artsygirl78 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I was good about NC for the past three weeks, but broke it today by looking at my ex's fb page - I knew what I was going to see was going to hurt me but I did it anyway It should teach me to not do it again. He is already flirting and sending sweet nothings to one of the women I felt uncomfortable around while we were dating (my lack of trust and issues with his boundaries was one of the reasons I broke it off). We have been broken up just a little over a month. It should be a reminder that my instinct was right in breaking it off, but it hurts to see that he is already moving on while I am deeply missing him and part of me is still struggling with the decision I made. A reminder - NC is to be able to focus and take care of YOURSELF. What is past is past, and what your ex is or is not doing without you is now none of your concern. This is a time to take care of YOU. Although yes, sometimes no contact feels unbearable, the alternative is only hurtful.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 Any ways , i think he is never contacting me again , i guess i was wrong about him as person. I think we were all wrong about our partners and our relationships to some degree. I know I was, and that's a hard pill to swallow. I guess the question is, how does one avoid making those mistakes again?
june_bug Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 9 months of NC , nothing from him.. Until last month i wished he contact me but i guess reality is finally setting in for me that he is never coming back probably he doesn't even care about me. Honestly, i have suffered so much from this short term relationship breakup that i am so done thinking about him now. when he comes on my mind i say to myself why would i want to think about person who put me through so much. Not only, i suffered emotionally but it caused lots of family issues,and i have completely given up in school and ended up in totally different career field.. I guess i am DONE finally.. Lots of people here thought that i was crazy because how i was still hurting after such a short term RS but thing went super fast during that time and i fell for him. Any ways , i think he is never contacting me again , i guess i was wrong about him as person. Don't feel bad. I dated a guy for just two months in 2011 and stayed hung up on him for eight months after. And the only reason I stopped being hung up is that I got together with a new person who I liked a lot. If i hadn't met that new person, I might have stayed hung up on the original guy for a year plus. 1
june_bug Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 My ex and I have been broken up for four months, no contact for three months. My "no contact" isn't 100% though. When I say no contact, I mean he hasn't tried to reach out to me, nor I to him (via phone, text, or email). But I do still have many of his friends as my FB friends. The thing is, they are not "good" friends of his, and I don't even think he hangs around them very much. I don't get updates on his life based on having his semi-friends as FB friends. And he is not on FB at all, so there's no FB page of his for me to look at. That said, ONE of his friends who is on my FB does post pics of him. But it's all neutral; it's work-related pics and he's usually alone or only with platonic people in them. I have no idea what's going on in his personal life. Anyway, I'm doing okay. I'm actually a lot better than I was 2 to 3 months ago. When the breakup first happened, I couldn't sleep for about 3 days. (Sleep returned on the 4th day). And I had no appetite for about a week and and a half to two weeks. In general, I feel pretty fortunate that the sleeplessness and the appetite loss were pretty short-lived. I think I take good care of myself in the midst of breakups. I still exercise a lot and eat well. And while I did isolate myself socially for the first 5 weeks post breakup, I got out socially right after that. I still miss my ex though. I think it's a shame that he ended our relationship even though (i felt) the good outweighed the bad. But...it's his choice. I am fairly certain he's still single, but I don't know for sure.
gj13 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Exactly a month today. Feeling better than i thought i would but killing to have any sort of breadcrumb (i guess i just want something to let me know that hes actually thinking in some way or missing me and not moving on entirely...dumb i know ) 2
june_bug Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 I don't really want breadcrumbs. And I can't imagine my ex doing the breadcrumbs thing. My ex is a really good guy in general (except for breaking up). He's a serious person in general too. He wouldn't text just for sex or to see if I'm still there. I'm pretty sure that I'd only ever hear from him if he desires to resume and work on the relationship. This is one reason why I'm not terribly panicked about not hearing from him in 3 months. Although there are still no guarantees that he will come back, I know that he would only come back for a relationship. And I figure making that decision takes a lot more deliberation than just texting for sex or texting to have contact on a lonely night. 2
daisydook Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Me? 16+ months (not 1 breadcrumb)... Sometimes it feels right and good. Other times, it's almost unbearable. So up and down / in and out... You??? 18 months... or so? I havent contacted him once, nor have I responded even once. I have spoken to his grandmother once, back in February of this year when she called me. He tried to contact me for a year, up until he knew I was dating someone seriously. He has since left me alone and has also gone NC
daisydook Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Oh, and it definitely feels right. All the time now.
Jord11 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 1 year and 5 months not 1 word between us, if she wants to talk she can initiate it, no way I'll start the convo
Miss Awesome Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Two years, eight months. My ex tried to contact me multiple times after we split - and not just right after we split.. periodically since then. Phone. Text messages. Facebook messages and friend requests. Showed up at my place a couple times. He has never gotten a response out of me. No joke, he actually tried to contact me again last month. I'm not sure I should even have replied to this thread as I've gotten to a point where contact is the last thing I want, but I guess I just replied to say that it can be done - and it feels pretty awesome when you get to the point that you don't want contact. Good luck to everyone!
Icydescent Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Almost 5 years. I still think about him & want to contact him sometimes, but I know it's better not to.
crazybestie101 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Wow, it's escalating to see here that some people already have 2-4 years of NC and they still haven't heard from their ex. Makes me wonder kind of dumpers exist in this world. People can be so selfish and cold, i thought at least at one point in life two people would want to put everything at peace than hating on each other but i guess people don't even care.. 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 1 year and 5 months not 1 word between us, if she wants to talk she can initiate it, no way I'll start the convo I remember you and I got here about the same time
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 i thought at least at one point in life two people would want to put everything at peace than hating on each other but i guess people don't even care.. I know for me it has nothing to do with hate!!!
Always Pondering Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Wow, it's escalating to see here that some people already have 2-4 years of NC and they still haven't heard from their ex. Makes me wonder kind of dumpers exist in this world. People can be so selfish and cold, i thought at least at one point in life two people would want to put everything at peace than hating on each other but i guess people don't even care.. Complete NC doesn't necessarily mean they hate each other. Once you start NC, you shouldn't be "expecting" messages/breadcrumbs anyways. I have a couple of exes where I haven't messaged them in over 4 years. It's not because I hate them, it's just because time has passed and I don't care. To OP, I've been NC for about 5-6 months now and haven't seen the ex in over a year. It'll probably stay that way and I'm completely fine with that.
crazybestie101 Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Complete NC doesn't necessarily mean they hate each other. Once you start NC, you shouldn't be "expecting" messages/breadcrumbs anyways. I have a couple of exes where I haven't messaged them in over 4 years. It's not because I hate them, it's just because time has passed and I don't care. To OP, I've been NC for about 5-6 months now and haven't seen the ex in over a year. It'll probably stay that way and I'm completely fine with that. Well, what i mean there is if they are not hating on you ,in those 4 years atleast ONCE they should check up on you with " hello". It doesn't hurt to say hello to someone with whom once you share some kind of bond. i think it's pretty childish and cold to completely delete someone and never return back. Life is too short to play this games.
Wings Of Love Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 9 months and 2 days. Yesterday (July 4th) would have been our 2 year anniversary and next Saturday will be a year to the day we split. Absolutely no desire to contact him. The feeling is obviously mutual, he has not said one word to me since the day I cut him off. And it's better that way.
orangetree Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 This thread is a good example that exes don't always come back (mot even with NC). I'm on day 40 of NC today. It gets better, I feel much better than in the first few weeks. I don't even want him back anymore, even though I still miss him and think of him. Yesterday his mom contacted me and I wish she wouldn't. It makes me think of him more.
Always Pondering Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Well, what i mean there is if they are not hating on you ,in those 4 years atleast ONCE they should check up on you with " hello". It doesn't hurt to say hello to someone with whom once you share some kind of bond. i think it's pretty childish and cold to completely delete someone and never return back. Life is too short to play this games. Not in all cases. I'd like to think I'm not a cold, childish person who plays "games" because I haven't messaged one of my exes but to each their own I suppose. It's not a "game", I just never think about it. I can almost guarantee that neither does my ex.
BC1980 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Well, what i mean there is if they are not hating on you ,in those 4 years atleast ONCE they should check up on you with " hello". It doesn't hurt to say hello to someone with whom once you share some kind of bond. i think it's pretty childish and cold to completely delete someone and never return back. Life is too short to play this games. You see NC as an assault on you, but it's almost always done to emotionally distance yourself from the source of your pain. I absolutely do not hate my ex, but I have other complicated emotions where he is concerned. I can't be in contact with someone under those terms, but it doesn't mean I hate him. 1
BC1980 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 I think we were all wrong about our partners and our relationships to some degree. I know I was, and that's a hard pill to swallow. I guess the question is, how does one avoid making those mistakes again? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. How I formed a picture of him that was not compatible with who he really was. I fell for him pretty fast, and I wanted those intense feelings (attraction, butterflies) to be well founded. On the outside, he seemed to have it all. I idolized him because he was a doctor, had a nice house, made good money, took nice trips, was a gentleman and always paid for me. It's so superficial when I think about it, but I really feel for him based off of those things. I did love this man like crazy, but I also idolized him in a way. I saw him as better than me. Of course, he was also emotionally distant, cold, and demeaning to me and my feelings. Those are things that you can't buy no matter how much money you have. It's been difficult to admit all of this because I hate to think I am a superficial person. He wasn't good for me though, and I painted a picture of him that was not true to who he was. 3
FortunateSon Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Since early December for me. I have no desire to ever contact her again, I don't anticipate I will be hearing from her either. 1
sugarlove Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 12 days today, still going. Not one crumbs even though I've been giving him a bagful of crumbs for 2.5 months. I'm going to do a 90 days NC to even out the crazy things I did to try to win him back. 3
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) It's been difficult to admit all of this because I hate to think I am a superficial person. It's not being superficial. It's being human... I think it becomes easy to idealize our partners. Especially when we face our own issues of low self-esteem, low self-worth and our inability to feel truly loved by another. That we are simply not good enough... This is the real issue!!! And it's a b*tch!!! Edited July 6, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 2
Lovemeagain Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 It's been 2 weeks and 2 days of NC. It's been really hard and I don't want to be weak and contact him but everyday I want to....it's so sad but i want to hear his voice again even if it is always angry lately. I know I will only be causing more harm to myself but I wish he wanted to call me. When we were together there wasn't a day that he didn't want to call me at least 5 times a day. Now what I wouldn't give to even have a text... Pathetic...I know 2
Recommended Posts