How Can I Become Close Friends With My Ex Girlfriend? I Don't Want To Give Up On Us!

[Chrispy]

Ok, but like I said I have had so many breakups, always got over them fast as I knew they were wrong for me. Why can't I let this go now? Even for a while. I keep obsessing over why this even happened. so stupid reason too. I think deep down I felt safe with her because she made me feel like we were going to be together forever. and I felt then that I couldn't handle another breakup.

[Chrispy]

I can't let go of the fact that I think it is so easy to fix...

[sugarlove]

Hey.. I'll say that is how everyone feels as well aboit our own situation. You can't get over her becuase you love her. Not becuase she loves you. Don't confuse the two.

 

But so what if you love her.. will that make her love you back? If someone wants to leave, let them leave. She has indicated she has lost the romantic intereSt in you.. then it's no longer your issue. She lost it.. The problem lies with her.

[Chrispy]

She lost herself in the process doesn't feel she can be loved. She was about to live a life alone before she met me.why is she no longer afraid of being alone?

[sugarlove]

Don't know.. don't care. That's her issue and not yours anymore. We are going in circles..

[Moonborn]

She lost herself in the process doesn't feel she can be loved. She was about to live a life alone before she met me.why is she no longer afraid of being alone?

 

You are thinking yourself to death. And this comes from somebody who has been accused of thinking too much several times in his life. Just let it go, do something to get yourself distracted from it.

[Chrispy]

Yes I tend to overthink things I recently quit smoking I was a heavy smoker cigs and mary jay. This is my only explanation for being so stuck in my thoughts. But really I feel like I'm loosing it. I know I don't need her I just want what I had with her. I even feel that I deserve someone better than her and she also is very fragile and weak. so why can't I let go???

[Simon Phoenix]

I can't let go of the fact that I think it is so easy to fix...

 

It takes two to fix it though. That's what you don't seem to get. And since she was the one who broke it, she needs to be the one to make most of the effort fixing it. Whether or not you think it can be fixed is irrelevant -- if she doesn't, then it ain't happening. And there's nothing you can do to make her see that; only thing your meddling will do is either drive her away or make her so comfortable with the status quo that there's no reason for her to want to fix anything.

 

You are being a clingy, spineless doormat right now. It takes two to break up a relationship, and you taking all the blame and burden yourself, while a normal stage in the breakup process, isn't helping at all. It makes you look extremely weak. You need to stop blaming yourself and you need to stop projecting your feelings on to her. If she truly feels this connection to you, she will show it without you making up stories and scenarios and situations. You need to accept this breakup and let life take its course. Right now you are an emotional, clingy, obsessive mess, and even if she did want to come back, there's no way you'd be able to handle it. It's time to let go, take this breakup seriously, move forward and, for lack of a better term, get your balls back.

[Chrispy]

Ok, phew tough ****. I finally did the "right" thing. It feels counter intuitive but I am not going to the company party. I hate blowing off my other friends though,but I can feel that I am a mess anyways. actually feels liberating to walk away. she will probably not even say hi after this anymore. if she asks what is up I will write her to stop contacting me.thanks all, I still feel like in order to stay strong I might need to rant here and I hope you still have the energy to deal with me after this. means a lot to me all your responses. i know I'm a hard ball

[emotionalMess]

Simon P is 100% correct. There is nothing for you to fix.

 

Good job on not going to the function!

[Chrispy]

Hey Everyone!

Something amazing has happened to me yesterday. After battling my brain with emotions and being in a constant confused state I was killing myself. Thank you so much for not stopping to tell me what I didn't want to hear. I truly believe that you guys helped me so much to understand and realize that I was looking at things the wrong way. You broke the ice, the bond I was being held back in my own mind by not letting go of her.

So interesting that once I was able to walk away all of this made so much sense all of the sudden. Now I know that whatever the outcome will be I will be happy!! Thank you for helping a stranger!! I want to share with you my realization.

I have done something yesterday that I havent in a very long time. Opened up to a stranger. I started talking with my neighbor yesterday openly and honestly and after putting myself in a better state of mind, I knew exactly what I have been doing wrong, my mistakes, and also what I needed to do in the future. I think i have leveled up 3 experience points last night. This is my enlightenment:

 

I have truly been given insight on all the things corresponding to our break. Up until yesterday I was 100% confused and stuck in my mind of revolving thoughts. Now that I was able to let go I have found liberty.

You see both of us in the beginning felt like we were soul mates. We were convinced we were made for each other.

Things were sparking between us and we had an instant connection. Love like we never felt before.

The reason I know this, is this quote has stood out to be so true:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

We were both in a position in our lives that we were unable to maintain a healthy relationship. So both of us now as a result of sharing a great time together are in need of fixing what went wrong in our lives. I made it almost impossible for her to stay with me and interesting that I can now see why all of this makes sense. I do not hold a grudge as I completely understand why she left me.

However even after we parted I could still feel the connection between us. But because I couldn't let go of her and was only focusing on one thing I didn't give myself or her a chance to grow. I hope I didn't end our chances completely by acting the way I did. But now I realize that by still holding on to the feeling I was subconsciously still pushing her away from me. This is why she is my soul mate. Without words just purely by my emotions I was scaring her off farther away. I am still trusting that this bond gives me the understanding of why she was acting so distant. She could have just moved on and not felt anxious in my presence so that connection is very real. She might not know it at the moment, but I trust that with time she will realize what it meant to her. Hopefully the bridge between us will not be permanently broken. Just after realizing so much that I was trying to understand by listening, I should have been as in touch with my emotions as I am now. It all makes so much sense. I can truly understand her actions of wanting to still keep me in her life, but also know the reason behind her inability to do so. I since have went on a soul search myself and I realized the things in my life that need to be patched up.

This might even be so that we can be who we need to be for the other. I just pray to God, that somewhere in the turmoil of her emotions she will always remember and trust the one very extreme thing that I told her. I would do anything to be happy with you. Hoping that this will never fade from her mind. As for now I have "disappeared" from her life and I also have to be okay with never getting her back. It will be unfortunate if it happens, but I will still be happy with all other things if I find the balance I need.

I was putting way to much weight on a relationship this was causing a mental block, now I realize that it is not the most important thing to have a happy life, I feel that I can start making my life whole again, and when that happens someone will fit right into the place that is reserved for such a person.

 

If it means anything to anyone here I will be posting later on what the time will unfold in my life.

Thank you again for all your support, you are very dear to me!

[emotionalMess]

Look like you turned a corner.

 

I wouldn't pin any hopes on the soul-mate theory.

Sounds like you are convinced of it (like I was with my ex) before nothing came of that theory.

Sometimes its just a theory.

 

Aside from that, its nice to see its all about you right now, because that should be your focus.

It's fine to be a little selfish and continue to focus on you and nothing else.

 

Just remember, there is no destination, only a journey.

[mtnbiker3000]

but maybe you haven't loved anyone as much as I love her?

 

Hahahahahaha.... Hahahahhahahaha... Good one, dude!!!