liove Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Hello all, I do not know where should I include this subject but I'm in a deep sh*t. I think a have a huge crush on someone much older than me (i am in my twenties and he, is his fourties , i think roughly 17y difference between us) at work. He is not my boss but he has a high position in my company and an even higher influence. He is not married, does not have any children and i think he is single. He is extremely good looking and we sometimes share some "regards" that might be only in my imagination. I am too shy to go to talk to him since I do not have any important job there. That is why, the only discussion we have comes from him and is usually work related. I might be over analyzing but I think that he kind of likes me as well. He is isolated from the rest of us but he is in front of my desk so I see him even when I do not want to. He is not very extrovert, he doesnt go talking to anyone else besides his superiors or the people with the same functions as him. Having a high influence at my company, I am scared to go talk to him, i dont even know if he likes immature and young girlslike me ) even though I am kind of very good looking as well, like a model type, if that counts... I always felt attracted to him until last week when i was sure I actually had a crush on him. Last day, I was singing a song of one of my favorite bands really low and he called me and asked me with a big smile if i am a fan of this group and I figured out he liked it to (we have a thing in common!!). The problem is that I hadnt been very talkative, just said that i liked it and minded my own business, after turning all red of course and i really regret it cause i think that could have been an opportunity for me to start talking to him -even though we were in an oipen space and my boss was next to me. I always do nohing when he talks to me and then regret it... I watched him immediately after the band thing and he was smiling kind of impressed about it. Maybe nothing happened and i am just really over-analyzing (which is kind of extremely possible) Anyway...I really dont know what to do? I cannot concentrate at my work because I am always looking at him since he is a glance-distance from me (i just have to look up from my PC and there he is). I think I am in love and i do not know whether he is interested or not... and since the thing with the music band, i cant stop thinking of him especially when I am listening that band... Help me! I cannot believe I always fall for guys I cant/mustn have... Edited July 2, 2014 by liove
Andy_K Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 And he could well be thinking 'there is this super hot girl at work I fancy, but she is way younger than me and why would she go with someone so much older when she could pick any guy she wants?' My point is you have to stop viewing your chances as if he values the same things you do. He doesn't. He probably doesn't care how important your job is. Men who have the status and power to pick who they want go for young hot girls, almost always. If you fit the bill, then you're just as 'high value' to him as his status and looks are to you. If he is single and you like him, go for it. 2
Author liove Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 it's not that easy as it seems...it's not about my job...maybe he doesnt like me at all, maybe he does but he doesnot want to risk his career because of a "stupid" young girl... ok, I will go for it...the question is how? How could I show him I am intersted taking into consideration the fact that I am EXTREMELY shy and that I dont want others to see whats happening...
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You can't do much other than keep smiling. You don't know. He may have a policy against dating people he works with. It's very dangerous in this litigious society for a man with a high position in a company to date someone of lower rank. If this man wanted something with you at the very least he'd arrange reasons for you to be alone or he would ask you to lunch, out for drinks after work etc. Since he's doing none of these things, he finds you pleasant during the day nothing more.
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You can't do much other than keep smiling. You don't know. He may have a policy against dating people he works with. It's very dangerous in this litigious society for a man with a high position in a company to date someone of lower rank. If this man wanted something with you at the very least he'd arrange reasons for you to be alone or he would ask you to lunch, out for drinks after work etc. Since he's doing none of these things, he finds you pleasant during the day nothing more. I agree with paragraph 2 entirely. He likely has an internal rule (maybe guideline) not to date women at the office. But that being the case I would disagree with paragraph 3. If he was interested in you, he would not do anything about it unless he got crystal clear signs from you and advances he made were 'welcome.' Otherwise, he could ruin his career. I'd suggest just letting this pass. But if you want something to happen, you will have to be much less subtle than under any other circumstances.
ktya Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 And he could well be thinking 'there is this super hot girl at work I fancy, but she is way younger than me and why would she go with someone so much older when she could pick any guy she wants?' My point is you have to stop viewing your chances as if he values the same things you do. He doesn't. He probably doesn't care how important your job is. Men who have the status and power to pick who they want go for young hot girls, almost always. If you fit the bill, then you're just as 'high value' to him as his status and looks are to you. If he is single and you like him, go for it. Go for it. Just be kind and dont go filing for sexual harassment when you find out he lives with his girlfriend.
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 It's thread like this that give me comfort as a 25 year old man, that even when I become old I can still pickup the girls that i do today. I might get older but the girls will always be forever young 1
Author liove Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 It's thread like this that give me comfort as a 25 year old man, that even when I become old I can still pickup the girls that i do today. I might get older but the girls will always be forever young that depends.. are you a super hottie? will you be a super hottie at 43?! yeah thats the thing...thats the question: how can i show him i am interested since i am really shy and if he comes talking to me i am all red and mumbling words... what could I do?! besides, i really dont think he has any clue regarding me being interested in him
Author liove Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 You can't do much other than keep smiling. You don't know. He may have a policy against dating people he works with. It's very dangerous in this litigious society for a man with a high position in a company to date someone of lower rank. If this man wanted something with you at the very least he'd arrange reasons for you to be alone or he would ask you to lunch, out for drinks after work etc. Since he's doing none of these things, he finds you pleasant during the day nothing more. i am not even smiling...too scared to do it, dont know why, i could get in trouble as well! Even worse than him The problem is that he IS always talking to me when we are alone in the kitchen (work-related much more or less because we dont have any project in common) and i found this ever more weird since he's not doing this with all the workers, he is even ignoring the others...anyway, maybe everything is in my imagination... And once again, I really dont think he has any clue about me being interested in him...
MoreCoffee Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 How about dropping him a note saying, "I'll sign any waiver you want me to sign."
Baller25 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Don't feel bad about the situation, so many relationships start in the office — even the president did it. This guy is a successful good-looking suit in his forties, he deserves a hot 20-something year old, he deserves you . Give him compliments and keep 1 upping it, mention that he seems to look even better every day. One day subtly ask him if he's single. Just slowly keep pushing the envelope. If he isn't into you then you will be able to tell by his reactions. If he hasn't asked for your number or invited you out within 1 month then just leave it, maybe you'll be over him by that time anyway. Also as others said, if it turns out that his contract doesn't allow inter-office dating then what are you going to do? Are you prepared to quit for this guy? Do they allow 'love contracts'? I really dont think he has any clue about me being interested in him... You need to change that.
Author liove Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) Don't feel bad about the situation, so many relationships start in the office — even the president did it. This guy is a successful good-looking suit in his forties, he deserves a hot 20-something year old, he deserves you . Give him compliments and keep 1 upping it, mention that he seems to look even better every day. One day subtly ask him if he's single. Just slowly keep pushing the envelope. If he isn't into you then you will be able to tell by his reactions. If he hasn't asked for your number or invited you out within 1 month then just leave it, maybe you'll be over him by that time anyway. Also as others said, if it turns out that his contract doesn't allow inter-office dating then what are you going to do? Are you prepared to quit for this guy? Do they allow 'love contracts'? You need to change that. I could never do that, can you imagine if people around me noticed? I would like to do someting suble that only he can see...and the thing with compliments, I could never do that since we are actually talking to each other 1 times a month maximum... Regarding the contrafct, I dont think it's the case, there are a lot of couples in our company but he is in his 40s single, no kids, not married...I really dont think he is the kind of guy who wants to settle down...therefore, no one was talking about a relationship or something..i think a one-two-three night stands could be just fine for me; AND even if i 'm not that kind of a girl (never having had an one night stand) but I dont know with this guy i really have the urge to just jump in his arms And if the things work out, I already want to quit the job so yeah...it wont be a problem for me I just want to get this done, I cannot concentrate at my work! Edited July 3, 2014 by liove
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