Ap05 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I'm 28 yr old Asian American and I absolutely hate dating. I think that after being divorced at 24 and still having a circle of endless relationships that go absolutely no where ans waste my time and effort and mess me up even more each time then I previously was. I like to call it the yo yo effect. Where they want you one minute and not the next. The age old question are there any good ones that aren't taken??? My family would like grandkids and I'm not even sold on the idea of that bc I can't find a guy that I could even think of being with. My current situation is less then ideal and I hate dating. Tried Christian mingle and match and friends of friends and YES I'm one of those that my mom tried to set me up with someone before I moved. I like to think of myself as attractive and I wish people now a days would look less towards sex and more towards the person because isn't the purpose of dating is to find the one your suppose to be with. And I'm not a prude nor a slut I do think that there is something to be said for actually dating and getting to know someone and actually dating and not "hanging out" or "talking" all this grey area where you don't know if yr together and someone always gets more feelings then the other person. I hate dating and if anyone has some good points about it please help me change my mind. I feel like writing out a sheet with the top 10-20 questions and stories that you tell on a first date bc it's never anything new or original.
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I think you can get to know someone by hanging out and talking. Why are you so against that? When you say 'dating' is what you prefer, what do you mean? Does dating mean the guy goes to great lengths to plan romantic outings? Or does dating mean getting in an exclusive relationship?
Smilecharmer Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Maybe men in your area know you are dating a MM?
Author Ap05 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I think you can get to know someone by hanging out and talking. Why are you so against that? When you say 'dating' is what you prefer, what do you mean? Does dating mean the guy goes to great lengths to plan romantic outings? Or does dating mean getting in an exclusive relationship? I guess I just feel like I'm always wasting my time and I find myself canceling more dates then going on. And i don't mean lavish nights out im talking lunch dates or drinks or going to a movie and coffee after. I tend to be low key and vary rarely do a din date unless I feel it could go somewhere. I always want exclusivity when I really start to like and date and I feel like most men out there don't want that.
Author Ap05 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Maybe men in your area know you are dating a MM? I live in south fl there are a plenty of people. I want to find someone of my own
Gaeta Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I always want exclusivity when I really start to like and date and I feel like most men out there don't want that. You are no different than all the other women out there looking for a meaningful relationship. Like I tell my friend when she does her rant: It's normal for it to not work... till it does! 1
TXGuy Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I guess I just feel like I'm always wasting my time and I find myself canceling more dates then going on. And i don't mean lavish nights out im talking lunch dates or drinks or going to a movie and coffee after. I tend to be low key and vary rarely do a din date unless I feel it could go somewhere. I always want exclusivity when I really start to like and date and I feel like most men out there don't want that. I see your point and agree with getting to exclusive at an appropriate time. And you seem to be reasonable with your expectations of 'out' dates (not expecting lavish displays). That seems pretty reasonable. The troubling point is you cancel more dates than you go on. Why accept a date if you are just going to cancel half of them? That seems flaky (not meant to be a dig). Maybe you want to be more selective on dates to accept. Or give it a try and actually go rather than canceling.
Assasda Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You are the common demoninator OP. and the world is-a-gonna keep on spinning. So you can enjoy the ride, or live a miserable existence. Its all up to you
Author Ap05 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I see your point and agree with getting to exclusive at an appropriate time. And you seem to be reasonable with your expectations of 'out' dates (not expecting lavish displays). That seems pretty reasonable. The troubling point is you cancel more dates than you go on. Why accept a date if you are just going to cancel half of them? That seems flaky (not meant to be a dig). Maybe you want to be more selective on dates to accept. Or give it a try and actually go rather than canceling. I accept bc my problem is I can't say no so I'm better at excuses with people I'm not interested in and they are more so interested in me and sometimes too leading up to a date the texting becomes hey send me a pic or hey after drinks let's go back to my place or just something that I don't want to do meaning sex off the bat. I'm just not that type of girl
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You need to be more assertive in your own life, one of the biggest problems with women I notice is that they're afraid to speak their minds, they always seem afraid of chasing away a potential romantic interest by not giving in or bending their own rules or expectations...and then after doing that, they proceed to blame the guy for essentially themselves doing that to, themselves. You need a standard and you really need to live by it, and if you're afraid to reject/confront men then you're going to have a really hard time communicating and expressing with men over difficult topics, in that way you just merely become a spectator, instead of taking action to change it you just stand-by, wait, become disgruntled hoping that this person does the "right thing" according to you..in which they also can't read your mind, so you've always got to put the responsibility on yourself as much as anyone else, you can't just expect men to do this or that...I have no idea why women think these men have it all figured out or even know what they want, I've been around men my entire life and I cannot understand for the life of me while anyone would entrust half of them with anything, let alone something as sensitive as romantic feelings...many are unreliable, clueless and dopey, not even aware of what is going on or what you are thinking outside the basics which is every woman is looking for a relationship, that's not exactly news. But really, at a certain point I think for a lot of women is that it comes down to self-respect...how much are you willing to put up with before you walk away? how much are you willing to compromise to make something work? how much are you willing to give up? Contrary to popular belief among women, the more you give doesn't mean the more you get. That doesn't work in the real world, not sure why people think that romantic situations people would act much differently, so men are definitely not going to respect you if you do demonstrate a respect and value of yourself...but some women just don't seem to get that, or understand how to encourage that within themselves, and that's very sad because a lot of that is working against them because it affects all things. People with weak boundaries tend to get brushed aside and let themselves be taken advantage of, and those expecting things to be easy and fall on their lap usually end up waiting a while for luck to come knocking on their door...people just have this entitlement about things, especially when it comes to love, and I have no idea why people come to believe things are so simple or should be that way, other than the fact that just wish they were, for wishful thinking sake....but for the most part, you've got learn, or be put through the grinder until you do....you've got to be able to manage, be independent and strong enough to speak your mind and walk away if necessary when it's good for you, otherwise you'll be blaming other people your whole life or life itself, when it's really just you being unable to stand up for yourself and what you really want...and men can see that. Especially ones who are very experienced with women, they know exactly how to push your buttons and get what they want. People really need to become stronger individuals for themselves and their lives, not just romantic, but many refuse to simply do that or don't believe they can...instead just putting things in "faith" or something along those lines because they don't want to take responsibility. 1
GoBlue Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 My heart goes out to you - it really does. I would like to say that things will get better but our society is becoming more and more anti-commitment and anti-marriage. The best way to protect yourself is to NOT get involved sexually. If someone has a genuine interest in you as a person then they will wait. The second thing I would say is don't put all this pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. Having a boyfriend, or even a husband, is not a guarantee that you are going to be more fulfilled and happy. Invest yourself into meaningful relationships (your church is a great place for this), be spiritually centered (a life surrendered to God is a great foundation), and be active with things that are meaningful (education, acts of service, hobbies). If you compromise on what you know is good and healthy it will have a drastic effect on your life - believe me I know from personal experience. You are a unique and valued individual. You have destiny and purpose. Relish in that and know that there is real love for you that lasts for an eternity. Put that at the forefront of your thinking and things will come into a proper perspective. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings!
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