Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I haven't made contact to her for over 2 months, even though we are supposedly 'friends'. Should I send her a text tomorrow saying happy birthday. I know most ppl will be against this but she made my 21st amazing and it feels only right to wish her a good day. By the way I still miss her, and hope of a reconciliation.
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Even if I would like reconciliation? I just feel like a dick if I don't, she never did anything wrong to me, we didn't end on bad terms
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Even if I would like reconciliation? I just feel like a dick if I don't, she never did anything wrong to me, we didn't end on bad terms ESPECIALLY if you want reconciliation. sending her a birthday text when she told you in no uncertain terms that things were over between you two will just look pathetic, desperate and possibly even creepy. not going to lie to you, odds are she is not coming back. but if you have ANY CHANCE (however tiny) of getting her back it will only come through NOT CONTACTING HER because some women are insecure and if you don't contact her it will MAKE HER WONDER WHY. Contacting her just shows her she still has you hooked.
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Considering we are supposedly friends I don't think it would be creepy. None the less, appreciate your advice. Thankyou
David87 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Considering we are supposedly friends I don't think it would be creepy. None the less, appreciate your advice. Thankyou If you do it then it means you're ok with the fact that she dumped you and broke your heart, so good job on that. Its like an invitation to do it again.
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Considering we are supposedly friends I don't think it would be creepy. None the less, appreciate your advice. Thankyou are you REALLY friends??? REALLY??? like even though she dumped you you still text each other ALL the time (at least once a week) and chat on the phone and catch up and hang out regularly, and support each other?? Do you really do that with the girl who dumped you? if so, congratulations on finding a girl who actually means it when she says 'lets just be friends'! or are you friends in the more loose sense of the word, ie you text each other every six months and maybe exchange an email as well??? - if it is that one then sorry that is NOT a friendship.
David87 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 are you REALLY friends??? REALLY??? like even though she dumped you you still text each other ALL the time (at least once a week) and chat on the phone and catch up and hang out regularly, and support each other?? Do you really do that with the girl who dumped you? if so, congratulations on finding a girl who actually means it when she says 'lets just be friends'! or are you friends in the more loose sense of the word, ie you text each other every six months and maybe exchange an email as well??? - if it is that one then sorry that is NOT a friendship. OP is one of those guys who will learn the hard way ..... Its like being friends with your boos who fired you from your job loool
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 If you do it then it means you're ok with the fact that she dumped you and broke your heart, so good job on that. Its like an invitation to do it again. six months ago I saw the ex in the city and she briefly said 'hi' to me and cos it happened so fast for a second I didnt realise who it was and automatically said 'hi' back, by the time I realised it was her she was gone. this caused me a lot of pain, because by me saying hi back she now thinks that things are 'ok' between us and she harbours no guilt - I asked on this board if it was okay to text her saying 'I didnt realise it was you, I said Hi automatically. had I realised it was you I would have ignored you' but I was told that would make things even worse! damned if u do, damned if you dont 2
David87 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 six months ago I saw the ex in the city and she briefly said 'hi' to me and cos it happened so fast for a second I didnt realise who it was and automatically said 'hi' back, by the time I realised it was her she was gone. this caused me a lot of pain, because by me saying hi back she now thinks that things are 'ok' between us and she harbours no guilt - I asked on this board if it was okay to text her saying 'I didnt realise it was you, I said Hi automatically. had I realised it was you I would have ignored you' but I was told that would make things even worse! damned if u do, damned if you dont I remember that incident. I said hello to my ex a month ago.....I dont know why , i just did. The funny thing is that she got lost there for a second )) Who cares exes are exes for a reason everyone should know that. 2
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Who cares exes are exes for a reason everyone should know that. I just wish that some dumpers would realise that. what a dumper has to realise is that when they dump someone they are giving up EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, and they have no right to enquire about them anymore. a lot of dumpers, like this one, seem to believe they have the 'right' to check up on their ex every now and then. I understand it is only natural, you spent a part of your life with them so it is only natural you would want to chat to them or say hi to them every now and then. but they have to realise it is all or nothing. if they still want you in their life then they shouldnt be dumping you. so no, the OP should not send her a birthday wish. and for his next birthday if she sends him one ignore it. 1
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 If you do it then it means you're ok with the fact that she dumped you and broke your heart, so good job on that. Its like an invitation to do it again. Or it will just appear that I'm ok with everything? Which is a good thing eh?
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 are you REALLY friends??? REALLY??? like even though she dumped you you still text each other ALL the time (at least once a week) and chat on the phone and catch up and hang out regularly, and support each other?? Do you really do that with the girl who dumped you? if so, congratulations on finding a girl who actually means it when she says 'lets just be friends'! or are you friends in the more loose sense of the word, ie you text each other every six months and maybe exchange an email as well??? - if it is that one then sorry that is NOT a friendship. No that's why 'friend ship' is in inverted commers. But a distant friend would probably send a happy birthday wish? At the end of the day it doesn't really matter either way hey
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Or it will just appear that I'm ok with everything? Which is a good thing eh? you have a lot to learn my friend! no it is not a good thing to be 'ok' with the fact that someone dumped you and effectively told you that you are not good enough to be their boyfriend, it makes you look like a pushover. I am sure you are not a pushover, you are just young, but here's a few tips I have learned from dating over the years: 1) when a girl dumps you with the 'lets just be friends' line in most cases SHE DOESNT MEAN IT. she does not actually want to be your friend, ie continue to see you and associate with you on a regular basis, it is just a 'polite' way of saying 'have a nice life' 2) if the dumper contacts you with a happy birthday/merry christmas/other meaningless occasion text/email the contact is more about them than you. they are contacting u cos they feel guilty about hurting you and even though they DONT WANT YOU BACK they want a small text from you letting them know you are 'ok' so their guilt will go away - give them that and you will NEVER hear from them again. 3) if anyone breaks no contact after a break up it should ALWAYS be the dumper. the dumpee should NEVER CONTACT THE DUMPER for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER after the break up - any contact from you will look pathetic and show them you are still hooked. it may even look creepy as they may think 'ugh, I dumped him, why doesnt he just leave me alone?'
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 I just wish that some dumpers would realise that. what a dumper has to realise is that when they dump someone they are giving up EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, and they have no right to enquire about them anymore. a lot of dumpers, like this one, seem to believe they have the 'right' to check up on their ex every now and then. I understand it is only natural, you spent a part of your life with them so it is only natural you would want to chat to them or say hi to them every now and then. but they have to realise it is all or nothing. if they still want you in their life then they shouldnt be dumping you. so no, the OP should not send her a birthday wish. and for his next birthday if she sends him one ignore it. I think she's ok with having nothing. Hence why she has no problems talking to me for months on end. It just seems morally correct to send something as I'd like to see myself as a caring and understand person. Regardless il take the advice of everyone here and both bother
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 No that's why 'friend ship' is in inverted commers. But a distant friend would probably send a happy birthday wish? At the end of the day it doesn't really matter either way hey here is the thing - if you want her back sending her a birthday text WONT MAKE HER COME BACK TO YOU! If all it took was a 'happy birthday' text to get the dumper to come back THEN NO ONE WOULD BE ON THIS BOARD! The dumper coming back has to come from them deciding after long consideration that their life is worse off after leaving you and they miss you and miss being with you and want to make amends. a 'happy birthday' text is not going to make them realise that. don't be a pushover, please./
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I'd like to see myself as a caring and understand person. Regardless il take the advice of everyone here and both bother you want her to see you as caring and understanding because you want her to come back, but that decision can only come from her. if you want to get technical, sending her NOTHING is being more 'caring and understanding' because it shows that you are respecting her wishes by staying out of her life. which is exactly what she wanted when she dumped you,
Smarty Pants Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 No that's why 'friend ship' is in inverted commers. But a distant friend would probably send a happy birthday wish? At the end of the day it doesn't really matter either way hey It does matter because you want to come off as caring. You want her to think about you and come back. We tell people not to do these things because most people think it will change their circumstances. It never does. Unless you have zero expectations with this girl, I would suggest you do nothing. 2
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 you have a lot to learn my friend! no it is not a good thing to be 'ok' with the fact that someone dumped you and effectively told you that you are not good enough to be their boyfriend, it makes you look like a pushover. I am sure you are not a pushover, you are just young, but here's a few tips I have learned from dating over the years: 1) when a girl dumps you with the 'lets just be friends' line in most cases SHE DOESNT MEAN IT. she does not actually want to be your friend, ie continue to see you and associate with you on a regular basis, it is just a 'polite' way of saying 'have a nice life' 2) if the dumper contacts you with a happy birthday/merry christmas/other meaningless occasion text/email the contact is more about them than you. they are contacting u cos they feel guilty about hurting you and even though they DONT WANT YOU BACK they want a small text from you letting them know you are 'ok' so their guilt will go away - give them that and you will NEVER hear from them again. 3) if anyone breaks no contact after a break up it should ALWAYS be the dumper. the dumpee should NEVER CONTACT THE DUMPER for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER after the break up - any contact from you will look pathetic and show them you are still hooked. it may even look creepy as they may think 'ugh, I dumped him, why doesnt he just leave me alone?' Yeh thanks. Unfortunately for the no contact, I ****ed that up for the first 6 months post break up 1
Ordinaryday Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Yeh thanks. Unfortunately for the no contact, I ****ed that up for the first 6 months post break up don't make the same mistake again. believe me, if she wants you back SHE WILL CONTACT YOU TO LET YOU KNOW, I guarantee it! if you haven't heard from her it is not cos she is pissed that you didnt wish her a happy birthday, its cos she doesnt want you back. I speak from experience.
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 you want her to see you as caring and understanding because you want her to come back, but that decision can only come from her. if you want to get technical, sending her NOTHING is being more 'caring and understanding' because it shows that you are respecting her wishes by staying out of her life. which is exactly what she wanted when she dumped you, No it's just that she made my birthday amazing and although she broke up with me I understand these things happen and it just seems right to send her good wishes. Anyway the reasoning is all irrelevant Iv decided to take everyone's advice. Thankyou
Author Timpye Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 It does matter because you want to come off as caring. You want her to think about you and come back. We tell people not to do these things because most people think it will change their circumstances. It never does. Unless you have zero expectations with this girl, I would suggest you do nothing. I said either way it won't change anything. You disagreed and then said it won't change circumstances (which is exactly what I was trying to say) Well I can honestly say I don't have any expectations, but the smallest of small hopes. Either way il keep trying to move on. Thanks
Author Timpye Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Didn't send her a message. Today was a tough day 3
Simon Phoenix Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 No that's why 'friend ship' is in inverted commers. But a distant friend would probably send a happy birthday wish? At the end of the day it doesn't really matter either way hey A distant friend wouldn't send a happy birthday wish. I don't send happy birthday wishes to my distant friends. It's obvious that you are sending a happy birthday wish with an agenda, hoping she'll thank you and be excited and want to invite you to her party, where you could go and be fun and make her love you again. I know because I've been there. I had this same stupid delusion two months after my breakup that brought me here. I sent her a happy birthday with a short message (I had seen her a week or so before). All I got was a "Thanks!" I decided to ask what she was doing for her birthday. No response, which devastated me. After that point I went NC and stayed it until healed. But yeah, it's obvious that you aren't sending a birthday wish to be a friend. You have an agenda, an agenda that's painfully obvious to everyone. It's a horrible f--king idea to send a message like this, because you are looking to manipulate a result. You Know it, we know it, and most importantly, she knows it. 1
Author Timpye Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 I couldn't really think of anything worse then turning up to her birthday party. I would feel so un welcomed, and judged by all her friends. Awkward scale = 10
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