acidrein_08 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 My girlfriend of 2 & 1/2 years broke up with me and MOVED out of our place at the end of May. I didn't call her, I didn't text her, I tried to deal with things and it was REALLY hard, sometimes almost unbearable being here in our apartment ALONE. She contacted me after a little over a week. We talked very little, and I resumed no contact. About another week later she wanted to see me. She sent me some sad song that talked about how she is sad without me. This was all great, it made me start to hope things WOULD work out. She still had a key to the place, I came home after work one night and she was here. I had always hoped it would happen like that. Things went good and the next day she left, this happened again another time but these times she told me she was coming to stay and she'd be there when I got off of work. She drank here one night and wrote all kinds of sweet things on this calendar board I have. About how she missed me and how much she loved me and that I needed to prove how much I cared about her and she could see herself marrying me. Things were going good, we still didn't talk much, but things were headed in the right direction. The next weekend we spent the whole weekend together, and she brought the dog we had gotten together over for the weekend too. It was perfect, I loved having her back. Monday morning I left to work and she went to her job later, and then that week things started to change. You see through the week due to my job I don't have a chance to see her, and I was extremely busy that week. When we would text she started being short in her responses, that weekend I had to work overtime but we made plans to see each other after I got off sunday afternoon. We met up and she just seemed different. We talked and she said she had no plans on moving back in, that she wasn't happy with me and it would just end up like the other times we had broken up when we would fix things and she would be happy for a while but then unhappy again. I told her what about the things she wrote, about how things are getting better (financially, because that made a lot of things harder on us before) and the time we've spent together, like how can that not mean anything. She was just cold, I asked her if she was talking to anyone other guys and she said 1. But she hadn't met him only that a friend got them in touch. I was hurt, I was mad, I told her to give me her key, I asked questions about things but she didn't have many answers, she is good at shutting off her emotions, not letting things bother her, and it seemed easy for her like it was when she walked out before. She left, and finally I was in the apartment with her key and nothing left of her. I texted her and asked her if this was it, and she said "Guess so" The next morning I was extremely depressed I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep. I texted her and asked her to text me when she woke up. A couple hours later all she said was "what" and I told her that I didn't sleep very well and that I liked that she had a key (because that could mean she would be there and surprise me like she did before, that I still had something to hope for). She didn't reply, a few hours later I asked if she was going to just ignore me (which she had never done before after the break up) and still no reply, I said Alright then. Then yesterday she deleted me from facebook even though I didn't contact her. I've been really good about not contacting her before and giving her space to figure out what she wanted. But now I really feel like there is no hope of us getting back together and I can't understand that if she meant what she wrote and what she said then how can it change so fast? Please any advice would help me!
Author acidrein_08 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 123 viewed this and no one cared to share any advice?
artsygirl78 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 From everything you have written, as hard as it might be, I would advise going completely NC. A person will tell you who they are by their actions and behavior, not by what they say, and from how your ex is acting, she was using you while being scared to let go or be alone, but had no problem mistreating you and dumping you when she felt like she could do better. Now is the time to take care of yourself and not put up with being treated like a doormat or being taken advantage of. Think about how you want to be treated by a girlfriend during the tough times, and do what you need to, to take care of yourself. Your ex's behavior sounds manipulative and immature. It is time to let go. Remember that you are not alone!!
ThorntonMelon Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 You're out of your mind right now, which means you have no ability to see this remotely objectively. Obviously she wants nothing to do with you and your thoughts that things were going in the right direction were yours only. Just start working out, hanging with friends, and generally enjoying life, and sooner than later you'll have something fun and new to enjoy. Just please understand you're completely insane right now, for good reason, and you shouldn't trust what your mind is telling you about this. Your mind is going to tell you to evaluate every little thing that ever happened that proves you two were meant to be. Ignore it and do something else till that urge disappears. 1
Always Pondering Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 She left, and finally I was in the apartment with her key and nothing left of her. I texted her and asked her if this was it, and she said "Guess so" The next morning I was extremely depressed I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep. I texted her and asked her to text me when she woke up. A couple hours later all she said was "what" and I told her that I didn't sleep very well and that I liked that she had a key (because that could mean she would be there and surprise me like she did before, that I still had something to hope for). She didn't reply, a few hours later I asked if she was going to just ignore me (which she had never done before after the break up) and still no reply, I said Alright then. Then yesterday she deleted me from facebook even though I didn't contact her. She has given up on you. By her cold responses, her removal of your friendship on Facebook, and the fact that she has already left you, it's clear that she is no longer interested in trying. If anything, you may have pushed her further away--if she was already not off the cliff--by what you did after she left. You two have broken up several times before and in her mind, she believes it would simply happen again if there even was reconciliation. She believes nothing will change and history will simply repeat itself. You should start beginning the new part of your life that doesn't involve her in it. Do not dwell over the "what ifs" or the "what if I send her a message telling her how much I will change for her" or any of the non-productive thoughts. Begin your process of NC, make new friends, indulge yourself in neat hobbies, and in time you will find your new partner. It's a very difficult thing to do but you have to let go. You have to understand that she has left you and that your time with her is over. It's completely expected to hurt after someone who you were so close to has left you but the sooner you realize this, the sooner you will feel better.
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 123 viewed this and no one cared to share any advice? Think about it dude!!! You did it to yourself! You got a hundred posts under your belt and I'm POSITIVE people explained to you the importance of NC. Well, now you know from first hand experience. So, what do you want me or anyone else to say to you that we haven't said before? GO NC and stay there? You already know this! Okay, Look you got burned again. NOW, are you ready to start NC. Are you ready to make positive changes in your life?
Author acidrein_08 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I have gone completely no contact since Monday and tried staying busy. I want to just say that knowing what I need to do and doing it is the hardest part. I know all about no contact, but when she came back around and texting me I couldn't just ignore it. Maybe i'll have that chance in the future, maybe not. I don't plan on talking to her again unless she makes an effort or just comes out and says she is the one who wants to fix things or make it work. I guess the most important thing is that when I have my weak moments, where I sit and over think about everything it is nice to come on here and read something that someone has taken their time to write you. Thats the best part about this forum is that there are so many people here who care. Even if you have the same exact thing to say as the person before, the more times I hear it the better it is for me.
sugarlove Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 She stayed way longer than most. My ex did the same, broke up with me and then went home, dig out his computer, blocked me off everything. And if that doesn't hurt, he took the money we saved for our holiday trip, returned me the Lego technic crane I build for him for our anniversary and then vamoosh, disappear. And we only argued ONCE which is not even a big blowout. I get the pain and the sense of hopelessness. But these people, they are terribly cruel and they seem to think that running away is the solution. They leave behind a mess for us to clean up and memories in the place we shared with them. They are not mature enough to talk things through and they run. They know how we feel but they don't care. And if they do feel hurt, well, serve them right, they chose this for us and we didn't so we must live better. Don't contact her at all. I've tried as well.. for 2.5 months. But it's useless and only made me feel like a piece of trash someone threw away. Yet ironically, I've so much MORE to offer than him. Again, it's hard not to contact someone you miss, but remember that they decide to leave, so it must be them who have to decide to return. Anything less than an apology for putting us through hell is not enough. You can do it.
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