Dating for 2 months (like bf/gf)...girl suddenly changed in the last week?

July 5, 2014

Hi,

So ive been seeing a girl i met off Tinder (dating/hookup app) 3 months ago. Officially been seeing each other 2 months. I am 27 she is 23 and both professionals, but have a fast social life living in London, UK. I will breakdown the 'relationship' period below.

Month 1

We went on our first date after meeting on Tinder 2 months ago. We both clicked, worked out really well. Lasted for 7 hours and she made the first move...rest was history. We began to see each other 2-3 times a week. Some dates out in London treating her well, some dates just chilling, so a good balance. I slept with her in the 2 or 3rd week and she became more attached. Worried i was only around for sex. 90% of contact would be initiated by her, good mornings, afternoons, calls, emails, where are you? etc. Slightly need, but not too much. Towards the 4th week she asked if i was still seeing people on Tinder, i said no, but i didnt feel the need to delete the app. She wasn't convinced and told me she had a sleepless night etc. i told her not to worry and to just relax. She would also get upset that i would have to leave late at night after having sex (due to work in the morning) Continued seeing each other as per the above. Even discussed going away and planned to in the upcoming weeks.

Month 2

By now she had met alot of my friends, i met her friends. She had told her family about me, giving me signals that i could see her family soon, but tried to play it cool knowing that i was very laid back and didnt want to take things fast. We were now sleeping with eachother, hanging out, going out, knew eachother friends etc, so pretty much acting like GF/BF. About 6 weeks in, she became ill, was feeling sorry for herself and was also moving homes from an all girl house to a mix gender house (with friends). I treated her to something small (not expensive) she lost several rings and i bought a couple to replace them. She loved it and told me that if i asked her to be my girlfriend she would say yes. i replied no, i dont think its the right time, lets carry on as we are...we kind laughed it off and was fine, but didnt really talk about it. She moved into the new house and obviously was making time for new housemates as needed, but still made sure she saw met etc. She declared several times house happy i make her and always showed her attraction physically. During this time we began emailing at work meaning we were in contact throughout our working day...which i felt was going to be a problem as it could get boring, but was worried that i had to show more genuine interest if i wanted to take it to the next step. We didnt end up going away due to her financial situation and the move. We agreed and not an issue.

TURNING POINT......

Last 10 days.

I went for dinner with her and a friend she wanted me to meet. We eating drinking and as she was talking to her friend (me listening) she said her EX texted her saying 'i hear you have a boyfriend'. I became angry as i felt slightly dis-respected. I walked away to the toilet and as i came back i could see them both talking closely and she looked up at me in a way she sensed i was angry and smiled in an apologetic way and began comforting me physically as i sat down next to her (stroking my leg etc) She then went to the toilet and her friend began talking telling me that she hasnt seen her this happy in a long time. I though OK great, didnt say much.

As i was driving her home i made a very short comment and said 'im not accusing you, but want to make it very clear that im not that into the whole ex bf topic and the way you just brought that up'. She said she knew it was wrong and apologised to me. I dropped her home and in the morning i get a text with a love heart etc. As on many occasion i didnt reply instantly, but did after a few hours.

2 days later the weekend arrived and we spent friday and saturday together. I treated her to afternoon tea on saturday and she loved it and our bond was like always...like a couple. i left on saturday night around 8pm to go out with friends for some dinner. i get a message from her late night asking me to pick her up from her friends and go round to hers and stay with her. So i did. i wake up sunday morning have sex, but have to leave for football. She seemed a bit off, i guess leaving after sex doesnt work for her as i already experienced. This was out last contact until the next day.

This brings us to Monday (this week). She texts me in the morning asking how my day went (as normal she initiates) then we begin emailing at work. Everything normal, high interest, kisses, caring emails....then suddently at 3pm i didnt get a response. Didnt ever bother me until i logged onto Tinder and saw she was active and was active a few times in an hour. So she hadnt emailed me, but was active on Tinder. Slightly annoying. i left it and texted her 4 hours later asking if she got my email. She said she did but was so 'busy'. We were trying to arrange dinner for midweek, but i knew she was heading back into gym routine so it made it difficult. I was still very annoyed she was active on Tinder. I though best thing to do here is tell her that 'we need to have a quick chat about us'. She said she was tied up all week or else would change plans to see me. i told her we can wait till friday then (we arranged to meet friday).

Tuesday - she texted me in the morning saying .sorry i was half asleep last night and asked if everything was ok? x' i emailed her and said its nothing to worry about, but we need a chat. We had no contact during the day until about 3pm when she texted me saying she might be able to see me tonight and change plans. Didnt work out and we didnt meet up. She called me later i missed call as i was out and then called back, but she was asleep.

Wednesday - She text me in the moring saying sorry that she was asleep. i texted back saying it werent an issue. We began texting. I had a job interview that day and she bagan showing interest as she always would. She wished me luck etc. I was near her office and she told me to come meet for lunch if i could as she wants to see me. i said ok we could. Again last minute plans changed and said she could make it due to her boss being awful. We emailed a few times and that was it.

Thursday - She emails me in the morning apologising for being so crap this week and that she works goes gym, goes home, chills and ends up falling asleep. Keeps saying sorry, calling my by my pet name as always and sends me loads of kisses. I was pretty chilled, blunt...didnt show i was affected by it. She replied again apologising and said she would call me at lunch. i said ok. we spoke at lunch and talked about our plans tomorrow. i was surprising her taking her to the London shart (champagne bar top of skyscraper) - she always wanted go. She had quite a rant on the phone about her work and told me that we dont need to go anywhere expensive all the time as she feels really bad she cant do anything for me right now (due to her move and finance).

i then receive emails from her in the office apologising for the rant on the phone and for being so down and that she is super excited to see me tomorrow and cant wait, but just simply doesnt want me spending and that we can have fun together anyway. she then said she was honestly worried what i wanted to talk to her about. Not the first time she aksed, but again i kept telling her its not approiate over the phone or email and that face to face is better. She jumped the gun and told me she was worried that i was going to ask her into a full blown relationship. i told her i wasnt going to ask that. She told me she had drinks with the office and to meet her around 7 and we can continue with her plans. Sounded excited and showed her happiness.

WHAT I WANT TO SPEAK TO HER ABOUT - Deleting tinder and carrying on as we are seeing eachother, allowing us to take steps in the relationship. We both still have Tinder and are active. Tinder is like instagram or fb, but obviously has the risk you could chat to someone else.

Friday - no contact between eachother untill 2pm when i texted her saying 'all good for 7pm'. She then come back saying 'would be better if we went home and had a chat first' i told her no and to just stay in town so we dont wast time. she then said replied 'ahhh im so busy, but want to speak to you'. i then replied and told her it sounded like she wasnt up for tonight, so lets cancel, but we need to chat sooner than later. She agreed and said we doo need the chat baby. She said 'Yea can we cancel tonight and get together when we can actually see eachother properly. i said 'yea lets cancel'. Left it at that.

NOTE: I check Tinder shortly after and she is no longer in my 'matched list'. Meaning she has either deleted Tinder app, or she has blocked me so i can see if shes active.

Conclusion:

1) She was the one putting pressure on us in the first 6 weeks about how much i care, being her bf etc.

2) We spoke about the future (lightly)..mainly going away here and there etc.

3) She obviously trying to make me jealous and see my reaction to bring her ex bf up

4) This week is the first time she has been on and off with communicating, but when she does communicate she goes back into her normal self sending me kisses, calling me baby, my pet name being caring etc.

5) She knows she been crap in meeting me and has apologised several times. Almost making sure i dont walk away and just blank her.

6) She wants to know what i want to talk to her about and was eager. She find out towards the end of the week that 'i wasnt going to ask her to be in full blown relationship' and then she cancels our meeting on friday last minute to be with her office crowd.

7) She is ACTIVE on tinder, but has either deleted app or removed me from her list.

Not a great week. I havent lost my cool and wont and i am sitting back and chilling, but ofcorse angry. Once we chat we can clear the air.

Having given all the info, I wanted to know everyones thoughts on this?

Much appreciated. Thanks

July 5, 2014

She said she wanted to be your girlfriend, she let you know how much she was into you, and you said no. You were having sex with her, spending time with her like a gf/bf and yet you avoided being her boyfriend. Why?

She put her feelings on the line, and in return it sounds like you told her you wanted to keep your options open. So she's doing the same, back on tinder.

Well you asked for it, what are you annoyed about?

July 5, 2014

@mr_dave Thanks for the response.

I understand what you're saying, but i had my reasons. Yes we are acting like bf/gf, but we are still getting to know eachother. I understand she could be doing the same now, but surely my actions recently of taking her out, giving her a gift during a time when she felt down, shows that i care?

What do you think her reaction will be to me talking to her about deleting tinder and taking next steps? (not full blown relationship as this is not what i want and she has made it clear thats not what she wants).

July 5, 2014

@mr_dave Thanks for the response.

I understand what you're saying, but i had my reasons. Yes we are acting like bf/gf, but we are still getting to know eachother. I understand she could be doing the same now, but surely my actions recently of taking her out, giving her a gift during a time when she felt down, shows that i care?

What do you think her reaction will be to me talking to her about deleting tinder and taking next steps? (not full blown relationship as this is not what i want and she has made it clear thats not what she wants).

You're welcome.

It all seems a little big vague though and I'm not sure I follow exactly.

Is it possible she says she doesn't want a full blown relationship to save face after you rejected her as a GF?

I'm guessing you really like her but want to take things slowly, carrying on dating her exclusively and seeing where it goes? Perhaps to be BF/GF down the line?

If so, just be honest and tell her that.

I'm not sure you have much to lose by spelling out your feelings, it does sound a little like you might have blown it going by her limited contact/blowing you off in the past week.

July 5, 2014

Two months and you want to 'take steps to being in a relationship'? You're pussyfooting around and she's getting fed up with it and thinks you're leading her on and wasting her time.

You want to save this, you tell her - on the phone or in person, not by text or email - that you really like her and want her to be your girlfriend. Throw in an apology for being washy washy about your status for so long too.

That's if it's not too late already.

July 5, 2014

@Andy_K thanks for response.

But whilst she has asked me several times this week 'what is it you want talk about' then worrying and stressing and then jumping the gun to tell me she dont want a full blown relationship?

Surely she doesnt want any gf/bf exclusivity?

July 5, 2014

@Andy_K thanks for response.

But whilst she has asked me several times this week 'what is it you want talk about' then worrying and stressing and then jumping the gun to tell me she dont want a full blown relationship?

Surely she doesnt want any gf/bf exclusivity?

I'm with others. She's becoming more guarded it seems. You rejected being her bf and now she is wandering. I don't blame her. Just tell her you want to be bf/gf.

July 5, 2014

You're welcome.
It all seems a little big vague though and I'm not sure I follow exactly.
Is it possible she says she doesn't want a full blown relationship to save face after you rejected her as a GF?

I'm guessing you really like her but want to take things slowly, carrying on dating her exclusively and seeing where it goes? Perhaps to be BF/GF down the line?
If so, just be honest and tell her that.

I'm not sure you have much to lose by spelling out your feelings, it does sound a little like you might have blown it going by her limited contact/blowing you off in the past week.

Exactly. I have the same thoughts. She might have said that on purpose to get something out of me. I insisted we speak face to face.

I will be telling her that i am ready to come off tinder together and that i want us to be exclusive, but still continue things how they have been. No one needs to commit their love etc.

She is definitely confused. After no contact since yesterday where she cancelled i have just received a message from her saying. 'Hey babe, sorry for not texting you. I promise i will call you later xx'

Not sure what shes doing. Either playing hard to get for a bit, or trying to keep me sweet whilst she looks else where.

July 5, 2014

She got tired of waiting for you to make more of a commitment to her. She sensed your hesitation. So she backed off. Now she's keeping her options open. Not sure what other result you expected.

Do you want to be her boyfriend or not?

If after nearly three months a guy was telling me he still wanted to "take steps" to be in a relationship I would probably start looking elsewhere too.

Edited July 5, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

July 5, 2014

Dating a few months, sex..... and she asks you to be her bf and you say no.

All on you man. If you like her you need to front up.

July 5, 2014

She got tired of waiting for you to make more of a commitment to her. She sensed your hesitation. So she backed off. Now she's keeping her options open. Not sure what other result you expected.

Do you want to be her boyfriend or not?

If after nearly three months a guy was telling me he still wanted to "take steps" to be in a relationship I would probably start looking elsewhere too.

Fair enough I get your point. So do I just be honest with her tell

Her I'm ready to be her bf eve though she made it clear this week she scared and worried I'm going to ask her to be in full blow relationship? Was it a bluff?

Even though I haven't said lets be a couple I have made it very clear with actions that I am with her and care for her. Agree/disagree?

July 5, 2014

Fair enough I get your point. So do I just be honest with her tell
Her I'm ready to be her bf eve though she made it clear this week she scared and worried I'm going to ask her to be in full blow relationship? Was it a bluff?

Even though I haven't said lets be a couple I have made it very clear with actions that I am with her and care for her. Agree/disagree?

You haven't made it clear, though. You'd previously told her you didn't want that, didn't want to delete Tinder, etc. She's probably having a tough time understanding what exactly you are thinking. I'm sure you had the best intentions behind these kind things you did for her, but I can see why she's confused about you want.

Tell her you're ready to be her boyfriend. If that's truly how you feel, be honest with her.

July 5, 2014

@Andy_K thanks for response.

But whilst she has asked me several times this week 'what is it you want talk about' then worrying and stressing and then jumping the gun to tell me she dont want a full blown relationship?

Surely she doesnt want any gf/bf exclusivity?

She is afraid your going to dump her.

Tell her you deleted your tinder and OLD accounts and want to talk to her about something. Sign off the text with "i love you".

July 5, 2014

Look, if you want to be with her stop playing games and giving her mixed messages. Also, why do you respond to her texts a few hours after she sends them? It seems like you are going out of your way to keep your guard up or to make her chase you. If I were her I would be confused by the gifts and sex, but lack of commitment. So like others have said, she is distancing herself now and you only have yourself to blame for it. So ask her out now. It's not like a bf gf relationship = marriage or something.

July 5, 2014

She is afraid your going to dump her.

Tell her you deleted your tinder and OLD accounts and want to talk to her about something. Sign off the text with "i love you".

This could be a possibility. I guess it's confused me too.

Probably a good idea just to go with my plan of telling her Im ready to be exclusive and delete tinder. See if she is on the same wavelength

July 5, 2014

I think the turning point for her actually came when you said you felt no need to delete the Tinder app. Thoughts going through her head at that point would have been "does he not think we will last?" "Is he still using it? Maybe he doesn't like me that much" etc. So now it's time for you to make up to her by showing her how much you want to be with her!

July 5, 2014

This could be a possibility. I guess it's confused me too.
Probably a good idea just to go with my plan of telling her Im ready to be exclusive and delete tinder. See if she is on the same wavelength

Whatever you do, be sure to get the message across before the chance is gone.

July 5, 2014

Wow, way to sabotage a relationship! Why are you playing so many games? You take forever to respond to texts, you don't want a "relationship" with her but don't want her dating others. You describe everything you do as bf/gf stuff but don't want to give it a title. You sound very emotionally unavailable sorry but she's actually a smart woman to move on. Man up already, if you keep telling this woman no no no to being her man then the guy who eventually comes along and actually knows what he wants and doesn't toy with her emotions is the guy she's going to want in her life. Good luck with the next one.

July 5, 2014

Exactly. I have the same thoughts. She might have said that on purpose to get something out of me. I insisted we speak face to face.

I will be telling her that i am ready to come off tinder together and that i want us to be exclusive, but still continue things how they have been. No one needs to commit their love etc.

She is definitely confused. After no contact since yesterday where she cancelled i have just received a message from her saying. 'Hey babe, sorry for not texting you. I promise i will call you later xx'

Not sure what shes doing. Either playing hard to get for a bit, or trying to keep me sweet whilst she looks else where.

Everyone's advice is really good. Does it really matter what she is doing? It's WORKING. She is either actually losing interest or pretending to lose interest or interested but putting other guys in the mix too. What did you expect when you said it was too early to delete tinder? Btw, I think that this is typical normal dating stuff so neither of you is really "wrong" in this situation. However, you were in contact, met so many in each others lives and spent so much time together that I'm not sure why you were stalling. Especially if she was initiating most of contact--idk, it can get exhausting or feel like you're being rejected on her end plus you did literally reject her when she had courage to ask. I also would be worried that the "talk" was a dumping talk or too serious. You should have given her some indication on phone by being sweet that it would be a positive one.

Anyway, time to stop being wishy-washy. Pin her down before the window of opportunity closes. Good luck

July 5, 2014

Everyone's advice is really good. Does it really matter what she is doing? It's WORKING. She is either actually losing interest or pretending to lose interest or interested but putting other guys in the mix too. What did you expect when you said it was too early to delete tinder? Btw, I think that this is typical normal dating stuff so neither of you is really "wrong" in this situation. However, you were in contact, met so many in each others lives and spent so much time together that I'm not sure why you were stalling. Especially if she was initiating most of contact--idk, it can get exhausting or feel like you're being rejected on her end plus you did literally reject her when she had courage to ask. I also would be worried that the "talk" was a dumping talk or too serious. You should have given her some indication on phone by being sweet that it would be a positive one.

Anyway, time to stop being wishy-washy. Pin her down before the window of opportunity closes. Good luck

I agree with comments. I'll need to speak to her and clear it up. She is still sending messages today. She said she's going to call me. If she doesn't I guess I'll have to make the move

July 6, 2014

I spoke to her this morning over the phone and told her that the chat would be a positive one for us and assured there is nothing to worry about regardless of the outcome. I told her things have been a bit wishy washy and she agreed with me. She has plans today, but tomorrow evening we are going for a few drinks to have a chat.

Her tone on the phone was like normal, still sweet, calling me by my pet name, laughing etc. Its the same as it has been throughout the dating period. No change.

Anyone have any last thoughts? Thanks

July 6, 2014

Anyone have any last thoughts? Thanks

Yes. Listen as well as talk.

This is your opportunity to get things right. Don't just charge in and tell her how things are going to be. Ask her how she feels about things. Ask her why she said she was 'afraid you were going to ask her to be in a relationship' when that's the opposite of what she said she wanted not so very long ago. Ask her how she would feel about the two of you deleting tinder and being properly exclusive. Find out what she wants. Try to ensure you're getting genuine answers and she isn't just telling you what she thinks you want to hear.

July 6, 2014

Yes. Listen as well as talk.

This is your opportunity to get things right. Don't just charge in and tell her how things are going to be. Ask her how she feels about things. Ask her why she said she was 'afraid you were going to ask her to be in a relationship' when that's the opposite of what she said she wanted not so very long ago. Ask her how she would feel about the two of you deleting tinder and being properly exclusive. Find out what she wants. Try to ensure you're getting genuine answers and she isn't just telling you what she thinks you want to hear.

Thanks a lot. This breakdown would be the most appropriate for tomorrow. Appreciate that

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Dating for 2 months (like bf/gf)...girl suddenly changed in the last week?

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