BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 So, I've been on Loveshack for awhile due to a bad break-up that happened 7 months ago (hence my name broknhrt). Now, I have questions on how to go about this girl that I like Lets say her name is Mariah. I am 21 years old and she is as well. We go to the same university and we also live on the same street. I am good friends with Mariah's roommate and Mariah/roommate are very good friends with my roommate. So, I asked Mariah out to dinner two weeks ago and she told me no. Then Monday night of this week(6/30), I was getting ready to go on a date when Mariah and my roommate come into the house. Mariah begins to question me about this girl and wants to see pictures etc...I didn't show her any and I did not tell her about this girl at all. So as I am heading to the date, I get a text from Mariah that reads: "I need to clarify something with you. I am extremely attracted to you and the conversation we had at lunch one day was probably one of the best conversations I've ever had with a guy. But I said no to dinner because of the neighbor situation+your 420 thing+you just got out of a relationship recently. But Idk I've still thought alot about you." See, I know Mariah was into me but I never expected this message. When I replied the next day(yesterday) with "I get the vibe that you like me but then you'r ultimately saying no to me..." she said "It was stupid to send that message. But yeah that's basically it." I asked her if she would say no if I asked her again and she said, "Probably, I'm sorry. Does it make sense to you?" I said it didn't make sense and she said she would explain sometime in person. Now, I have no idea what to do. I like this girl and am attracted to her just as she is attracted to me, but I don't want to be friendzoned or have her leading me on and ultimately I start to push her away. Advice please?
Phantom888 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You can like you a lot but not date you. You can't make people date you just because they are attracted to you. I am attracted to a lot of beautiful smart women, but I would never date them because of various situations. Hard to explain but attraction doesn't always translate to dating material. 1
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I'm not talking about being in a relationship with her right now. How can I still get a date?
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Forget about Mariah, she's messing with your head. Go out with the girl who actually wants to go out with you. Mariah's being selfish. She doesn't want to go on a date with you but she doesn't want you dating anyone else either. Are you serious? You like this chick? She's obviously manipulative and playing games. Next time you say, "You missed your chance." And leave it at that. 6
Smilecharmer Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 She is a flake who is stringing you along. What is the point of all that stuff she said if she isn't willing to give you a chance? I wouldn't bother and tell her to stop leading you on.
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Forget about Mariah, she's messing with your head. Go out with the girl who actually wants to go out with you. Mariah's being selfish. She doesn't want to go on a date with you but she doesn't want you dating anyone else either. Are you serious? You like this chick? She's obviously manipulative and playing games. Next time you say, "You missed your chance." And leave it at that. Should I tell her that she is being selfish and doesn't want me to date anyone else either? I feel like I can get her to go out on a date with me somehow, but I feel like she just doesn't want the relationship with the friends we have compromised.
GoreSP Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I hate to jump to conclusions...but I get the feeling she tells you she wants you but XYZ hoping it'll make you go after her...
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I hate to jump to conclusions...but I get the feeling she tells you she wants you but XYZ hoping it'll make you go after her... I agree with you completely. Will "going after her" push her further away though?
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Should I tell her that she is being selfish and doesn't want me to date anyone else either? I feel like I can get her to go out on a date with me somehow, but I feel like she just doesn't want the relationship with the friends we have compromised. NO. Tell her NOTHING. Just ignore her. As soon as you tell her you are being selfish, she'll turn it around on you. Where are you getting these things from? A girl who WANTS to date you is going to say YES when you ask. She said "NO". NOW she gives you a list of reasons? Forget it. She basically says she doesn't like the lifestyle you live. Are you happy with that lifestyle? If yes, then why even think about dating her? There's SO many OTHER women out there and you are wondering about this manipulative, selfish little girl?
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I hate to jump to conclusions...but I get the feeling she tells you she wants you but XYZ hoping it'll make you go after her... He already asked her out. She said NO. How much more is he supposed to go after? She's just butt-hurt because he decided to go out with someone else so her attention from him is now threatened. 3
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Diezel, I understand your advice and I know you are right that I should just ignore her and leave it be. However, I like this girl more than any other girl I've been going on dates/hooking up with (probably most of liked someone since my 3-year relationship ended 7 months ago) Hell yeah I am happy with my lifestyle, but I'm searching for any advice that could possibly get her to change her mind. I AM going to talk to her in person about this at some-point (I mean she is my damn neighbor), but I have no idea what to say.
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You like her because you can't have her. She wants you to give up who you are right now. You don't want to do that (which is fine). So what's there to try? You asked once, don't further "embarrass" yourself. 1
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) I'm not going to ask her out again and I am not going to chase after her. However, I am going to talk to her about this in person soon (possibly today). How do I go about not embarrassing myself when I do talk to her? Edited July 2, 2014 by BroknHrt Adding words
GoreSP Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I agree with you completely. Will "going after her" push her further away though? That, I cannot say....
GoreSP Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 He already asked her out. She said NO. How much more is he supposed to go after? She's just butt-hurt because he decided to go out with someone else so her attention from him is now threatened. Not sure why you quoted me but we're kind of on the same page here...
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Not sure why you quoted me but we're kind of on the same page here... Yeah, I misread your quote completely. Apologies.
Charlie Harper Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Some women are just plain crazy, they give you mixed signals, they want you but they are not willing to let go. Some go for it and then 10 days later tell you they are sorry they got confused and bye bye… My advice, tell her the truth and see where it takes you, if she backs off, forget her, if she is willing to let go her complaints (closeness, 420 and such) good, you have it all set and are in the open… But in my view this has disaster written all over it!
Author BroknHrt Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I'm receiving conflicting advice on here so I'm still not sure what to do.....damn women. So complicated.
Author BroknHrt Posted July 7, 2014 Author Posted July 7, 2014 Just an update: After reading the advice on here and thinking, I ultimately decided to tell her that I liked her. We went out with a mutual friend on Saturday Night and I told her while we were dancing together. After this she danced with another dude and that made me jealous and annoyed. I mean I did JUST tell her I liked her. She confided to me that there was someone else she has been talking too which is the "real reason" I said no to you. Not sure of the whole truth as this girl is pretty sketch. I haven't attempted to talk to her since Saturday night. And I am not going too.
RonaldS Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 I'm not talking about being in a relationship with her right now. How can I still get a date? Dude, wow...this is so easy. This one is a gimme. She wants you badly and totally forfeited any sort of control or positional power in the whole thing by...get this...getting so jealous of this other girl that you were going to go out with that she texted you ON YOUR WAY to the date that she TOTALLY WANTS YOU. Think about that for a second. She got desperate and went for it, haha. She knows this, and she then has to come up with justifications for not wanting a relationship, but she still wants you to nail her. So, nail her. Neither one of you should want a relationship anyway...you're both young college kids. Drop her panties and have fun. This one is emabarassingly easy. When she voices her 'concerns', say 'So what. Let's go grab a drink'. Done deal.
MoreCoffee Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Just be chill. No door is completely closed, but you don't wait around either. If you are always the chill, relaxed one and maybe say "Hey, you know where I'm at." You've said everything you EVER need to say. Just an update: After reading the advice on here and thinking, I ultimately decided to tell her that I liked her. We went out with a mutual friend on Saturday Night and I told her while we were dancing together. After this she danced with another dude and that made me jealous and annoyed. I mean I did JUST tell her I liked her. She confided to me that there was someone else she has been talking too which is the "real reason" I said no to you. Not sure of the whole truth as this girl is pretty sketch. I haven't attempted to talk to her since Saturday night. And I am not going too.
RonaldS Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Oops. Didn't see the update. First of all....why on Earth did you tell her you liked her?! Bad move, guy. You had her. You were sitting at the table with a full house, aces over kings. She had a pair of 2s. Then she went all-in, and then SHOWED you her cards, and then you folded! What?! Now it's back to even. Don't worry, you're not out. I would just 98% ignore her for a little while.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Just an update: After reading the advice on here and thinking, I ultimately decided to tell her that I liked her. We went out with a mutual friend on Saturday Night and I told her while we were dancing together. After this she danced with another dude and that made me jealous and annoyed. I mean I did JUST tell her I liked her. She confided to me that there was someone else she has been talking too which is the "real reason" I said no to you. Not sure of the whole truth as this girl is pretty sketch. I haven't attempted to talk to her since Saturday night. And I am not going too. Well. Can't say you were warned. Look. She's a game player and she won the battle so clean your wounds, pick yourself up and move on. Neighbor or no neighbor, she sounds like a selfish, game playing pain in the ass. She's shown her colors and now you know.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 Just an update: I haven't attempted to talk to her since Saturday night. And I am not going too. Stick to this, because trust me... if enough time goes by, she probably WILL reach out to you. Don't falter, don't fold... find someone else other than this chick.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 She likes you but doesn't like your behaviors. She is also afraid of dating you because if it doesn't work out she still has to live near you & will be able to see your comings & goings, including any new GFs. She is also afraid that she's the rebound & then we come back to the proximity again. For some people like me, drugs are a deal breaker, no matter how infrequent your use. It may be that way for her. If you quit she may change her mind but you have to want to quit not just for her.
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