Whore house

[justme345]

This is my first post. I feel like I am alone because I can't tell anyone that my husband of seven years went to a whore house. He was with a buddy who is currently going through a separation. They went out drinking one night which I was ok with (I trusted my husband, I told him to have fun and be there for his buddy). They ended up going to a strip club (which I don't mind as long as he tells me before hand) and then wandered down the street to a local well known whore house. He came home at 5 am that morning and I never questioned him. I trusted him and had trust that if anything happened he would tell me. Two months pass and I get a call from his buddy's wife who I was fairly good friends with who told me my husband went to a who're house with her husband that night they went out and that her husband paid for my husbands whore. I was in shock. My husband was at work and it was unfortunately my birthday when I found all this out. I texted him and told him everything I heard. He raced home and told me he did go with his buddy, but he stayed in the lobby while his buddy paid for sex. I asked him why? Why couldn't he of told me this the morning after he went out with his buddy? Why did I find out from another person two months after the incident? He said he was scared in how I would react. But he swears nothing happened. I want to believe him but I don't. I checked our bank statements and everything looked fine. I asked for my friends husband statements and she said she didn't have access to them. I ended up going and talking to a priest for advice and I made him go and talk to him separately. It's been a month and I have my days where we are good and in love again, but then I have days where I hate him and just want to leave. We don't fight about it bc we have two small children and they don't deserve seeing mommy and daddy fight. I normally just cry to myself. I have only told my sister about this but will not tell anyone else in fear of them judging my husband. I don't know what to do. I want marriage counseling but he has put it off. Previous to this incident we have had a great marriage. We married very young at 19 & 20. He is in the military I have a job as well. I want to work it out but my heart is very heavy and don't know if I can fully let my guard down or trust him. Another thing I think is important to include is that early in our marriage he was on a short deployment and his battle buddy went to a whore house he told me right away and said he sat on the steps outside. I believed him. Now,I don't know what to believe. He also said he went in because he was really drunk and being stupid (the incident that just recently happened). I told him he should of gotten a taxi and came home. I just don't get why as being drunk is no excuse. We were not fighting prior to him going out, I am not a bad wife, I stay in shape and enjoy sex. I am so confused. Please help me understand this.

[silvermercy]

They ended up going to a strip club (which I don't mind as long as he tells me before hand) \

 

I trusted him

 

I believed him.

 

 

I'm really sorry you're in this position. The thing is you wouldn't even have been in this position in the first place if it's wasn't for the bolded parts in your post.

 

So he swears nothing happened. But he was also scared how you would react. And you believe him!? Just why would he be scared? He obviously has a very open-minded wife, so being afraid like that doesn't even make sense. His excuse is ****. I would never accept that. What's next? "I'm sorry wife, I didn't tell you I was cheating because it would hurt your feelings".

 

Also, why are you protecting him by not telling anyone? It's his own doing. He should be ashamed for putting you in this position in the first place! You are now simply enabling him to carry on as usual in the future.

 

Also, I bet my bottom dollar this was not the first time he visited a prostitute. It's just the first time you heard about it. Actually, if it wasn't for the other woman you would still be in the dark. Now think seriously about making him take a lie-detector test. You don't even have to take it in the end, just his reaction on the way there may speak volumes. And you'll know. Don't accept any lies and don't accept any more of this.

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SmartDude]

I was recently reading an article that detailed how marriages fail.

 

One of the reasons, which really shocked me is that divorces can be contagious! As I kept reading it made sense. People who are recently divorced and newly single are not always the best friends to be going out with to bars.

 

Their views on marriage as an institution will be jaded at best.

So a recently divorced buddy taking a guy to a strip club is a loaded gun...

 

Sex workers have a long and rich history of providing comfort to soldiers. There is nothing new to that story.

[Leelou]

I know it's a good idea to trust your spouse, however, now that you know that your husband lied by omission, you just cannot trust what he left out, and what he might now be lying about.

 

One thing is for sure -- if he felt it was okay to go into the whorehouse, once faced with that type of temptation, if he did engage in sex there, he is not going to tell you now.

 

You need to fully investigate. Usually a wandering spouse will come clean after being pushed for a while... you have to keep pushing to get at the truth. It's clear he was covering something up. Now you cannot continue to believe him and trust him, since his actions were inappropriate, and his cover up would also be consistent with having done something he shouldn't have.

 

If you allow this to be swept under the rug by ignoring him and giving him the benefit of the doubt, he will learn a lesson -- that he can do that and get away with it!

The fact that he lied by omission and got away with it is not something you should reward him with.

 

Bottom line; make him pay or else next time he will repeat and know he can get away with anything, by waiting it out. You lose.

[jellybean89]

I guess I am not seeing what the deal is...this was 2 months ago. You checked, no abnormal changes in bank statements.

 

You have 2 choices - believe him or not.

 

You say you have days where you hate him; and then say you don't fight??? How does that work? You do know that kids DO need to learn about 'fighting' and compromise and working through issues right? I don't know any parents who have 'never' fought in front of their kids?? I am assuming there is a lot of tension in your house - and your children are living with that tension -- even if you aren't 'fighting'.

 

This was 2 months ago... while I get you can be upset about it; I don't think it is worth divorcing over. ESPECIALLY since you have ZERO proof that he was with one of the women.

 

Please do not call it a "wh*re" house.... the women are earning a living, possibly trying to support their children. You may not like their profession, and that's your right, but I think it is wrong to call it a "wh*re" house.

[jjsk]

I understand how you feel but your husband may be telling the truth. I visited a single friend a while ago in another country and we went on a "whore house" tour with him. I waited in the lobby while he did his thing. there was a temptation but I did not hire a woman because I was married and valued my relationship.

[Oberfeldwebel]

We all make mistakes in life and I believe that most relationships can be saved. However, your husband has never full acknowledged his wrongdoing. His failure to openly embrace your desire for counseling is very telling and leads me to believe he has been less than truthful. If you sweep this problem under the rug, you will be opening yourself up to a repeat performance in some form.

 

I think that he needs to be exposed to both your and his family. Hopefully, they be able to convince him that this is a serious issue and must be dealt with right away. Personally, I feel it prudent that he be tested for STD and if you have had unprotected sex, you need to be tested as well. If none of these events moves him, then I would consult an attorney. You don't have to file, but he needs to know you are serious and you need to know your rights.

[William]

Another one post wonder who disappeared minutes after posting. Thread closed.