lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I, like many of you, am in NC (Day 24 to be exact) and although I find myself making steps forward, I also find myself thinking backwards. In terms of hoping that somehow and someway he will come back, in the correct way, and we'll somehow work it out. I know that I should not wait around for this, because I'll be hurt either way, but no matter what I try to think, I keep going back to this. How can I overcome this? and when did you guys leave that hope that I have, behind?
Moonborn Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 For me it's a mixed bag, sometimes I find myself hoping too, even if I know that in my particular situation it is not practical anymore and I would set strict conditions if she ever wanted to came back. I think that you can only give up hope completely the moment you stop hurting over them. And I think that only time can really help with that. 1
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 For me it's a mixed bag, sometimes I find myself hoping too, even if I know that in my particular situation it is not practical anymore and I would set strict conditions if she ever wanted to came back. I think that you can only give up hope completely the moment you stop hurting over them. And I think that only time can really help with that. Yeah I understand what you're saying. When I really get into deep thought I wonder why I even want him back, after everything he did that hurt me. I just don't know why... but I guess it just hurts not being wanted, or missed, or them not realizing that they made a mistake. Don't we at least deserve a "Hey, I was an a**hole..." or something along those lines with an apology. But I guess we'll never get one. My ex is in town today and I think knowing that and seeing that he hasn't tried to talk to me or apologize or anything is killing me. I'm tryng to cope and currently am getting ready for the gym but Im still very sad. 3
sugarlove Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I wish I know.. I thought I lost hope.. then sometimes it just creeps up on me. Now I just refuse to let it make me feel nostalgic about the past. I try to focus on his bad points.. and the worst of them is his sexting which lasted for 5 months. I tried to justify it many times and let it go... but I have to stop accepting anything less than 100% investment in me. It's hard for me to love myself enough to say *no, it's cheating..and he is not the man I thought he is* I think alot of me pine for him becuase i feEl that I'm a good person and that I deserve to be loved for all my goodness. And him not loving me.. makes me feel like I'm a bad seed. Which I'm not. Im slowly starting to love myself more.. and doing that I am beginning to not want him back more abd more.. 3
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I think alot of me pine for him becuase i feEl that I'm a good person and that I deserve to be loved for all my goodness. And him not loving me.. makes me feel like I'm a bad seed. Which I'm not. I think thats where I am as well. It just really boggles my mind that people let go of such amazing people... I like to think that Love isn't a feeling, its a decision. One to be and stay with that person through everything. These men do not love us. 1
Teuen101 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 (edited) I'm on day 6 or 7- here is what I feel I was the one doing all the working out in the relationship- she would blow up and hang up- so she checked out- new roommate in the house to invest her time in a guy split up with his wife as of this week she isn't thinking about me ! she is off tossing her self on her new roommate spending all day with him. so she don't care and I very sure I wont hear from her again Edited July 4, 2014 by Teuen101 spelling
Moonborn Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I think thats where I am as well. It just really boggles my mind that people let go of such amazing people... I like to think that Love isn't a feeling, its a decision. One to be and stay with that person through everything. These men do not love us. Everybody deserves to be loved, but in the end the only person in the world who can reliably provide that for you is yourself. I have been relying way too much on love and affection from others until after this breakup. In that sense it was a lesson I needed to learn. 3
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I'm on day 6 or 7- here is what I feel I was the one doing all the working out in the relationship- she would blow up and hang up- so she checked out- new roommate in the house to invest her time in a guy split up with his wife as of this week she isn't thinking about me ! she is off tossing her self on her new roommate spending all day with him. so she don't care and I very sure I wont hear from her again Try to take the advice below your post, it will help you greatly.
Moonborn Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Try to take the advice below your post, it will help you greatly. Unfortunately it is very easy to say, but really difficult to put in practice consistently. But I feel that knowing where to start is at least something.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Unfortunately it is very easy to say, but really difficult to put in practice consistently. But I feel that knowing where to start is at least something. Definitely, there are so many great posts and websites that I have found, I feel like a million bucks after reading them and then an hour or two, maybe, if I'm lucky, a day later I will be back to my old ways, feeling sad and depressed. 3
Itspointless Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 When did I gave up hope. The last time I saw her two weeks after (she just repressed everything). After that it took me more than three months to truly admit to myself that she really is gone (the person who I thought she was). I still wish I could turn back time before she was avoidant (stress was the trigger). I really liked the person she buried and just got to know. But as she said 'I know myself'. Therefore I have to know better.
BC1980 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I lost hope at 8 months post breakup, but I didn't go NC immediately after the breakup. I'm sure that stalled my acceptance of it.
umirano Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I haven't given it up yet. Something in my stomach tells me we still have a chance. 3 months post BU. NC was broken today after about a month. I think it may take a very long time though. What do I know. I'm confused. Or not. She drunk emailed me. It has no significance. I just can't let go.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I haven't given it up yet. Something in my stomach tells me we still have a chance. 3 months post BU. NC was broken today after about a month. I think it may take a very long time though. What do I know. I'm confused. Or not. She drunk emailed me. It has no significance. I just can't let go. I think we all have these days.
marcjb Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Today is particularly bad for me. It has been 2 1/2 months since we broke up. I can't stop thinking about all of our good times. Even when I think about the main thing (she lied to me), I can't stop thinking about all of our good times because there were so many of them. I still refuse to break NC, but if she contacted me I would probably embrace it. I doubt if I will meet someone else with all of the good qualities she has.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Today is particularly bad for me. It has been 2 1/2 months since we broke up. I can't stop thinking about all of our good times. Even when I think about the main thing (she lied to me), I can't stop thinking about all of our good times because there were so many of them. I still refuse to break NC, but if she contacted me I would probably embrace it. I doubt if I will meet someone else with all of the good qualities she has. Not going to lie, I am right there with you. I refuse to break NC as well but right about now, I would really like to hear from him. 1
Itspointless Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Not going to lie, I am right there with you. I refuse to break NC as well but right about now, I would really like to hear from him. I still would like to hear from her. But at the same time it would make me irritated. Last time we talked a few sentences was three months ago. She kept contacting me once a month, to say hi.
Author lovebug_5858 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I still would like to hear from her. But at the same time it would make me irritated. Last time we talked a few sentences was three months ago. She kept contacting me once a month, to say hi. I feel like I'm on the brink of breaking NC. How do you deal with her saying hi? Doesnt it give you hope still?
Itspointless Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I feel like I'm on the brink of breaking NC. How do you deal with her saying hi? Doesnt it give you hope still? I couldn't deal with it as she also had kept some things foggy: could be's and maybes. So I wrote to her how I felt about it all and that I couldn't be friends with her this moment. That was it, she told me she wouldn't contact me any-more.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 It took 11 months for me, I literally just went "he's never coming back" it was like a light bulb moment and over the next few days the acceptance hit, felt like Id been let out of a net and back into the world x 1
Elle1975 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I, like many of you, am in NC (Day 24 to be exact) and although I find myself making steps forward, I also find myself thinking backwards. In terms of hoping that somehow and someway he will come back, in the correct way, and we'll somehow work it out. I know that I should not wait around for this, because I'll be hurt either way, but no matter what I try to think, I keep going back to this. How can I overcome this? and when did you guys leave that hope that I have, behind? To answer your question, from day one it was a mix of "he loves me" and "It's over forever". After a month, it was only "it's over forever". How to get that to that point.. I suppose I understand there is no point in putting my life on hold for someone. He's left, and that's that. Missing someone is different from hoping someone will be back. So it's natural to miss him, but don't go down that path of hoping he will be back. It will just delay your acceptance of the break up, and you won't be back on your feet as fast as someone who accepted that it's over. 2
Moonborn Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I don't know, maybe I am further down the road than I thought. I do miss her horribly, but I have accepted that she won't be back. I was upset at myself for how much I still miss her, but seeing what you all write, maybe I am being too hard on myself 1
guest569 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 We have been broken up for 6 months and no contact for about 3 months. I still hope that he will drop by my house with flowers and tell me he missed me and wants to try again. I know that isn't going to happen, but i really hope it does. Whether or not I would take him back is another story. 2
Ordinaryday Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 it differs depending on the person and situation, like with my first love I only ever really gave up complete hope of being contacted by her when I found out she now was now married and had a child with some guy. 2
june_bug Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 My ex and I have been broken up for four months and have had no contact for three months. I am starting to lose hope now, but it's not completely gone. I don't want to go into details about my ex's life and personality, but suffice it to say that there are things about him that make it extra hard for him to find a mate than it is for most males. And it's not about his looks (he's handsome). It's just other stuff. So basically what I'm saying is that...he may have a hard time finding a woman (the fact that he got me does mean he's capable of getting a woman, but many people tell me that I'm an anomaly in not being put off by a certain thing about him.) Anyway, my point is that I don't tend to lose hope completely until an ex is actually with another person. Now, I do think I will lose hope if he's not with someone else but even more time passes, though. When we talked a month after the breakup, it was rather explosive all over again. So I kinda count that day as a re-break-up (erupting of negativity). I consider he and I to have been apart for three months -- removed from negativity, that is.) In a way, I think it's still early. In other threads, people say their therapists say things like...reconciliation time is often between 3 and 6 months. Those are considered short-term reconciliations anyway. I'm not as torn up as I was two months ago. I love my ex and want to be with him. But I'm losing the major emotional turmoil I was experiencing before. I can even fathom being with someone other than him. It's just that no one has come along so far, and I've not had any context for new romance in my life.
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