cocorico Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 In this article, dr Shannon Kolakowski lists seven signs of emotional wellness. These are: You treat others well.You like who you are.You're flexible.You hold gratitude for your loved ones.You're in touch with your emotions.You have meaning in life. You value experiences more than possessions. I know for myself, I don't always treat others as well as I ought: I can be impatient, moody, reserved, chaotic, distracted...and I don't suffer fools gladly. Most days I like who I am, but sometimes I get frustrated by my no-longer-infallible memory, the gap between what I expect my body to be able to do and its actual performance, or the conflict between my idealism and my hard-bitten realism and my inability to commit fully one way or the other. I've always been pretty flexible - except where I'm not. The pantry shelf containing canned goods *has* to be stacked a certain way, my bookshelves are arranged with clinical precision and newspapers have to be impeccably folded as if new after reading. As I've gotten older, I've learned to trust more, expanded my circle of friends to be broad as well as deep, and I communicate my love and caring pretty openly (and sincerely). But I do still have a stubborn streak of independence which makes accepting - or, god forbid, seeking - help difficult. I am in touch with my emotions... unless i become hypoglycaemic. Then all bets are off. Accepting that I had a right to my emotions, and that expressing them appropriately wasn't a weakness or a transgression, was a hard-won battle when I was younger. As an activist I have always had meaning in life, and have always struggled to balance commitment with burnout as a result. I'm getting better - as I am at work-life balance - but living in two countries, each with very different social and political struggles, as well as different responses to global issues, sometimes leaves me frustrated at my inability to do "enough". I've never been big on possessions, because of my childhood - except for books and music. Music has gotten easier in the digital age - I no longer have to fret about my precious records getting scratched or how to hunt down that obscure seven single - but even with the advent of ebooks, I'm still pretty obsessive about books. I don't care what I drive, and some of my clothes date back to my schooldays, but I find it really hard to pass up the opportunity to add a really good book to my collection. I found it an interesting list. There were items on it I would have thought weren't that big a deal - "holding gratitude for your loved ones", for example, which I would have thought was inherent in their being "loved ones" - and other things I would have added to the list - such as, ability to reflect objectively on yourself and "see yourself as others see you" - but in the main I found it a useful starting point for reflection. I do wonder, though, how much of it is contingent on life-stage. Certainly when I was younger, I was much less accepting of who I was, and I also think that the capacity to value experiences more than possessions increases with age - as you become more established and more secure in terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and more accepting of the parameters of where you "fit" socioeconomically. Flexibility, OTOH, probably comes more naturally when you are younger and less "set in your ways". IDK, what do others think? and how well do you feel you stack up against these criteria? Do you think they are useful as a measure of emotional wellness? 1
Snakechammah Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Hmm I'm pretty much all those points over there. Though as humans, we have our moments of weakness. I generally treat people well and at times, I may not be as flexible as I could be in happier times. The rest I have no problem identifying with. It's an interesting list indeed! Thanks for sharing!
Eggplant Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 You treat others well.I try to, and I am generally non-judgmental and easy-going. However, when I am stressed out, I tend to get extremely impatient. You like who you are.The line between who I am and what I have can get blurred here. I am grateful for a lot of the cards I've been dealt. As far as who I am, I am finding out whether I'm strong or whether I'm weak as I go through life. TBD You're flexible.I try to reserve emotions in order to be flexible when things change. I don't get too invested. You hold gratitude for your loved ones.For my family. You're in touch with your emotions.For all the time I spend being emotional and introspective, I avoid the most painful feelings and fears. You have meaning in life.I fail at this one. You value experiences more than possessions.I've always been this way 100%.
todreaminblue Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 i actually do pretty well...considering i am multiple personality.... i am accepting of who i am more now i am not on medication.... i am an emotive driven person......lead from the heart ..... i am not a pushover....ok a little.....well alot...but i do have a defense mechanism.... i am grateful for my loved ones.... my meaning in life is to help others....to advocate and to stand up when they cant.... i am a book and music lover......possessions though dont hold much for me, i have started again many times.....from scratch......so experiences i treasure more than possessions..... i have always been flexible and my emotions ...i am empathic so i feel not only my own but others.....so i am very sensitive...i think i manage though and god gave me this life to live so i am living it, good and bad whatever comes......ill survive...i am surprised i am actually emotionally well ....considering...my heart is a little bit sad today..going to go watch happy feet and chill with some penguins for a while..get back in touch with coolness......toodles......deb 1
OpenBook Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Fascinating article! What I like the best about it is the high value it places on kindness to others. The older I get the higher I value & appreciate this trait, both in giving and receiving. I'm like you, coco, a mixed-bag of meeting (or missing) the criteria in various degrees. For example, validating my emotions but not letting them control me (#5) has been a big challenge all my life. I've also struggled with "congruency" (#2) - altering my behavior to fit specific events, while always staying true to myself... where exactly do you draw that line? In short, I'm still working on my emotional health - and I know I will be til the day I die. Re: your question about flexibility being contingent on one's life stage (e.g., easier to be flexible when you're young & not as set in your ways), I think the "flexibility" I had when younger resembled more of an amoeba than a contortionist - it had more to do with my lack of knowledge and/or conviction, resulting in spineless and cringe-worthy behavior. Now that I'm older and know myself & am (finally!) comfortable with who I am, it works better. I can implement true flexibility more skillfully now - or refrain from it when I need to draw a line in the sand. Age does have its advantages. :bunny: 1
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