lightlove Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Everyone I love says that I was used by my ex whom I dated exclusively for 6 years. I now have to agree. ……… He cheated on me with a girl he works with while I was helping him with his work. ……… This girl was sooo aggressive, flirting not only behind my back but in front of me…. plus she was sooo mean to me.. ……… He told me that she was not attractive to him.. That was all I need to hear.. I totally felt that was true. I believed that for sure.. It was how he let her treat me that was offensive. ……… I totally trusted him but not her… and she was disrespecting me with strange comments and aggressive flirting. I thought he should protect me and our relationship from her … So I asked my boyfriend (at the time) to talk to her and tell her to stop. He told me he would but never did. Just made me feel like **** about myself and questioning my sanity. Gas-lighting my feelings about the situation. ……… So He was under the gun with a work project. Asked me to help - while I was working on his project ——- he cheated - and then He lied to me. ……… We had a bunch of pretty large earthquakes in LA during this time.. I was pretty uneasy in general. ……… He allowed me wait for him (alone in LA eeekk) (after he already cheated on me) while he traveled (to Sweden than to Texas) for work for 15 days …. maybe more. He never said a word about him cheating on me… Just let me continue our relationship - he was verbally abusing me from time to time ~ I was supportive. I just thought he was stressed out from working. (More earthquakes I endured alone no comfort) ……… I still had all my hope and faith in him… Trusted his I love you’s…. etc..15 days …. maybe more…. of me being alone in LA…scared with the earthquakes I needed to see him… Feel the comfort of my boyfriend.. So when he got to Dallas I told him I was thinking of flying in. He started a fight with me and I responded that we need to be nice to each other ~ Love and understanding make life grow.. etc.. He got really abusive…. ……… Okay now I know it’s not stress.. ……… Finally I texted “look if you don’t want to be with me that’s fine but you have to respect me”. He texted “I don’t know.. maybe we should take a break” - via text ::: Classy. Was not even a “let’s break up” < weak. So I left him alone went on a few dates… Feeling happier, stronger much better. Then.… ……… A few days later my father died. We connected…thru text - I said that I still loved him as a person.. (I did not want to get back together with him after all the abuse he recently put me thru - for sure.) Yet I still loved and respected this man I was with for 6 years. I told him that my family loved him etc.. he told me to tell my mother he loves her.. and my family. That he missed me. That he dreamed about me every night. I felt good and comforted by him.. I needed to not feel alone. Having him be a friend is all I wanted. » This is the kicker » I found out the very next day > he cheated and lied to me by someone else!! >ugh» just days after my father’s passing. …h e a r t b r e a k… ……… The girl my boyfriend (at the time) cheated with - wrote a letter in Japanese and left it out for her boyfriend to find. He was to broken up by it so I had to get the letter translated by these super sweet people in New Zealand online. So that was a headache too. — Ha she even sounded like the aggressor in the letter. < gross. ……… At first I was just ~ shocked… ~ With the pain of my father etc.. I guess I felt ~ this was just one more thing.. ……… Of course I called him and asked him, very calmly - if there was anything he should tell me… He said no… I told him I was giving him the opportunity to be a good man.. He danced. I told him in details about coconut oil still denial. » I could not believe that this was the same man I was with for 6 years.. Everything crashed down on me. All my waiting for him.. Wasted baby years… trust in myself, people in general and faith in my future. ……… I was worried that we had sex after the cheating happened… (The possibly of an std is real because he did not use a condom and I was told the girl he cheated on me with had cheated on her own boyfriend with 5 other guys including a coke dealer before my man). So I texted him about it. » He told me that it was after we had sex last »> That he would not be able to look at me after he cheated » Than why is all of god’s glory Did he still let me wait for him, cheer him on - live in fear and loneliness in LA while he was living it up in Sweden? Making me feel I was crazy? Why wouldn’t he just tell the truth so I could not waste my precious life, energy, time and move on? Truth is he was never going to tell me. ……… I am having such a problem trying to understand why he thought his life was so much more important than mine. He had so many chances to tell me the truth, not abuse me and drag me thru so much stress. I asked him why he wasted my time.. His reply was “Because I like to hangout with you” « what??? really. ……… Why was it okay for him to knowingly waste years of my life feeding me false hopes and dreams? Time is a precious thing (especially as a woman) that I can never get back. ……… Understandably I still needed comfort in my father’s passing even if the relationship was over - normal if you have been someone’s best friend for 6 years…. he gave me little to none. Just texts - which did (not proud but sadly) help during the first few days of my dads death.. It was nice to know that there was some form of regret and that he was dreaming about me. Yet he sent nothing for my family. Never called my mother. Never sent love to my brother or sister. His family sent nothing « strange. He said he was too embarrassed to send comfort. Personally I think a death of a loved one breaks those boundaries. ……… He kept me in a state for years that made me feel crazy. hardly encouraged me. Never validated my feelings or made me feel like we were a true team. I would have an idea or give advice, he would diminish it and then two weeks later I would hear him give my ideas and give that same advice to others. I felt somewhat loved but not a priority. It’s hard to explain… and it’s hard to understand why I stayed with him for so long now. Kept me around him but now I know he never had any intention of us growing together. ……… I got ton’s of missing you texts from him- “oh I lost my best friend” etc.. I feel it’s just to save face. Make him look like he was not such a jerk. He is already dating someone new (a different girl than the scum he cheated on me with). ……… Embarrassingly ~ I drunk texted him recently asking why he did all of this to me. That I still loved him, because I still do<ugh< No response back of course. Now I gave him my dignity on a silver platter too. I’ll never have closure. I just got to move on without understanding. ……… After reaching out and talking to other’s I now know I was a normal girl with normal feelings and normal concerns and he gas-lighted me throughout our relationship. ……… I am soooo ****ed up with insecurities now… Never have been cheated on EVER (I am in my mid 30’s now) and by the man I truly loved - who forced me to believe in him, in us, totally against my gut, did this. I really want to know why I stayed with him for soo long. ……… This is still very fresh. just a few months ago »» so » Thank whoever read this I hope you can understand why I am still hurting.. I feel he not only cheated on me but cheated me out work (He promoted that girl he cheated on me with instead of me < how was I so dumb to have faith in him < I have no idea), of time in creating a potential family of my own and love and laughter that life holds. ……… This I do know ……….. I will find new loves, this comes easy for me. A break up is easy. Mental abuse is not. I know now that I was abused mentally and emotionally. This is MUCH harder than losing a loved one because you have lost a part of yourself…. Your own make up…. Your instincts….. Your trust in people…. Loss of faith…… ……… Good news is - my skin looks WAY better - I don’t have to wear much make up anymore. My hair is also great. I am very happy I don’t have the stress of something strange feeling anymore. ……… Fact is I was fine losing a great relationship, just not having my soul raped. ……… Thanks for the vent - much love
Jessicalo Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Okay so a lot of this I didn't go through personally, but I still feel our circumstances are similar. We were together 5 years and he ended up cheating and lying about feelings and leading me on. All I can say is I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry about the loss of your father and your best friend. It's almost like dealing with two deaths vs one. It sucks, really bad. The best thing for you to do is to go NC. It really is the only way. He is in a selfish state of life right now and nothing you say or do will change this. It's not about you at all. If he spent 6 years with you to begin with obviously you're an awesome person. Hold onto this. Don't ever forget how much you have to offer. Go out and try to forget about him for now. I wish there was something we could do to save the love we worked so hard for, but there's really not. I've been through it all, and have been fighting these feelings for a year now pos bu. Be stronger than me and let go completely. It's your best chance for happiness! I'm sending my best vibes your way. Heartbreak is no joke.
Author lightlove Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 Jessicalo, Thank you soooo much for replying to me.. It really means a ton. I have been having a tough time. I live in Venice Califorina but have been held up in a very small town in a different state. Pretty much no contact with anyone except people I am doing work for or doctors and my mother. My ex took his new girlfriend - Let me tell you it has only been a few months to his mother's wedding. I am friends with his mother and sister on facebook so I got to see all the photos... It just keeps coming. He had something that came in the mail for me so he texted me with that info and I tested back. I told him that the wedding looked beautiful with no mention of him and his girlfriend. Hopefully he thinks I did not see those photos but probably not. He says he wants to be friends - I said I wish we could be friends too just light and airy. UGH I wish I didn't ........
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