SmartDude Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 So I am curious. How many are bothered by the fact that a FWB is sleeping with someone besides you? Does it ever cross your mind? What about someone you have been dating causally for a while? Would the thought of them sleeping with someone else ruin it for you if it was just for the enjoyment of sex and nothing else? Why is it that when someone you care about has sex with some one else, Jealousy arises? Its odd when you really think about it. Your object of affection is not being maimed or killed, In fact she is having a pleasurable experience...maybe even happy about it. And yet we are not happy that she is enjoying herself and become very bitter and moody! You would make huge sacrifices, risk your life, even die for someone you love. But if they have sex with someone else suddenly they are your worst enemy? Life is weird, whatever... How many forum members are brave enough to jump into this can of worms? lol
Elle1975 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I tried the FWB, ended up dating, broke up ugly. Anyway, not for me. I'm just not equipped for that. As for being jealous, if it's your FWB, it means that you're getting attached, and you should let her go. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) That's an absolute yes for me. People have called me insane and a whole host of other things but when/if I have an FWB, if I find out he's sleeping with someone else it's over and done with. I once found out my FWB was sleeping with other girls. Not gonna lie, I cried like a little bitch once it hit me. I didn't like it one bit. There were no romantic feelings but the thought of him doing the very same things to me and with me then doing it with someone else the next day...or the day before or hell.....earlier that morning made me sick. Sexual jealousy does not necessarily mean you are getting attached. Edited July 3, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra
ja123 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I actually prefer if a FWB sees other people. Takes a lot of pressure off and it's kind of exciting to think about in a perverted way.
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 There is something that makes a woman more sexually attractive when you know that she's also seeing someone else. I remember times when I had these incredible urges that words cannot describe towards a FWB when she came to my place after she just slept with another guy. I heard on the Joe Rogan podcast that our dick heads are shaped like bells to plunge out existing semen, and to allow ours in. I think that urge is the natural act of wanted to get our seed in before it's too late. In the end it does make you dead inside. Although you have respect for the girl as a human being, you loose all romantic respect. I wish I was the type of guy that's cool with FWB's, but someone always gets hurt ultimately.
Author SmartDude Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 That's an absolute yes for me. People have called me insane and a whole host of other things but when/if I have an FWB, if I find out he's sleeping with someone else it's over and done with. I have been there myself. I don't think its insane just a matter of preference Lernaean But then something happened to me... In the past 5 years I have pushed on that boundary more and more. Getting used to being ok with it. It has been a strange journey. It started out when I found my photos of my then live in girlfriend having sex with the previous guy. What I felt was hard to describe, but that was the moment it all started. I felt a sense of arousal(surprise)! But it was not just hot. It was like I started trembling-kind of hot. The jelousy was still there to a degree, but not as important I guess lol. In fact the jealousy seemed to enhance the experience in a strange way. Ya anyway, Im weird. enough about me...I will figure out what this all means some day.
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Its odd when you really think about it Actually it's not. Guys are hardwired to be jealous to ensure that the woman we're with is carrying our seed and no other. Girls are hardwired to be jealous to ensure that the man doesn't abandon her and the child leaving them dry. Also there is the risk of someone else taking away your love interest through sex. Even babies can get jealous over a mothers breast; jealousy is an essential part of human nature and the development of mankind.
Omei Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 It wouldn't bother me, Fwb is not a relationship and if you treat it like one then its not gonna work out. The only thing id want to know is how clean this other women and himself if it was me.
marcjb Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I tried the FWB, ended up dating, broke up ugly. Anyway, not for me. I'm just not equipped for that. As for being jealous, if it's your FWB, it means that you're getting attached, and you should let her go. It's not that you are not equipped for it, it's that the people who are ok with a FWB relationship are usually not equipped to handle an emotionally intimate relationship properly.
carhill Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 What about someone you have been dating causally for a while <having sex with someone else>? If I had knowledge or proof of it, I'd stop dating them. Would the thought of them sleeping with someone else ruin it for you if it was just for the enjoyment of sex and nothing else? Yes, because I've always confined sex to committed and exclusive relationships and we'd have a fundamental incompatibility, likely irreconcilable. Of course, they could always deceive me. It happens.
Author SmartDude Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 It's not that you are not equipped for it, it's that the people who are ok with a FWB relationship are usually not equipped to handle an emotionally intimate relationship properly. Whoa there , I think your jumping to conclusions. Maybe you have your own preference and that’s fine. I think individuals are capable of both a FWB and an intimate relationship within the course of a life. FWB is more like a phase one goes through...for people who are "ok with a FWB relationship". 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 As open minded and liberal and sexual as I am, I can't say that I have this issue because I'm more of a no sex before monogamy kind of gal. I do not like to share or be shared except in my fantasies I guess you can take the girl out of the Catholic school but you can't take the Catholic out of the girl 2
Badsingularity Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 There is something that makes a woman more sexually attractive when you know that she's also seeing someone else. Can't say I see eye to eye with you on that one. If I found out she was sleeping with someone else. He would immediately get to have her all for himself. 2
carhill Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I think individuals are capable of both a FWB and an intimate relationship within the course of a life. FWB is more like a phase one goes through...for people who are "ok with a FWB relationship". I agree and feel casual sex, ONS, FWB and similar are valid and healthy choices for people. My only boundary is *concurrent* FWB, ONS, casual sex while I'm dating someone with intent to develop an intimate and sexual relationship. In fact, most of the women I dated, including the one I married, had histories of, they stated, casual sexual relations. It is common in my generation, sexual revolution and all. I also look at it from a practical standpoint...if we're developing intimacy and they're sexually active with someone else during that time, and are honest, there will be some latency in testing and re-testing for STD's, delaying sexual activity in our interaction if/when they 'end' whatever they're doing. Granted, perhaps most people don't care about such matters, but that's another boundary of compatibility for myself.
marcjb Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) Whoa there , I think your jumping to conclusions. Maybe you have your own preference and that’s fine. I think individuals are capable of both a FWB and an intimate relationship within the course of a life. FWB is more like a phase one goes through...for people who are "ok with a FWB relationship". You don't have to agree with me, but I base it on my own experience with people that I know personally. Now with me? Well, I've tried to not get attached, but I get attached very quick to anyone that I'm intimate with. I'm a person that's very open and in touch with my emotions. I am on the other end of the spectrum and found out that I could never have a FWB arrangement. This is usually the conclusion that most people come to as you have seen, and will see from the replies in this thread. It's just that I'm sure a lot of the posters will have had come to the realization of things later on in such an arrangement, like when they realize they aren't the only one their friend is sleeping with. Edited July 3, 2014 by marcjb
EmptyinNV Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Girls are hardwired to be jealous to ensure that the man doesn't abandon her and the child leaving them dry. And yet men ignore this and abandon just as easily as they are on to the next woman leaving behind a path of broken children. So jealousy can be ignored and neglected.
Author SmartDude Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 My view on jealousy is that you can try and hide from it. Or you can turn around and look that ugly monster in the face, eye to eye. But alas discretion is the better part of valour...
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