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My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. !

DanaLea

By DanaLea
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DanaLea New Member

DanaLea

Posted
Posted

This is just too embarassing.

 

I'm in a great, healthy and fun relationship with a terrific man. "Ted" and I have been together for about a year and a half and we're both serious about our futures together.

 

So this is my situation. Earlier this week I joined Ted at one of his firm's functions. All pretty normal - he's invited me a bunch of times already. Well this time though I recognized another guy who was there. At some point we were all in a group and Ted introduced me to him. I'm not sure if he recognized me.

 

A bit before I met Ted, a girlfriend and I went to a sporting event (can't give details). We met there some guys who invited us to join them in a corporate private box. Well we all got pretty "inebriated" and I guess inhibitions went away. My girlfriend and I ended up giving o r a l to some of the guys there.

 

When I got up the next day I was mortified at what had happened. My girlfriend and I have sworn to never ever ever tell anyone, which obviously I haven't. But now one of those guys saw me at the function.

 

If he blabs or tells anyone about that time I would be mortified especially if Ted finds out. So I don't know whether I should do anything like maybe tell Ted "something" or not. I'm scared and I think could really use some advice. I don't know if I'm imagining it or something but I think Ted has been acting different somehow this week.

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted

You should definately tell Ted.

Just tell him that you got with one of his coworkers in the past.

 

Dont tell him who it is unless you get pressed.

 

 

lol and your little story about you and your girlfriend swearing to neve tell anyone. I believe that - You being mortified by something you wanted to do, and was having fun doing, I dont believe that

  • Like 4
juicygirl Established Member

juicygirl

Posted
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Morally speaking you should tell "Ted" but just know if you tell him the truth he will dump you. You gave a couple of random men oral sex! It's not the same as once upon a time I slept with one of your work colleagues before I met you.

 

If you tell him you'll lose him,but if you don't the guy any tell him or if you fall out with your friend one day, she might tell him. You may get away with it but you risk forever living in fear that someone will tell him.

 

 

Come clean and don't have a life based on lies.

MoreCoffee Established Member

MoreCoffee

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The odds are pretty good that it never comes up. This isn't water cooler conversation among guys where one is dating the "one nighter."

 

Keep repeating it never happened until you believe it. If you have never been that crazy, and really like your current beau, it will do more damage than good to go there. See Clerks "Snowball discussion scene."

 

Assuming none of the guys meant anything to you that wild evening, full disclosure is not necessary.

  • Like 2
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

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I'm conflicted. Part of me would like to tell you "do not tell him!", like ever. The dude might not even remember you.

 

However.. what if he finds out? I think I would come clean with him. You don't have to give him the specifics.. that you gave blowjobs to random guys.. you can say "one night stand, was at a party". I doubt if the guy is going to tell your bf "hey, you ex blew me". Hopefully not..

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
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Wonder if he already knows and waiting to see what you do. A girl I had a fling with that I see later is dating a guy I know is one thing. A girl that gave multiple random dudes blowjobs is a whole nother thing and I'd warn a friend about that.

  • Like 2
2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
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I'm conflicted. Part of me would like to tell you "do not tell him!", like ever. The dude might not even remember you.

 

However.. what if he finds out? I think I would come clean with him. You don't have to give him the specifics.. that you gave blowjobs to random guys.. you can say "one night stand, was at a party". I doubt if the guy is going to tell your bf "hey, you ex blew me". Hopefully not..

 

Believe me - every guy remembers a gal that randomly gave him oral.

 

Unfortunately, she doesn't know the guy well enough to understand if he keeps personal things private or not.

 

 

I wouldn't tell since it was before the current BF - and is in the past - unless your BF asks, then just be honest.

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

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Believe me - every guy remembers a gal that randomly gave him oral.

 

I'll remember that next time I try :lmao:

 

I still think she shouldn't give him the specifics, if she comes clean.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

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There is no way I'd tell him. That guy probably has no idea who you are. Plus it's none of Ted's business who you blew before you met him! If he brings it up and seems to have confirmed the guy knows your whole name, etc., then you just say, Yeah, I knew him briefly a long time ago, but it didn't work out. End of subject. Since they're colleagues, unless they're besties or something, which you'd know by now, even if he says something, he probably wouldn't have the nerve to go into detail. For all you know, that dude may have been cheating on his woman when that happened, too, and be just as paranoid or embarrassed.

  • Like 1
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

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Meh, you don't have to tell anyone anything. It happened before you even knew "Ted". We all have a past and it's no ones business if they have nothing to do with it. As to the person who said: "No guy would be proud to date a girl who gave a hummer to a few of his coworkers." Ignore that, that's complete bull****. Never be ashamed for what you did! It's actually a pretty hot/fun story and there's literally nothing wrong with it. You are a woman who is free to do anything you want to and that includes telling "Ted" if you feel you must.

 

Ask Ted what's up if it seems like something's on his mind.

  • Like 2
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
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Wonder if he already knows and waiting to see what you do. A girl I had a fling with that I see later is dating a guy I know is one thing. A girl that gave multiple random dudes blowjobs is a whole nother thing and I'd warn a friend about that.

 

I don't understand this. What about the guys getting the blowjobs? What does that make them?

  • Like 4
marcjb Established Member

marcjb

Posted
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If you were friends with those guys, kept them around, and was the one that introduced them to Ted, then I'd say you should tell him. However, since Ted was the one that actually introduced them to you, the situation was out of your control. If he asks you, tell him, otherwise, I don't think you're obligated to tell him about it unless these are people that Ted is actually friends with.

  • Like 1
Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

Posted
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You imagining things..

 

Ted doesn't know!

 

and probably won't know..

 

 

It was in the past, before you knew Ted. If you tell him now, he'll be upset but really this is the point where you would know if this guy is for real or not

 

If he leaves you that means he is selfish and he never really loved you

 

I am sure he wasn't virgin by the time he met you anyway.....

 

Anyway, I would have told him if I were in your place.

leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
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OMG Enigma, seriously are you comparing someone's sexual past to a CRIMINAL RECORD? How are these related at all? This is ridiculous.

 

When did she say she blew "groups of guys"? She had one sexually liberating experience and all of a sudden she is having sex with every man she knows? Come on.

 

Everyone is allowed a sexual past.

 

Don't shame women. I know men love to do that but it makes you look like an insecure *******. Women can blow whoever they want if it's fun, healthy and something they want.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

Posted
Posted (edited)
Meh, you don't have to tell anyone anything. It happened before you even knew "Ted". We all have a past and it's no ones business if they have nothing to do with it. As to the person who said: "No guy would be proud to date a girl who gave a hummer to a few of his coworkers." Ignore that, that's complete bull****. Never be ashamed for what you did! It's actually a pretty hot/fun story and there's literally nothing wrong with it. You are a woman who is free to do anything you want to and that includes telling "Ted" if you feel you must.

 

Ask Ted what's up if it seems like something's on his mind.

 

OMG, WTH kinda guys do you date?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
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Is my opinion in this matter really that absurd?

 

I have a sexual past and men I date have NEVER judged me or shamed me for it. I've always been safe and healthy, who cares who I've had sex with in the past?

 

Misogyny is alive and well within this post.

Edited by leavesonautumn
  • Like 3
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
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She had ONE experience and you think she will just up and do it at every chance?

 

You are trying to make a woman feel ashamed for one decision she made. The OP even said it herself, she felt bad about it.

 

Sure, YOU might not date a woman after that. But you can't tell OP that "Ted" won't.

  • Like 1
marcjb Established Member

marcjb

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This is why if a woman has been with a bunch of guys she is viewed negatively, but if a guy has been with a bunch of women, he is not. Guys are the ones that have to put in work, women generally just get to sit back and take their pick. If a woman just gives in that easily, it speaks volumes. That's the answer to the age old stigma, because it's true.

  • Like 2
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DanaLea New Member

DanaLea

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well the thing i"m worried about is that Ted will "re-evaluate" things if that makes sense. I'm scared that he might break up with me and I don't want that at all!!! He's really a great guy and to be honest I haven't met too many of those.

 

I also know that guys brag about stuff like that. Also if I remembered him, he can remember me too you know. I know everyone has a past. When Ted and I had the talk we both said we have a past. Ted's past is not quite so out there. When he asked about casual and short flings I said I didn't do that stuff. I know - not truthful but I thought it would bring us closer and in fact we really have gotten closer. Anyway, I can't now say it was just a fling or whatever.

 

It's great that you support me - It wasn't quite a "sexually liberating experience" like Leavesonautumn said (thanks). It was a huge mistake that never should have happened. No, I'm not doing it to every guy or anything but Ted would freak I think if he found out. It's just that if it comes from me it may be better than if he hears about it from somebody else.

leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
Posted

marcjb, That's an extremely archaic view of the world. Basically what you're saying is that women do not have the choice to do what they want to do with their own bodies. I get it, I KNOW the stereotypes but they're dangerous.

 

My main point is that OP should not feel ashamed for what she did. It's something she did ONE time and doesn't seem inclined to do again.

 

I like these forums, they've really helped me with my break up but something I've noticed is the amount of disrespect towards women as a whole.

  • Like 2
marcjb Established Member

marcjb

Posted
Posted
Women can blow whoever they want if it's fun, healthy and something they want.
Healthy? Yea, getting some STD from someone you just met and passing it on to your next naive partner is healthy...
  • Like 2
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted
Is my opinion in this matter really that absurd?

 

I have a sexual past and men I date have NEVER judged me or shamed me for it. I've always been safe and healthy, who cares who I've had sex with in the past?

Misogyny is alive and well within this post.

 

They never judged you because they probably don't know half the story, because you follow your own advice and keep quiet on your past. They might know about bfs, and a fwb fling and a few ons, but if you blew a group of guys at a corporate sports box, I'm sure you would never give a bf the chance to form an opinion on that.

  • Like 3
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
Posted

Did you notice the word "HEALTHY" in my sentence?

 

I'm not advocating that women just go and have sex with every man they know. I'm saying that women have the right to be virgins until they marry or have sex with 25 men.

  • Like 2
leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

Posted
Posted
They never judged you because they probably don't know half the story, because you follow your own advice and keep quiet on your past. They might know about bfs, and a fwb fling and a few ons, but if you blew a group of guys at a corporate sports box, I'm sure you would never give a bf the chance to form an opinion on that.

 

Not that it's anyone's business but I've had sex with 3 men in my entire life. Notice how I never said anything about what I've done on this thread and yet my opinion makes me out to be a "slut"?

  • Like 3
marcjb Established Member

marcjb

Posted
Posted
marcjb, That's an extremely archaic view of the world. Basically what you're saying is that women do not have the choice to do what they want to do with their own bodies. I get it, I KNOW the stereotypes but they're dangerous.

 

My main point is that OP should not feel ashamed for what she did. It's something she did ONE time and doesn't seem inclined to do again.

 

I like these forums, they've really helped me with my break up but something I've noticed is the amount of disrespect towards women as a whole.

 

No, what I'm saying is that women are supposed to be the gate keepers, otherwise everyone would be having sex with everyone at the drop of a hat.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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