jackslife Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 (edited) A big part of the problem could be the use of text messaging It is too easy to misinterpret or take offence because you often can't interpret the tone in which the message had been sent. If this had been a normal conversation it would have been and gone without issue. My advice, limit banal texts and just chat when you both get home instead. Edited July 4, 2014 by jackslife poor grammar 3
Glinda.Good Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I realize this is nothing which is why I said in my wording "This is SO minor but it SO rubbed me the wrong way!" I think people are responding to HOW MUCH you let things rub you the wrong way. If you are deeply unhappy with your marriage, there are probably several things you are going to have to do about that situation. Getting all worked up over little things every day is not good for you, your husband or your marriage. So does this mean I can smart off to him when he sighs and refolds his clothes because I didn't do it "right"? Or be smarmy because he took the hose out of my hand and watered the garden because I'm not doing it "right"? ! No, it means you don't sweat the small stuff. If you can't stand each other, try marriage counseling or just say goodbye to your marriage. That's allowed.
Trimmer Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 A big part of the problem could be the use of text messaging It is too easy to misinterpret or take offence because you often can't interpret the tone in which the message had been sent. I absolutely agree. Especially if you are prone to being what we call in the technical field, "high gain", which is encapsulated in the following phrase: This is SO minor but it SO rubbed me the wrong way!
leavesonautumn Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Honestly, we all get annoyed about trivial things. I mean, how many of us have had a super crappy day and the smallest thing was what set us off? I think the issue is that you are letting this affect you a bit too much and there seems to be more going on in your relationship. You're the only person it's affecting and it can be unhealthy to hold on to the little things. I agree with people who say you should have waited to talk about it in person so you could have had a real conversation. Texting people little things throughout the day is nice but it's also nice to have things to share in person and have a chance to be intimate. With text our tone isn't always expressed properly. Man, I WISH my ex and I only fought about the bird bath not being filled up 3
daisydook Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) I realize this is nothing which is why I said in my wording "This is SO minor but it SO rubbed me the wrong way!" So does this mean I can smart off to him when he sighs and refolds his clothes because I didn't do it "right"? Or be smarmy because he took the hose out of my hand and watered the garden because I'm not doing it "right"? Damn straight there's more problems in this world to get upset over than birdbaths, clothes being folded and gardens getting watered! Now we are getting somewhere! So what IS the issue here? What IS the REAL issue? It sure the F isn't bird baths. You guys clearly have issues here, and I am concerned for you both. If something as trivial as this rubs you BOTH the wrong way (him being smarmy and you being upset by it) it seems as though there are underlying issues needing to be addressed instead of talking about this one online. Can we talk about the real issue here and not the stupid bird bath? I am so far from against you on this. There have been less trivial things I have fought over. My ex and I started WWIII over sandwich bags and why I didnt tell him we were out, but I didnt throw the box out. I didnt use sandwich bags, so I didnt think to throw the box out. Lol. He lost his mind though. There was so much more going on than sandwich bags though. Edited July 5, 2014 by daisydook
IMsodumb Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 My husband takes things the wrong way too. It's frustrating to have any type of conversation with him because he always feels that my questioning something, ANYTHING is an attack on him. He's overly sensitive maybe.
Author Mapper71 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) I wasn't talking about the bird bath. I was talking about the clothes folding and him taking the hose out of your hand. I saw your explanation. Frankly, I think you need help if you're bothered by trivia, and can get upset with anonymous strangers on the internet. Maybe some chill pills. How's your blood pressure? Let me guess, it runs high.\ 'Fraid I have to disappoint you. 110/80 for the BP! Cool as a cucumber! Me???? Get upset with strangers on the Internet???? What ARE talking about?! Perhaps it is really sarcasm, yet you perceive as me being upset! Edited July 6, 2014 by Mapper71
contact1 Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Here's the thing, you are saying that you sent a text that was meant to be friendly and a "hey, the birds are back". But in your first post, you said your text was: "No water left in the birdbath this morning so birds must be using it!" This is not a "hey, the birds are back" friendly text. If I got this text, I would read it as "hey dumb@$$, there is no water so obviously you are wrong about the birds using it" and yes I would respond back with a "yea, I told you I was only going to fill it up partly". If that is how you sent the text, than you are the one that caused the drama here, not him, but now you want to be angry for him standing up to you on something that should be an issue. 3
2sunny Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) You don't like the way the birdbath is filled... hmmm. You are perfectly capable of filling it yourself. Finding fault in your husband seems to be your mission. Poor guy. Does he look for things that you do wrong as well? A nice approach would be "honey, I filled the birdbath so the birds can play today! :-D" See the difference? Edited July 6, 2014 by 2sunny 1
Author Mapper71 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 You don't like the way the birdbath is filled... hmmm. You are perfectly capable of filling it yourself. Finding fault in your husband seems to be your mission. Poor guy. Does he look for things that you do wrong as well? A nice approach would be "honey, I filled the birdbath so the birds can play today! :-D" See the difference? Wow! Ididn't realize how every single person here sees that line as being said in a mean way. I certainly didn't mean it to come across that way. I can't explain myself anymore than I alreayd have so you guys win!
CarrieT Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Wow! Ididn't realize how every single person here sees that line as being said in a mean way. I certainly didn't mean it to come across that way. I think that is the point; your texts and how you represent yourself to your husband are ALSO coming across in a way that you don't mean. Doesn't that make sense? It does to all of us. 3
Davey L Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I must admit I laughed when I first read this through. I mean, it's just about how much water your husband put in the birdbath! Who cares! But seriously, these little things are the sand in the engine that causes it to break down. In truth, there have been many such things in my marriage. I know I have reacted at times similarly to your husband, and that when I do, it upsets my wife and I feel bad about it. But, when I'm at work, and I'm busy and stressed, if I get a message from my wife that could be interpreted as even a tiny about critical or complaining, I do react badly. On the opposite side when I get a nice, sweet or loving text message it can life my spirits for the whole day. I might suggest that you are more careful about how you word your text messages; they are so easy to misinterpret. How about instead something like "I think the birds have been using the bath today; the water has gone down it's almost empty!" You should be enjoying the birds visiting the garden and using the bath, not fighting over it.
beatcuff Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 OP, try this: I was out with a couple that are on the rocks. known both for years, closer with W. We were in a group chatting and H asks W if she wanted another drink (he was empty). She said "no" and then leaned to me as he was walking away and said quietly "he can't be that stupid to realize if i want a refill or not". i looked at her and said "he was being polite". this thread is saying the same thing. don't let the REAL issues be clouded with trivial matters. 1
Trimmer Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Wow! I didn't realize how every single person here sees that line as being said in a mean way. Just to point out another example of how you take a situation and blow your interpretation of it to the extreme... In fact, I didn't find your texts to be mean at all. But here's the deal - you assumed his texts back to you "...made it out like I was an idiot...", and I didn't hear that in them either. I certainly didn't mean it to come across that way. I can't explain myself anymore than I alreayd have... Isn't it quite possible that you husband didn't mean it to come across that way either? Can you not see the parallel here? 1
Keenly Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 OP, try this: I was out with a couple that are on the rocks. known both for years, closer with W. We were in a group chatting and H asks W if she wanted another drink (he was empty). She said "no" and then leaned to me as he was walking away and said quietly "he can't be that stupid to realize if i want a refill or not". i looked at her and said "he was being polite". this thread is saying the same thing. don't let the REAL issues be clouded with trivial matters. It makes so sick to hear about people that are so passive aggressive that they assign malicious intent to OTHER PEOPLES genuine sincerity and politeness. I hope your friends husband gets far away from her.
Author Mapper71 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Chicken dinners for everyone! Yay! Ding ding ding! Took the words right out of my mouth!! Good on ya!
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