irc333 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 A recent update in the world of Meetup. I was talking to a married female friend of mine that hosts a weekly walk, about 5 miles. Of course the Meetup has it's "regulars" then there are those looking for "cute girls". (or guys). She said that these guys showed up in still their work attire, not sure why they did, I guess they didn't think they were dressing for fitness and it was more of a casual walk than a quicker as they thought. She had asked them straight up what their intentions were with the group...their answer, "To meet cute girls". Some even cut out of the walk about a mile into it because they didn't like what they have seen. Obvoiusly and sadly, these dudes weren't patient enough to "wait it out." Also, there were a couple of women on POF that had their pictures taken in a group photo at some of these events, never to be seen again. Though, they are frequent subscribers to online dating sites. I'm thinking, "Hm, looks like they've crawled back into their holes of reclusivity and back to online dating, they were doing so well." But hey, at least they got out the house...but only once. LOL But my point here is, it kind of goes to show how online dating has made people more picky or giving the "Kid in the candy store" mentality. It even leaks into their real life. When I say that, I mean the example of not being a Meetup regular and just attending to see what is "on the menu" as opposed to enjoying activity for what it is and apparently not there for either friendship or fellowship, sadly. Do you think people of this mindset are perpetually keeping themselves single with this kind of behavior. "Sorry, the guys/gals aren't cute enough here, time to go!" My answer, "Dude/Dudette, stick around a little longer, be patient! I'm sure some ladies/guys that are within' your dating criteria." Your thoughts? Should people stick around Meetups or social events as a regular or if they come, go "ew" and leave....does that say a lot about their personality?
nerd Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I've done this with meetup groups. I've joined several different kinds of groups, and I only continue attending if I develop an attachment to the activity the group is ostensibly (or actually) for. In each case, I've met people I can't stand, those whose company I enjoy, maybe a couple who can be close friends, and maybe one I go out with for some finite period of time. Unfortunately, finding the close friend or dateable person takes years, at least for me. For whatever sad reason, I'm never lucky enough to meet that dateable person / close friend my first time out. It takes months to years of weekly (or more often) attendance and then I run into someone new and we hit it off. That kind of commitment is only worth it to me if I enjoy whatever the group is doing, and am not just looking to meet new people. As it is, my social energy is currently at a nadir, so I'm not attending much of anything at the moment. 2
guest569 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I dont think there is a problem at all. If people go around to enough of these, maybe they will find someone that interests them. I dont think patience will suddenly make you attracted to someone. And even in terms of friendship and socializing, i sometimes haven't given it much chance as I felt intimidated or excluded from the group.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Not for the reasons you cited but I do think perpetually single people are not patient enough. One of my dear friends expects that after a few weeks her new guy will behave the same way & do the same things for the whole family that her BIL of 25+ years does. She fails to remember that her sister introduced him to the family gradually & although he does certain things now as her sister's long time husband, he wasn't doing them as the new BF which is what my friend expects of the new men she dates. If she was more patient & gave these men more time, if one became her husband I am sure he'd do the things one expects of a family member.
Author irc333 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Well perhaps its time you did something to change that. You don't want to thought of one of "those" people as being on the prowl. Just let it happen organically I dont think there is a problem at all. If people go around to enough of these, maybe they will find someone that interests them. I dont think patience will suddenly make you attracted to someone. And even in terms of friendship and socializing, i sometimes haven't given it much chance as I felt intimidated or excluded from the group.
guest569 Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 (edited) I am fine thanks, i am not chronically single nor am I one of the types you have mentioned in your post. my point is that sometimes its best to trust your instincts rather than force a relationship with someone you have no interest in. Why do that when you could find someone that you are keen on. Some who are in and out of relationships.. I could argue that some are not patient enough. To work on relationships. But not the single ones. If it doesn't feel right, why bother. Edited July 4, 2014 by smiley1
Author irc333 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I'm not talking about dating someone currently. Just ssying at social events or activities. ... These people just pop in and out of them like a revolving door just because the selection there isn't there at the time I am fine thanks, i am not chronically single nor am I one of the types you have mentioned in your post. my point is that sometimes its best to trust your instincts rather than force a relationship with someone you have no interest in. Why do that when you could find someone that you are keen on. Some who are in and out of relationships.. I could argue that some are not patient enough. To work on relationships. But not the single ones. If it doesn't feel right, why bother.
MsSmurf Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I would say I've done this with a few meetup groups or social gatherings. If its meant to be a singles thing and I show up to a couple of events that are 90% women then it isn't really worth my time. I already have friends and don't feel I need more right now.
El Brujo Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I'm not talking about dating someone currently. Just ssying at social events or activities. ... These people just pop in and out of them like a revolving door just because the selection there isn't there at the time That happens a lot at the meetup group I go to occasionally for speed dating. Most of the women who show up are first-timers, apparently they don't find what they're looking for and move on---after just one event. I wonder, though, if any of them who do that really know what they want in a man... instead of trying to figure out why they're not finding him, they just move on and try again. It's like they're throwing darts at a target in the hope that one will eventually hit the bull's eye... but they're just not aiming.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 I would say I've done this with a few meetup groups or social gatherings. If its meant to be a singles thing and I show up to a couple of events that are 90% women then it isn't really worth my time. I already have friends and don't feel I need more right now. What type of meetups/gatherings are these with 90% ladies?
Keenly Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 My level of patience hardly has anything to do with being single. 2
sillyanswer Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Your thoughts? Should people stick around Meetups or social events as a regular or if they come, go "ew" and leave....does that say a lot about their personality? I think it says something about their determination. They want to meet someone doing activity XYZ who they find attractive... so they scout out a bunch of people doing activity XYZ and fail to find attractive (to them) people. Why not bail immediately? Perhaps there's a meetup group doing activity ABC just around the block and they can go and check that one out too. 2
MsSmurf Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 What type of meetups/gatherings are these with 90% ladies? They are groups aimed at singles, both men and women, and they put on mixers, speed dating, and other events designed to help us all meet and maybe find that special someone. Now when you join you can see the list of members and its maybe 60% women and 40% men, which isn't too bad. Yet when I've gone to any of the events 90% of those who show are women. I don't know why more of the guys don't show up, but that's just not going to help me meet a man you know?
TouchedByViolet Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 They are groups aimed at singles, both men and women, and they put on mixers, speed dating, and other events designed to help us all meet and maybe find that special someone. Now when you join you can see the list of members and its maybe 60% women and 40% men, which isn't too bad. Yet when I've gone to any of the events 90% of those who show are women. I don't know why more of the guys don't show up, but that's just not going to help me meet a man you know? Thanks for that information. I checked my area on meetup and there is a group called "young professionals" which focuses on socializing and meeting others. Pretty large group of potential people (700+). I am not looking for any more friends but meeting new people can be nice. Being a single guy I'll hope for the ratio's you are seeing
PogoStick Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) I checked out a group that tends to have people 10+ years older than me. And as a guy I'm looking for younger. Yet out of the 15-20 people who showed up, there were 2 girls 5-10 years younger than me (and 15+ younger than everyone else). What a surprise. All I did was be friendly and chat a little, she did all the hard work. By date 2.5 one of them was in my bed. At one meetup I had a girl invite me back to her place within 30 minutes of showing up. Plenty of other meetups have just been a typical hang out with no action. There is definitely a bonus to being a regular participant because people get comfortable with you and think you're a decent guy. Then there becomes potential for real relationships. edit: Also, you can't ignore the power of friends. You never know who in that meetup may have a cute single friend to set you up with. Investing time in the group can pay off. Edited July 5, 2014 by PogoStick
Noproblem Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 It's like people don't value friendship and nice human relationships anymore... It's sad and frustrating if you ask me!
Author irc333 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 I think it says something about their determination. They want to meet someone doing activity XYZ who they find attractive... so they scout out a bunch of people doing activity XYZ and fail to find attractive (to them) people. Why not bail immediately? Perhaps there's a meetup group doing activity ABC just around the block and they can go and check that one out too. Well, I wanted to emphasize on my original post, about how these guys show up to go "walking", when they actually bail in the MIDDLE of the walk? Some of the people labeled as creepy arseholes looking to get laid pretty much if you do such actions. The jerks weren't even dressed for the occasion. (Still in their work clothes).
Author irc333 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 ---->There is definitely a bonus to being a regular participant. This, you will indeed build a good reputation by "sticking it out" that's for sure. I recall this one woman I met at a Meetup event, she sat across from me and we chatted a bit. I noticed from her Meetup profile that she's been a member since 2009, but RARELY attended events. In fact, I'm thinking the event she attended where I met her was her first one in 5 years. LOL Yes, some people join Meetup thinking people actually DON'T meet in person. Anyhow, I attempted to contact her post-Meetup event asking is she had planned on attending an upcoming event right in our town. She said, "I don't know to say this, but I'll go ahead and say it....(quite a dramatic opening to an email), but....I don't keep up with the Meetup notifications, nor rarely even go back to the site to check on events, I don't plan on attending said event you mentioned, but I'm sure you'll have a good time." And that was that, was quite an off-putting email, she must've had her *itch shields up, lol. Yes, there were plenty of people her age there, too, so no age differentials as it was labeled the "Young Professionals of <CITY> ages 20 to 35. It was geared to a certain age bracket, she was in her early 30's. Anyhow, her, like many other Meetup "one-shots" crawled back into their holes never to be seen again. Chances are she's back on a dating site and attempting to find that "instant" boyfriend Also, you can't ignore the power of friends. You never know who in that meetup may have a cute single friend to set you up with. Investing time in the group can pay off. Indeed, these people that BAIL are missing out anyhow.
El Brujo Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Anyhow, her, like many other Meetup "one-shots" crawled back into their holes never to be seen again. Chances are she's back on a dating site and attempting to find that "instant" boyfriend Yep, throwing darts at a target without aiming, in the hope that one of them will hit the bull's eye.
MsSmurf Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Thanks for that information. I checked my area on meetup and there is a group called "young professionals" which focuses on socializing and meeting others. Pretty large group of potential people (700+). I am not looking for any more friends but meeting new people can be nice. Being a single guy I'll hope for the ratio's you are seeing It certainly wouldn't hurt to check out the group. The "young professionals" groups I've attended have been hit or miss. They're not aimed exclusively at singles, but tend to have a theme of people who work in certain industries or fundraising for a particular charity. My motivation for joining those kinds of groups was to make friends, but I found them filled with cliques. The ones that were more welcoming over time died out either due to disorganized organizers or dues that got way too high.
sillyanswer Posted July 6, 2014 Posted July 6, 2014 Well, I wanted to emphasize on my original post, about how these guys show up to go "walking", when they actually bail in the MIDDLE of the walk? Some of the people labeled as creepy arseholes looking to get laid pretty much if you do such actions. The jerks weren't even dressed for the occasion. (Still in their work clothes). Labelled by people they'll never see again - I'm sure that'll really upset them! Meanwhile they're off to the next meetup to see if there's someone they find attractive. If they're going to a meetup to see if there's someone they want to date (rather than specifically to do the activity) and there isn't someone they want to date then I see nothing wrong with them bailing on the activity at some point. If I was there to do the activity I'd be quite happy for such people (who didn't particularly want to do the activity) to bail, too, as I'd rather have the company of people who wanted to do the thing we were doing. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Posted July 6, 2014 Labelled by people they'll never see again - I'm sure that'll really upset them! Meanwhile they're off to the next meetup to see if there's someone they find attractive. If they're going to a meetup to see if there's someone they want to date (rather than specifically to do the activity) and there isn't someone they want to date then I see nothing wrong with them bailing on the activity at some point. If I was there to do the activity I'd be quite happy for such people (who didn't particularly want to do the activity) to bail, too, as I'd rather have the company of people who wanted to do the thing we were doing. But chances they are looking for one night stands or hooking up. Going to an event, just to bail on it immediately is also a reflection upon their character. Usually in a negative light as mentioned by one of the Meetup organizers who had questioned their motives for attending. 1
guest569 Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 But chances they are looking for one night stands or hooking up. Going to an event, just to bail on it immediately is also a reflection upon their character. I dont see how you come to this conclusion. They could be looking for a life partner. If they want a one night stand they will go to the club/bar..
KathyM Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 People use Meetup groups for different things. Some people use it because they like the particular activity. Some people go to socialize or to make friends. Some people go solely for the purpose of finding a relationship partner, and some people go to find people to hook up with. You can't really expect everyone to go there for the same purposes as you go there. Some people aren't looking to widen their friendship circle, and are solely there to meet potential romantic relationship partners, and if they don't see any prospects they are interested in in that particular group, they don't go back. Some people stay active on the site hoping that someone will eventually interest them, and they don't go to the events unless someone of interest to them signs up for the event. Since the profiles and pictures of those who have signed up for the event are posted before the event, people can see who will be there, and they may decide to pass on the event if no one interests them who has signed up for the event. I'm assuming either these guys in question saw a profile of some women who interested them and were disappointed when they actually attended the event, or they didn't bother checking who had signed up for the event, or the women they thought would be there didn't show up, so they left. They were obviously not there for the event itself, or because they liked the activity or wanted to meet more friends. They were using Meetup for either relationship prospects or for hookup prospects. Some people do that. Fact of life.
sillyanswer Posted July 7, 2014 Posted July 7, 2014 But chances they are looking for one night stands or hooking up. Going to an event, just to bail on it immediately is also a reflection upon their character. Usually in a negative light as mentioned by one of the Meetup organizers who had questioned their motives for attending. That seems rather judgemental based on scant evidence but even if you're right... so what? There's no magic rule that one can only attend a meetup with a specific motive, and looking for a partner, whether for dating or just one night, is something that single people do in a wide variety of ways.
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