preraph Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I'm not quite as put off by the lips comment. I mean, guys get all kinds of advice what to say on first dates and one of them is compliment, but then compliments aren't that easy to pull off. I used to get "You have a pretty mouth" a lot and my reaction was usually to smear on some more "Warm Chestnuts" lipstick and give them a kiss on the cheek for them to carry around all day.
BluEyeL Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I'm more worried about his stability and maybe lack of serious goals than about the lips comment. Has he even been married (seems no). Has he ever been in a long term relationship? Ask him this question and if his relationships were all short ones, drop him immediately. You have to give them 2-3 dates to find out, but if you see red flags let go sooner rather than later.
Author Gaeta Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 Weird....he does not want to go to jazz festival. He was very put off by that idea. He said if I absolutely want to go he will. Well of course I don't want to impose on him something he really does not want to do. I asked what was he planning on doing together after we meet at the metro station? He was very vague, with lots of eeeh (silence), hhmm (silence), I don't know, just be together and talk. Then he said: Didn't you talked about Hong Kong presenting fireworks on a bridge, I'd like to do that.
BluEyeL Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Hm, maybe he doesn't like jazz. Maybe he wants just free activities too (fireworks on the bridge). He doesn't sound too good, doesn't try to plan things to impress you, but I'd give him a meeting and ask key questions about relationship history and goals in life. 1
SleeplessIn Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Just personally, I wouldn't be too comfortable being alone in a vehicle (his OR mine) with someone I'd only met once -- meeting somewhere would be a better option, but that's me. 3
BlueIris Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Weird....he does not want to go to jazz festival. He was very put off by that idea. He said if I absolutely want to go he will. Well of course I don't want to impose on him something he really does not want to do. I asked what was he planning on doing together after we meet at the metro station? He was very vague, with lots of eeeh (silence), hhmm (silence), I don't know, just be together and talk. Then he said: Didn't you talked about Hong Kong presenting fireworks on a bridge, I'd like to do that. It sounds as though you know he isn't a great fit for you but you're trying to figure out why. I say wait for the bell ringer, the guy who ignites that fascination spark or the good solid feeling in the gut. Overall, it sounds as though this guy unsettles you. I don't consider that a red flag though. To me red flags are the things that make us (or should make us- lol) scan the room to find the exits.
Author Gaeta Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 I checked the firework schedule and they close the bridge to cars at 8h30 to allow people to walk on it but the fireworks start at 10 !!! What the heck am I going to do with him from 6H30 to 10 *sigh*. In terms of relationship he was married for 5 years a very long time ago, he divorced 10 years ago. After 2 years of marriage she took a job on another continent and he did not want to follow her, he had his heart set on coming to Canada. Then once here he met a woman with whom he had a 2 year relationship that ended 2 years ago, and again she took a job opportunity in another province.
FitChick Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) I checked the firework schedule and they close the bridge to cars at 8h30 to allow people to walk on it but the fireworks start at 10 !!! What the heck am I going to do with him from 6H30 to 10 *sigh*. After 2 years of marriage she took a job on another continent and he did not want to follow her. Then once here he met a woman with whom he had a 2 year relationship that ended 2 years ago, and again she took a job opportunity in another province. Sounds like women want to put a lot of space between themselves and him. I wonder who he is living with now. What to do before the fireworks start? He probably wants to go to your place. I'd google restaurants in the area near the fireworks so you have options. Can't you meet him later? Find out when the last train leaves taking him back, too, so you don't wind up having a house guest,which is probably his plan. Edited July 5, 2014 by FitChick 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 Sounds like women want to put a lot of space between themselves and him. I wonder who he is living with now. haha and I will discover why very soon. What to do before the fireworks start? He probably wants to go to your place. I'd google restaurants in the area near the fireworks so you have options. Can't you meet him later? Find out when the last train leaves taking him back, too, so you don't wind up having a house guest,which is probably his plan. You read my mind. I know this spot full of terraces, we can have a drink and a bite then head early to the fireworks. Thanks for reminding me to check the last train leaving lol, he is going back home tonight even if I have to drive him there myself. 1
HappyLove Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 See this is so ridiculous when you have to check a public transport schedule for a grown man because you need to make sure he doesn't spend the night. This is so crazy. This is your first real date he shouldn't be getting in your car period! His evasiveness is disturbing. A man worth your time who has no job or car would KNOW he has to step it up on the date. He would know to knock your socks off with a great date or at least a PLAN because he's lacking in other areas. This guy is all 'well ummm let's walk & stuff'. I mean even a 16 year old requires a job & license when dating. If he misses his bus he should have money for a cab and not expect a woman he met online to drive him home! 5
Author Gaeta Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 He cancelled At noon when we spoke he told me his friend's mom had died so he was going to stop at his friend to pay his respect then head to me, no change of plan he was gonna be at metro station at 6h30 I got ready, did my my make-up and hair and actually was looking forward to spent Saturday night on a date. I drove there and got there at 6h20. A text comes in from him. Helle Gaeta I am completely overwhelmed by the ambiance here. My friend is leaving for Congo tomorrow morning, it is full of people here, so many that I lost track of time and forgot to ask you to reschedule our date another night. I could not beleive it !!!!! He sends me this at 6H20. I made a round trip of 50 km for nothing. On a side note: Right after his text my phone rang, it was one of the morons that stood me up last Monday, OMG did he get it !!! I don't know how many Fv.ck came out of my mouth but I was mad.
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Please don't waste any more time with him. He texts you 10 minutes before he is supposed to meet you? RUDE! 5
HappyLove Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Sorry you had to drive so far and get all dolled up for this guy. Hope you still went out and did something. He wasn't worth your time anyway. Sorry I know how much that sucks to get dressed up and looking forward to a date for a guy to forget about you.
Author Gaeta Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thank you, I went to visit a friend. He text he would call tomorrow. I did not reply. He could have called to cancel instead of texting. Also, when we spoke about it at noon he made it something that was no big deal, he was gonna stop at his friend then head to me. Suddenly it's a big thing and he forgot about me, he's cancelling cause apparently to stay there for dinner and all evening? It just makes no sense to me. Anyway, if he calls tomorrow as he said I don't know if I should ignore it or pick up and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and I do not wish to see him again. 1
CarrieT Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Anyway, if he calls tomorrow as he said I don't know if I should ignore it or pick up and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and I do not wish to see him again. Please tell him. Simply ignoring him may not send the message needed.
kaylan Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 The whole "no license thing" is more of a turn off than a red flag. It is a turn off because we live in such a male emasculating society and we expect men to be self sufficient. But then again, I would be turned off if a 45 year old woman doesn't have a license and can't drive. The lip comment...maybe he came off too strong. Maybe you took it the wrong way and thought he wanted your lips somewhere else if you know what I mean Here's a tip guys. ALWAYS compliment her eyes first or her smile. Nothing else. If he can't get a job after a while then I would be worried about your future with him. Maybe he expects you to take care of him while he goes for a 3rd degree. Good luck. Screw that. I tell the honiez how nice their cans are. Smiles and eyes are overrated. Gimme dem cans xD lol jk
guest569 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Thank you, I went to visit a friend. He text he would call tomorrow. I did not reply. He could have called to cancel instead of texting. Also, when we spoke about it at noon he made it something that was no big deal, he was gonna stop at his friend then head to me. Suddenly it's a big thing and he forgot about me, he's cancelling cause apparently to stay there for dinner and all evening? It just makes no sense to me. Anyway, if he calls tomorrow as he said I don't know if I should ignore it or pick up and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and I do not wish to see him again. I would just ignore, don't waste any more energy on this idiot! He sounds so dodgy to me... first the lack of job and expecting you to be the taxi driver.. he doesn't want to go to the jazz thing? Insists on you driving him to some unknown destination.. I don't like the sound of it. And cancelling so late is so unfair. 3
kaylan Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 On a first date like this it would have been more appropriate to compliment my smile than my 'lips'. I am trying to see pass the driver's license. I have a brother 35 who doesn't have his driver's license. He's also a life long student. He's too intellectual and lost in his own bubble to care about driving. On a serious note, I will tell a girl she has nice lips after a kiss, or if things are a little frisky on the first date. I only make a comment like that if there is a sexual vibe already. Otherwise its just weird and out of place. Awkward =P 2
contact1 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I haven't read through all the post, but I find it crazy that it takes a year to get your license
Omei Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) The only thing I have to say about your original post on first page was what is wrong with the lip comment? I think its a small attempt to tell you that he found you attractive and pointed out something he liked, and then it was left at that. I dont feel like that was too strong just a compliment But then again I didnt hear how he said it and if he interrupts you then I guess it could come off creepy a lot of other girls on here seem to think so, I have big full lips and guys mention it almost everytime they meet me so maybe for me its just the usual. Edited July 6, 2014 by Omei
Author Gaeta Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Why I cannot have a normal dating life eh! Ok, so this guy cancelled 10 minutes before date. He says he will call me the next day which of course he does not do. Today I get a message from him, not a call, not a text, nope, a message on the dating website saying he has been very tormented in the past 2 days unable to have conversation with anyone but he'd like to talk to me tonight. Where do I get these guys !!!!!! Oh yea! online.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Might be time to take a break, honestly. You are letting this get to you.
Author Gaeta Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Yes, you are right. It finally got to me after 3 years of actively looking and still nothing to show for. Absolutely nothing came out of this.
beach Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Why I cannot have a normal dating life eh! Ok, so this guy cancelled 10 minutes before date. He says he will call me the next day which of course he does not do. Today I get a message from him, not a call, not a text, nope, a message on the dating website saying he has been very tormented in the past 2 days unable to have conversation with anyone but he'd like to talk to me tonight. Where do I get these guys !!!!!! Oh yea! online. I hope you messaged him back and said no thanks - don't bother...
FitChick Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Too bad you didn't go by yourself. Being all dressed up you might have met someone. I don't believe anything this man says. Woman's intuition. He probably realized you would be too clever for him. I wonder if he has a criminal record. He probably gave you a fake name so don't bother searching. I've noticed dating can be dangerous. Friends and relatives always seem to be dying at the last minute.
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