demilichlord Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I'm black, tall at 6'3", senior in college, christian, intelligent, nice, generally funny and laid back once people get to know me, and i try to dress and look nice. I'm however a complete virgin, never even kissed a girl, can't remember even the last time I touched a girl's hand, and never had a girlfriend. Instead i experience nothing more than constant rejection from women. Unfortunately I'm extremely clumsy, have difficulty speaking, and scatter brained with most symptoms of dyspraxia. Im introverted, a little overweight, have scoliosis, a crippled left hand, psoriasis ruining my skin, and constantly sick. I am trying to hit the gym but not sure if this will help my chances. Also I'm black in a 3% black area meaning i meet few black women and fewer even willing to date me. I'm totally cool dating interracially but have had no success and its rare, so most white and asian women will not want to date black men plus racism is still alive just hidden. Asian women especially seem to actively avoid contact with me and I've never seen an asian woman with a black man in my area. I'm also super nerdy with interests like astronomy, software programming, history, biology, anime, scifi/fantasy, and video games which are uninteresting to most girls i meet. I don't require the girl to be nerdy like myself I'm just saying my nerdy interests do not interest the girls I meet. In addition I'm shy and introverted with few friends. So I don't ever get introduced to women through friends, and there are no single women willing to date me in my social circle, so i just have to rely on cold approaches. Plus I'm a Christian so absolutely no sex till marriage which almost no one seems to believe anymore. And i want to be involved with only Christian girls. Unfortunately no prospects at all at church, and besides it would be super awkward to approach at church, and single girls my age don't seem to go to church.
Author demilichlord Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Sorry for the crazy first post i just feel frustrated. It feels bad to get rejected over and over again despite my efforts. Plus parents and relatives think something is wrong with me as they imply that they think im gay, and im the only one without a gf amongst friends.
Gaeta Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 You are 22 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you to fall in love. It sounds like you live in a small town full of people with small views. Why don't you go on an adventure and move to a big city? Look for a job in a big cosmopolitan place where people of different culture and race interact with each other each day. Where you will meet lots of people and where people don't give second looks because of your skin color or second looks to interracial couples.
robaday Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I can empathise mate, I was a virgin until I was 24 (nobody knows this about me!) id gone home with girls but shyness meant i couldnt perform......I was scared to talk to them or do anything with them. 8 years later ive had a number of girlfriends and dated quite a few on top. Your definitely not doomed!! For a start a lot of people lie about these things. I knew guys who were virgins at your age but they always put on a false impression of being good with women. So first of all dont assume that everyone else has this stuff figured out because a lot dont! Secondly I notice ingrained beliefs about yourself and the world around you that would potentially hinder your chances with women - whether it be racism, your faith, or your looks, or your personality - a lot of times when we look at the world through those eyes it is harsher than it really is. If you assume that women wont date you because of your culture than that is what will happen - you will never approach a woman from those cultures to ask her out on a date simply because you will believe she will reject you before youve even tried......same with christianity, to assume they wont date you because of that means they are less likely to because you will give off that vibe of not being compatible. Im not saying either of those things wont hinder your chances, they might well do, but not to the extent you believe. Regarding your personality and interests, its cool to be different. Who wants to be the same as the crowd? take pride in who you are and it will show, it doesnt matter whether the subjects you love you consider nerdy - if you are proud of them and they are part of you then people will be attracted to that, someone who has passions. Its the belief that they are nerdy that is hindering you not whether they are nerdy....... There are ways of meeting people who have the same interests as you. Websites like meetup have groups who are interested in anything and everything and meet regularly. You will find subjects you are interested in and meet like minded people. Short part time courses are also great for meeting people, as is the gym if you find something you are really into. Check gumtree, meetup, craigslist, classifieds, and time out for things that interest YOU and you will find people interested in the same stuff. You mention cold approaches but Im wondering if your being too direct. Ive found it much easier to meet women in things I am passionate about interested in because then I directly have a same interest as them so something to talk about instead of coming on too strong, start on more of a friend level. Every girl knows another ten girls so often times instead if hitting on her become friends with her and meet her friends!!
Author demilichlord Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 You are 22 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you to fall in love. It sounds like you live in a small town full of people with small views. Why don't you go on an adventure and move to a big city? Look for a job in a big cosmopolitan place where people of different culture and race interact with each other each day. Where you will meet lots of people and where people don't give second looks because of your skin color or second looks to interracial couples. Thanks for the reply. Actually i live in an okay sized city with around 450,000 people on the west coast so not big but not super small. But the black population is super small which would make it harder to find a girlfriend plus im too nerdy for alot of girls. As for race while interracial relationships do happen like the black athletes at school with white girlfriends but its not really common. And as for racism its usually not overt but more hidden as in people saying racist comments acting like everything is okay or things like girls getting super uncomfortable on an elevator clutching their purses and practically running to get out when the door opens. But this isnt particularly unusual ignorant people are going to be ignorant. Im just worried if i cant find a girlfriend now where im surrounded by young single girls ill never find anyone as they will be married off or otherwise unavailable plus ill be busy with trying to succeed in my career and my hobbies dont exactly help me find girls either.
MoreCoffee Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Someone told me that German gals are bat**** crazy for American brothas. I don't know how this helps you in the states, but still...
Elle1975 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Does your church organize volunteer work? Surely they must. I met people volunteering.
leavesonautumn Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 You are 22 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you to fall in love. It sounds like you live in a small town full of people with small views. Why don't you go on an adventure and move to a big city? Look for a job in a big cosmopolitan place where people of different culture and race interact with each other each day. Where you will meet lots of people and where people don't give second looks because of your skin color or second looks to interracial couples. Just want to second this. You're at an age where you are still learning about yourself! Being single at your age is actually a huge positive. Moving to a large city will open so many opportunities in regards to meeting people with similar interests to you. I'm a huge gamer and as a girl, guys generally do not take this information well unless they also play video games (just my experience). Join groups and meetups!
Assasda Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I lost my virginity at 23, and I doesnt even care that much. If it makes you feel any better, Society's expiration on guys is much older than women What you want to do at your age is not focus on chicks, and focus on school, and everything will set in place. -Take a public speaking class at college -Travel and have life experiences You want to talk to girls about what they care about, so it helps to be well rounded. So, before talking so some chick, you probably would want to pick up a Cosmo, or some other guilty pleasure magazine that girls read, and talk about some stuff that youre not that into. - Down the line, you can take them into the world, of stuff youre into. Also most churches has single groups. Get involved with that. See a girl that you like in church, ask her if she wants to see a movie. No cause for any type of alarm
Author demilichlord Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 I can empathise mate, I was a virgin until I was 24 (nobody knows this about me!) id gone home with girls but shyness meant i couldnt perform......I was scared to talk to them or do anything with them. 8 years later ive had a number of girlfriends and dated quite a few on top. Your definitely not doomed!! For a start a lot of people lie about these things. I knew guys who were virgins at your age but they always put on a false impression of being good with women. So first of all dont assume that everyone else has this stuff figured out because a lot dont! I'm not talking about losing my virginity since I can't have sex until marriage anyway but I know what you mean. Girls seem to never show interest at all in me, and I'm worried if girls aren't interested now they will never be. I'm lucky to even get a single date per year as I'm always immediately turned down before I'm even given a date. Regarding your personality and interests, its cool to be different. Who wants to be the same as the crowd? take pride in who you are and it will show, it doesnt matter whether the subjects you love you consider nerdy - if you are proud of them and they are part of you then people will be attracted to that, someone who has passions. Its the belief that they are nerdy that is hindering you not whether they are nerdy....... There are ways of meeting people who have the same interests as you. Websites like meetup have groups who are interested in anything and everything and meet regularly. You will find subjects you are interested in and meet like minded people. Short part time courses are also great for meeting people, as is the gym if you find something you are really into. Check gumtree, meetup, craigslist, classifieds, and time out for things that interest YOU and you will find people interested in the same stuff. Most girls I meet just aren't interested at all in the things I'm interested in, I even had a girl roll her eyes at me when I told her I do a little computer programming. And I have few interests in common with most girls I meet if they ask what I do for fun and I tell them I play video games with friends they think that sounds lame. Also I'm going to a university right now this is my final year but I've checked out groups on campus and they are just about all male with only a few girls there who aren't single and with their boyfriends. You mention cold approaches but Im wondering if your being too direct. Ive found it much easier to meet women in things I am passionate about interested in because then I directly have a same interest as them so something to talk about instead of coming on too strong, start on more of a friend level. Every girl knows another ten girls so often times instead if hitting on her become friends with her and meet her friends!! Unfortunately girls never introduce me to their friends. I've had female friends but it just doesn't work out if I try to hit on them I actually cause the relationship to become awkward and they no longer want to be friends with me. Also many I've met are poor friends, like this one girl I met in a programming class she acted like she liked me but she only wanted me to help her pass the course after the class was over she didn't talk to me again unless I forced a conversation.
Recommended Posts