marina123 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 This is really tormenting me My BF and I are living together. He has been working at a super ****ty job, with bad pay and really mean bosses, for a few months. His previous job wasn't ideal either. He is 35 and just got the opportunity of his career, I believe. It's a great company, great title, lots of responsibility and growth opportunities, and great pay. On one hand, I am quite happy for him because he deserves this. He has worked hard, has the skills and capacity and is a great person. On the other hand, I cant help but feel incredibly envious and resentful he got an opportunity of this caliber. I know we're different ages (Im 29) and at different stages in our careers and lives, but this realization is not helping me. The other thing that's not helping is that my job is just ok, I don't feel challenged and get underpaid . So I guess I feel insecure and scared, that he'll be more successful, will get ahead while I lag behind. This is just making me feel so small :S I almost feel like I cant stand him and want to leave bc I cant stand the poison of envy running through me. But I really don't want this to ruin our relationship. Someone please provide some advice/perspective. I'd be so grateful. This is literally tearing me apart. I don't know what to do Thank you so much!
PegNosePete Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Wow really? You should be happy for him. If you're unhappy with your own job then you should do something about it. Look at him for inspiration. Don't drag him down to your level. 4
regine_phalange Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I don't think that you are really envious of your boyfriend. I think this feeling is deeper; it's about you and not about him. His success is just a reminder that you want to do something else or something more in your life. He is not at fault if you are going through some personal crisis right now. So, recognize this, and don't let it ruin your relationship. And if you think you really need space in order to figure out what to do with your life, then let him know. Some people have difficulty being in a relationship while they are still sorting their life out. 4
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Wow sweetie! I am sorry you feel this way. Your boyfriend went out there at 35 and started new with a different company, why can't you do the same at 29? Your life is yours to shape into anything you wish. Are there any reasons why you think he'd leave you only because you are not as career accomplished at him? 1
Diezel Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Oh brother, really? His success is going to be shared with you and you can't stand him right now because of the envy? Maybe he should just go back to being unhappy and miserable at his last job just so YOU can be happy again. Seriously? Use this as motivation for YOURSELF instead of being worried about what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Maybe you should just save him the trouble now and leave him and find someone who makes less money? You know, find someone really unmotivated who just wants to slum through life. I think you really need to take a step back and analyze WHY you feel this way. He hasn't done ANYTHING wrong to deserve this from you. And as a man, if you came to me with this problem, I'd consider you a nutjob. Real talk. Because if my success (Which is OUR success) makes you feel inadequate, there are some deeper issues there you need to address. Turn all this negativity into positive energy. The fact that this thread even exists at this point of your relationship is pretty ridiculous, specially when you are 6 years younger. 1
Keenly Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Sounds like you hate yourself but you want to blame his success for it.
umirano Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Yeah, this is definitely about yourself. You feel stuck in your position. I can tell you what to do: Find out what kind of a job / position / career you like. And you should take your time and look deep. Maybe it's something completely different. Then find out how to move there. Maybe you need more training. Then apply and rock with a fun, challenging well paid career! The envy will be gone completely. This is always true: Whether it's about friends or family, whether you're envious about a relationship or a career. The solution is always to do better. Eventually. You can't rush those things. But never worry. The race is long.
HappyLove Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 First instinct is to shake you and ask if you're crazy! But honestly I have to commend you for being so honest with your feelings and brave enough to come here and seek help. Many MEN find themselves feeling this way when the gf or wife gets ahead but I think everyone is taken aback because you never really hear a woman admitting this. So I applaud you for being honest. I'm betting you're the type who is jealous of other peoples success in general. It's especially hard when you have a crappy job and feel like you can't get ahead. But really you need to realize the huge BENEFITS of this! I'll just list some that comes to mind. 1. Your man is no bum he goes after what he wants in life to improve his life. He doesn't just sit and wallow in a job and go on for years accepting less. This is a great quality in a man. 2. He is prospering with his job so his lifestyle with you can prosper as well. You won't have to fight as hard to save some extra money to do extra things in life like grocery shopping, coffee stops, maybe plan a vacation. 3. Now that he's making more, why not take the opportunity for yourself to work PT and go back to school and get YOURSELF a high paying job. Go back to school for nursing, X-ray tech, MRI tech, plumbing,heating ANYTHING that will give you the opportunity to feel better about yourself and make a good living. 4. He's a great guy don't ruin a great relationship because you are unhappy with yourself. Use this as inspiration to better yourself and your future. 2
randomnerd Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Like others have said, use this as inspiration to better yourself. Your bf suffered through miserable jobs to get to where he is now. You know that this is something that was earned. I think it's great that you were able to admit to these feelings. I don't think you should leave him because of his success. If you are living together, his success is your success too. He gets to be happier in his daily life, which will trickle to you as well. Don't punish him for finally getting a great opportunity.
changchewsoon Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Probably deep down inside you feel insecure about yourself?
Assasda Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I dont think you love your BF. You may have a weird infatuation with him. I dont even think you and your BF are friends. I take it that you have other problems as well....
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