aemm Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Hello, Months ago I met a man through a mutual friend. We really hit it off for 2 months. He ended it because he said I was going through a lot and wasn't ready for a relationship. My friend was really mean to me about it after. My mom was sick and my anxiety and depression was triggered. I tried to talk to my friend about it and she ignored me. I tried to tell the man why I lashed out and he ignored me. This friend has been my friend for 14 years and the guys for a year. She had a bf at the time but they were getting ready to break up. Her and the man talked everyday because apparently they understood each other. Both ignored me. Now my friend has been single for 3 weeks and now they're are intetested in each other. I feel betrayed. How would you guys feel? How would you react? Should I just be cool with it? She knows I still like him.
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Hello, Months ago I met a man through a mutual friend. We really hit it off for 2 months. He ended it because he said I was going through a lot and wasn't ready for a relationship. My friend was really mean to me about it after. My mom was sick and my anxiety and depression was triggered. I tried to talk to my friend about it and she ignored me. I tried to tell the man why I lashed out and he ignored me. This friend has been my friend for 14 years and the guys for a year. She had a bf at the time but they were getting ready to break up. Her and the man talked everyday because apparently they understood each other. Both ignored me. Now my friend has been single for 3 weeks and now they're are intetested in each other. I feel betrayed. How would you guys feel? How would you react? Should I just be cool with it? She knows I still like him. No, no reason to be "cool with it". I am not saying that you should start an elaborate revenge plan though. I'd just walk away. They are free to date whoever they want. You don't have "dibs" on him. However, I do agree that it has to hurt to see your friend taking a pass at the guy you really like. Time to get new friends! Oh and btw.. be careful with depression relapses.. you may not realize it, but it's possible that you over shared, or dwelled a little bit too much on your break up. Anxiety has its way to make you spill out things you may regret later. 2
Author aemm Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 No, no reason to be "cool with it". I am not saying that you should start an elaborate revenge plan though. I'd just walk away. They are free to date whoever they want. You don't have "dibs" on him. However, I do agree that it has to hurt to see your friend taking a pass at the guy you really like. Time to get new friends! Oh and btw.. be careful with depression relapses.. you may not realize it, but it's possible that you over shared, or dwelled a little bit too much on your break up. Anxiety has its way to make you spill out things you may regret later. Thanks! Great advice.
KatZee Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Wait... so... you were going through a lot in your life and instead of your boyfriend understanding and being patient and compassionate, he just bailed. On top of that, your friend of 14 years just stops talking to you after all of these problems as well, turns on YOU, and then you find out that your ex and your "friend" are now into each other and seeing each other? I say good riddance to both of them. Neither of these people know how to treat others, they sound incredibly self absorbed and selfish... the both of them. Neither of these people are worth your friendship or your relationship. Let them have each other. 4
Author aemm Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Wait... so... you were going through a lot in your life and instead of your boyfriend understanding and being patient and compassionate, he just bailed. On top of that, your friend of 14 years just stops talking to you after all of these problems as well, turns on YOU, and then you find out that your ex and your "friend" are now into each other and seeing each other? I say good riddance to both of them. Neither of these people know how to treat others, they sound incredibly self absorbed and selfish... the both of them. Neither of these people are worth your friendship or your relationship. Let them have each other. The man and I were just seeing each other. He ended it because he said I wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want to hurt me. My friend ignored me because she said I was too difficult to deal with because my anxiety was getting the best of me.
Leigh 87 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Yuck. I wouldn't do that to a friend I had been friends with for months, if you are regularly talking, spending time with, and confiding in a friend, you just don't go out with a guy that once dated them. I am not impressed at all. She is a lousy friend and has pretty bad morals by the sounds of things. If they were the loves of each others lives and they just fell head over heels, I would personally come to you and tell you how I felt about the guy. I would ensure to you that I would STILL not be with him anytime soon, but if she ever gets over him fully and once YOU start to date someone else, I think it would THEN be fair for your friend to re address the situation. SO yeah, even if they fell badly in love by now, she is your friend first and foremost and she should at least have the decency to stay away from him until you are over him and dating a new love interest. And even then, re consider dating him if you are still uncomfortable with it. Just what I would do.
KatZee Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 The man and I were just seeing each other. He ended it because he said I wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want to hurt me. My friend ignored me because she said I was too difficult to deal with because my anxiety was getting the best of me. Yeah, whatever. They still both suck, in my opinion. 2
Author aemm Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thank you everybody! It's nice to know ppl agree with me. They keep telling me I should be okay with it.
preraph Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Always remember, whoever walks away first with their head held high and goes on to have a great time wins. Tap new and old friends, stop talking about this to them so they don't hear about it and think you're still dwelling on it, and that is your best revenge. Just try to go have fun and blow them off. If they call, you're busy but cheerful because you're so much happier without them.
aprilisi Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 They deserve each other. And it won't end well. I speak from experience here. A year later he tried to get me back and she cried alligator tears saying how sorry she was. How mean he was. It hurts but it will get better.
guest569 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 He dumped you because he thinks YOU are not ready for a relationship? Who does he think he is? And the 'friend'? No, you don't have to be okay with this. Step away from that drama and focus on yourself
writergal Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Trust: It takes years to build and only seconds to break. The worst thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. Some people are more shallow than a puddle in the street, and show their true colors in situations like these. That guy and your friend hurt you and you have a right to feel betrayed. It's very petty of them to minimize your pain and trivialize the situation. It's totally normal for you to feel hurt and betrayed by them both. To live a happy life really is the best revenge. Forget about these two people and try to move on and be happy. 1
Eivuwan Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 It sounds like you didn't behave your best during your anxiety and depression, but a friend of 14 years should be more understanding than that. It's just sad. At least now you know who is not a true friend.
Author aemm Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks everybody! I just don't think a friend should date a guy who hurt one of her friends. She doesn't seem to get this.
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Thanks everybody! I just don't think a friend should date a guy who hurt one of her friends. She doesn't seem to get this. No you are the one not getting it, and I'm surprised no one else doesn't see it. They had eyes for each other for awhile. She broke ties with you because she didn't want you to figure it out that they were starting to pursue each other.. He dumped you for her, not for your issues. It all makes sense now doesn't it.
Author aemm Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 No you are the one not getting it, and I'm surprised no one else doesn't see it. They had eyes for each other for awhile. She broke ties with you because she didn't want you to figure it out that they were starting to pursue each other.. He dumped you for her, not for your issues. It all makes sense now doesn't it. Yeah it wouldn't surprise me. She has been single for 3 weeks. She can't handle being alone. She is one of those women who changes who she is to accommodate the man. She is looking for stability but this guy doesn't even want a serious relationship. She ruined a friendship because she is a selfish bitch.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Something is missing from this picture. Can't quite put my finger on it. 1
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Ya she has had an emotional attachment to this guy long before she dumper her BF. She became obsessed to the point she was willing to toss a 14 year friendship away.
Keenly Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Something is missing from this picture. Can't quite put my finger on it. She is leaving something out. In one of her posts she said that she tried to explain to the guy why she " lashed out. " OP, did you freak out on this man and are leaving that part out so you don't look bad? 2
DArtagnan2 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Thanks everybody! I just don't think a friend should date a guy who hurt one of her friends. She doesn't seem to get this. A real friend wouldn't. I agree about not letting them know about your hurt or any feelings towards this. Walk away with your head up because you did nothing wrong. Stay strong.
Smilecharmer Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Maybe your lashing out was the drama he felt he didn't need and they connected over your violent behavior? You say you lashed out so maybe this is something you did to your friend too? I don't take my pain and depression out on other people because they don't deserve that. Maybe get your emotions and anger or depression under control instead of taking it out on others. Get help.
Author aemm Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Maybe your lashing out was the drama he felt he didn't need and they connected over your violent behavior? You say you lashed out so maybe this is something you did to your friend too? I don't take my pain and depression out on other people because they don't deserve that. Maybe get your emotions and anger or depression under control instead of taking it out on others. Get help. I never got angry at either of them. I had panic attacks but I never flipped out on either of them. I went to my friend when I became depressed because she helped me the first time. The guy ended it with me after I got a little emotional talking about my depression. He told me before he understood what I had gone through. Yet when I told him I thought it was coming back he said he didn't want to pursue me anymore. My friend has never been single for more than 3 months. She hates being alone. She lost another friend because she pretended she was interested in him and then dated other men. She would hide her fb relationship status because she couldn't tell him she was with another man. I apologized to both ppl if I came across as mean. I don't get angry though.
Author aemm Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) He wasn't your partner and is being honest. No reason for someone you are getting to know to commit to you and take on your issues. As for your friend...depends...was this an isolated incident on your part. We often advise people NOT to associate with people with certain disorders if is impacting their own life....not to associate with drug users, alcoholics,...those with chronic manic/ depressive bouts. Nothing is being served unless the other person is seeking help. There is nothing noble about being a martyr when it is not being productive. They both knew about my depression. The man and I talked about our issues before we even hung out. He said he had anger issues and I told him about battling depression. He said he thought I was amazing for getting help. This was midway through us talking. My friend suffers from a milder case of bipolar disorder. She doesn't deal with it properly. She just drinks when she is anxious. We have both been there for each other in the past. This time it was so out of character for her to ignore me. She would snap at me and them accuse me of letting my anxiety get the best of me. My other friends told me she was being verbally abusive to me. My friend was dating a man that she knew the relationship wouldn't last because of his career. She would confide in the man I liked about how bitter and scared she was to be alone. She would go to his apartment until 5 am discussing their issues. She has had this man on her back burner for a while. She doesn't have a good job, has no money and still lives at home. She needs a man to give her an identity. I just never thought she would go after a man who hurt me. Also she has only been friends with this guy for a year but they have only been lose for like 6 months now. She has been single for 3 weeks and they're already seeing each other. Edited July 8, 2014 by aemm
Author aemm Posted July 8, 2014 Author Posted July 8, 2014 I said goodbye to both of them. I told my friend I couldn't be her friend anymore because she doesn't respect me. She would tell me she was busy yet would post in her blog that she was hanging out with her guy friends. One of my friends told me that this woman probably never saw me as competition when it came to men. Our friendship had been going one way for a while. It's toxic and I need to get away from her .
writergal Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I said goodbye to both of them. I told my friend I couldn't be her friend anymore because she doesn't respect me. She would tell me she was busy yet would post in her blog that she was hanging out with her guy friends. One of my friends told me that this woman probably never saw me as competition when it came to men. Our friendship had been going one way for a while. It's toxic and I need to get away from her . Good for you! I know how hard it is to say goodbye to friendships (new and old), but you did the right thing for yourself. Once a relationship becomes one-sided it becomes toxic for both people involved. You will feel so much better with these two people out of your life. It sounds like you and she had different takes on your friendship: you treated her like a friend whereas she treated you like more of an acquaintance. She's self-absorbed and you're better off without her in your life. If she ever contacts you to be friends again in the future be very wary of her motives.
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