AnneT1985 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Hi y'all! How are you doing? I have a question please and thank you. About a year ago I respectfully and privately contacted a new in law asking if I did something to offend her as some of her behavior toward me I felt was disrespectful from the get go and just very respectfully expressed this and asked if we could bury the hatchet or start fresh with a new understanding as new family members. I took responsibility for my feelings without blaming her. It was important for me to do this as this is someone I see regularly and whom children are involved. Her response was very defensive and vicious, she did not try and work with me to resolve the issue and ended the conversation by blaming me and essentially confirming my initial negative feelings. So I left it alone and chalked it up to she dislikes me, does not respect me or care what I think and left it at that. The confusion lies in that she invites me to her family events. I understand that we are now family but this really confuses me and I'm wondering if I should avoid these events...or if you think my conclusion is wrong. I certainly do not want to be invited to events simply because this person feels obligated to based on who I am married to. She will also sign "Love, Mary" at the end of her emails to me...but love was certainly not what I got from her in the conversation mentioned above. She also recently mentioned the possibility of having dinner together sometime. Would y'all avoid this person? What would you do? Thanks so much!! xx Edited July 2, 2014 by AnneT1985
littleplanet Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 If you can continue to socialize with her as an extended family member, without provoking any open hostility, then perhaps in time her point of view will change. I've seen this happen. Otherwise, to provoke hostility by shunning her presence, being absent at functions you were invited to....could end up making it worse. This may seem to be hypocritical, in terms of response to one who seems to dislike you so much - but until, if ever, the air can be cleared, you will remain in the dark. She is family. Children are involved. And all the functions and events, some of great importance, which otherwise would have to be steered around.....would avoiding it all be worth it? it seems to me that the cause of your confusion comes from her actions. It would make sense if she wanted to avoid you like the plague. Yet she extends civil hospitality toward you..... (Suthun charm? ) Unless her behavior toward you at family functions presents something uncomfortable enough that you can't live with....I'd go with it. This reminds me of times in my life when extended family members, colleagues at work.......gave me negative impressions (toward me) yet eventually came around, much later. Perhaps you crossed a boundary with her by pesenting your side in the way that you did and at the time you did. Perhaps her comfort zone requires a certain kind of distance. (emotional distance?) But if she is not openly disrespecting you now, challenging you or provoking you.....I'd wait it out, if you can.
Recommended Posts