blynnae05 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I met this guy in april. Everything went great but as time went on, I was getting suspicions of his actions(or lack there of). Like one day he told me he's married but has been seperated from his wife for 4 years. He told me if he wasn't ready to move on, he wouldn't "be here with me right now". Another night we took a picture together and I told him he should post it on facebook. He said "unfortunately, I can't. I'm still technically married and i could get in trouble with the army if they see that I'm with someone else". I was a little shocked he said that because last year, he had put his status on facebook saying "in a relationship". And I thought..well, if he was married for that long, than why was he able to set his status then, and not now? He admitted to me one day that he can be an *******. I was thinking.."why would you admit that?" I told him one day that its too bad he has to hide me from everyone for now. He said "I hate that I have to. But when I get out of the army for good, it will be different". He started texting me less and less when he went back to base. And then he completely stopped. I confronted him about it and he would always make an excuse as to why he couldn't talk. But I figured if he liked me enough, he would text me atleast once every day or two, right? When I broke up with him, he said he would fight to keep me, but I have been thinking about doing it for a few weeks now. Which wasn't true. And also, he just said "ok: /" with that face. Which seemed odd to me because he would tell me he would do everything he could to keep me and that he wasn't giving up. And on facebook, there is a girl stationed in the same state as him(possibly the same city?) And she commented on a post of his saying "whatever happened with you coming to check out my new place?" But I didn't have a reason to think he might possibly be seeing someone else. I thought maybe she's just a friend. But now that I think of all this, I wonder if he's possibly seeing someone else over there? He suddenly disappeared on me. I even told him goodbye and not one word. Although he told me he still cares and he wants me but he can't be himself over there and he doesn't want to hurt me. All this... but yet he wanted me so bad when we met. He kept fighting and fighting when I woildnt let my guard down completely. But when I did, its like he just vanished When he knew the exact reason why I put my guard up in the first place. Situations like this. Are these red flags of something he's doing behind my back? Or am I over reacting?
MuddyFootprints Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I met this guy in april. Everything went great but as time went on, I was getting suspicions of his actions(or lack there of). Like one day he told me he's married but has been seperated from his wife for 4 years. He told me if he wasn't ready to move on, he wouldn't "be here with me right now". Another night we took a picture together and I told him he should post it on facebook. He said "unfortunately, I can't. I'm still technically married and i could get in trouble with the army if they see that I'm with someone else". I was a little shocked he said that because last year, he had put his status on facebook saying "in a relationship". And I thought..well, if he was married for that long, than why was he able to set his status then, and not now? He admitted to me one day that he can be an *******. I was thinking.."why would you admit that?" I told him one day that its too bad he has to hide me from everyone for now. He said "I hate that I have to. But when I get out of the army for good, it will be different". He started texting me less and less when he went back to base. And then he completely stopped. I confronted him about it and he would always make an excuse as to why he couldn't talk. But I figured if he liked me enough, he would text me atleast once every day or two, right? When I broke up with him, he said he would fight to keep me, but I have been thinking about doing it for a few weeks now. Which wasn't true. And also, he just said "ok: /" with that face. Which seemed odd to me because he would tell me he would do everything he could to keep me and that he wasn't giving up. And on facebook, there is a girl stationed in the same state as him(possibly the same city?) And she commented on a post of his saying "whatever happened with you coming to check out my new place?" But I didn't have a reason to think he might possibly be seeing someone else. I thought maybe she's just a friend. But now that I think of all this, I wonder if he's possibly seeing someone else over there? He suddenly disappeared on me. I even told him goodbye and not one word. Although he told me he still cares and he wants me but he can't be himself over there and he doesn't want to hurt me. All this... but yet he wanted me so bad when we met. He kept fighting and fighting when I woildnt let my guard down completely. But when I did, its like he just vanished When he knew the exact reason why I put my guard up in the first place. Situations like this. Are these red flags of something he's doing behind my back? Or am I over reacting? He's admitted what he is. Believe it. 4
whatatangledweb Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 It sounds like he wanted a carefree fling. You started asking too many questions of him so he disappeared. I think he told you what he thought you wanted at the beginning and the end. You had good reason to question him. I would say he is still with his wife and plays around on her. He can get kicked out of the military for adultery, which is ironic since there are many who do it. I'm sorry he did this to you. 1
Spectre Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 A guy admitting he is an a-hole to you is like when a girl tells a guy she "only gets along well with other guys as friends and not girls". It is more or less code for "expect me to betray you". 2
Livingeachday Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 A guy admitting he is an a-hole to you is like when a girl tells a guy she "only gets along well with other guys as friends and not girls". It is more or less code for "expect me to betray you". What???? For most of my life I mostly had best male friends ...since I was 4-5 year old. They are much less drama and less complicated than female friends. Never once in my life did I have a sexual relation with any of my male friends. This is just a crazy assumption... But if a guy tells you he can be an a****** trust his words - he is already covering his a** for future bad behaviour. Like I say - men can be much less difficult than women - if they tell you something bad about themselves you better take their word for it. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 From what I understand the UCMJ is different then regular civilian law. Adultery is still punishable although they rarely do it. In a relationship can be explained away as in a relationship with my wife while we figure out what we're doing. Photos of you are indisputable. Do you see the difference? He & he colleague could be just friends. Her publicly asking that given their mutual military status, makes me think there is not something going on. All that said, this isn't going anywhere for you. He's still married. After 4 years he needs to divorce or reconcile. If he can't or won't that's a problem. The hot & cold business he's exhibiting with you also speaks volumes about why he's in limbo with his marriage. He can't make a decision & stick to it. Who needs that? 1
Mr. Lucky Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 He suddenly disappeared on me. I even told him goodbye and not one word. Veni, vidi, vici He came, he saw. he conquered. And having done so, he's moved on. I'll echo that I'm sorry he's done this to you, it's no way to treat another human being. Stop worrying about him and start caring about yourself. There's lots of better guys out there ... Mr. Lucky 1
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