LuvsTrucks2 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 LS, I recently dated a guy outside of what I would call my "type." We really connected on an emotional level and I always felt good with him. Things have faded with this guy and I have a date with a new guy this week, the thing is he definitely isn't my "type" and I don't feel any attraction. He seems to be a nice guy. I learned you have to really get to know someone from my previous experience. I'm struggling with the instant attraction or spark and I am second guessing on whether or not I should actually go through with the date. I surely don't want to lead anyone on. Anyone else come across this?
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 It's one date. If by dating your type you always end up with bad boys & repeatedly make poor choices, going on one date with somebody who isn't your type may help you over come your pattern. If your pattern wasn't "bad" You kind of still have to go on this one date with the new guy only because you already accepted. If you hadn't already agreed, you would be under no obligation but to pull out now is rude & sort of mean. It's only a few hours. You may be plesantly surprised or it may fizzle but either way you were kind. 5
gaius Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Only the slightly mentally ill would take one date as some kind of commitment and feel led on if they don't get another.
Baller25 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 If there is no attraction then you should end it. You can always give him a text/call to say that there isn't a connection.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 If there is no attraction then you should end it. You can always give him a text/call to say that there isn't a connection. It hasn't started yet. OP accepted a date & now wants to back out at the last minute which I continue to maintain is cruel, although it would have been OK to say No upfront.
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Don't feel any attraction. Nice guy. Next stop... Friendzoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the guy. 2
Gaeta Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Have a date then decide if there is no attraction. I remember going on a first date with a man I felt so so about. When I sat in front of him at the coffee shop I told myself "That ain't gonna happen, nope". At the end of the date we were saying good night and he unexpectedly kissed me on my lips 'wow'!! I thought to myself 'I got to see that guy again' !! Edited July 2, 2014 by Gaeta 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I'm not a mean, cruel or rude person, I was just wondering if the gentleman would perceive it to be much more than what it is, a first date.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I'm not a mean, cruel or rude person, I was just wondering if the gentleman would perceive it to be much more than what it is, a first date. I didn't mean to imply that you were. A sane person will know it's one date . . . a get to know you . . . no strings . . . few expectations sort of thing. You know this guy. We don't. If he's a nice enough person -- & I'm assuming he is because you were talking to him in the 1st place -- give it a try. If it doesn't work out, no harm no foul, simply be gracious & move on. 1
rocketman122 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I went on a few dates I thought would have potential. showed up and no spark. even though I thought they were nice and the conversation went very well, but if there is no attraction on the first date, those feelings wont come out later. I need the immediate wow. I did give a 2nd date but from own experience, for me, I must have the strong physical attraction. it may sound weird there are many women I think are pretty, but im attracted to them. many will say brad pitt tom cruise are good looking guys but those guys might not be that womans taste.
PJKino Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Looks get your foot in the door without them u can't get in
Assasda Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Looks get your foot in the door without them u can't get in Totally incorrect. Or she wouldnt be going out with this guy. Confidence, style and sense of humor get you through the door. Anyway OP, You'll realize that sometimes, you start loving someone more over time than and instant spark. Spparks are inflatuation. So get to know the guy then make a decision. This isnt the movies
Elle1975 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 LS, I recently dated a guy outside of what I would call my "type." We really connected on an emotional level and I always felt good with him. Things have faded with this guy and I have a date with a new guy this week, the thing is he definitely isn't my "type" and I don't feel any attraction. He seems to be a nice guy. I learned you have to really get to know someone from my previous experience. I'm struggling with the instant attraction or spark and I am second guessing on whether or not I should actually go through with the date. I surely don't want to lead anyone on. Anyone else come across this? First date with my ex, I didn't find him super attractive, but I felt very comfortable around him. I got to know him, found him attractive after that. Not to say that it always works that way, just that it's worth trying. If it doesn't work out, just let him know nicely. 1
jay1983 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I'm not a mean, cruel or rude person, I was just wondering if the gentleman would perceive it to be much more than what it is, a first date. That's one of those questions you'll get a bag of different answers for. Maybe he won't, maybe he'll like you more than you like him and yes.
smuggy95 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 elle1975, what happened with your ex? I just wondered if it was related at all to the slow build of attraction or not. I'm curious because I'm one of those that don't ignite a quick spark in many.... not that I'm hideous. I'm just more aw-shucks kind of cute.
Elle1975 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 elle1975, what happened with your ex? I just wondered if it was related at all to the slow build of attraction or not. I'm curious because I'm one of those that don't ignite a quick spark in many.... not that I'm hideous. I'm just more aw-shucks kind of cute. After 10 month, he said he didn't love me. We broke up. Been in solid NC for three months, and now happy. I think it has a lot to do with keeping in shape as we grow older, as well as how smart/kind someone is. Are you funny? If not, are you affectionate? Maybe both? That's great qualities. Personally I like a man who can lead, but not in an *sshole kind of way, if I may say. I saw pics of an old boyfriend on my fb, he was gorgeous in his 20s. On his recent pics he's gained probably 50 pounds and his hair is long and thining.. At first I didn't recognize him. So yeah.. I think that we should make a little effort staying in shape. 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Up-date: agreed to go to the movies with new guy last night, not sure if that was a good idea or not because going to the movies, you can't really get to know someone because you can't have conversation, anyway, before the movie conversation seemed strained and awkward. Afterwards, he walked me to my car and again the conversation seemed strained. I don't think we have too much in common and due to his working shift work, we seem to be on different schedules. I'm just not feeling it and he probably isn't either. I would love to hear others thoughts on this.
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 If you aren't feeling it & things seem strained, it's not the right fit for you. Move on. No harm. No foul. You tried but it didn't work.
Badsingularity Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Looks get your foot in the door without them u can't get in Wrong. If looks don't get your foot in the door you have to engage her in conversation And let your confidence and personality get your foot in the door. Why do you keep repeating this over and over like you're trying to convince your self of it? To the op. Give it a least one or two dates to see if any chemistry developes.
HappyLove Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 (edited) Don't put too much importance on it. It was a first date at the movies. First dates are super awkward! You both are nervous and not sure of the other person, you say things you wouldn't normally say. I always say give it 3 dates and decide, even if you have a great feeling about a person or a so so one. By 3 dates you can be sure whether or not to pursue. Take it for what it is a date getting to know someone you don't need too much hand wringing you both will be fine if it doesn't work out. Think of how many times you went out with someone you thought was so great and they eventually turned out to be a jerk. Edited July 4, 2014 by HappyLove
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