In turmoil between husband and lover - !!!!

[daniellagK7]

I've been having an affair with a co-worker for the past 6 months behind my husband's back.

I'll admit, our marriage has become a bit stale in the bedroom department, all my husband talks about is bills, paying the next bill, financial stuff, worries over IRS whole shebang.

The sex between me and this man was passionate, if not mind-blowing.

As for my husband, he didn't even want sex, just wanted to discuss IRS and retirement investments with me, he'd lost his humor and zest for life and when not in work spent most of his time on financial-advice forums and IRS websites.

He ignored me when I had sexy lingerie on, said we needed to discuss ways to cut our tax bill.

I'm now starting to feel guilty about having this affair; the guy does have his faults, he smokes, he snores loudly, wears my crop tops/half-shirts sometimes, and he talks a bit too much about his grandma to the point of annoyance.

Yet he is a bit similar to my husband in some ways; sense of humor, liking for alcoholic drinks etc.We only really had sex twice; the rest of the time was spent at posh hotels and one time went across the stateline to another state for a week - I lied to my husband about work issues.

I told my husband last night and rather than getting him bawling or ranting as you'd expect, he just said "So what. I was too caught up in taxes and retirement stuff, I will have to up my game now you've had an affair with another man." He said he'd forgive me for this, and said the guy was a bit of a jerkass.However this other man wants me to leave my husband and move in with him, he says living with him would be good; I'd get to be with him 24-7.

I'm in turmoil; I do love my husband, but it feels more like being with a brother, but when I am with my lover it feels passionate and fun, like a frolic, and I don't know where to go next.

What am I to do?

[Jonah]

sorry to read that you are torn so. In the situation that you describe, I wonder, how much have ya'll been drinking?

[jackslife]

What's interesting is how dull your lover appears to be. You talk about leaving your husband for him, but have listed his faults instead. Also if I read your post correctly you've only had sex twice with your AP in a 6 month affair. Most affairs tend to be wild and full of sex and unrequited passion. I could understand if you were leaving the boring accountant husband for the wild passionate lover, but to leave a dull husband for a dull lover seems like madness to me.

 

If I know LS you will get A LOT of advice and comment, my 10p worth I'd dump the lover and see if you can make it work out with the H...

[tornapart2002]

Have you ever told your husband any of this?

 

Is that somehow harder for you than betraying him with another man?

 

I think you need to look at yourself and realize you owe your husband the chance to try to fix things before you run off and have sex with someone else...but then again, you've already gone there, so I guess it's a bit too late for that.

 

Your husband is completely in the dark, probably, about how you feel so to show him you took the cowards way out and slept with someone as the ultimate: "I don't want you anymore..."

 

Yeah, I know how your husband feels. It is what my husband did to me too when I actually dealt with ahuge jerk for many years but didn't make the choice to tell him to shove it up his ass by banging someon else, like he did.

 

I've been having an affair with a co-worker for the past 6 months behind my husband's back.

I'll admit, our marriage has become a bit stale in the bedroom department, all my husband talks about is bills, paying the next bill, financial stuff, worries over IRS whole shebang.

The sex between me and this man was passionate, if not mind-blowing.

As for my husband, he didn't even want sex, just wanted to discuss IRS and retirement investments with me, he'd lost his humor and zest for life and when not in work spent most of his time on financial-advice forums and IRS websites.

He ignored me when I had sexy lingerie on, said we needed to discuss ways to cut our tax bill.

I'm now starting to feel guilty about having this affair; the guy does have his faults, he smokes, he snores loudly, wears my crop tops/half-shirts sometimes, and he talks a bit too much about his grandma to the point of annoyance.

Yet he is a bit similar to my husband in some ways; sense of humor, liking for alcoholic drinks etc.We only really had sex twice; the rest of the time was spent at posh hotels and one time went across the stateline to another state for a week - I lied to my husband about work issues.

I told my husband last night and rather than getting him bawling or ranting as you'd expect, he just said "So what. I was too caught up in taxes and retirement stuff, I will have to up my game now you've had an affair with another man." He said he'd forgive me for this, and said the guy was a bit of a jerkass.However this other man wants me to leave my husband and move in with him, he says living with him would be good; I'd get to be with him 24-7.

I'm in turmoil; I do love my husband, but it feels more like being with a brother, but when I am with my lover it feels passionate and fun, like a frolic, and I don't know where to go next.

What am I to do?

[DKT3]

You can't build a relationship on passion. As time passes, passion dies down then it comes and goes in a LTR.

 

I call tell you this, if your having the issues you are NOW with the AP its not going to get better.

[daniellagK7]

We only had sex twice at posh hotels; but in total I think we had sex a lot. I didnt make it very clear to you guys.

I know I listed his faults, but he is a good guy in some ways, he's funny, handsome, HOT, really hot, works out, takes selfies of himself, I even got some of him in his undies on my iphone, got a sixpack and personality that's good, like a beautiful god, he's Italian-American, with olive colored skin.

I'm stuck now - he wants me to move in with him at some point in the next 6 weeks, should I do this or return to my husband?

[whichwayisup]

We only had sex twice at posh hotels; but in total I think we had sex a lot. I didnt make it very clear to you guys.

I know I listed his faults, but he is a good guy in some ways, he's funny, handsome, HOT, really hot, works out, takes selfies of himself, I even got some of him in his undies on my iphone, got a sixpack and personality that's good, like a beautiful god, he's Italian-American, with olive colored skin.

I'm stuck now - he wants me to move in with him at some point in the next 6 weeks, should I do this or return to my husband?

 

Do you have children?

 

Bolded part: Do you really think it's healthy to end your marriage and then go live with the other man? To just start a new life with someone else so quickly?

 

This seems like a grass is greener situation. Big time.

[thummper]

I've been having an affair with a co-worker for the past 6 months behind my husband's back.

I'll admit, our marriage has become a bit stale in the bedroom department, all my husband talks about is bills, paying the next bill, financial stuff, worries over IRS whole shebang.

The sex between me and this man was passionate, if not mind-blowing.

As for my husband, he didn't even want sex, just wanted to discuss IRS and retirement investments with me, he'd lost his humor and zest for life and when not in work spent most of his time on financial-advice forums and IRS websites.

He ignored me when I had sexy lingerie on, said we needed to discuss ways to cut our tax bill.

I'm now starting to feel guilty about having this affair; the guy does have his faults, he smokes, he snores loudly, wears my crop tops/half-shirts sometimes, and he talks a bit too much about his grandma to the point of annoyance.

Yet he is a bit similar to my husband in some ways; sense of humor, liking for alcoholic drinks etc.We only really had sex twice; the rest of the time was spent at posh hotels and one time went across the stateline to another state for a week - I lied to my husband about work issues.

I told my husband last night and rather than getting him bawling or ranting as you'd expect, he just said "So what. I was too caught up in taxes and retirement stuff, I will have to up my game now you've had an affair with another man." He said he'd forgive me for this, and said the guy was a bit of a jerkass.However this other man wants me to leave my husband and move in with him, he says living with him would be good; I'd get to be with him 24-7.

I'm in turmoil; I do love my husband, but it feels more like being with a brother, but when I am with my lover it feels passionate and fun, like a frolic, and I don't know where to go next.

What am I to do?

 

 

Don't worry. Go ahead and dump your husband, who has taken care of you and worries about your finances and your future, and take up with the other guy. Wanna take bets on how long you'll be with this guy before the "spark" wears off, you see all of HIS faults, and he begins to feel like a brother, too. Then, on to the next guy???

[Timmos]

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Don't worry. Go ahead and dump your husband, who has taken care of you and worries about your finances and your future, and take up with the other guy. Wanna take bets on how long you'll be with this guy before the "spark" wears off, you see all of HIS faults, and he begins to feel like a brother, too. Then, on to the next guy???

 

I was thinking along these lines. While I know there is much, much more to marriage than finances, most men (that I know of, anyway) don't stress over finances for nothing. If they worry about money, its because they're worried about taking care of their family.