For those dealing with a break up how are you coping

[Georgia2014]

I am going through a recent break up. I am coping by watching all 9 seasons of Roseanne while crocheting for myself the Roseanne afghan. It's one of my favorite shows. I also bought myself a 39" flat screen tv and blu ray WiFi player.

 

I just got to wondering how everyone else on here is coping with a recent break up.

[erklat]

I got my buns out, adopted my beautiful Alaskan malamute, employed myself and

generally improved myself in every possible way.

[furby58]

i gym and run a lot , keep my self busy and spend sometime with friends. My biggest outlet in dealing with all the crazy emotion was really exercise ..one of those moments where i can zone out and not think about it all.

[marcjb]

I have been attending some meetup groups and spending time with family when I can.

[leavesonautumn]

Got a promotion at work, see my friends a lot and attempted dating.

 

On the flip side... all I want to do is play video games, watch let's plays and drink a bottle of wine. And then throw myself on to the ground and cry. Wonder if he met someone, if it's one of his female friends he's always known and how he fell in love with them.

 

Pathetic but true.

[adapting]

I've been eating lots of chocolate and playing lots of sports and doing yoga... partly because the exercise makes me feel better and partly because I have to burn off all the calories I'm eating!

[requin]

Good thread topic.

 

I'm not coping very well. My ex broke us up about 6 weeks ago. Our r'ship was great; I didn't see a problem and didn't see the breakup coming.

 

I'm still in denial. I feel I'm living a nightmare. I'm fighting not falling into a deep suicidal depression.

 

I bike ride when I can (storms today prevented it). That always helps. I plan to go clothes shopping (which I never do, so it's greatly needed) but haven't done that yet.

 

I color (colored pencils and Dover coloring books) and I paint by number while watching 70s and 80s horror movies.

 

I talk incessantly about my ex and drive my friends and mother nuts. heh.

 

I cry a lot. I hope. I despair. I don't know how I"m going to get through this.

[marcjb]

I'm still in denial. I feel I'm living a nightmare.

I understand this feeling, and I'm sure a bunch of others do too. You never imagined what they did was remotely possible because to you it was so out of character. It feels like you have stepped into another dimension... an alternate reality.

[triniechu]

I've been going to the gym a lot! Working on my powerlifting and doing Zumba for fun!! Dancing really helps me!

 

I've also been spending a lot of time with my friends and family.

 

I have a lot of time to read now. I also write in my journal, to write out how I feel. I write about anything, especially the days when I think of my ex! It really helps me get my feelings out.

[soret]

I've been immersing myself at work and I hardly think about him. It's my days off where I'm with my thoughts and it drives me up the wall.

 

I was recently hospitalized for a few days and I had to miss a couple of weeks of work because of my illness and of course with all this time to myself those thoughts creep back in.

 

This breakup would be easier if I knew I'd never see him again but since we go to the same university I'm bound to run into him at some point.

[zhaulk]

I've only been NC for 2 weeks, but am having some trouble. I'm very very up and down, and moody. I work out everyday and that helps a lot, but it fades after time. I'm feeling a little down at the moment, but I know it'll pass. I guess we just have to keep trudging through it. I've been heartbroken before, and eventually I was just over it. I don't remember the day that it happened but I remember just being over it.

 

Right now I keep remember my ex telling me (while crying):

"I am so sorry. I tried. I really tried."

 

Almost felt like she was forcing herself to have feelings for me and it just didn't work. Sometimes I just feel really used.

[sugarlove]

I joined a gym.. been running every Friday and Saturday as those are my hardest days. It helps to occupy my time that way.

 

Been busy with my business.. trying to forget all the memories we have by blocking them out. Been whatsapping my friends.. driving them crazy.. trying to convince myself he is an unforgiving jerk who just ran away when there's issue.

 

Today I had the cold.. perhaps that's why today is harder for me.. i missed him today. Wonder if he has a gf by now. Worrying he is sad. Wondering if he is coping okay becuase he has always love me more than I Iover him. Wondering if he is sleeping around. Wondering if he felt any guilt about his sexting. Wondering if he has forgotten me or is missing me.

 

2 weeks of NC... now I'm wondering if I'm the dumper who should try harder or the dumpee who should just vanish. I'm confused.

[Georgia2014]

I am also doing something I never thought I would. My dad is actually wanting my help. I am helping him today getting his new house ready for him to move into. I also walk my dog more. I talk to my step mom almost every day for an hour.

[marcjb]

When I was with my ex fiancé we were both living in an apartment. We did end up looking at property to buy together, but it never happened because she was still going to school and we didn't really know the best place to move to since she didn't have a job in her profession yet. The rent didn't end up increasing for the apartment we were in so we decided to stay there for a lease renewal.

 

When we broke up a few months ago, I had to move back with my parents, but I have been looking at property to buy for myself and it has been helping me immensely since its on most of my mind now instead of her. It helps to have my focus on the future instead of the past.

[music_and_poetry]

This was such a thoughtful question! For me NC has been a little over two weeks now and I'm still pretty angry and sometimes sad too. I don't regret what I said to him though. I still also have some kind of foolish hope that he might come around or at least apologize. Probably stupid.

 

I've been keeping busy - hanging out with friends, working out (my body aches from it), learning the ukulele, getting ready to start working 3 jobs in September, teaching myself two new languages and also auditioning for a local rock band. I got a call back and I might just become their new lead singer! Pretty cool.

 

I still miss him like crazy and I wonder if he misses me at all. Still angry though. Very angry.

[JimmyWeezy]

My boyfriend broke up with me last week, after almost 2 years in the relationship.

Personally, we were dragging unsolved issues for a long time - because talking it out is NOT enough, you have to do something about it too - and none of us was 100% happy, but I honestly never thought he would break up with me. I was thinking about it for a while but never did because I really want him next to me forever. But it happened.

I stopped eating, couldn't sleep much, mornings were tragic as I was facing a new day in this new nightmare reality but this is what I did: I packed my bags and moved temporarily to my father's. That house was full of memories, I couldn't stay there.

Now it's been 3 days and I feel already better. IF you have the chance to get out of the house where you shared so much, go do it I highly suggest it.

Second thing, I went NC after he broke up with me. It was all via text, but the last words came from him. I deleted him from facebook, deleted out pictures from the albums and from my phone, deleted his number.

One thing I did this morning, which really helped, was making a list of all the things I dislike about him and all the lacks he had in the relationship. DO IT! You'll be shocked how much you were able to stand!

Now I'm starting to realize that despite everything, he is the one losing the most. He might be a great friend, a funny guy, a lovely son, but I am a great partner and good luck finding one like me (especially in the gay community).

 

If anyone needs to talk, I'm here every day. It's really helping me. Best of luck to all of you, boys-girls-men-women-straight-gay-black-yellow-green dealing with being a dumpee. I'm here for you of you need a dumpee to talk to. Ciao

[JimmyWeezy]

I've only been NC for 2 weeks, but am having some trouble. I'm very very up and down, and moody. I work out everyday and that helps a lot, but it fades after time. I'm feeling a little down at the moment, but I know it'll pass. I guess we just have to keep trudging through it. I've been heartbroken before, and eventually I was just over it. I don't remember the day that it happened but I remember just being over it.

 

Right now I keep remember my ex telling me (while crying):

"I am so sorry. I tried. I really tried."

 

Almost felt like she was forcing herself to have feelings for me and it just didn't work. Sometimes I just feel really used.

If it makes you feel better, my (ex) boyfriend told me he was seeing me as a friend for a while now, so he's been lying who knows since when. And I don't know if he was crying while saying it since he broke up via text and I refused to meet if it meant having him telling me those awful things to my face.

[requin]

If it makes you feel better, my (ex) boyfriend told me he was seeing me as a friend for a while now, so he's been lying who knows since when. And I don't know if he was crying while saying it since he broke up via text and I refused to meet if it meant having him telling me those awful things to my face.

 

My man broke up with me via text too, and threw in a qualifier saying 'we can talk about this' but when I asked him the next day, when and where do you want to talk? he ignored my question. He continued to ignore my attempts to have that talk for about 4-5 days when I finally cornered him w/ a phonecall. Even then he kept saying he didn't want to talk, had some car repairs to do, and kept saying we'd get together and discuss it and I could ask anything I want. I kept pushing of course because once i had him on the phone I wasn't about to let go. I didn't get any answers.

 

And he never did make a time to have that "talk". I finally showed up at his house on father's day and tried to get him to talk about it (this was about 3-4 weeks after the breakup text). It was like beating my head against a wall. He had had plenty of time to steel himself to anything I might say or ask. I could actually SEE him doing that...he just stood there looking stoney and wouldn't look me in the eye, he stared off in the distance.

 

I didn't cry or yell or pitch a fit but I wouldn't leave because I wasn't getting any answers. He didn't get mad (on the outside) and he wasn't mean, but he wasn't saying much of anything. He's very very good at keeping his emotions and words in check, when he wants to. It was horrible.

 

You were right in not getting together w/ him to hear those awful things to your face. A person who is cowardly enough to breakup by text, is going to be too cowardly to tell the truth to your face if you confront them w/ it. My guy spewed out a few lame "reasons" for breaking up and of course in each case I was like, "Are you kidding?" I knew he was hedging. I knew he wasn't giving his real reasons and I'm kind of glad, because as a love avoidant he had a full shopping list of nit-picky stupid things he no longer liked about me..whereas in the beginning i was his dream girl.

 

Sometimes it's a losing battle. It's so heartbreaking and frustrating.

[JimmyWeezy]

My man broke up with me via text too, and threw in a qualifier saying 'we can talk about this' but when I asked him the next day, when and where do you want to talk? he ignored my question. He continued to ignore my attempts to have that talk for about 4-5 days when I finally cornered him w/ a phonecall. Even then he kept saying he didn't want to talk, had some car repairs to do, and kept saying we'd get together and discuss it and I could ask anything I want. I kept pushing of course because once i had him on the phone I wasn't about to let go. I didn't get any answers.

 

And he never did make a time to have that "talk". I finally showed up at his house on father's day and tried to get him to talk about it (this was about 3-4 weeks after the breakup text). It was like beating my head against a wall. He had had plenty of time to steel himself to anything I might say or ask. I could actually SEE him doing that...he just stood there looking stoney and wouldn't look me in the eye, he stared off in the distance.

 

I didn't cry or yell or pitch a fit but I wouldn't leave because I wasn't getting any answers. He didn't get mad (on the outside) and he wasn't mean, but he wasn't saying much of anything. He's very very good at keeping his emotions and words in check, when he wants to. It was horrible.

 

You were right in not getting together w/ him to hear those awful things to your face. A person who is cowardly enough to breakup by text, is going to be too cowardly to tell the truth to your face if you confront them w/ it. My guy spewed out a few lame "reasons" for breaking up and of course in each case I was like, "Are you kidding?" I knew he was hedging. I knew he wasn't giving his real reasons and I'm kind of glad, because as a love avoidant he had a full shopping list of nit-picky stupid things he no longer liked about me..whereas in the beginning i was his dream girl.

 

Sometimes it's a losing battle. It's so heartbreaking and frustrating.

 

OMG that must have been horrible. I'm so so sorry

Honestly, I think my bf would have met me. In fact, he is one of those people who can't accept people cutting him off. He loves the idea of keeping a cordial relationship with everyone because it's just who he is. Bit guess what? I am not like that by all means. When I cut, I cut. Whether it's a friend, a boyfriend whatever. And I was always the dumper, and for way less than he put me through. Shame on him for throwing me away, he might feel free and happy now, but I'm sure he will regret it (he said himself when he dumped "I know it's gonna be hard, I know I'm gonna regret it, but it's te best thing to do". Yeah right, the CONVENIENT thing to do so you can keep doing your crappy things without me controlling. The BEST THING because I was a friend to your eyes and heart for a while, stupid you for staying anyway and pretending. Lame immature a--hole with no values or brain.)

[requin]

OMG that must have been horrible. I'm so so sorry

Honestly, I think my bf would have met me. In fact, he is one of those people who can't accept people cutting him off. He loves the idea of keeping a cordial relationship with everyone because it's just who he is. Bit guess what? I am not like that by all means. When I cut, I cut. Whether it's a friend, a boyfriend whatever. And I was always the dumper, and for way less than he put me through. Shame on him for throwing me away, he might feel free and happy now, but I'm sure he will regret it (he said himself when he dumped "I know it's gonna be hard, I know I'm gonna regret it, but it's te best thing to do". Yeah right, the CONVENIENT thing to do so you can keep doing your crappy things without me controlling. The BEST THING because I was a friend to your eyes and heart for a while, stupid you for staying anyway and pretending. Lame immature a--hole with no values or brain.)

 

My ex wants people to like him too and had said he wants us to be friends and doesn't see why I have to "hate his guts" which oddly I had never even suggested or said. And yet he hedged every time I tried to get him to talk...really it's about being a coward.

 

He had tried to breakup in March via text and it was horrible, I immediately did the cardinal sins of begging pleading calling and texting over and over but in that case it actually worked and I got him to change his mind. So after we got through that crisis I asked him specifically to please not breakup by text again. So what's he do two months later? Breaks up by text again (while I was at work, both times, too).

 

Cowardly!!! And the reason for the text is because he has NO GOOD REASON for breaking up. Just like your guy. I cannot stand the bull**** excuses they give and then do they really expect us to want to be all sunshine and flowers and happiness and be their FRIEND? That's so selfish...how can they possibly think that breaking up (by text, no less) didn't destroy us?

 

My guy had the nerve to say, when I was standing there at his house trying to get him to say why, he goes, "I don't want to hurt you." Just like that like "it's a nice day" or "that is a car." So matter of fact. I just looked at him and went, "You don't want to HURT ME???" like wtf are you thinking?? Just because I"m not crying begging pleading and making an utter fool of myself, can you not see how destroyed I am by this? Seriously the man has mental issues.

 

Good for you for cutting him off for good. I applaud your strength. Honestly I cannot do it..I'm having such a hard time. I don't have friends and he became too much of my whole world. I cannot be just friends w/ him but at this stage I can't stop hoping i might be able to weasel him back into my life. Why I even want to I don't know. I'm a masochist I think.

[requin]

OMG that must have been horrible. I'm so so sorry

Honestly, I think my bf would have met me. In fact, he is one of those people who can't accept people cutting him off. He loves the idea of keeping a cordial relationship with everyone because it's just who he is. Bit guess what? I am not like that by all means. When I cut, I cut. Whether it's a friend, a boyfriend whatever. And I was always the dumper, and for way less than he put me through. Shame on him for throwing me away, he might feel free and happy now, but I'm sure he will regret it (he said himself when he dumped "I know it's gonna be hard, I know I'm gonna regret it, but it's te best thing to do". Yeah right, the CONVENIENT thing to do so you can keep doing your crappy things without me controlling. The BEST THING because I was a friend to your eyes and heart for a while, stupid you for staying anyway and pretending. Lame immature a--hole with no values or brain.)

 

Oh and yes he IS going to regret losing you..I feel that way about my guy too. Mine was the same--his biggest excuse for breaking up was he "doesn't have time for a r'ship". And since we've split he has stuck to his word on that, he's been working tons of overtime, going fishing whenever he wants, helping his friends, fixing his cars, fixing his daughter's car, cleaning his garage, mowing his lawn, etc etc. All his own as you say "crappy things" ...very selfish. I never told him what to do or took up all his time yet he felt that way and now he's ever so free and loving it. But sooner or later he'll get into "I need a gf" mode and when he does he will obsess and do nothing but mope and whine about how lonely he is and get on dating sites (barf). It happens over and over and he's too stupid to see that it's because he keeps giving up on good women (like me) ...he cannot stand a r'ship once it gets committed ...he freaks out and runs, using the excuse that the woman isn't good enough. Isn't what he thought she was. Wrong. I have not changed..his perception of me is what has changed.

 

Love avoidants do this like clockwork. It's a sad thing.

[JimmyWeezy]

My ex wants people to like him too and had said he wants us to be friends and doesn't see why I have to "hate his guts" which oddly I had never even suggested or said. And yet he hedged every time I tried to get him to talk...really it's about being a coward.

 

He had tried to breakup in March via text and it was horrible, I immediately did the cardinal sins of begging pleading calling and texting over and over but in that case it actually worked and I got him to change his mind. So after we got through that crisis I asked him specifically to please not breakup by text again. So what's he do two months later? Breaks up by text again (while I was at work, both times, too).

 

Cowardly!!! And the reason for the text is because he has NO GOOD REASON for breaking up. Just like your guy. I cannot stand the bull**** excuses they give and then do they really expect us to want to be all sunshine and flowers and happiness and be their FRIEND? That's so selfish...how can they possibly think that breaking up (by text, no less) didn't destroy us?

 

My guy had the nerve to say, when I was standing there at his house trying to get him to say why, he goes, "I don't want to hurt you." Just like that like "it's a nice day" or "that is a car." So matter of fact. I just looked at him and went, "You don't want to HURT ME???" like wtf are you thinking?? Just because I"m not crying begging pleading and making an utter fool of myself, can you not see how destroyed I am by this? Seriously the man has mental issues.

 

Good for you for cutting him off for good. I applaud your strength. Honestly I cannot do it..I'm having such a hard time. I don't have friends and he became too much of my whole world. I cannot be just friends w/ him but at this stage I can't stop hoping i might be able to weasel him back into my life. Why I even want to I don't know. I'm a masochist I think.

 

I don't have many friends either and he was my world as well, to think we would hang out basically every day or anyway talk every day- but you're better off completely alone trust me.

Oh and by the way, he said "you've been the most important person in my life. I'm sorry. I'm not the one you want and your love deserves to go to someone else, I'm sorry for realizing it so late. I don't want you to disappear. We have mutual friends. I don't wanna act like we don't know eachother" my response: "I was never your friend and I have no interest in becoming it." He said "I know we'll never be friends but at least cordial if we ever meet" that's when I stopped replying.

The following day he texted "listen, I was thinking to stop by your house next week to pick the stuff I left there so we can talk if you want" I said "sorry but I can't do this. Arrange it with one of your friends so that they come here and I give them your stuff. Sorry but if seeing you means you telling me those things to my face, I can't do it". His Reply: "as you wish". And that is the last message between us, the last contact we had. Like 4 days ago

[requin]

I don't have many friends either and he was my world as well, to think we would hang out basically every day or anyway talk every day- but you're better off completely alone trust me.

Oh and by the way, he said "you've been the most important person in my life. I'm sorry. I'm not the one you want and your love deserves to go to someone else, I'm sorry for realizing it so late. I don't want you to disappear. We have mutual friends. I don't wanna act like we don't know eachother" my response: "I was never your friend and I have no interest in becoming it." He said "I know we'll never be friends but at least cordial if we ever meet" that's when I stopped replying.

The following day he texted "listen, I was thinking to stop by your house next week to pick the stuff I left there so we can talk if you want" I said "sorry but I can't do this. Arrange it with one of your friends so that they come here and I give them your stuff. Sorry but if seeing you means you telling me those things to my face, I can't do it". His Reply: "as you wish". And that is the last message between us, the last contact we had. Like 4 days ago

 

wow that's horrible, you are so strong, I give you a lot of credit for that. Wow.

 

And don't you love when they tell YOU what YOU want? He's telling you that he's not the one you want. WTF? Um yes he is or you wouldn't be there!!!

 

And how do you go from being the most important person in their life to nothing?

 

When I said to my guy, "What about all the fun we had?" he goes, "I don't deny the fun we had." Then I'd say "What about all those things you said, how I was the best love you've ever had?" "I don't deny the feelings I had for you." I reminded him we had so much fun, did so many things together, talked, had great sex, had the same values on most things, etc. I said, what else do you WANT? I also reminded him that way back in the beginning when I asked him what he wants, he said, "I want to be loved." Well I gave him that. And how'd that work out for me? After 10 months, I'm suddenly not good enough.

 

How can you argue when they are like this. You can't. Nothing gets through.

[JimmyWeezy]

wow that's horrible, you are so strong, I give you a lot of credit for that. Wow.

 

And don't you love when they tell YOU what YOU want? He's telling you that he's not the one you want. WTF? Um yes he is or you wouldn't be there!!!

 

And how do you go from being the most important person in their life to nothing?

 

When I said to my guy, "What about all the fun we had?" he goes, "I don't deny the fun we had." Then I'd say "What about all those things you said, how I was the best love you've ever had?" "I don't deny the feelings I had for you." I reminded him we had so much fun, did so many things together, talked, had great sex, had the same values on most things, etc. I said, what else do you WANT? I also reminded him that way back in the beginning when I asked him what he wants, he said, "I want to be loved." Well I gave him that. And how'd that work out for me? After 10 months, I'm suddenly not good enough.

 

How can you argue when they are like this. You can't. Nothing gets through.

 

You know what though? I'm so relieved. All the problems we had came because of him. Even the only bad thing I did, he allowed me to (long story, I can share if you want). And anyway, despite everything, I was a great partner. We were normal before all the bs he threw in the picture. And now I know that even of he didn't throw it, it would have ended because of his curiosity and inexperience. He would have whether cheated or left to pursue whatever it is he wants to pursue. Go b***h, go have fun and face for yourself everything I tried to preserve you from. What an idiot. Stupid me for counting on a 21 yo in the closet.

[requin]

You know what though? I'm so relieved. All the problems we had came because of him. Even the only bad thing I did, he allowed me to (long story, I can share if you want). And anyway, despite everything, I was a great partner. We were normal before all the bs he threw in the picture. And now I know that even of he didn't throw it, it would have ended because of his curiosity and inexperience. He would have whether cheated or left to pursue whatever it is he wants to pursue. Go b***h, go have fun and face for yourself everything I tried to preserve you from. What an idiot. Stupid me for counting on a 21 yo in the closet.

 

 

If you are relieved, then good on you. That's the best way to feel.

 

I'm not relieved. I feel gutted.