dweeegs Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I'm asking a girl to dinner soon and I need input on how to proceed Some background, my gf of 3 years broke up with me about a month ago right after we graduated college and I've been on NC since. Right before her, I had a crush on a girl from high school for a long time. She had a boyfriend at the time. We were ridiculously close. We cuddled sometimes, she used to drop the L bomb on me a lot, hung out exclusively one on one a lot. When I started to date my ex we got into a bit of an argument since she didn't want me dating her because "she wouldn't be able to see me as much" (her words). But I had tried to make my feelings known and she rejected them. Can't tell if I was in the super-deep-friendzone or if she actually did have a subconscious thing for me. I'm thinking the former. Regardless, she's single now. I've basically been on 3 years of no contact with her, but recently we've been doing small stuff on Facebook back and forth and I'm asking her to dinner soon. I'm getting a refresh button and I don't want to waste it. My problem is that I don't want to fall into the same hole. We went to lunch/dinner/movies/other places most would consider "a date" a ton and it was strictly platonic. If she wants to see me again after that I don't want her to think it's just friends hanging out. The first date I'm fine with just meeting up. I'm newly single and living life by the moment for now. But if she does want to see me again afterwards, how should I let it be known that it's a "date date" instead of just two friends seeing each other? I don't want to rush things after not talking for 3 years (I would think it'd be slightly suffocating) but at the same time I don't want to let it slip by. Any advice? I'm not worried about the going to dinner part, I'm completely confident it'll happen. We were really close and I know her. But I don't want to play this wrong
PegNosePete Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Do things that you would do with a date but not a friend. Hold her hand, touch her arm, stroke her hair, kiss her, you know... things you would not do with a male buddy! Make sure you don't sit opposite her at dinner, too much like an interview. Sitting on a corner is best I find, at 90 degrees to each other. Even if you have to move chairs around, do it. If she asks what you're doing/why just say you want to sit closer to her.
Assasda Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Basically carry yourself, like a man that has manly needs. Not like the gay best friend that you were acting like last time. I also wouldnt "reveal" anything to her 1
jay1983 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Do not, I repeat do not reveal that your hurt or miss your ex. If she asks you, just say in a very relaxed tone "We broke up a month ago" "If she asks if you're over her, if your looking for something else, say "yeah sure, I miss her" once again in a very relaxed tone revealing no emotion and move the conversation to something else.
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 When you ask her to dinner make sure you use the word date in the Q. Other than perhaps making it clear that your EX is out of the picture don't talk about the EX. Also told wander too far down memory lane & do try to kiss her goodnight unless you are getting a very strong No Way vibe
Author dweeegs Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) Do not, I repeat do not reveal that your hurt or miss your ex. If she asks you, just say in a very relaxed tone "We broke up a month ago" "If she asks if you're over her, if your looking for something else, say "yeah sure, I miss her" once again in a very relaxed tone revealing no emotion and move the conversation to something else. Sounds easy enough since I don't miss her anymore! When you ask her to dinner make sure you use the word date in the Q. Other than perhaps making it clear that your EX is out of the picture don't talk about the EX. Also told wander too far down memory lane & do try to kiss her goodnight unless you are getting a very strong No Way vibe I was going to for the second date, I already told her we're going out to dinner (she said yes) so I didn't get to say on a date. I wasn't planning on going for the kiss this time. Is that a huge problem? She's amazingly hard to read if I remember correctly. If someone said they wanted to take you out to dinner, would you take that as a date or just meeting up? Edited July 7, 2014 by dweeegs
tigerdog Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Sounds easy enough since I don't miss her anymore! I was going to for the second date, I already told her we're going out to dinner (she said yes) so I didn't get to say on a date. I wasn't planning on going for the kiss this time. Is that a huge problem? She's amazingly hard to read if I remember correctly. If someone said they wanted to take you out to dinner, would you take that as a date or just meeting up? Honestly, as a female, I wouldn't know. I would not force a kiss just yet. Just let it happen. I get you don't want to fall into the friendzone BUT a poor way of going about it is by making rash decisions to try and avoid the friendzone. The best way to avoid the friendzone is by doing the following: 1. Don't talk about exes. 2. Don't invite her to meet up with you and a bunch of friends. 3. Don't always be available for her. Get close to her, but don't turn into someone she views as her personal journal she can vent everything to. 4. Flirt a bunch with her (light touches, comment on how she looks, etc.) Play it cool, and give it more than a few dates before putting her on the spot. She's still getting to know you. It's been 3 years. You BOTH need to figure out if you even want to pursue this romantically. And it's easy to escape the friendzone if you don't become someone she looks to for comfort WITHOUT being in some type of relationship.
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