Tressugar Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) I am curious to know your opinion on my upcoming situation. My husband's ex wife once again is breaking court orders. My husband has visitation rights and she will not comply. I understand this act alone is considered contempt of court orders, but there is nothing a judge is going to do about her violating court orders. Been there and done that. Nothing happened. My husband asked me to accompany him to his ex wife mother's house. He feels he needs to do this in order to find out where his ex wife lives in attempt to find out about his son's welfare. I have asked my husband in the past to include me in any/all dealings regarding his child.. This woman is unstable she moves every couple months because she burns bridges with everyone around her. She relocates and assumes a new identity a few times a year to get a fresh start. My question is would it be smart of me to go with my husband to his ex wife mother's house? Knowing that I have a restraining order against her (the ex wife) because of her mental violent personality disorder (Narcissism/BPD). She does not live with her mother, but she does visit her mother periodically. I want to be supportive of my husband, but everytime she sees me she cannot physically or verbally control herself around me. His ex wife and I have gotten several physical altercations where the police would have to be called. She hates me! Even though SHE was the demise of her own marriage with my husband. If I do go I'm thinking I should have a live video on the whole situation. In case we have to go to court. Also the video can be used against her in the child custody case. What do you think? Edited July 2, 2014 by Tressugar
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I think the fact that you are posing this question you know the right answer, but want us to tell you its ok to do what you want instead. You should not throw gas on this fire. Avoid contact and interaction with this person. Stay away and don't fan the flames of this situation. 1
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I am curious to know your opinion on my upcoming situation. My husband's ex wife once again is breaking court orders. My husband has visitation rights and she will not comply. I understand this act alone is considered contempt of court orders, but there is nothing a judge is going to do about her violating court orders. Been there and done that. Nothing happened. My husband asked me to accompany him to his ex wife mother's house. He feels he needs to do this in order to find out where his ex wife lives in attempt to find out about his son's welfare. I have asked my husband in the past to include me in any/all dealings regarding his child.. This woman is unstable she moves every couple months because she burns bridges with everyone around her. She relocates and assumes a new identity a few times a year to get a fresh start. My question is would it be smart of me to go with my husband to his ex wife mother's house? Knowing that I have a restraining order against her (the ex wife) because of her mental violent personality disorder (Narcissism/BPD). She does not live with her mother, but she does visit her mother periodically. I want to be supportive of my husband, but everytime she sees me she cannot physically or verbally control herself around me. His ex wife and I have gotten several physical altercations where the police would have to be called. She hates me! Even though SHE was the demise of her own marriage with my husband. If I do go I'm thinking I should have a live video on the whole situation. In case we have to go to court. Also the video can be used against her in the child custody case. What do you think? Don't go. Your presence will do far more harm than good. It will appear that you are actively seeking the drama. Additionally, it will weaken your case for the RO you have. Assuming you want the RO to stay in place, don't go. I doubt the ex wife can afford decent legal representation, but her attorney could argue the fact you are going to the home of the mother, knowing full well that she may be there, means that you do not have a legitimate fear of her at all (and isn't that what the RO is in place for?). Ignoring the RO issue now, could your presence be helpful? Not in the least. Could your presence be problematic? Yes, many different ways.
Author Tressugar Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Thank you for your thoughts on my situation. In my heart of hearts I don't want to go, but want to lend my husband some support going into the fire. It's probably not possible, but I wish my husband forgets that he has a son until his son at least turn 18.
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Additionally, I think this is your husbands issue to deal with. It is his child, not yours. That said, why does he not attempt to get custody. From what you have presented above, mom is not the most stable of parents. Furthermore, the courts will enforce visitation if it is documented properly. Not only that, moms continued failure to comply could result in a custody reversal to your husband. If your husband is interested in primary custody, he should pursue that avenue. But this aspect belongs on a different advice website.
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 It's probably not possible, but I wish my husband forgets that he has a son until his son at least turn 18. Omg! That is a pretty horrible thing to say. You don't have to involve yourself in his custody issues, but don't encourage him to give up on his child. 1
Author Tressugar Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 @ TX We are in a process of trying to obtain custody right now. Based upon her criminal history and mental health issues. Speaking from experience the courts usually rely on the mothers behalf. Regardless of her history. Before we proceed with this custody hearing we need to find out where she lives.
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Omg! That is a pretty horrible thing to say. You don't have to involve yourself in his custody issues, but don't encourage him to give up on his child. I tried to change "that is a pretty horrible thing to say" to "don't say that". But my edit was not made in time. Sorry, my tone might have been too harsh. I was just shocked by the statement.
Author Tressugar Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I agree. It is a horrible thing to say! But nobody knows the problems we are going through by attending court every two months over custody issues and fraudulent charges against us. It's a headache!
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I work in an industry that frequently deals with courts and lawyers, and one thing I've learned is DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT and REPORT REPORT REPORT. it does not matter if the court won't do anything right now report it anyway. Save text messages or emails. Document each and every phone conversation and mark it with a date / time stamp. ( do not record her voice. Most states require consent of two parties for this, ala Donald Sterling ) Report it all. One day will come, probably during custody hearing, they will review all of this documentation, and quickly make the right choice. Also, don't go with him to her place, or any situation in which she or any of her family will be present. Appeasement must be practiced, and trust that her day will come . 2
Quiet Storm Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 If she is BPD, then seeing you or even just hearing about you from her mother is going to reignite all of her emotions. My sister is Borderline and you have to keep your distance because they will find a way to suck you back in. They arent capable of regulating their emotions like we do, and hearing about you from her mom or kid will likely be viewed as a personal attack. BPDs make it all about them. Yes, they are her own delusions and you shouldn't have to tiptoe around, but shes not right mentally and is the mother of your stepson. Her drama will certainly trickle down and add stress to the kids already unstable life. Your husband has every right to check on the kid, but your presence will create unnecessary drama. 1
GoBlue Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 What possible benefit is there to put yourself in that position? You can be supportive of your husband without physically showing up at his ex-wife's mother's house. A live video? Almost sounds like you hope something will happen so you can record it. If your husband is truly concerned about the welfare of his son why hasn't he filed papers with the court to get full-custody? I believe that would be my response to this whole scenario.
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