jc Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Hi everyone, This is the first time I've ever been on one of these forums, but I am so confused and I don't know what to do anymore. Okay here's a little history on my situation...My SO and I met 2 and a half years ago and fell hard for one another. I've never been more in love with someone. Here's the thing, I'm 24 and he's only 21 and I'm also his first girlfriend. Things were so great for the first year, then he started acting kind of strange and we started to get in a lot of fights. He didn't want to spend a lot of time together anymore, he mainly just wanted to golf and hang out with his friends, which was hard for me to understand because of how close we'd been for the past year. He also became pretty depressed but refused to get help. After a couple months of really not getting along, he broke up with me. And I really couldn't deal with it. I asked him why and he said that he didn't love me anymore and things just didn't feel right. Well, stupidly we stayed in contact for the next 4 months, calling each other, sleeping with each other, etc. Then he tells me that he wants to get back together for real and that he sures this time. So we got back together and all of our old problems resurfaced. We were doing long-distance and I wanted to see him more, but he never wanted to come up. Also, I wanted to go on a trip together and he said he didn't want to, didn't have money, couldn't get time off work, etc (in short, lots of excuses). So after two months of being back together, feeling sick and unsure all of the time what was going on with us, if we'd make it, if he really loved me (after breaking up with me before and telling me that he didn't love me), I finally broke up with him. He told me that I was doing the right thing and that if we were meant to be we would get back together. This was three weeks ago. We talked every few days for the first couple of weeks, then I cut off all contact because it was too hard for me (yet it doesn't seemt to be hard for him). Then two weeks after we broke up, he emails me on Valentine's day to wish me a happy Valentine's day. I don't know what that meant. So I emailed him back saying "you too". So I hadn't talked to him at all for 6 whole days...the longest I've ever not talked to him. And then last night I got the urge to call him so I did. I called him and we talked and then I asked him if he still loved me and he wouldn't answer. He finally told me that he loves me in the way that "he wouldn't want anything bad to happen to me", but that he doesn't love me that way that I want him to. He also said that he doesn't think that we'll ever get back together because he resents me. Okay, so here's where I need some advice: he's coming down to the city where I live this weekend and he's going to drop off all of my stuff. Should I see him? We had talked about going to a movie together, but is this a bad idea? And sleeping together, I want too because I LOVE HIM and I miss him, but if he's not in love with me what's the point? I don't know. I feel like maybe if we see each other and go out to a movie and sleep together that he'll realize that he misses me and won't just write off a future for us (yes I know that I'm pathetic). Why does he keep going back and forth? He says that he still loves me, but then says that he's not in love with me. He told me that we might get back together someday in the future, then he tells me that we won't ever get back together because he resents me. I don't understand...and what should I do?
tattoomytoe Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 get your things from him, and loose his number and never call back.
d'Arthez Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 First of all: the word "Love" has various different meaning. Remember motherlove, parternal love, et cetera. You love him in another way, than he loves you. He has clearly indicated that when you broke the No Contact. He is not making elusive movements, but because your perspective is a bit warped, it seems like he is running from and to you emotionally speaking. You even consider sleeping with him! It would only confuse your feelings, and maybe his feelings too. Not that he will want you back, and suddenly realize you are the love of his life. You are not . It will cause him pain if he truly cares for you. Every attempt you make to confuse him will give him some resentment towards you. By breaking NC your also putting salt in his wounds. So I would advise you to get your stuff back, and drop all ways you can contact him. Start healing.
Author jc Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 So what do I believe about what he says? That we might get back together some day? That we'll never get back together? Or is he just confused too? Maybe this is just a 21-year old male thing...
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 listen to pocky for once...just listen to her.
d'Arthez Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 If my previous message has not been clear, the possibility that the two of you will realize a future together are about 1 in 3 billion . I feel your ex has been sharing with you what was on his chest; he even suggested he did love you, but in a general way. As most caring people care about people, even if they are complete strangers. He told you that. Forget about him, and don't confuse your feelings anymore by trying to win him back. It has nothing to do with his age or your age for that matter. Accept the situation, and start healing. You will overcome your feelings of sadness.
upsetnhurt Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 JC, Evenutally when you give yourself sometime to digest reality you will realize that you are not in love with him per say, yet you are in love with the idea of having someone in your life. That is the hardest part to accept for you since i can't believe that if you have been together twice and broken up twice that you would ever think that this relationship could work. Let go...it will hurt yet you will soon be on the road to recovery. Do not see him when he drops off your stuff, do not go to the movies with him, and please DO NOT sleep with him. Be strong and proud and dont BEG, which is what your actions will be doing if you do any of the above three. Where is your pride? Do you not deserve someone who loves you for you and wants to treat you like a princess? Do you not want that? Why would you settle, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you...................
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