JimmyWeezy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 If you are relieved, then good on you. That's the best way to feel. I'm not relieved. I feel gutted. Don't think it's all sunny over here. I was counting on this relationship. I love him more than my life. But he dumped me a week ago and I'm already tired of the sadness. I've been anxious with an eye open 24/7 for a long time, I don't need this as well. I can only see him for who he is, and I mean all the negatives. I have to. I need to look at things for what they really are, and my broken heart and ego are helping me see it all so clear. I am coming to the conclusion that I've held on so long basically because he is so gorgeous to my eyes (and hey, he is not a God with a sixpack or whatever. He's a 21 guy with a beautiful face and a decent body. I love him I really do, but I need to focus on the bad things to keep going. And honestly, they are way more than the positive ones).
NoLeafClover Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Honestly...i have cried almost everyday for 4 weeks straight (4 weeks BU and NC since). The first 2 weeks I was in so much pain inside and so sad, I couldn't even hold my tears when I'd sit down and eat at home. Mornings aren't bad, but once I get to work and settle down on my chair, I struggle to stop from crying in my little cubical while hiding from my coworkers. Now, I can't wait till it gets dark out and it's time for bed so I can sleep and forget about everything. It's the only thing I look forward to that helps me not feel any pain...only when I am sleeping. Then the cycle repeats again the next morning and so does the pain. Random thoughts constantly run thru my mind. I feel betrayed and feel like I can never trust anyone again. I feel hopeless to find people that understand because I am a guy, I can't even tell my full story and the level of pain I am in to my guy friends because it's embarrassing. So I only tell pieces of the story and not my emotions. How do you get over some of the things she has said? How do you get over the fact that 3 weeks before the BU we were talking about having kids and how she was not going to take her birth control anymore (her bring this up) Then she turns into someone else, breaks up over the phone, blocks my cel number then breaks her silence only after I sent her stuff back by mail because she would not talk to me.. How do you get over this text after not replying to her mean email a week prior: "You have ruined me and everything i believe in. I had so much hope for us and for you but you have ruined everything with your out of control self. We could of had it all but you are ****ing sick. I hate you and I hate that I loved you so much and I hate that I let you walk all over me. I would of given my life for you and that still wasn't enough. I hope god helps you and guides you in the right direction and you find happiness...but you have forever ruined me and everything i believe in.Sometimes i wish I never met you and I never fell in love with you...delirious dreams i suppose. I hate you, i pray to god everyday to help me forget you and everything about you."" It's been a tough road for me. Between dealing with the pain and focusing on other things, I have to deal with keeping strong and not replying to such nasty messages and keep NC. My whole summer was full of boat rides and trips with her. Now it's gone. I used to love riding my motorcycle and felt so happy and free...Now I hate it and avoid it at all cost 'cause I am afraid I'd end up losing balance if I have a weak moment. Every fun thing I used to like I don't want to do anymore. I lost a lot of weight. I started going to the gym again (from 2 months ago) and I was struggling to push with my usual weights. I lost a lot of muscle mass in a very short time and it makes me feel worse. I hate this, I just hate being like this. It's a constant psychological war with myself and I can't seem to get a grip anywhere. I hate to have to press reset again.
JimmyWeezy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Honestly...i have cried almost everyday for 4 weeks straight (4 weeks BU and NC since). The first 2 weeks I was in so much pain inside and so sad, I couldn't even hold my tears when I'd sit down and eat at home. Mornings aren't bad, but once I get to work and settle down on my chair, I struggle to stop from crying in my little cubical while hiding from my coworkers. Now, I can't wait till it gets dark out and it's time for bed so I can sleep and forget about everything. It's the only thing I look forward to that helps me not feel any pain...only when I am sleeping. Then the cycle repeats again the next morning and so does the pain. Random thoughts constantly run thru my mind. I feel betrayed and feel like I can never trust anyone again. I feel hopeless to find people that understand because I am a guy, I can't even tell my full story and the level of pain I am in to my guy friends because it's embarrassing. So I only tell pieces of the story and not my emotions. How do you get over some of the things she has said? How do you get over the fact that 3 weeks before the BU we were talking about having kids and how she was not going to take her birth control anymore (her bring this up) Then she turns into someone else, breaks up over the phone, blocks my cel number then breaks her silence only after I sent her stuff back by mail because she would not talk to me.. How do you get over this text after not replying to her mean email a week prior: "You have ruined me and everything i believe in. I had so much hope for us and for you but you have ruined everything with your out of control self. We could of had it all but you are ****ing sick. I hate you and I hate that I loved you so much and I hate that I let you walk all over me. I would of given my life for you and that still wasn't enough. I hope god helps you and guides you in the right direction and you find happiness...but you have forever ruined me and everything i believe in.Sometimes i wish I never met you and I never fell in love with you...delirious dreams i suppose. I hate you, i pray to god everyday to help me forget you and everything about you."" It's been a tough road for me. Between dealing with the pain and focusing on other things, I have to deal with keeping strong and not replying to such nasty messages and keep NC. My whole summer was full of boat rides and trips with her. Now it's gone. I used to love riding my motorcycle and felt so happy and free...Now I hate it and avoid it at all cost 'cause I am afraid I'd end up losing balance if I have a weak moment. Every fun thing I used to like I don't want to do anymore. I lost a lot of weight. I started going to the gym again (from 2 months ago) and I was struggling to push with my usual weights. I lost a lot of muscle mass in a very short time and it makes me feel worse. I hate this, I just hate being like this. It's a constant psychological war with myself and I can't seem to get a grip anywhere. I hate to have to press reset again. I'm so sorry man. And the friends issue I can relate to, and I have girlfriends. Most of them can only do so much, because they are not in my shoes and the rest of them is busy with their lives. As for losing hope, I know how you feel. Same for me. If you ever need to talk, hit me up.
requin Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 noleafclover, that is so sad, made me cry to read it. I feel your pain. I broke NC today and texted my ex asking him to call as I want to ask him something. But so far he has ignored the text and the request. 1
artsygirl78 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Good thread topic. I'm not coping very well. My ex broke us up about 6 weeks ago. Our r'ship was great; I didn't see a problem and didn't see the breakup coming. I'm still in denial. I feel I'm living a nightmare. I'm fighting not falling into a deep suicidal depression. I bike ride when I can (storms today prevented it). That always helps. I plan to go clothes shopping (which I never do, so it's greatly needed) but haven't done that yet. I color (colored pencils and Dover coloring books) and I paint by number while watching 70s and 80s horror movies. I talk incessantly about my ex and drive my friends and mother nuts. heh. I cry a lot. I hope. I despair. I don't know how I"m going to get through this. I can completely empathize with this. There is a lot of crying, and not really any sleeping. And not much eating, either. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming, I don't know what to do with myself. So you know what? I just let myself cry. I let myself lean on friends, for whom I have been there in the same exact circumstances, every one of them. I know that nightmare feeling - what I would ask you is, what thoughts are going through your head when you are in the nightmare? I am finding that a lot of my suffering is coming from emotionally reacting to my fears - none of which are facts. Just try as much as you can to be patient with yourself, and see if you can't separate fact from fiction. I find it is helping me. In the meantime - I am working out a lot - jogging, nature walking, throwing around really heavy kettlebells - connecting with nature. Remembering to breathe. You WILL feel better in time, it is just a process and your heart needs space to heal in its own way. We are here for you!
shoegal4 Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Still working on coping better. but quitting the job I hated, losing 30 lbs and enrolling in grad school has sure helped a whole bunch. I took on the mantra: "Don't get bitter, get better." Whether he ever founds out about these things doesn't matter. It's all for me!
JimmyWeezy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 You guys! I hate to see you hurting so much. I don't know why but I feel like I'm already passing the depression stage. Matbe it's back and forth but still, here's my advice: write down everything you didn't necessarily like about your ex. And the things you hated. And the lacks they had towards you/the relationship. And read them. Read read read. I feel so much better and see it clear
Author Georgia2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Posted July 9, 2014 This was such a thoughtful question! For me NC has been a little over two weeks now and I'm still pretty angry and sometimes sad too. I don't regret what I said to him though. I still also have some kind of foolish hope that he might come around or at least apologize. Probably stupid. I've been keeping busy - hanging out with friends, working out (my body aches from it), learning the ukulele, getting ready to start working 3 jobs in September, teaching myself two new languages and also auditioning for a local rock band. I got a call back and I might just become their new lead singer! Pretty cool. I still miss him like crazy and I wonder if he misses me at all. Still angry though. Very angry. I feel the same angry and sad at times. I am also hoping for at least an apology from him since I gave him an apology. All though I doubt he will ever apologize.
Griesfootball Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Like a lot of people I've been doing the gym stuff a lot. It takes up like 2 hours when you count in stretching taking pre workout and resting afterwards. I watch my baseball team every night, that takes up 3 hours. The rest of my time is sleeping or work usually. Just past 3 months and I still miss my ex but the one thing no one either the dumper or dumpee can deny is that there is freedom to discover new things out there and find out more about yourself you might not have known
JimmyWeezy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 Like a lot of people I've been doing the gym stuff a lot. It takes up like 2 hours when you count in stretching taking pre workout and resting afterwards. I watch my baseball team every night, that takes up 3 hours. The rest of my time is sleeping or work usually. Just past 3 months and I still miss my ex but the one thing no one either the dumper or dumpee can deny is that there is freedom to discover new things out there and find out more about yourself you might not have known True. And that's crucial for the relationship destiny (reconciliation or no reconciliation)
requin Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 but the one thing no one either the dumper or dumpee can deny is that there is freedom to discover new things out there and find out more about yourself you might not have known I actually had more than enough freedom in my r'ship because we live 40 mins apart and he's extremely independent. In fact he wanted me to have more of a life...I made him my whole life. I never have had a lot of friends and i live in a sort of isolated area. It was part of why he left, I think..that I wasn't 'busy' enough. I do realize and acknowledge that my lack of a full life is a problem--my own problem, not his. I actually did more new things w/ him than I've ever done alone. Being alone gets old after 15 years of it, and I've always enjoyed doing new things w/ someone I love than alone.
JimmyWeezy Posted July 9, 2014 Posted July 9, 2014 I actually had more than enough freedom in my r'ship because we live 40 mins apart and he's extremely independent. In fact he wanted me to have more of a life...I made him my whole life. I never have had a lot of friends and i live in a sort of isolated area. It was part of why he left, I think..that I wasn't 'busy' enough. I do realize and acknowledge that my lack of a full life is a problem--my own problem, not his. I actually did more new things w/ him than I've ever done alone. Being alone gets old after 15 years of it, and I've always enjoyed doing new things w/ someone I love than alone. I relate to this big time
OK_computer Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Well she's with my best friend now and that kinda of stings...HARD. Not so much the fact she moved on but having to see them do lovey dovey **** in classes all day is really lame. Im so busy though, that helps. I'm trying to be the best student I can and keep focused on whats important in this life, that helps too. Its been at least 4 months now after 4 years so..I'm doing ok. Have new girl that likes talking to me and likes hearing what I have to say, that helps too. Overall, Im keeping busy and when i'm free I play call of duty now LOL. What doesn't help is my torn acl and mcl in my knee and the limping im doing around campus and having her see it. It makes her feel good about herself im sure. But meh, I know the truth. She's with 2 other guys and him and same time, a total attention w****, NO THANKS. Stings a bit though.
dudemeister Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 My LD relationship ended a little over two months ago. First 2-3 weeks were brutal. Went through depression, cried some, didn't eat much, was pretty much silent at work, and also lost almost 10 pounds (not a good thing for me because I'm a skinny dude to begin with). This stage is normal and I think its okay to let yourself go at this point. After that I started my road to recovery. Like others have said, exercise is key and it was my go-to medication. Started lifting weights, eating more, and I gained those 10 pound back. I now try to go out for daily walks or bike rides. Very very helpful. Then I rearranged a lot of the furniture in my apartment. Even hung stuff on the walls. My place looks great now and it made me very happy. One of the biggest things that have helped me was writing everything down in a notebook - I analyzed my feelings, the relationship, what I learned, what went wrong, why it went wrong, etc... In the end I had about 14 pages written. Do not underestimate the power of writing - it activates different parts of the brain. In case you are wondering, typing things out on the computer is not as beneficial. Anyway, those are some of the things that helped me. 2
tink_10050 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 This is day 2. I'm rebounding as fast and hard as I can by way of internet dating. It seems to ease the pain a little bit. I'm trying not to drink too much but I just want to numb the pain. I keep wanting to tell him I take it back but I erased his phone number, etc. so I can't do it. I had to work yesterday so was able to keep busy. Today I'm just a couch potato on the sofa with my lap top. Talk about painful.... and I was only with him for 4 damn months.
scobro Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Did no contact for 2 months had contact 2 weeks ago and found out shes slept with some guy and now seeing someone new....pain all over again can't break no contact its too painful....how the hell do people move on so fast its only been 4 months but she has a track record of this so I should know better
JimmyWeezy Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 Did no contact for 2 months had contact 2 weeks ago and found out shes slept with some guy and now seeing someone new....pain all over again can't break no contact its too painful....how the hell do people move on so fast its only been 4 months but she has a track record of this so I should know better Dumpers can't wait to be single and reveal their true colors... I can't imagine what my ex is doing after only a week... I know for a fact that a couple days before dumping me he already had downloaded chats on his phone and I know that the same week he went partying so... As I read somewhere on this forum, and actually it's so true: ignorance is bliss
Smarty Pants Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I took the time to work on myself and started doing things that I love doing: hiking, working out, biking. Focused on my job and got into the grad school I wanted to go to. When I wasn't expecting it, I met someone. It's been light and fun and I am so much happier than I was with my ex. Oh and I told myself everyday that I'm awesome and it's her loss. And it's true.
JimmyWeezy Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I took the time to work on myself and started doing things that I love doing: hiking, working out, biking. Focused on my job and got into the grad school I wanted to go to. When I wasn't expecting it, I met someone.It's been light and fun and I am so much happier than I was with my ex. Oh and I told myself everyday that I'm awesome and it's her loss. And it's true. I fear that he will feel this way too. I turned into a paranoid silent person once I lost trust in him, so I would act normal most of the time but not all the time. And I couldn't have the state of mind to do normal things such as partying together (or apart) because I was scared his mind would go cray cray and unleash the beast. I was controlling him for a long time, but even if he allowed me to, I kinda lost control and got suffocating. Therefore, none of us was happy. This is why he broke up with me and I know for a fact that he already repeated the mistake that started all our problems: downloading dating chats. And he did the day before dumping me for good. And he went partying the day after. So he must feel so free, happy and liberated. This thought is literally KILLING me, because I know how much he wants this life. But I wish he could see that the person I've become was not me, was a consequence. And I wish he could see what he let go. He did say that this decision will be hard to live with, that it sucks to throw 2 years and that he will regret it, but do I know he was sincere when he said that. At least I know why I could never sleep with closed eyes: he was seeing me as a friend for a while. Of course we couldn't be happy, if you had no care in fixing our issues, you idiot. You have to actually LOVE me to want to give up your fantasies about dating sites and partying and promiscuous thoughts and attitude. Ugh I'm so down this evening...
dumbass2 Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I'm not coping too well as you can see if you read my "regret email" post. Broke up April 22nd. I'm back to day 4 of no contact since my ex girlfriend that broke up with me called me. I handled the first month pretty good, but again maybe not since she kept in contact with me and I would respond, but I was ok with it (at least at the time). Then my email to her after 7 days no contact and then no contact for 3+ weeks and then her response which hit me hard. Then 2 weeks and my letter I sent and then 2 weeks and she calls to respond. Now the ball is in her court and there's nothing else I can or should do. She knows exactly how I feel and if she feels regret about the break up then she'll have to come to me. I hope I can remain strong over the next few weeks and resist trying to call her since she said communication is open. I still haven't convinced myself that she was not regretting what she did. She did too many confusing things right after the break up to give me doubts, but she's the one who did it, poor reason (because it just doesn't make sense to me) or not. I miss her and I sensed that she missed me at least some when talking on the phone to her. In coping with it, I'm continuing to talk with my best friend who has been great throughout and I am reminding myself of what I have learned and how important honestly expressing feelings is. I did not do a good job at it the last month+ we were together. I did not get upset enough and express it when I probably should have. I know she had some stuff going on and I was too understanding. Having an argument and getting upset for a good reason is good in a healthy relationship. I allowed myself to get frustrated at the end when I could have delt with some of the red flags. I understand that much better now. If I had done that before, things may have been different or may have ended sooner, who knows. I know that's part of the reason why she broke up and the main one because she wasn't sure about where we were going and I think that was because I was bottling up feelings. Communication is the main thing that broke this relationship up. Not trust or cheating or jealousy or anything unrepairable.
hockeydan Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I wake up and work out (6 days a week). I have some weight I need to shed for me to feel better about myself, so this is progress for me. I have been eating healthy and trying to eat as clean as possible. I am currently unemployed waiting for my job to start in another state. In the mean time I have been looking for temporary jobs in hopes that one of them will hit. The evenings are the hardest for me, after around 3pm I really start to feel the hurt. I have been binge watching Netflix/Hulu comedy shows. I have finished Brooklyn 99 and moved on to 30 Rock. I try to hang out with my friends when I can, but all of them are now married and have kids, so they really do not have time for me. I try to help myself sleep at night by looking over forums like these and convincing myself I am going be better off. Sleep hits and then I dream about her, and getting back together and the future we were going to have, so I wake up in the morning upset and disappointed, only to have to start the cycle all over again.
OK_computer Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I wake up and work out (6 days a week). I have some weight I need to shed for me to feel better about myself, so this is progress for me. I have been eating healthy and trying to eat as clean as possible. I am currently unemployed waiting for my job to start in another state. In the mean time I have been looking for temporary jobs in hopes that one of them will hit. The evenings are the hardest for me, after around 3pm I really start to feel the hurt. I have been binge watching Netflix/Hulu comedy shows. I have finished Brooklyn 99 and moved on to 30 Rock. I try to hang out with my friends when I can, but all of them are now married and have kids, so they really do not have time for me. I try to help myself sleep at night by looking over forums like these and convincing myself I am going be better off. Sleep hits and then I dream about her, and getting back together and the future we were going to have, so I wake up in the morning upset and disappointed, only to have to start the cycle all over again. This has happened to me for the last 335 mornings, but the last 30 days has been better. I realized if i stop thinking about her in the night and think about what i have to do the next morning, in the morning i don't have time to ponder. But the evenings are a trial for me too, I tried to meet a few new girls, that definitley helps. But its hard to not come off as a little needy in the beginning, for me atleast. You'll be okay, give it some time, and some mornings. Until finally your brain just can't waste anymore of its precious time thinking about those gone.
leavesonautumn Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 OK_computer I was going to quote and bold the exact same thing! It was the worst part of my day, actually the start and end of my day were the toughest. Then I reached a point when the dreams stopped and I'm able to shut my brain off at night at sleep and I wake up not thinking about him, even to the point that I'll recognize I haven't thought about him in hours. You'll get there eventually, just takes time.
NoLeafClover Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 I'm so sorry man. And the friends issue I can relate to, and I have girlfriends. Most of them can only do so much, because they are not in my shoes and the rest of them is busy with their lives. As for losing hope, I know how you feel. Same for me. If you ever need to talk, hit me up. Thank You Jimmy, I have been doing a lot better today and yesterday. I have already made up my mind I will not take this person back even if she came back. noleafclover, that is so sad, made me cry to read it. I feel your pain. I broke NC today and texted my ex asking him to call as I want to ask him something. But so far he has ignored the text and the request. I am sorry that I made you feel worse with my story. I too have read stories on here that I could relate and made me feel the same way. I am sure you're a strong person and you will get thru this with time. Surprisingly, I have been feeling a lot better this past two days. I think I have come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and even if she came back, it will never be the same. The hardest part right now for me is that I feel like I can never trust another partner because I got side blinded by my ex in a way. I knew things weren't going well, but even when I pictured a breakup with her I never thought she would turn into this ugly person or even break up in this form. I don't have much advice beside that I hope you get the strength needed to move on and be happy again. It's a crappy situation but we don't have a choice but press reset again and start from scratch 1
Apparition Posted July 11, 2014 Posted July 11, 2014 Good for you, Georgia. It is nice to hear someone focusing on themselves in a healthy way, and not doing anything self destructive.
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