Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I've been dating a girl for 2 months now and it's gotten pretty serious. She's only had sex with one other guy(her only other real relationship) so she's been holding off saying she doesn't really want to increase her number with just anyone. I know for a fact she's really into me and the last time we hung out I was naked and she was in just her panties. We got pretty hot and heavy and dry humped a ton. When I reached downstairs she pulled back saying she had to behave herself. She said she really wants to but can't. She then begged me to stay the night at her place.. Since I'm a guy, she's extremely hot, and I'm falling for her, it's driving me absolutely insane. I know she's physically attracted to me because she said it numerous times. How much time do you all this is adequate before sex with someone who's only had 1 partner in her life? Realistically.. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life, and I know it's not for the wrong reasons....btw I'm 25 and she's 24.
Andy_K Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 In this case it's probably not so much about time, but how serious she thinks things are between you and how comfortable she is. Are you two official? Has she met your friends and vice versa? How much time do you spend together? Talk to her.... She doesn't want to do it with just anyone, so ask how she feels about you, where she sees this going, etc. Time to try and establish a meaningful connection if you want this to go further.
MissBee Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Is she waiting for you guys to be exclusive/official before sex or is she waiting for marriage? If she is waiting for exclusivity then you guys can have that talk about being in a relationship (if that's what you want, and don't only do it for sex) and taking that step if it's right for you two. I'm sure after that the sex thing won't be a problem.
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Well the problem is she has some attachment issues and thinks being official is a HUGE deal. She wasn't official with the guy she had sex with but said they were drinking and he talked her into it after and hour of persuading. She said she kinda wanted to get it out of the way at the time. So we probably won't be "official" for a while.. I know she's extremely comfortable around me. Always saying things like "oh my god I can't believe I told you that. No one else knows" etc
Assasda Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Are you her therapist as well? - is that how you know she has attachment issues? I dont think she's romantically into you, because you can only dry hum so much before a girl wants to have sex. I think something else is happening here, like youre Talking yourself out of it, or doing some other bullcrap that is weak. Anyway, 2 months is a short time. Dont rush the girl
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 She told me in the very beginning she doesn't like getting attached. I've been in quite a few relationships. I can tell when someone is into me. A lot of girls in the past haven't been, but she is...
GoreSP Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Does anyone remember the slut shaming threads where I say men are looking for a girl who won't have sex with just anyone but when a girl doesn't want to have a sex with a man fast enough, he bitches and moans? Yeah... OP, I'm not pointing at you particularly here, btw. That being being said, don't rush the girl. Wait - it'll be worth it. 1
carrie_o Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 She wasn't official with the guy she had sex with but said they were drinking and he talked her into it after and hour of persuading. This sounds like date rape to me. Has she seen a therapist about this? If you really want to be with her, you need to back off immediately when she says no. Show her that you are not this other guy. Show her that you respect her boundaries. Don't try to talk her into anything.
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Yeah it's a double edged sword that's for sure..
GoreSP Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 This sounds like date rape to me. Has she seen a therapist about this? If you really want to be with her, you need to back off immediately when she says no. Show her that you are not this other guy. Show her that you respect her boundaries. Don't try to talk her into anything. Hmmmm I wouldn't call it rape. Though the guy is definitely a giant douchebag. OP, make sure you DON'T try to push her into sex like the other idiot did. And make sure you pay attention to her body language when you two are making out. If it seems like she is just letting you do stuff to her (it's easy to see because she won't be 'participating' or reciprocating') STOP and ask her if she is ok. It seems weird like that but the last thing you want is for her to do something she doesn't want to but feels like she has to.
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I've never wanted anything more in my entire life Yeah I don't think you're ever going to get it, you just want it too much and women can sense it. Anyway, 2 months is a short time. It's really not. Wait - it'll be worth it. No it won't.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Always saying things like "oh my god I can't believe I told you that. No one else knows" etc Oopsss!! I am very sorry to announce you she is not feeling you the way you're feeling her. This + her 'I don't want to commit because of ABC' is indicative you have been friendzoned. Let me guess...she broke up with someone RIGHT before starting to see you?
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Oopsss!! I am very sorry to announce you she is not feeling you the way you're feeling her. This + her 'I don't want to commit because of ABC' is indicative you have been friendzoned. Let me guess...she broke up with someone RIGHT before starting to see you? No she'd been single for 6 years
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 No she'd been single for 6 years You mean that story about having sex while drunk was 6 years ago??
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 You mean that story about having sex while drunk was 6 years ago?? Yep........
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) Well i wouldn't recommend getting naked with just her in her panties and dry hump each other, that's going to make it nearly impossible to cope with. I don't know how you didn't go insane with that one personally after two months without but damn well near there, I would've picked up the house and threw it. So for me, I'm not going to mess around and tease about sex like that...I would recommend not going that far with it where penis is practically touching vagina, but you can definitely tease and flirt in other ways just kind of know your boundaries, but the situation is clear what she's looking for..and that's developing trust and trying to secure the relationship, she wants to know you aren't just going to walk away after she gives it up to you and then the next guy comes along and the whole process starts all over. You're being a lot more patient than a lot of other guys would be (but then again she sounds hot enough for guys to want to wait for) and I'm sure you value her caution to an extent, and she's inching her way closer to the sexual aspect of it...but she doesn't want it to be all about that either or even the main focus, which as a man you're going to find that difficult to deal with. The other guy just convinced her and took it from her, now he walks the town with a strut for taking your woman's virginity, but she wasn't really ready or willing, he pressured her into it...why she let that happen though is her fault, you shouldn't necessarily have to pay the price for what some other guy has done, she likely thought it would lead to more with this guy...but guess what, that's the way it is and she wants to know you're there for more than just the sex. She might not have also been that drunk and unaware as she claims to be, especially talking it over for an hour..give me a break, is that what drunk people do, to you? Sit there and talk about something for an hour whether to have sex or not? so she went for it on the same hand, don't let her play the complete victim about that, she needs to be responsible for her behavior and choices. You can honestly apply the same pressure and get the same result, but it'll be before she's ready...unfortunately I have a feeling she doesn't have the strongest boundaries, it's up to you whether you want to push that or not, most guys do and get what they want and then just leave when they're done with it. It's up to you how you handle it, I'm not saying you're the devil or anything, it's perfectly reasonable to want to sleep with her, but depends how far you're willing to go...if you want to be a "saint" about it, go through it the long way and really have a conversation with her about it and find out what she needs from you and how to solidify the relationship first, just realize that this is not about you, this is about her opinion of herself and the last experience she's had. If you want to be selfish about it and feel like it's time, then pressure her and at this point she will will probably give-in to your demands...after all you've stuck around a few months by now, that's something to lose for her. You don't want to be overly patient and play passive aggressive, just keep showing the interest and desire for her...even though you might feel rejected, she still wants your interest, she just needs more trust in order to feel comfortable with choosing to have sex on her own decision, when she's ready...and that is not some universal time line, that's something she'll just know or feel. So the question is really for you...whether to be patient, or just press for it happen. Both have their negatives. And if you're patient, you'll get it eventually...really just depends on the kind of guy you are. I actually just read that she lost it 6 years ago, that's a significant time ago and could've just been one of those youthful mistakes type of things...I anticipated that it was sooner or more recently, this changes the dynamic a bit because she might have very well re-aligned her boundaries and expectations since then completely, so I think she's shown a significant determination over the last 6 years to hold herself together according to her values...you should be patient with that information in hand. Edited July 3, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas
haribogumsnickers Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 The time will be when she is ready and willing. You're not going crazy because you're just really horny. Work off that raging testosterone at the gym or do some cardio. Just don't rape her, I mean "talk" her into having sex with you. Mind over matter.
Author Brink007 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Well i wouldn't recommend getting naked with just her in her panties and dry hump each other, that's going to make it nearly impossible to cope with. I don't know how you didn't go insane with that one personally after two months without but damn well near there, I would've picked up the house and threw it. So for me, I'm not going to mess around and tease about sex like that...I would recommend not going that far with it where penis is practically touching vagina, but you can definitely tease and flirt in other ways just kind of know your boundaries, but the situation is clear what she's looking for..and that's developing trust and trying to secure the relationship, she wants to know you aren't just going to walk away after she gives it up to you and then the next guy comes along and the whole process starts all over. You're being a lot more patient than a lot of other guys would be (but then again she sounds hot enough for guys to want to wait for) and I'm sure you value her caution to an extent, and she's inching her way closer to the sexual aspect of it...but she doesn't want it to be all about that either or even the main focus, which as a man you're going to find that difficult to deal with. The other guy just convinced her and took it from her, now he walks the town with a strut for taking your woman's virginity, but she wasn't really ready or willing, he pressured her into it...why she let that happen though is her fault, you shouldn't necessarily have to pay the price for what some other guy has done, she likely thought it would lead to more with this guy...but guess what, that's the way it is and she wants to know you're there for more than just the sex. She might not have also been that drunk and unaware as she claims to be, especially talking it over for an hour..give me a break, is that what drunk people do, to you? Sit there and talk about something for an hour whether to have sex or not? so she went for it on the same hand, don't let her play the complete victim about that, she needs to be responsible for her behavior and choices. You can honestly apply the same pressure and get the same result, but it'll be before she's ready...unfortunately I have a feeling she doesn't have the strongest boundaries, it's up to you whether you want to push that or not, most guys do and get what they want and then just leave when they're done with it. It's up to you how you handle it, I'm not saying you're the devil or anything, it's perfectly reasonable to want to sleep with her, but depends how far you're willing to go...if you want to be a "saint" about it, go through it the long way and really have a conversation with her about it and find out what she needs from you and how to solidify the relationship first, just realize that this is not about you, this is about her opinion of herself and the last experience she's had. If you want to be selfish about it and feel like it's time, then pressure her and at this point she will will probably give-in to your demands...after all you've stuck around a few months by now, that's something to lose for her. You don't want to be overly patient and play passive aggressive, just keep showing the interest and desire for her...even though you might feel rejected, she still wants your interest, she just needs more trust in order to feel comfortable with choosing to have sex on her own decision, when she's ready...and that is not some universal time line, that's something she'll just know or feel. So the question is really for you...whether to be patient, or just press for it happen. Both have their negatives. And if you're patient, you'll get it eventually...really just depends on the kind of guy you are. It means a lot to me for you to take the time to write all that. Thanks a lot. She knows I want it and I have been talking about it a little too much I know. I think the next time I see her I'm just going to be real with her and say I can't control what my body is telling me, but I can be patient if she needs me to be.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I totally agree that you need to keep your clothes on and stop this fooling around...and this even if the fooling is what she wants. There is just so much teasing a man can take. Here's my worry. You want her really badly, as you said that's what you want the most in your life at this time. You think sex with her will be this amazing brain stabbing experience. Most men with this frame of mind lose interest after sex. She will lose a lot of her appeal in your eyes because what drives you will have been accomplished. So keep your clothes on, stop talking about sex, there's a girl inside that amazing body, who is she!
somedude81 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Have you talked to her about becoming an official couple? Making yourself BF and GF?
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Just because she is not a virgin doesn't mean she wants a sexual relationship with you right now. She's expressed desire for you but also indicated that she's having a conflict between her head (being a "good girl") and her hormones. Be a gentleman & power down. She wants a real relationship. She wants to be courted. She wants to know you like her for her, not because she is a means for you to get gratification. It's only been 60 days. If you can't be patient you two are not meant for each other 1
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