man_in_the_box Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Well 'not my taste' would have been a fine answer if it's just a crush. The way he described your crush... ugh. It's also quite obvious that he disapproves your choices in girlfriends merely because they aren't models - I mean, we don't have to explain you that's not normal behaviour for 'friends' right? 1
PegNosePete Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 So if your friends said you got your man at the pound it wouldn't affect you at all? Yes, it would tell me that my "friend" is an ignorant, judgmental, shallow, rude, opinionated ass. I would not want to be friends with someone like that. 2
iiiii Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I can't say anything about your "taste" in women, but you clearly have a poor taste in friends.
Emilia Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Your friend is competing with you Lumo. As you know guys compete over two things: women and money. I know that's true pretty much all the time but most learn not to mention it to friends. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Well 'not my taste' would have been a fine answer if it's just a crush. The way he described your crush... ugh. It's also quite obvious that he disapproves your choices in girlfriends merely because they aren't models - I mean, we don't have to explain you that's not normal behaviour for 'friends' right? Yes he's quite arrogant and often irritating but he's an ok friend. He started his own business at 21. 26 now and worth quite a lot. Gave my brother a good deal on a contract when I introduced them. And to be fair he does know quite a bit about women. But I disagree with him here. I really think this girl is hot. I don't think that the "goldilocks" comment about my ex meant he thought she wasn't hot either (I hope).
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Your friend is competing with you Lumo. As you know guys compete over two things: women and money. I know that's true pretty much all the time but most learn not to mention it to friends. He usually only dates models. I didn't expect him to feel jealous but I thought he would at least agree on basic hotness.
Emilia Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 He usually only dates models. I didn't expect him to feel jealous but I thought he would at least agree on basic hotness. "........ In addition to hierarchy over women, men create hierarchies and rankings among themselves according to criteria of "masculinity." Men at each rank of masculinity compete with each other, with whatever resources they have, for the differential payoffs that patriarchy allows men. Men in different societies choose different grounds on which to rank each other. Many societies use the simple facts of age and physical strength to stratify men. Our society stratifies men according to physical strength and athletic ability in the early years, but later in life focuses on success with women and ability to make money......." Understanding Patriarchy and Men's Power | NOMAS 1
man_in_the_box Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 And to be fair he does know quite a bit about women. But I disagree with him here. I really think this girl is hot. You're missing the point - it's not about whether she's objectively hot or not but about the common decency to not give a friend a hard time about the perceived attractiveness of their partner. Logically there's a large diversity in the type of girls my friends are in relationships with including their appearances - I'd never get it into my head to tell them they're dating unattractive girls even if I might think so. And I'm glad they have the decency to not do that to me either if they would think my choice in gf is not exactly their thing. It's that it's only a crush and not your actual gf but this doesn't really sound like a guy that gives a crap about consideration anyway. Imagine that you'd start dating this girl - is he going to deny what he said before? How genuine is that anyway? 8
littleblackheart Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 What a strange thread... If the opinion of your 'bro' matters more to you than your own when it comes to your own crush, you have more pressing issues than your hotness radar.
Emilia Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 What a strange thread... If the opinion of your 'bro' matters more to you than your own when it comes to your own crush, you have more pressing issues than your hotness radar. He is trying to understand his friend's motivation. A good question to ask IMO. I think many men ponder this, they just don't discuss it so openly. 2
littleblackheart Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 He is trying to understand his friend's motivation. A good question to ask IMO. I think many men ponder this, they just don't discuss it so openly. It's fair enough if it was a one-off remark in passing. If the 'bro' in question routinely and rudely dismisses girlfriends on the basis of looks, I'd start to question his status as a 'bro'. That being said I'm particularly jaded at the moment, and I wish the OP all the best in figuring this one out. I'd probably advise to be on the look out for a more supportive 'bro' though, as opposed to trying to find girls that would fit someone else's criteria. In my very humble opinion 2
No Limit Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 As long as you aren't getting liars, cheaters etc as GFs over and over there's nothing wrong with your taste. Don't let the opinion of a rude jerk get into your head. 2
notserene Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 If this guy "only dates models" and has a weight limit for his GFs (does he make them weigh in daily?) he sounds like a douchebag. I wouldn't give too much weight to his opinion. I think as you get more secure you will realize that he's not worth worrying about.
Charlie Harper Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Bet your friend has a mullet right? Who cares what he thinks, in fact who cares what other think if you find this person adorable, what do others opinion matter…you are the lucky one with the woman YOU LIKE. 1
ascendotum Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Bet your friend has a mullet right? Who cares what he thinks, in fact who cares what other think if you find this person adorable, what do others opinion matter…you are the lucky one with the woman YOU LIKE. This sort of scenario that playing out for the OP, I have seen a number of times. The guys who are full of themselves and who derive status from how hot their girl is or how many hotties they have ****ed will pull this sort of shyte on other guys. Its not in the spirit of giving them a heads up that they deserve better, but rather imo a bit of a put down of the guy. If the bro guy does date models then the bar for beauty (and that's really his no.1 priority in a gf) is going to be a lot higher than most other guys. Easy for him to do it seems but not so much for many other guys, and he'd know it. Don't rely on this guy telling you your gf is a skinny rat. If you are really smiitten with her that's what counts, seriously. You want to date her because you will be really happy to be with her, not to get the validation of this jerk bro. I would wager if you did happen to get not too dissimilar to the ones he thinks are hot, that he would still not say she was hot, because he might be a little pissed over 'how the **** did you get a girl that sexy' when those girls are his league. I've seen jerk off bro type guys try to sabotage (or sleep with) other less good looking guy's relationships when they have lucked out by dating a hot girl, purely out of jealousy that he does not deserve a girl as hot as that. By putting down your girls it makes him feel superior in his choice of women. I'm not saying this is a situation that will apply to you, but just don't believe he has your best interest at heart when he puts down your choice of gf. For sure there are guys out there who rank status of how hot their woman is. You will spend a lot more time in happiness in the company of your gf then you will in his company. The majority of guys I've known have not cared about what their friends thought of the girl they had the hots for, let alone the jerky bro types. How much would you hate it if the gfs of the NZ girl you liked and who also liked you, all told her she could do better because she has slept with a lot hotter, so she should dump you...and she listened to them.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 If this guy "only dates models" and has a weight limit for his GFs (does he make them weigh in daily?) he sounds like a douchebag. I wouldn't give too much weight to his opinion. I think as you get more secure you will realize that he's not worth worrying about. LOL. This is funny because I remember when I first met him. He had just started his business and I was a freshman in college. He was doing a part time module. He had a girlfriend who wasn't a model but wanted to be one and had a lot of model friends. A few months later he told me about a fight they had. He said she let herself go too much. She said to him: "How dare you say that? I dated you even when you drove a Toyota!" At that point he had just got a BMW that year. He dumped her and his next girlfriend was an actual model, one of her friends. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Bet your friend has a mullet right? Who cares what he thinks, in fact who cares what other think if you find this person adorable, what do others opinion matter…you are the lucky one with the woman YOU LIKE. No mullet but good points.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 As long as you aren't getting liars, cheaters etc as GFs over and over there's nothing wrong with your taste. Don't let the opinion of a rude jerk get into your head. Thanks. You're right... In the end I know how special she is. She really is amazing. What I'm worried about is my judgement of hotness. Because I think she's hot personally. What if all the girls I think are hot are actually not?
Taramere Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I am really upset with a friend of mine. We haven't seen each other in a while and I wanted to tell him about the girl I met. He looked at her pics and laughed. I wanted to know why... He said she looked like a skinny enemic blonde rat and said there must be no sun in NZ (where she's from). I was pissed off. I couldn't believe he would say that. I know he laughed once at my previous girlfriend when she didn't use her straightener and said she looked like goldilocks but he never insulted her to me the way he just did to this girl. Sounds a bit hostile if you ask me. People come in different colours. It's fine to have a romantic preference for a particular colouring, but his ignorant comments suggest something a bit hateful at play. What I want to know though is do I actually not have good taste in women? I thought I did but how does one actually know? Eh? Partners aren't fashion accessories. Are you planning on spending the rest of your life tolerating insults as personal as this because you're afraid of offending a business contact? If you are so afraid of offending a business contact that you're prepared to be completely disloyal to your partner (ie by remaining silent in the face of insults like this, rather than telling the guy to go screw himself) then maybe you should be focusing your efforts on business rather than dating right now. 5
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Sounds a bit hostile if you ask me. People come in different colours. It's fine to have a romantic preference for a particular colouring, but his ignorant comments suggest something a bit hateful at play. You mean he hates a certain color? I'm not sure. It's possible I guess. He had a blonde gf once but she dyed her hair black. Eh? Partners aren't fashion accessories. Are you planning on spending the rest of your life tolerating insults as personal as this because you're afraid of offending a business contact? If you are so afraid of offending a business contact that you're prepared to be completely disloyal to your partner (ie by remaining silent in the face of insults like this, rather than telling the guy to go screw himself) then maybe you should be focusing your efforts on business rather than dating right now. He's not my business contact per se. He has his own company and he does work on contract for my brothers company. But I met him in college and we were friends before that business rationship existed anyway.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 What if all the girls I think are hot are actually not? Why does that matter? Would that make you feel inferior to men who date very good looking girls?
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Why does that matter? Would that make you feel inferior to men who date very good looking girls? No. I still think she is an amazing person. Nothing will make me waver on that. I still think she's hot. She's also so sweet. I accidentally mistook her for British and said I thought British accents were sexy. She wasn't offended at all and laughed. Her laugh is also melting, it's like music. Anyway it's all for nothing because apparently making out with me didn't mean much to her. See my other thread on Long distance relationships. But the point is what other guys think won't change what I think. It just makes me a bit upset that what I find hot isn't what other guys find hot (potentially).
Emilia Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 It just makes me a bit upset that what I find hot isn't what other guys find hot (potentially). Well so far it's one guy.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Well so far it's one guy. True. But he's one guy who has slept with more women at 26 than I probably ever will. He has to be respected and probably does know a lot.
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