm'ed twice.

 

On the positives, we had a lot of good, fun, funny discussion. She thanked me multiple times for dinner/drinks, offered to split half and even suggested we just order one entree and split it. She texted me again this AM and thanked me.

 

There was some other weird **** that happened that maybe I'll post about if this thing goes any further...

[BBR84]

Also. She initiated texting conversations with me twice today, called once, AND dropped by my house. I like her I think, but that's pretty intense after 3 dates and a conversation that we're far from being exclusive...

[babycakees]

This girl is a weirdo. Plain and simple. I would be appalled if someone got on a dating app while I was on a date with them!

[Divasu]

You're contradicting yourself. You came on here because you believed she was losing interest, but when she does show interest, it's too intense for you.

 

Sounds like a lot of mixed signals, on both ends.

[BBR84]

You're contradicting yourself. You came on here because you believed she was losing interest, but when she does show interest, it's too intense for you.

 

Sounds like a lot of mixed signals, on both ends.

 

You're sort of right...but not completely. I was initially wondering about her lost interest because of my behavior (the 4th of July accidental fake-out -- see above). Her interest in me now is cool, but it's not healthy in that quantity especially since we both agreed to just take it slow and do our own thing for the most part and keep hanging out and getting to know one another. I'll say something about it to her, if it continues.

[Divasu]

You're sort of right...but not completely.

 

This would mean then that I am 50% right/50% wrong.

 

I was initially wondering about her lost interest because of my behavior (the 4th of July accidental fake-out -- see above). Her interest in me now is cool, but it's not healthy in that quantity especially since we both agreed to just take it slow and do our own thing for the most part and keep hanging out and getting to know one another. I'll say something about it to her, if it continues.

 

Yes, I saw that. I could point out a lot of mixed signals both of you are sending but it would take too long. I hear what you're saying though.

[BBR84]

Yes, I saw that. I could point out a lot of mixed signals both of you are sending but it would take too long. I hear what you're saying though.

 

I'll pay you $50 if you point them all out

 

we'll see what happens