My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. !

July 5, 2014

um, anyone notice (as often happens) that the OP is long gone?

leaving a bunch of gender -defenders to spill the cereal.

OP,

I hope you have a good sensible friend in real life.

For the record, I do not have now nor have I ever had a personal defintion for the word, slut.

It's a word that defiles my gender.

July 5, 2014

When he asked about casual and short flings I said I didn't do that stuff. I know - not truthful but I thought it would bring us closer and in fact we really have gotten closer. Anyway, I can't now say it was just a fling or whatever.

This, to me, is the real problem. I have no trouble dating a girl with a less-than-white past (this is true of most of my exes), provided they:

1) are honest about it and don't pretend to hide anything

2) are equally adventurous/dirty with me

3) are faithful

However... If I was with a girl and found out she lied to me, played the 'good girl' part to make a certain impression, and had done things like this, I would leave her. There's no place for deception in a relationship, and sooner or later karma gets you - as you are now finding out.

If you've played the 'good girl' act throughout this relationship you are going to have a REALLY hard time breaking this to your guy without getting a very negative reaction. The act was before you dated, but the betrayal and deception of what you told him and the impression you've given him are absolutely not, and these will hurt.

July 5, 2014

Not all of us do. I can't remember all of them, but I would remember the situation the OP described for sure. I can also say with certainty that I would warn a guy if he ended up dating one of those girls.

No guy would be proud to date a girl who gave a hummer to a few of his coworkers.

As opposed to a guy who received multiple ones from them? lulz Yeah OK. I would warn my female friends, too, not to date guys like this...

OP, I kinda feel sorry for you (I usually don't when I hear about casual encounters coming back to bite them). But you could have at least gotten some, too? Personally, this sounds even worse than a one-night stand to me. It's like you momentarily became the sexual slaves of those guys that day on that event. A one-night stand you could explain it more easily, but with this I really don't know how to advise you.

July 5, 2014

How would Ted feel if he knew that whilst he waited to have sex with his girlfriend (treating her with respect and getting to know her as a person first) she was so overcome with lust for his coworkers that she gave them all oral sex right after meeting them?

He would probably feel like a complete idiot, your eighth

or ninth choice, every time he saw his colleague(s) he would feel a terrible sinking feeling. I myself could probably never bring myself to kiss you again.

She has presented a false image of herself that he has fallen in love with, portraying herself as a girl who wouldn't do that. Some men (rightly or wrongly) choose to avoid girls who do that kind of thing, and she has conned him out of that choice.

You made him wait, yet gave in to all these guys straight away. If I met a girl who had dropped them for other guys straight away I most probably wouldn't bother, but if I did then she'd have to afford me the same treatment, not worse treatment as you gave Ted. Not that I would take it if it were offered that early, but at least I would be able to think..."Hey she's had sex pretty early before, but I guess she fancies me to the same degree as the others."

July 5, 2014

How would Ted feel if he knew that whilst he waited to have sex with his girlfriend (treating her with respect and getting to know her as a person first) she was so overcome with lust for his coworkers that she gave them all oral sex right after meeting them?
He would probably feel like a complete idiot, your eighth
or ninth choice, every time he saw his colleague(s) he would feel a terrible sinking feeling. I myself could probably never bring myself to kiss you again.

She has presented a false image of herself that he has fallen in love with, portraying herself as a girl who wouldn't do that. Some men (rightly or wrongly) choose to avoid girls who do that kind of thing, and she has conned him out of that choice.

You made him wait, yet gave in to all these guys straight away. If I met a girl who had dropped them for other guys straight away I most probably wouldn't bother, but if I did then she'd have to afford me the same treatment, not worse treatment as you gave Ted. Not that I would take it if it were offered that early, but at least I would be able to think..."Hey she's had sex pretty early before, but I guess she fancies me to the same degree as the others."

Yes, your explanation is quite reasonable ..I agree with you on some parts.

But why we consider it deceiving, she tried to be someone new ...she tried to change and never to repeat the previous mistake....

That's why she took it slow with TED

July 5, 2014

Yes, your explanation is quite reasonable ..I agree with you on some parts.
But why we consider it deceiving, she tried to be someone new ...she tried to change and never to repeat the previous mistake....

That's why she took it slow with TED

Changing is one thing, pretending you were never anything else is quite different.

July 5, 2014

I think you should tell him. The chance that he doesn't remember you is pretty much non-existant. Even if he could't quite remember your face beforehand he will/has recall when seeing you. This is just how memeory works.

He might not say anything to your bf, but surely will to the other coworkers that were there that evening (I don't get this whole newbie thing, new coworker thing, it was a corporate office box by which I assume we are all talking about the same firm). At this point it is out of control.

Best to hear it from you than from them. If only so he can actively do some damage control because this directly affects his office life.

July 5, 2014

If he leaves you that means he is selfish and he never really loved you

I am sure he wasn't virgin by the time he met you anyway.....

Anyway, I would have told him if I were in your place.

Honestly, I would just tell him instead of being constantly worried about it. If he can't take it then he's not the one for you. Who wants someone who can't accept other people's minor past mistakes.

At some point this has got to stop. I am just going to defend Ted here in whatever decision he makes, other posters can defend themselves.

There is a vast difference between being a virgin, having a past > participating in group sex with strangers that will directly affect Ted's office life (and has already, since at this point at least one of his colleagues knows).

Whatever he decides does not make him selfish or means he never really loved you or bad person because he can't overlook minor mistakes.

Having said that. There is quite a lot of proponents of casual sex, also on LS. And I like there posts, whether I participate in that lifestyle or not. But I have never read anything on LS promoting group sex with strangers besides this thread or that any partner should be fine with that or else would be small minded. Have some accountability in your actions, and with that I don't just mean your sexual past.

July 5, 2014

I tend to agree with you they generally wont do that. If the bf is fairly well respected amongst his so-workers, they will keep quiet about it. If the bf is maybe not so well liked at work or one of the guys she blew was a bit of a douche bag bragger / smartarse jerk type, then he could easily spill the beans. Not to the OP's bf's face, but just in after work drinks conversation with a couple of others at work....then they whisper to someone else, then, so on.

I don't think she should say anything. If she had had a ons stand with the guy she saw, and that guy interacts with her bf at work at times, then I think she should tell him. When it comes to a sports box blo job session, uh-uh, that that would make the bf's eyes pop out, especially since she told him, she's totally not that type of girl

Exactly. The odds it will get back to Ted are slim at best even if he does recognize her. They're probably pretty good the cat will get out of the bag if he does though. I don't know too many guys who can keep quiet about getting blown with little effort by some competitions long term girlfriend.

I would say nothing if I were you. It's not something Ted wants to hear in million years and the odds he gets wind of it are slight at best, so why drop that poison pill just to cover your bases.

July 5, 2014

I've often wondered how many other wise decent relationships this forum has destroyed I hope the OPs was not one of them. Im a rather conservative person really I am morels are something lacking in today's world sadly. But this happened before the Op met her BF if the dude hadn't been at the get together it wouldn't have even been an issue.

I bet the BF had his share of past adventures but when a guy screws around hes a rock star when a girl dose it shes a slut the men who got blown were just as bad imo..but do they need to tell any and all future GFs about how they let some random women blow them?

July 5, 2014

Eh, I say keep it to yourself. You have a year and a half invested with a great guy, you're serious about each other.

It was a work function for your boyfriend, how many times would you say you will have to run into this past fling?

You also say you were all pretty "inebriated." I assume this means the guys too. I'm sure the guy remembers, or at best, vaguely remembers that night, but if he had to pinpoint a face-- a year and a half, or two years later... I'd say he can't. You guys weren't friends before this thing happened, it's not like he has many memories of you.

He didn't act like he knew you at the function. I'd take that as face value. He didn't recognize you. Don't make this weird.

It's not like you cheated on your current guy, or did something wrong. You had some fun a while back. Who cares. There are some things you just keep to yourself.

July 5, 2014

I bet the BF had his share of past adventures but when a guy screws around hes a rock star when a girl dose it shes a slut the men who got blown were just as bad imo..but do they need to tell any and all future GFs about how they let some random women blow them?

Yes, that's right, and here's why.

This is why if a woman has been with a bunch of guys she is viewed negatively, but if a guy has been with a bunch of women, he is not. Guys are the ones that have to put in work, women generally just get to sit back and take their pick. If a woman just gives in that easily, it speaks volumes. That's the answer to the age old stigma, because it's true.

women are supposed to be the gate keepers, otherwise everyone would be having sex with everyone at the drop of a hat.

July 5, 2014

If we disclosed every single skeleton from our life's closets, including what we did at high school and college parties, after wedding receptions, bachelor and bachlorette parties, many of us would look a helluva lot less noble for those individual incidents that represent the smallest fraction of who we are.

July 5, 2014

Keep THIS to yourself. Unless there's a chance that the ex will have ample time or within same social circles, it is unlikely to crop up. We all have skeletons that should simply be kept in the closet if it fundamentally will not affect our present and future with our new SOs.

July 5, 2014

I'm not advocating that women just go and have sex with every man they know. I'm saying that women have the right to be virgins until they marry or have sex with 25 men.

Nobody is disagreeing with that. I think as a previous poster said "freedom comes with consequences". Sure you can have sex with 10 guys in 1 night, but bear in mind that one day it will create problems — either the great guy that you're with will break up with you because of it after the snowball effect or you will have to always have to keep it a dark secret knowing that it would shock your partner if he found out.

Have you seen the TV series Fargo? When Lester Nygaard kills his wife, it almost seems justified after it is shown that she was a hoe before they were married, and how he got humiliated by others because of his wife's past. I think that's another consequence, even if you do meet a guy that somehow is okay with your crazy past he still will get the public humiliation because of it — tbh I'd laugh at a guy behind his back if I found out that his partner was will many guys one night.

There are documentaries about pornstars 6-12 months after their porn career. It never really ends well, because at the end of the day no self-respecting man would ever be with a hoe.

July 5, 2014

The odds are pretty good that it never comes up. This isn't water cooler conversation among guys where one is dating the "one nighter."

Keep repeating it never happened until you believe it. If you have never been that crazy, and really like your current beau, it will do more damage than good to go there. See Clerks "Snowball discussion scene."

Assuming none of the guys meant anything to you that wild evening, full disclosure is not necessary.

This.

Dont tell your boyfriend for god sakes. What happens in vegas stays in vegas. The guy at his work, seeing that your ted gf, is probably mortified himself and will make no mention of it in the off chance that you were seeing ted at the time.

July 5, 2014

To the OP: try to remember how you looked that night. What did you wear? What clothes, perfume, how did you wear your hair? Then give that dress to Goodwill and never wear that perfume or hairstyle again. You will be less likely to trigger the guy's memories. Although I think he was probably so drunk that all he saw was the top of your head. Hey -- that's an idea! Change your hair color, too! And don't let him see you with your girlfriend. That would trigger memories.

Edited July 5, 2014 by FitChick

July 5, 2014

No no! Don't tell "Ted"! Or anyone else of this!

The past is the past. END OF SENTENCE. What does it matter who you have or haven't with? It's the past, you're not with that person anymore. Ignorance is bliss, and you shouldn't bring up your past to whoever you are with unless it is an innocent story.

This happened to me not once but twice. Years ago I was going out with this guy "John". Weeks before he and I met, I slept with a guy "Bob". "Bob" and I before the get together were good friends, we'd always had an attraction to one another (he was a dead ringer for Brad Pitt). And Bob was/is a man whore, so one night he asked me (literally) if I wanted to sleep with him. I said yes. Just before we were about to do IT, he said "Well you know ... This will just be this one time..." I agreed to it. We did IT, then I left. The next day, Bob called and said he had a wonderful time with me, and I said the same. I admired him for being such a gentleman. We continued to be friends until he moved away and we chat once or twice a year now. Eventually Bob and John crossed paths, and Bob's new gf and my new bf both realized somehow by our body language that Bob and I had slept together. I confirmed it once asked, but I said he and I were friends. And he and I never slept together again, even after the SOs were gone.

And just recently, I realized that I had slept with my boss MANY years ago. He's married now, has a kid, I just said "I remember" to him. He said "I do as well." That's all.

It would make "Ted" really angry or disconcerted to hear that you and this guy did it YEARS ago. DON'T TELL HIM. What's the point? It was a long time ago, you're happy together now.

July 5, 2014

I can see the point of the people who said not to tell because it really isn't that big of a deal and the past is the past. However, this thing is on the OP's mind and worrying her. Now there is an invisible wall between her and her bf. In this case, I would just tell to get it off my mind. In my second relationship, I told my guy my biggest and worries and insecurities from the beginning because I didn't want it to be a wall between us. It was such a relief for me that he accepted those issues of mine. It still didn't work out in the end due to other reasons, but keeping secrets just leads to limited intimacy imo. So it all depends on what kind of a relationship you want with your significant other.

July 6, 2014

marcjb

Your like a broken record with that exact same post imo its delusional and prob the byproduct of bitterness at women men have just as much control over their sexual activities as women do to say otherwise is just making excuses for them im sorry..

July 6, 2014

marcjb
Your like a broken record with that exact same post imo its delusional and prob the byproduct of bitterness at women men have just as much control over their sexual activities as women do to say otherwise is just making excuses for them im sorry..

Anything to help it sink in, TigerLilly. It seems that you are unfamiliar with how evolution has worked all of these years.

July 6, 2014

Yea, I did notice the word "healthy" there, and that's the word that I was replying to. It's not healthy to just blow random guys that you just met. You never know if you're going to end up with an outbreak of herpes on your face.

As opposed to all the people who actually HAVE herpes on their face?? Because that is so uncommon... (about 80% of the population has herpes! On their "face"!!) :confused:

As for the OP, don't tell. No need. The guy probably remembers you, but will most likely not say a thing. He clearly isn't part of your BFs inner group of friends, if it's taken you over a year to meet him, so just let it slide.

July 6, 2014

Oh OP, what a terrible position you are in.

I agree with some of the other posters that you did nothing wrong, although I can see why you feel regret for doing it (I would, too). The problem is, of course, that you lied about it - and now your partner might quite justifiably feel betrayed by those lies.

I can't really offer you any advice. Part of me wants to say why bring it up and hurt your partner, but of course he will be more hurt if he discovers it by himself.

I really hope it all works out for you and him, no matter what you decide.

July 6, 2014

Anything to help it sink in, TigerLilly. It seems that you are unfamiliar with how evolution has worked all of these years.

Quite familiar and last I looked "man" had evolved past a mindless knuckle dragger..

July 6, 2014

Where is the OP

What happened?

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