makeithappen Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Hello all, I'm in love with a married man in love with his wife and very fond of his kids. He is totally not attracted to me, but despite this, he is the only man I see regularly and who treats me the way I would want a man to treat me. Seeing him say loving things to his wife is really painful to me. I have to work with him, leaving the place is not an option. I am so angry and sad. Why am I not this wife? Why aren't I in a relationship like that? Am I not deserving of a loving partner?
preraph Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I think you should consider that since you recently left your family, you are merely missing some aspects of it and have substituted this family for your own. Obviously, continuing to see this guy is a big mistake that will only cause you heartache. Since you've talked about the abuse you get at home, I really think what is happening is that now you're out in the world away from this abuse that has become normal to you, you are finding that there are MUCH nicer people almost everywhere than your very own family, and this is filling you with love. Please don't feel he is the only one like this. Nearly everyone is kinder than your family. I do hope you're continuing to talk things out with that counselor you said you'd spoken to because you are very vulnerable right now. You just need some support. In time that will come from friends. Best wishes. 1
Author makeithappen Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I think you should consider that since you recently left your family, you are merely missing some aspects of it and have substituted this family for your own. Obviously, continuing to see this guy is a big mistake that will only cause you heartache. Since you've talked about the abuse you get at home, I really think what is happening is that now you're out in the world away from this abuse that has become normal to you, you are finding that there are MUCH nicer people almost everywhere than your very own family, and this is filling you with love. Please don't feel he is the only one like this. Nearly everyone is kinder than your family. I do hope you're continuing to talk things out with that counselor you said you'd spoken to because you are very vulnerable right now. You just need some support. In time that will come from friends. Best wishes. Thank you very much for your reply. Nothing is going on between us. I feel like he suspects I may have feelings for him (he is becoming more cold and distant now), but I never said it. Our relations are purely professional. Such gentle, caring, respectful gentleman. He is so good with his kids and so loving to his wife. I am so jealous. At the beginning, I felt 'it must be good having a father like this'. Now I am feeling 'it must be good having a husband like this'. He is also so tolerant, encouraging and never pressurizes me to do something. He advises only, the ultimate decision is mine. This is torturing me! :'(
spiderowl Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 It must be very difficult but it's best to accept that he is not available. What you have learned is how you want a man to treat you. That is something very important. Instead of focusing on the married guy, look out for other guys who have such good qualities. As long as you are convinced only he has, your heart will not be open to other possibilities. 1
preraph Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 You could mention to him that if he knew any good guys, you'd be interested in a fixup. He might have some nice friends. 2
kolleamm Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Hello all, I'm in love with a married man in love with his wife and very fond of his kids. He is totally not attracted to me, but despite this, he is the only man I see regularly and who treats me the way I would want a man to treat me. Seeing him say loving things to his wife is really painful to me. I have to work with him, leaving the place is not an option. I am so angry and sad. Why am I not this wife? Why aren't I in a relationship like that? Am I not deserving of a loving partner? Like I have said many times before, there is almost always something we can improve about ourselves, specifically our bodies. I don't know what you look like but assuming are not a Victoria's Secret model you can almost always improve your body to an extent that attracts any man. Being attractive is hard work but if you are willing to work for it, I'm sure you too can have a guy like that someday. Now hit the gym and be the best you can be. And most importantly put yourself out there, guys will not come knocking on your door (well I would haha )
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