Lipitor11 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 When I was in high school, I had a best friend, during senior year-I got mad at her for no apparent reason-so basically I got in 2 fights with her. I guess the main reason was because I was jealous of her-she got all the attention from guys. I never told her it was because I was sick of hanging out with her, I just got mad and had his pissed off look. The first time it happened, I apologized to her a few weeks later, and we made up and we were back to are usual selves. The second time, she was sick and tired of me getting mad at her, a few weeks later, I felt bad, so I apologized and even cried, she told me she was never mad at me. We talked and hung out, but to me, our friendship was never the same to me. The way she acted towards me was very rude and at times she was saying things that were insulting. I'm like ok...the last time that we hung out I was at a concert-I invited her and she had this pissed off look on her face, complaining about it, etc, etc. After that, she made an effort to get in contact with me and even invited me to her wedding, but I never got in contact with her again after the way she behaved towards me. She never did anything to me, I acted like a jerk. What was the deal? I mean, if she still had some grudge about those times that I told her to piss off, why would she want to get in contact with me? Unless she is trying to "play" me and get revenge on me by pretending to be my friend again-but insulting me? What's the deal here?
todreaminblue Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I don't know, are you talking about revenge on you for getting mad at her.....seems a bit childish to do this.......is something going on in her life that you know about that might be causing her to act out and how is she towards others in your presence....I really dont see any point in maintaining a friendship with someone to get them back friendships arent like that ...a pointless waste of time in my book it is not something to do to anyone..........deb
Aedra Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) If its a big, big issue, sometimes its never the same but it depends on how strong the friendship is I think. As for why she keeps contacting you even after how you have treated her, maybe she doesn't have very many friends to begin with/has a hard time making them or she is trying to rebuild the friendship? I think the most mature response here is to just have a blunt talk over the phone or in person, whatever is best. Be honest, no half-truths. I just don't see any other effective way if you want the chance for the friendship to rebuild again, if that is actually what you are wanting anyway. Try not to get into this highschool-style drama anymore with all the revenge and resentment. Genuine friendship is built on trust right? Edited July 3, 2014 by Aedra
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I've fought with my very best friend since 9th grade half a dozen times in my life - twice physically!- with probably just as many small verbal spats in between and we've always recovered. We once got into a physical fight in the middle of the Bellagio in Las Vegas (for god's sake!) and had to be escorted out by security (why, neither of us even remembers). In the past we've had disputes and didn't speak for a time (we've gone about probably 5-6 straight months without speaking at all). We've had arguments about big issues and small, yet here we are a decade later still thick as thieves. Why? Because at the end of the day, we truly love each other. "Best friend" is more than just a silly label you slap on some chick you're kinda cool with. For us it means practically a sister. I've had friends in the past whom I've argued with or gotten mad at and we never truly recovered but that's simply because we weren't really that close to begin with...not genuinely anyway. So yes, I guess basically what I'm trying to say is, of course friendships can recover and be the same (or even TIGHTER) after a fight but both parties have to truly want it and neither one can go into things still holding a grudge about the past.
Author Lipitor11 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I don't know, are you talking about revenge on you for getting mad at her.....seems a bit childish to do this.......is something going on in her life that you know about that might be causing her to act out and how is she towards others in your presence....I really dont see any point in maintaining a friendship with someone to get them back friendships arent like that ...a pointless waste of time in my book it is not something to do to anyone..........deb Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about! No, there's nothing that's going on in her life. And she's pretty respectful towards her other friends. I don't know, maybe we have outgrown our friendship. She always thinks she's smarter than me and makes me feel dumb.
Keenly Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I've never fought with any of my friends. Disagreements, sure, especially my room mate. But fought? Argued? Nah. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about! No, there's nothing that's going on in her life. And she's pretty respectful towards her other friends. I don't know, maybe we have outgrown our friendship. She always thinks she's smarter than me and makes me feel dumb. I haven't really fought with my friends, i might have a difference of opinion now and again, but i pretty much accept them as they are, if they hurt me i am unlikely to show it, i just go quiet, if they ask i tell them why.In my life i have not voided a friendship even with my exes, again they hurt me , i may not talk to them for a while while i feel raw but eventually we just start talking again....i don't hold grudges and don't understand the purpose of ingratiating yourself into someones life to make them miserable..........to me that isnt being any type of friend in the first place.....and really pointless.... she makes you feel dumb ....that to me is also not friendship, you can hold a difference of opinion and still respect the person who you differ with...to me being rude isn't smart....i am not perfect and if i have been rude i feel guilt and i carry that with me until i apologize......which i always do..... if she continues to treat you this way then she isnt your friend.....i would try and talk to her as respectfully as you can if she ridicules you or disrespects you walk away...it isn't intelligent in any way or form, to disrespect people, so, don't feel dumb.....i wish you the best with happy friendships in the future....deb
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