enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 This guy I have been casually dating for 6 months flat out forgot my birthday today. We have known each other a year, talk often, go on dates, etc. I always get a text on holidays but today nothing. He had time to post on Facebook though which tells me that he doesn't care and doesn't consider me a priority. I'm really hurt and torn but I know he doesn't care So no point in even giving him space in my head or saying anything. He knows how important my birthday was to me and he decided to go away Instead of doing something for my birthday. Question here is: next time he texts me do I ignore him Or call him out on his lack of caring? He will just lie to me, so I think I should just move on, ignore him and say nothing. He will get the picture.
Elle1975 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Talk to him, calmly. Just tell him what you told us, that your bitthday is something you enjoy celebrating, and that you are disappointed that he forgot. Don't go down that cold shoulder passive aggressive deal. It's obviously bothering you, so talk about it, don't bottle up and don't scream. I mean unless you know for sure it's over, but even then I'd say why. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Well I'm not going to text him I'll wait until he Gets in touch which he always eventually does. He will just lie and make excuses. So then what? I don't want To look like a fool. As far as I'm concerned I think I'm done. His behavior has been Bad lately and this just took the cake.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 If you're just casually dating him then don't expect a fully committed bf who should remember birthdays. Casual relationship means open relationship not exclusively closed like Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski. Don't wait for the text either. If and when he does, should you choose to respond, do so with only constants and no vowels preferably with run on sentences. He should get the picture by then. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 so he isnt worth an explanation to why you are upset? or the relationship isn't important enough to try and reason a response and a resolution.....that is probably why he forgot your birthday nothing was really important people froget my birthday quite often because i dont make a deal out of it some times it just passes......i have spent quite a few birthdays alone in fact most of them.....doesnt bother me.....its just one day a year.......my birthday passing is just a collection of hours .....in sequence...if someone remembers me in more than one day i am happy....and people do that often...just say hey thinking about ya randomly...that si important to me because i too do that thinking abotu you random thing.....nto just on a birthday...........deb 2
PogoStick Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Break up with him ASAP. You'll be doing him a favor. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 If you're just casually dating him then don't expect a fully committed bf who should remember birthdays. Casual relationship means open relationship not exclusively closed like Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski. Don't wait for the text either. If and when he does, should you choose to respond, do so with only constants and no vowels preferably with run on sentences. He should get the picture by then. So be short with him? Obviously he thinks it's acceptable and like it's no big thing because I always get a text on holidays even Mother's Day.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 so he isnt worth an explanation to why you are upset? or the relationship isn't important enough to try and reason a response and a resolution.....that is probably why he forgot your birthday nothing was really important people froget my birthday quite often because i dont make a deal out of it some times it just passes......i have spent quite a few birthdays alone in fact most of them.....doesnt bother me.....its just one day a year.......my birthday passing is just a collection of hours .....in sequence...if someone remembers me in more than one day i am happy....and people do that often...just say hey thinking about ya randomly...that si important to me because i too do that thinking abotu you random thing.....nto just on a birthday...........deb He has asked over the course of a month if I'm excited about my bday. I said no not really. Then he calls me to let me know he's going away. I said wait your not going to be here for my birthday? He says oh stop I always take you out For dinner, etc. That's fine his birthday is coming up soon so I'll extend the same courtesy. Since it's no big deal neither is his. And he better not even try to see me around that week either. Not happening. Fair is fair
Keenly Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 He has asked over the course of a month if I'm excited about my bday. I said no not really. Then he calls me to let me know he's going away. I said wait your not going to be here for my birthday? He says oh stop I always take you out For dinner, etc. That's fine his birthday is coming up soon so I'll extend the same courtesy. Since it's no big deal neither is his. And he better not even try to see me around that week either. Not happening. Fair is fair You're going to intentionally hurt some one because they unintentionally hurt you? 2
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 You said you are 'casually dating' so he's not really a serious bf. He probably thought you had big plans already (since birthdays are apparently very big to you) and might have tried to avoid the awkwardness that 1st gf birthdays create. Just let it go.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 You should propose to him on his birthday. 1
starrynightz45 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I can't believe all these posts saying you'd be doing him a favor by breaking it off. Good grief. I understand why you're upset, but at the the same time - you need to be realistic and wake up. This guy does not care about you. It's been 6 months and you're "casual." Therefore, he is under no obligation to remember your birthday or anything like that. You give a guy strings-free sex, he's going to take it, and he's NOT going to turn into a boyfriend when there is no reason for him to turn into one. And if he's not a boyfriend, he's not going to act like one. Yea, he doesn't remember because he doesn't care. If you continue talking tohim, all it means is that the behavior is fine by you. Just cut it off with him and find someone who wants something real. 2
haribogumsnickers Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I can't believe all these posts saying you'd be doing him a favor by breaking it off. Good grief. I understand why you're upset, but at the the same time - you need to be realistic and wake up. This guy does not care about you. It's been 6 months and you're "casual." Therefore, he is under no obligation to remember your birthday or anything like that. You give a guy strings-free sex, he's going to take it, and he's NOT going to turn into a boyfriend when there is no reason for him to turn into one. And if he's not a boyfriend, he's not going to act like one. Yea, he doesn't remember because he doesn't care. If you continue talking tohim, all it means is that the behavior is fine by you. Just cut it off with him and find someone who wants something real. He could be strategically planning a surprise combined bday party with his all for her. Maybe right? Deserves a third chance.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 He could be strategically planning a surprise combined bday party with his all for her. Maybe right? Deserves a third chance.i would bet my left foot no.
haribogumsnickers Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 i would bet my left foot no. But your right foot would be lonely. 1
ascendotum Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 A. You told him you were not very excited about your bday, so maybe he wasn't going to make a fuss over the day this time around. B. Casually dating = not your bf. Probably more like FWB, with the emphasis on friend. Yeh it would be nice to even get a happy bday txt, but since he is a fwb he really should be able to enjoy other plre-planned activities in his life that weekend. C. He knew your bday was coming up, but maybe he does not know the exact date, rather that its in early July sometime. Many people are not great for remembering specific dates. When he brings it up mention it to him you were disappointed in not getting any sort of recognition for the day, then as you said extend the same courtesy on his bday, but imo its getting petty to get all stroppy over this in terms of shutting him out totally for the week of his bday. That sort of freeze out treatment really bugs me personally. 2
mortensorchid Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 That's a bad sign, sorry to say. If he does not acknowledge a holiday / birthday / occasion, you know he is not serious about you. He's going to dump you or you him because that's not the only thing he's going to be negligent on. It doesn't matter if you ignore it or if you confront him with any degree of severity on it, he's done. And a mention about gift giving : There is a saying that if the man has not given you something expensive or romantic, he's not serious about you. True? Well ... Obviously if he's buying you diamonds he's serious about you, which can also apply to flowers and candy. But if it's something just between the two of you that is special (ex. nerd stuff like Star Trek things), or something from the heart, it will show. Otherwise if this guy didn't do or say anything, he'll dump you soon or you him for some other infraction. Sorry to say.
todreaminblue Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) He has asked over the course of a month if I'm excited about my bday. I said no not really. Then he calls me to let me know he's going away. I said wait your not going to be here for my birthday? He says oh stop I always take you out For dinner, etc. That's fine his birthday is coming up soon so I'll extend the same courtesy. Since it's no big deal neither is his. And he better not even try to see me around that week either. Not happening. Fair is fair fair is fair when you keep score......to me it sounds like he asked you if you were excited about your b day and you go "no not really" .....he goes oops shouldnt have said anything and doesnt mention it again.......i dont know i think you might be making quite an error here in your thinking ....good luck.....deb Edited July 3, 2014 by todreaminblue 2
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 fair is fair when you keep score......to me it sounds like he asked you if you were excited about your b day and you go "no not really" .....he goes oops shouldnt have said anything and doesnt mention it again.......i dont know i think you might be making quite an error here in your thinking ....good luck.....deb Nope because when he said he wad going away and not going to be here for my birthday I was upset and he blew it off. He always texts me on holidays. This is the first time and the last time I forgot.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 He has asked over the course of a month if I'm excited about my bday. I said no not really. Then he calls me to let me know he's going away. I said wait your not going to be here for my birthday? He says oh stop I always take you out For dinner, etc. That's fine his birthday is coming up soon so I'll extend the same courtesy. Since it's no big deal neither is his. And he better not even try to see me around that week either. Not happening. Fair is fair Why are you so butt hurt over him forgetting your birthday, he is only someone you are seeing casually and by the sound of 'he always eventually contacts me' it's one level below casual. I am reading in between lines that you wish it were more than casual, this incident only reminds you what it really is and frustrates you. Ignoring him on his birthday is passive-aggressive and childish. You've got a decision to make, you take this relationship for what it is or you leave it. I don't think he ever promised you a rose garden right! Call him up and ask him when he's taking you out for your birthday. Take this for what it is, an on and off fwb. 4
Author enchanted771 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 That's a bad sign, sorry to say. If he does not acknowledge a holiday / birthday / occasion, you know he is not serious about you. He's going to dump you or you him because that's not the only thing he's going to be negligent on. It doesn't matter if you ignore it or if you confront him with any degree of severity on it, he's done. And a mention about gift giving : There is a saying that if the man has not given you something expensive or romantic, he's not serious about you. True? Well ... Obviously if he's buying you diamonds he's serious about you, which can also apply to flowers and candy. But if it's something just between the two of you that is special (ex. nerd stuff like Star Trek things), or something from the heart, it will show. Otherwise if this guy didn't do or say anything, he'll dump you soon or you him for some other infraction. Sorry to say.its ok I'm ending it with him. This is a deal breaker. He knew the date, knew I was upset I wouldn't spend it with him, but didn't care anyways. I'm sick of him always dangling the carrot in front of me. Asks me if I want to take off one weekend with him and then he just makes jokes. Even a friend would remember and this is the deal breaker for me. He doesn't care plain and simple.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 its ok I'm ending it with him. This is a deal breaker. He knew the date, knew I was upset I wouldn't spend it with him, but didn't care anyways. I'm sick of him always dangling the carrot in front of me. Asks me if I want to take off one weekend with him and then he just makes jokes. Even a friend would remember and this is the deal breaker for me. He doesn't care plain and simple. Well then it's not really about your birthday isn't it. 3
iiiii Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 The only two options that I can see: Either you get over it - this is a casual relationship, which by most people's definitions means he has no obligation to remember your birthday, and has done nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve to be punished. Or if you want this to be more than a casual relationship, then you'll have to have a mature, adult conversation about it, and see what he wants. Ignoring him or sulking because he doesn't magically understand that you suddenly want to be treated like a girlfriend is not a good relationship strategy. 1
Recommended Posts