ImThinkingWTF Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Me and my exbf broke up last week.....well more like he dumped me. We were in a longish distance relationship and that was creating a lot of tension between us and causing us to argue a lot more than either could deal with. When he broke up with me he was crying just as much as i was and said it wasnt the fact that he doesnt love me anymore because he does but that weve gotten into a cycle of arguing that he doesnt think will change. he wanted to remain friends and i said i would like that but need some time to heal. I am in no way shape or form over him and i am still very much in love with him and i do not want this.... so i went no contact. In the past week he has liked every picture i have posted on instagram and sent me two text messages.... one a few days after our breakup about the world cup and one today about a new job hes starting. My question is how should i respond if at all? Like I said before I love him very much and not having him in my life has been one of the most difficult things to deal with. 1
noskilljustluck Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Me and my exbf broke up last week.....well more like he dumped me. We were in a longish distance relationship and that was creating a lot of tension between us and causing us to argue a lot more than either could deal with. When he broke up with me he was crying just as much as i was and said it wasnt the fact that he doesnt love me anymore because he does but that weve gotten into a cycle of arguing that he doesnt think will change. he wanted to remain friends and i said i would like that but need some time to heal. I am in no way shape or form over him and i am still very much in love with him and i do not want this.... so i went no contact. In the past week he has liked every picture i have posted on instagram and sent me two text messages.... one a few days after our breakup about the world cup and one today about a new job hes starting. My question is how should i respond if at all? Like I said before I love him very much and not having him in my life has been one of the most difficult things to deal with. I have a few questions. did you two try communicating better to get out of the rut of arguments? how long have you been in this relationship? how long has this ldr been going on and did you two plan meets in between? If he hasnt respected your NC for a while deal, he clearly regrets and wants to get back. Cause he knows, after your NC is over, you will act like friends However, I say, goad his reactions if you do choose to reply to him now. Be straight on, no need to hold back. Because after a break up if one partner chooses to break NC, then the other should ask a simple question to get an answer for all. " What made you message me?" 1
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks for responding.... did you two try communicating better to get out of the rut of arguments? Not really....we just kept arguing about the same meaningless crap. And I know that I should have tried harder but I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship prior to this one so arguing almost became the norm for me though this was way less intense. how long have you been in this relationship? how long has this ldr been going on and did you two plan meets in between? we started talking a few years ago but never really took it farther than flirty friendship then in October we got serious.
noskilljustluck Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks for responding.... did you two try communicating better to get out of the rut of arguments? Not really....we just kept arguing about the same meaningless crap. And I know that I should have tried harder but I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship prior to this one so arguing almost became the norm for me though this was way less intense. how long have you been in this relationship? how long has this ldr been going on and did you two plan meets in between? we started talking a few years ago but never really took it farther than flirty friendship then in October we got serious. Not just you, both of you should have tried to communicate, in order to eradicate the cause of tension. Anyhow, learn from this and dont repeat it. Well, as soon as you learn of his motive after goading his response, be sure to try this positive communication tactic in case if you want to get back. Goodluck.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 I have actually started therapy so that I can get over my past abusive relationship and re learn effective communication. I'm really trying to be a better person as this has opened my eyes a lot to how I was behaving. My ex knows about this and is supportive abd feels it will be good for me. I just feel as though his communicating with me is more for him instead of me. Using me as a crutch to get over me. I still haven't replied to the message as I'm honestly scared that when I do it will be awhile before another one comes. Help
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Unless the message was along the lines of I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I want to get back together. There is nothing to respond to
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Does every dumper that wants reconciliation come right out and say that? I definitely don't think that's what he wants, at least not right now. But how much does being friends ruin the chance for getting back together? Especially if he still Loves me....
noskilljustluck Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Does every dumper that wants reconciliation come right out and say that? I definitely don't think that's what he wants, at least not right now. But how much does being friends ruin the chance for getting back together? Especially if he still Loves me.... No, very few say that. Only those say it who are mature and serious. I doubt yours will ever say that, its what a person says when they want to get back in the relationship from the very first rebellion against NC. You know, you can either wait and climb the steps gradually. Or, just be curt to save you slow pain by saying " I dont want to be friends, either we go back to the relationship or we dont." However, again, things like these are said before the 'breakup' point begins.
noskilljustluck Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I have actually started therapy so that I can get over my past abusive relationship and re learn effective communication. I'm really trying to be a better person as this has opened my eyes a lot to how I was behaving. My ex knows about this and is supportive abd feels it will be good for me. I just feel as though his communicating with me is more for him instead of me. Using me as a crutch to get over me. I still haven't replied to the message as I'm honestly scared that when I do it will be awhile before another one comes. Help Hm, if you have the slightest doubt of him using you as a crutch, then avoid him like bane. Sometimes, no, most of the time, gut feels are true. Im not talking about paranoia. Youve been friends with him for a long time, thats probably why he's messaging you cause he wants his friend back, not his lover.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Does every dumper that wants reconciliation come right out and say that? I definitely don't think that's what he wants, at least not right now. But how much does being friends ruin the chance for getting back together? Especially if he still Loves me.... Almost every successful reconciliation I know of has involved the dumper saying exactly that. So yes, it does happen. And getting in the "friend zone" with an ex boyfriend who dumped you is one of the worst ideas on the planet. 2
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 LDRs suck ass. He broke up with you because he realized that this arrangement isn't working for him. It gets to a point where being with someone you can't be with is way too painful to continue. Yes he still loves you, but if you both can't be together physically, it's a waste of time, and you should both just let go.
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