cmack90 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I have been seeing a girl recently who is still legally married, and has a child. The two of us work together. The last 2 weeks I have been working overnights and have been coming in to spend about 1-2 hrs with her before going home and going to sleep for the day. I arrive at her apartment about 4:30-6:30 am depending on when I get off. Obviously she is separated. She is willing to let me keep a key to her apartment. I feel like this could really backfire if we quit seeing each other. Is this a bad idea?
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Giving someone a key to your place is a big step, no question. I only did that once, and it was for the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. That's how serious about him that I was when I decided I was going to do it. He and I never lived together, he lived nearby (not quite walking distance but close enough), and I said he could come and go as he liked, but he never came by unless I was there. Would I do it again? I'm not sure. We never lived together, there was never any talk from either one of us about living together, but that is a bit of an in between step. I've never been with one who warranted a key to my place. My next LTR was long distance, and my last LTR lasted six months, and I don't think that's long enough time to give someone a key to one's place or not. Your situation sounds different than mine, but I'm not sure if I would ever let someone have a key to my place unless I was DEAD serious about him.
Author cmack90 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 Shes only 23 and Im 22. We just met this summer. I feel like the situation has some serious red flags.
writergal Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Yes it is a bad idea. She's separated right now. That's a red flag right there for obvious reasons. If you already sense other multiple red flags with this new relationship then don't add another one (taking a key to her apartment). Politely decline the apartment key for now. It's obviously that's what your gut's telling you to do, so you should follow your gut. 1
ASG Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 If you think it's a bad idea, then don't take it. However, my one experience with being given a key is actually quite nice. My ex gave me the keys to his apartment about 2/3 weeks after we started seeing each other. It was ridiculously early, for sure, but he was sure about it, so I took them. It was fine! I never went to his place unless he was there (or at least knew I was coming over - sometimes I would go feed the cat) and even when we broke up, it wasn't a problem. In fact, I still have the keys to his house, even though he's now renting it out, due to being out of the country. I wanted to give them back, but he insisted I keep them and it ended up being convenient that I did, even after the break up (which was mutual, even if still painful) 1
Assasda Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 If you quit seeing each other, just give her, her key back. Is there something that I am missing here? 1
todreaminblue Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 to me giving a key is a real sign of trust ...i dont give keys out unless i really trust someone...it is a big step......deb
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 If you don't want to accept it, don't. I think with a kid she's crazy to give out keys but this is her choice to offer. 6
FitnessRN Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Don't take a key to her apartment. You aren't paying rent.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I have never given a key to my place to a guy. I can remember being given a key by 3 guys. It was always for practical reasons, like they went on a trip and wanted me to water their plants but then they never asked for the key back....in fact I still have all their keys now Some people are easy going like that. Others like me would need to be certain and very serious about someone. Sort of like how some people are easy going with meeting their families while for others it's a big step.
HappyLove Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Don't take the key. Your gut is already telling you not to. This isn't a single young woman giving you a key. This is a married woman with a child, all kinds of crazy could happen between her and the ex and you have a key...no, it's too messy already. Very irresponsible of her to give a man she's only known for a short time the key to her house where her young child is. 1
writergal Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Don't take the key. Your gut is already telling you not to. This isn't a single young woman giving you a key. This is a married woman with a child, all kinds of crazy could happen between her and the ex and you have a key...no, it's too messy already. Very irresponsible of her to give a man she's only known for a short time the key to her house where her young child is. Agree 100% with you HappyLove. And as ES and Deb have said, giving someone a key is a sign of trust and requires serious thought and consideration. This woman is too trusting and naïve to hand out her apartment keys to guys she barely knows. If she were divorced or single with a child, and you two had dated for a few months or longer, and had discussed the key exchange together, then it would make more sense. But even you know it's not a good idea, so please just follow your gut on this one. 1
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 If you quit seeing each other, just give her, her key back. Is there something that I am missing here? Seriously, I was thinking the same thing.
PegNosePete Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Yeah, whats wrong with accepting her key? Unless she is expecting you to reciprocate, in which case the answer would be hell no. But she is the one making the offer. If you want to accept, accept. It is not HER asking for advice here (in which case I'd agree, don't give out your key so soon), but him asking whether he should accept it or not. Why not?
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