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What have you learn from this?

sugarlove

By sugarlove
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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Sometimes I'm glad I'm a dumpee because it made me evaluate my part in the breakup seriously. Something which I doubt the person who left us will spend time to do. So tell me, what have you learn from this whole ordeal so far?

 

For me, I've learnt that:

1. Easy come easy go - if a person says he love you within a month of just getting to know you, be wary as that may also mean he will not.love you just as fast.

 

2. Survival 101. In the face of danger, do not panic. Stay still and calm. Pretend you're dead.

 

3. NC does make you feel.better... staying in contact when they ignore you will hurt like crap

 

4. If someone wants to leave, let them leave. Do not hang on because they've already let go

 

5. It takes 2 to make a.relationship and 1 to break. That's very true.. If you find you are the only one trying to.save this, it will never work.

 

6. It's okay to feel like you are going mad.. As long as you don't act like one.

 

7. Missing someone is part of losing someone. Missing doesn't mean you love him.. but usually mean you miss the times you had together.

 

8. People feelings can change, so can yours. Tomorrow you will feel better.

 

9. Wait at least 24 hours when you are feeling angry before making a decision which you most likely will regret later.

 

10. The only person who won't leave you is yourself. So do yourself a favor and start respecting your feelings.

 

11. Social media sucks. What appears on them do not reflect reality. Your exes are not trying to send you smoke signals, if they want to talk to you, they will contact. What they post online is none of your business becuase most likely it does not reflect their.true feelings.

 

12. Your ex is most likely not thinking of you at this moment.

 

13. If it's love it's.meant to be easy. Which means if they pick same lame ass excuse to say it won't work. It's them who see the issue as unresolveble, that also means they don't care anymore. Nothing you can do can change their mind.

 

14. Sometimes it's actually possible that you haven't done anything wrong at all.

 

15. You are always good enough. Just becuase he doesn't love you anymore doesn't mean you are no longer good.

 

16. No breadcrumb is better than insincere ones. Soemtimes not contacting you might be a blessing in disguise.

 

I'm.sure I've learn way more.. will love to hear yours!

Edited by sugarlove
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Moonborn Established Member

Moonborn

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Good insight, I can related to many of those. To add something...

 

17. You are not alone. You are surrounded by people, and many of them are wonderful persons who are just waiting to meet you. You just gotta dodge the jerks :p

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sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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18. His friends and family will not help you no matter how much they like you, it will only make things worse.

 

19. There is not such thing as closure. Stop asking for it, seek it within yourself.

 

20. They usually come back. Either to apologise or to reconcile. It may take many many years.. don't wait.

Edited by sugarlove
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Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

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9. Wait at least 24 hours when you are feeling angry before making a decision which you most likely will regret later.

 

Number 9 is also useful in the workplace before sending an a-hole co-worker a nasty email. Maybe I'd still be employed there if I took your advice.

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sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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21. Soulmates do not leave you. If they left you, they are not The One.

 

22. Do not resort to bribery. If they don't love you, any gifts of flowers, jewellery, presents they always wanted etc will only annoy them and waste your time and money.

 

23. Words exchanged when emotions are high are not indicative of your feelings. Don't feel bad that you told them you hate them. They probably deserve it.

 

24. You are not the first. They have done this before. And they will do the same to the next.

 

25. Time will heal all words. Everything will pass and feelings will wane. Give it time.

 

26. No. They don't love you. People who love truly don't do this to someone they love. If they walk away, let them walk. Don't chase.

Edited by sugarlove
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FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

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Most of your learned experiences are good.

 

13. If it's love it's.meant to be easy.

 

I was going to respond earlier when I saw this because it irked me, but I couldn't be bothered.

 

21. Soulmates do not leave you. If they left you, they are not The One.

 

After I saw this, URHHHH.

 

There is no "The One" there is no "Soulmate" and to answer number 13, love isn't easy, as in a relationship isn't easy.

 

If you continue your thinking that with "The One" it will be "Easy" then you'll be going through relationships until you finally hit the ripe old age and wonder why you never found "The One"

 

Please consider your advice carefully because the above is a very immature view.

 

The rest is pretty good :cool:

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sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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My apologies. I meant easy to work things out. As it's easy to understand each other.. easy to stick around. If both parties try their best, if there is real love, even the hardest issues can be worked out (easy). Dumpers leave becuase they feel the issues are way too hard to resolve.. they fall out of love, too hard to fall back. How many times have dumpees felt they don't understand why s/he can juSt leave when the issue seems easy to resolve. For the dumpee, yes. Not for the dumper. The dumper no longer want to put in the work for relationship. They chose to leave.

 

There are many The Ones. The One doesn't have to be just one person... but the one person who stays when things get tough will be The One for you. If they leave.. then they are not The One for you. Many felt so hard to let it go because they reckon the love they feel is special, that this person they long for is the one for them. Their soulmate (if you beleive in that).

 

The truth is.. If this person is the one, indeed the one, they will stick by you. They will stay. If they leave, they are not. It wasn't meant to be.

 

I find with that mentality.. it's easier for me to let to go. This isn't advice Fred Jones 80. I'm not preaching anything.. just things I have learn in my process of letting go. :)

Edited by sugarlove
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leavesonautumn Established Member

leavesonautumn

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This is really nice, thanks for making this post!

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OwMyEyeball Established Member

OwMyEyeball

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1. Always look out for #1. You can only care for others as well as you care for yourself.

 

2. Sort of the same as #1, but you can only love another if you love yourself

 

3. Romantic love on its own is a harmful addiction. It ignites the fire, but compassionate love is what keeps the flame burning.

 

4. Avoid forming relationships with women who are very recently out of one themselves. They are unlikely to be ready for a new one at the time. I'm sure the same applies for men. Relationships founded on one partner's vulnerability and insecurity will eventually crumble.

 

5. Maintain No Contact from the breakup onward. Focus on yourself and your needs. Reach to friends and family for support. Keep active. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don't become mired in it. Indulge in healthy distractions.

 

6. Allow no one to form your identity for you. The only person to be the judge of your self-worth is yourself.

 

7. For all that you feel you have lost, take the time to be thankful for all that you do have. Just as you may feel that you took the relationship for granted, look around at all that you are blessed with that you may be taking for granted. Cherish and be thankful.

 

8. There is no One. There are Many, but only enough lifetime to settle upon the best option out there. That's right. "Settle". Hinging on romantic love alone to hold things together is foolish. A strong, lasting relationship requires some pragmatism as well.

 

9. As wonderful as a relationship is, always keep making friends and in touch with those in your life. Good friends are forever. You don't 'breakup' with them. They might not always be around, but they're always there.

 

10. Don't sidetrack your lifelong goals and dreams for a new partner.

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sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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I love number 4 and 7. Thank you for sharing. :)

 

I was having sudden surge of missing my ex just now. I reread the list here to remind myself and I do feel much better now. Keep going!!

Edited by sugarlove
Moonborn Established Member

Moonborn

Posted
Posted

 

8. There is no One. There are Many, but only enough lifetime to settle upon the best option out there. That's right. "Settle". Hinging on romantic love alone to hold things together is foolish. A strong, lasting relationship requires some pragmatism as well.

 

 

It took me an awfully long time to realize this... On this topic I would suggest watching "500 days of Summer" to anybody who didn't yet :) .

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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1.sometimes things need to end....

2.end is not a bad word.....

  • Like 1
Michael.S New Member

Michael.S

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1. People in relationships don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. Don't blame yourself too much or think you deserved this.

 

2. They key to happiness is letting go, getting more graceful in letting go, and becoming detached is a great way to move on.

 

3. The fastest way to move on though is to let go of hope of her/him ever coming back(learnt this 2 years ago)

 

3. Learnt the hard way that NC means actual no contact. So not just not contacting her, but also not checking on her facebook, whatsapp, instagram, seeing her pictures, driving by her house etc. You just don't want to know what she's up to

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NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

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1. Learn to love yourself.

2. You are as valuable as she is.

3. Things are not "meant" to be.

4. You are not "entitled" to anything in life.

5. Ignorance is a bliss.

6. Revenge is a pitfall, it only satisfies in the short term.

7. Don't be an ignorant dick, listen to Loveshack.

Edited by NC-Thomas
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